My fiancé broke up with me 3 months before our wedding. [UPDATED]

[marky00]

<snip>

 

Please post your opinion on what you guys think he wants and why was I angry and then sad/ crying. I am trying to understand my emotions and reactions to this.

 

Maybe because I know that all bridges are burned and that I can’t even respond even if I wanted to because I have to much respect for myself. I honestly feel like I am a much better person then him and that I deserve better than him.

 

Thank you guys, hope you all are having a good day! Keep your head up!

 

His lame message confirms the POS he is. Seriously, this guy is just trash and no-one on LS can convince me otherwise.

 

Don't respond because its not worthy of a response. Like you can't just download the statement yourself. Don't fall for the bait. Let him remain in the gutter.

 

His parents (especially his mum) are so messed up but he chose to be messed up with them. Let him roll in the muck with them.

 

My heart truly goes out to you after reading your story. Take care of yourself.

Edited August 21, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Truncate quote

[springy]

Maybe he feels guilty for what he put you through and if he can get a response it will make him feel better? Make him feel like you aren't angry or hurting anymore? You are still healing from the situation. I think blocking him would be beneficial. He's got nothing substantial to say and it only upsets you to hear from him.

[Tiga]

His lame message confirms the POS he is. Seriously, this guy is just trash and no-one on LS can convince me otherwise.

 

Don't respond because its not worthy of a response. Like you can't just download the statement yourself. Don't fall for the bait. Let him remain in the gutter.

 

His parents (especially his mum) are so messed up but he chose to be messed up with them. Let him roll in the muck with them.

 

My heart truly goes out to you after reading your story. Take care of yourself.

 

 

Thank you for understanding. He really is a POS.

[Minneloa]

Thank you for understanding. He really is a POS.

 

And, from what you have written, a coward.

[preraph]

If he has any decency in him, he feels guilty for being such a weak-spleened piece of crap. Plus, you know, you had a relationship. I'm sure he has his lonely moments. Trouble is, he hasn't fixed anything. He isn't trying to undo it. Most guys still want to see if they can sleep with someone even after they've drug them through the mud, and y'all already did that. I'm sure he'd as soon keep that up and keep you a secret and only have sex if you'd let him. He's hoping you'll accept breadcrumbs instead of having any self-respect and ignoring him like he deserves.

 

You do need to block him. The possibility he'll contact you is going to affect how you move forward and upset you and set you back every time he does it. He knows this, and that's one reason he does it. You need to block him and then start being social and getting busy doing fun things. He doesn't deserve you and you certainly don't deserve the treatment both he and his family have dished out. Let them swim around in their own little stale pond together for the rest of their days, but you get out there and live. And thank your lucky stars that you don't have to get Mummy's approval on who you marry.

[Tiga]

If he has any decency in him, he feels guilty for being such a weak-spleened piece of crap. Plus, you know, you had a relationship. I'm sure he has his lonely moments. Trouble is, he hasn't fixed anything. He isn't trying to undo it. Most guys still want to see if they can sleep with someone even after they've drug them through