My fiancé broke up with me 3 months before our wedding. [UPDATED]

[Tiga]

I wanted to add, mine and ur ex essentially detonated the relationship. Him parking his car in the middle and taking you off the car policy and demanding you leave the house, as if it wasn't enough hearing he didn't wanna go ahead with wedding he behaved even worse. I believe you would have a lot of pain and doubt about going back to him because of the pain he's caused. That's what they mean when someone basically blowsup and burns all bridges of the relationship.

 

You are absolutely right, it is like he did it on purpose. He burned all of the bridges so there is no hope.

[Tiga]

He did love you and probably does but it's not the love where he wants to be with you forever

He loves having you around waiting for him....

 

Did he ever things then later probably regrets them or throws them back at you ?

 

He likes the way you are but not necessarily you as a person for a long time commitment I was engaged to and went they something very similar I'm pretty sure at one time I felt the same

 

On the bright side once he has his fun he will probably then try n come back but the the tables will turn and it's a never ending circle

 

Your better off moving on

 

 

You don't have to sleep around to forget him that's what people normally do but that's only a bandaid just focus on you because from what I read your a phenomenal girl ! Hell too bad you're not in the Los Angeles area

 

 

This guys wanted to elope the night before he broke it off, I refused. The next day he came back and claimed we weren't meant to be together. It was because of his parents. He wanted to be with me and loved me, but he saw love differently then I did. He couldn't disappoint his parents (who had no real reason not to want me in their family). He didn't risk it for love. I would've, that is the difference between us. It sucks, we were great together. But I guess I really did dodge a bullet because he wasn't man enough to put his foot down. His parents did not respect him, if they did they never would have said they weren't coming to the wedding.

 

Thank you though, I am focusing on myself, I am tough girl and always have been. I did it all by myself, moved out found a place and I didn't want revenge in him. I stayed true to who I was and did not try to Ruin him by hiring an attorney for the home. I had heart even when he ripped it out of my chest.

 

I know he will cry and beg, as I am the only girl he ever loved, this guy was crazy about me but people can be brainwashed to think a certain way which he was. Thank you for your kind words, I am not perfect but I have morals that in these days I don't really see often. That is why I feel different.

Edited May 16, 2017 by Tiga

[preraph]

Tiga, I'm sorry to hear your story. Especially that you didn't get to keep the dog. I hope he takes good care of it at least. One day you can get your own dogs and a big back yard.

 

Best I can tell, he simply is still a little boy taking orders from his parents. His parents tried to push you together, which was a controlling thing to do, and then they pushed you apart.

 

I wouldn't want to live with someone penny-pinching. The type of savings he was going for were never going to amount to anything. It's easier to make more money with a little second job than to try to save minute amounts like on water and electricity. I mean it adds up, but working an extra couple of hours would cover it.

 

A person is supposed to break away from their parents' control LONG before 34 years old. If you had said he was 21 and still letting his parents tell him what to do, I'd have said revisit it in a few years. But he failed to break away and is still letting them tell him what to do -- which means they will also want to control whoever he is with.

 

You could still try to sue him in a small claims court if you believe he owes you money for the wedding dress or something, but you have to have receipts and if he has any that show you owe him, it would be for nothing.

 

He just isn't a man yet. Hard to imagine him as a federal agent. Maybe they can make a man out of him. If they ever knew he was like this, I bet they'd be concerned about it.

 

Fact is he's not allowed to place anyone before his parents, and that's what marriage is. Glad you found out now, even though it's a terrible thing to happen, than after you had a child. Can you imagine how interfering his parents would be and how critical and bossy?

 

I was very glad to see you are refusing to communicate with him. Block him so you aren't constantly reminded. Congratulations on your police career. Be careful.

[Tiga]

Tiga, I'm sorry to hear your story. Especially that you didn't get to keep the dog. I hope he takes good care of it at least. One day you can get your own dogs and a big back yard.

 

Best I can tell, he simply is still a little boy taking orders from his parents. His parents tried to push you together, which was a controlling thing to do, and then they pushed you apart.

 

I wouldn't want to live with someone penny-pinching. The type of savings he was going for were never going to amount to anything. It's easier to make more money with a little second job than to try to save minute amounts like on water and electricity. I mean it adds up, but working an extra couple of hours would cover it.

 

A person is supposed to break away from their parents' control LONG before 34 years old. If you had said he was 21 and still letting his parents tell him what to do, I'd have said revisit it in a few years. But he failed to break away and is still letting them tell him what to do -- which means they will also want to control whoever he is with.

 

You could still try to sue him in a small claims court if you believe he owes you money for the wedding dress or something, but you have to have receipts and if he has any that show you owe him, it would be for nothing.

 

He just isn't a man yet. Hard to imagine him as a federal agent. Maybe they can make a man out of him. If they ever knew he was like this, I bet they'd be concerned about it.

 

Fact is he's not allowed to place anyone before his parents, and that's what marriage is. Glad you found out now, even though it's a terrible thing to happen, than after you had a child. Can you imagine how interfering his parents would be and how critical and bossy?

 

I was very glad to see you are refusing to communicate with him. Block him so you aren't constantly reminded. Congratulations on your police career. Be careful.

 

 

Thanks so much for actually reading the story, it was long I needed to vent. You are right his parents are very controlling and also manipulative. It seems whatever they want for him he does, I never even thought it was that extreme until the day he just gave up on a 6 year relationship because of them and in a quick second. He was hurting though I could see but his actions are what counts. He can tell me that he loves me and that I am his best friend but he showed otherwise.

 

Yes he was very cheap, don't get me wrong a person should have some savings but saving every damn penny is ridiculous. What if he dies today where will the money go? To other people he can't take it with him. He sees thinks in a different way then I do. I like to enjoy my life, have fun and live. Of course I am careful and don't go all out every day but a person needs to enjoy life and spend sometimes. What are you working for if you aren't having a little fun?

 

He doesn't believe they are controlling him, but when a grown man sits and listens to his parents opinions and projections of his relationship and they weigh it out for him is that not being manipulative? Because he doesn't see that they mean any harm he believes whatever they tell him. He needs to cut the umbilical cord. He stood up to them a few times and I guess they saw they were losing full grip of him and also noticed they couldn't control me.

 

They made me look like I was disrespectful because I could actually stand up to my parents and do what I want with my life. In their minds that is going against family and disrespectful.

 

 

They are narcissists as I said before and will never change. Him on the other hand don't know if he will ever open his field of vision, it's like he is wearing those virtual reality goggles and can't see past what is presented to him. It's hard to get passed it when all you see and are exposed to are their ways of thinking, you can't see anything else because you are not involved with friends and other couple and the world. All he has is them, so their perceptions and views is all he knows.

 

I actually feel sorry for him aside from the bitterness I feel toward him for he has done to an innocent person.

 

And for his parents yes they hurt me by doing this but they did more damage to their son, he is the one that lost a great person and someone that he loved because of them.

 

 

They did permanent damage to him, I on the other hand will get through this and Inhave my own "I" and always will. Once he realizes what he has done he will suffer forever, I truly feel bad for him.

 

I won't sue him for anything, I just deserved more money for the house. I put in way more money then I got but it's okay. Money doesn't make a person character does. I am not spiteful and evil like them and won't fall on their level. I do miss my dog dearly and wanted to keep him but he was being very manipulative with him as you read above.

 

I think by him contacting me he is trying to use the dog as an excuse to see me. I will keep NC, but I did think about answering one of his phone calls to see what he wants. Should I do that?

Edited May 16, 2017 by Tiga

[preraph]

No. He broke up with you. Now he's trying to see if you will accept breadcrumbs and maybe keep having sex with him. I was alarmed when you wrote about the post-breakup sex. Do not talk to him. Block him so you don't even know he's trying to reach you. Don't you realize that at this point even if he railed against his parents, too much damage has been done and that they are always going to interfere. Who needs a lifetime of that?

[Purepony]

This guys wanted to elope the night before he broke it off, I refused. The next day he came back and claimed we weren't meant to be together. It was because of his parents. He wanted to be with me and loved me, but he saw love differently then I did. He couldn't disappoint his parents (who had no real reason not to want me in their family). He didn't risk it for love. I would've, that is the difference between us. It sucks, we were great together. But I guess I really did dodge a bullet because he wasn't man enough to put his foot down. His parents did not respect him, if they did they never would have said they weren't coming to the wedding.

 

Thank you though, I am focusing on myself, I am tough girl and always have been. I did it all by myself, moved out found a place and I didn't want revenge in him. I stayed true to who I was and did not try to Ruin him by hiring an attorney for the home. I had heart even when he ripped it out of my chest.

 

I know he will cry and beg, as I am the only girl he ever loved, this guy was crazy about me but people can be brainwashed to think a certain way which he was. Thank you for your kind words, I am not perfect but I have morals that in these days I don't really see often. That is why I feel different.

 

 

He's not brainwashed you are making excuses for him he knows what he's doing and he chose his moves

[Tiga]

No. He broke up with you. Now he's trying to see if you will accept breadcrumbs and maybe keep having sex with him. I was alarmed when you wrote about the post-breakup sex. Do not talk to him. Block him so you don't even know he's trying to reach you. Don't you realize that at this point even if he railed against his parents, too much damage has been done and that they are always going to interfere. Who needs a lifetime of that?

 

You are right, I guess I was blind and weak and still had hope. He just wants to use me some more, what a cruel person.

 

Thank you I needed that. I am making excuses for him, ultimately he did this. Such a cold hearted person, I deserve better.

[Tiga]

He's not brainwashed you are making excuses for him he knows what he's doing and he chose his moves

 

You are right, it's me I am trying to justify his actions by making excuses. He did this. It was his decision. It is beyond repair. '

 

 

But I will be strong, he doesn't deserve another tear from my eyes.

[Tiga]

I am just having a hard time understanding how he could throw away a good relationship right before marriage in the snap of a finger. No other problems were present at the time when his parents said they weren't coming to the wedding. I can't seem to understand, my brain just won't, how the hell he did this. He loved me Inknow that for a fact, what the hell happened within the span of 2 weeks. He started being distant and not talking after they said they weren't coming to the wedding.

 

I will never understand at least that's how I feel, but I feel like I need to so I can completely move on. It bothers me, I want to know. The fact that he didn't even tell me the truth as to why and lied to my face. He said his parents had nothing to do with it, but they DID.

 

I can't believe him, it hurts, it hurts like nothing else. A girl who was excited and getting the details ready to marry her best friend hears those devastating words out of the blue... Then the **** he put me through....it was a shock to my entire system. He acted like a complete stranger. I HATE him, or maybe I am just angry and hurt. I keep asking and praying God for strength and wisdom because this was traumatic. When a person can't understand why something happened.

 

The only thing that calms me is thinking that God or a higher force saved me by preventing me to marry him because I would have been miserable.

 

:(

[Purepony]

He just doesn't see what you see ...

 

It's too long to explain but he doesn't feel the same way if you think about it you'll see the small changes he made he was pretty much preparing I'm sure he knew this would happen

Do you remember any signs ? Anything odd ?

[Purepony]

Things happen for a reason and you might not understand this now but eventually in time it will make better sense

 

He probably has a lot of issues that you don't even know about, guys like him keep his problems and have their secrets, they don't just wake up and get confused and stop sleeping with him he's not worth the time

[Tiga]

He just doesn't see what you see ...

 

It's too long to explain but he doesn't feel the same way if you think about it you'll see the small changes he made he was pretty much preparing I'm sure he knew this would happen

Do you remember any signs ? Anything odd ?

 

 

No signs, he was a little irritable. 4 days before his parents said they weren't coming to the wedding he ordered additional black rings and drew out sketches for how he would like our favors to look.

 

He chose a wedding cake with me and did little small things for me.

 

This was all a week before. I feel like he was arguing with them throughout this time and they eventually said they weren't coming to the wedding. Then we started arguing about it. He wanted us to elope but I didn't want to cancel the wedding, everyone was already invited.

 

After he broke it off, I cried and agreed on the elopement, he said let him think about it. He spoke to his parents and came back with no it's over its too late.

[Purepony]

Is it possible he met someone else ?

[Tiga]

Is it possible he met someone else ?

 

No, he jumped on Tinder a few weeks after the break up.

 

He also googled "How to seduce the hottest girl" after the break up. It was in the search history as well as lots of porn.

[Purepony]

Ouch something's really off ?!?!

 

Did he hold your hand in public ?

Did he still open doors for you ?

[Tiga]

Ouch something's really off ?!?!

 

Did he hold your hand in public ?

Did he still open doors for you ?

 

Yes he did, the only reason I firmly believe he researched how to seduce the hottest girl is because he wants someone better then me to get over me. Lol

 

 

But seriously who researches that?

 

I have been told I am a goddess in front of him because of my looks and heart. I never used my looks as an advantage for anything. He is average not great looking.

 

I just don't know, he is a mental case, I strongly believe he lost his mind. He is doing things he never did and acting the way he never acted. Ughh so hard to understand . That's what I want to know why and what happened to him? But no one has answer.

 

The people that know him and his parents tell me his parents drove him nuts.

[Purepony]

I think he put up an image because of his insecurity for so long that it finally drove it to a sad point where he questioned everything

 

If you know all this why even lose more sleep over this ? You seem like you can obviously do better what's holding you back ?

 

The thought of what could be ?

The time invested ?

How bad the situation is ?

[preraph]

I'm going to say it again. As soon as he dumped you, the first thing he did was see if you'd still have sex with him. I think that unfortunately you have been crediting him with too much emotional capacity.

 

There's no making sense of it except to say that he does not make his own decisions, never has, and maybe never will. He dropped you because the approval of one or more of his parents was more important to him.

 

He dumped you at his parents' request after you had planned a wedding and bought a dress. His commitment meant nothing to him up against his loyalty to his parents. A man who knows how to love, the very last thing he would do to a woman he loves is hurt her. He pulled a maneuver that is one of the most hurtful there is and then weaseled around and got you to have sex with him, which probably made him think maybe he wouldn't be giving that up.

 

He doesn't deserve to have you sitting around worrying about what he wants when he contacts you or hoping he's done a 180. You would never be able to put this damage behind you, even if a bus hit the parents tomorrow. You'd always know you were down the list. I'm not trying to hurt you more. I just want for you to walk away and retain your dignity and not relapse and let him get to you and then throw you away again because I don't think you'd forgive yourself for that. You've done very well cutting him off, and it's the quickest way to move forward and the best way to leave him squirming wondering how big of an idiot he has been on those cold lonely nights. Oh, well, he has the dog for comfort and warmth, which is more than you got when he crapped all over your soul.

[Purepony]

Yeah I don't think his parent had much to do with this decision

[preraph]

You'll have a much better pool of men to pick from in your police job, so concentrate on that. You'll be able to know if they have ethics going in.

[Tiga]

I'm going to say it again. As soon as he dumped you, the first thing he did was see if you'd still have sex with him. I think that unfortunately you have been crediting him with too much emotional capacity.

 

There's no making sense of it except to say that he does not make his own decisions, never has, and maybe never will. He dropped you because the approval of one or more of his parents was more important to him.

 

He dumped you at his parents' request after you had planned a wedding and bought a dress. His commitment meant nothing to him up against his loyalty to his parents. A man who knows how to love, the very last thing he would do to a woman he loves is hurt her. He pulled a maneuver that is one of the most hurtful there is and then weaseled around and got you to have sex with him, which probably made him think maybe he wouldn't be giving that up.

 

He doesn't deserve to have you sitting around worrying about what he wants when he contacts you or hoping he's done a 180. You would never be able to put this damage behind you, even if a bus hit the parents tomorrow. You'd always know you were down the list. I'm not trying to hurt you more. I just want for you to walk away and retain your dignity and not relapse and let him get to you and then throw you away again because I don't think you'd forgive yourself for that. You've done very well cutting him off, and it's the quickest way to move forward and the best way to leave him squirming wondering how big of an idiot he has been on those cold lonely nights. Oh, well, he has the dog for comfort and warmth, which is more than you got when he crapped all over your soul.

 

 

Thank you, I know you are right, my logic is telling me the same, but my heart differently.

 

I will get through this dissapointment, it all feels like it was a lie so that is what hurts.

[Tiga]

I think he put up an image because of his insecurity for so long that it finally drove it to a sad point where he questioned everything

 

If you know all this why even lose more sleep over this ? You seem like you can obviously do better what's holding you back ?

 

The thought of what could be ?

The time invested ?

How bad the situation is ?

 

That is what is going through my mind all of those questions.

[Tiga]

You'll have a much better pool of men to pick from in your police job, so concentrate on that. You'll be able to know if they have ethics going in.

 

Unfortunately, I don't plan on dating anyone at work. I have my personal reasons. Things go wrong and then your reputation is on the line. There are some great guys don't get me wrong but I don't plan on to. There are plenty of them wanting to jump ship but I just don't want to date someone at work.

 

I just feel like I won't have time to find someone since all I do is work, workout, grocery shop and sometimes go out with friends. I am thinking about joining a more serious online dating site in the near future. Maybe match or eharmony or something. Def. no Tinder.

 

I have never done the online dating and kind of see it as desperate but people tell me it's the new way people date because of busy lives. I might give it a try.

[Purepony]

Wait a little before you start to date because the serious guys won't take you serious because of your recent situation

 

If a girl tells me she just got out of a break up I think Boner a bowl and just a good time I don't think long term so if you really want something serious I would suggest you wait a little longer to clear your head and figure out what it is you really want to do and

[penelopeanne]

I just don't know, he is a mental case, I strongly believe he lost his mind. He is doing things he never did and acting the way he never acted. Ughh so hard to understand . That's what I want to know why and what happened to him? But no one has answer.

 

 

i feel like this about my ex now, how cold he was before and in the break up email. really distant. not totally surprising he was always an avoidant and had issues.

but after the break up he looks and seems so different (from what i have seen on social media or heard, since i havent seen him since before it)

his look has changed and he seems to be regressing back in age.

it is so bizarre and makes you feel a bit crazy, like who did i spend the last few years with? or in your case, who did you almost marry?

it messes with your head.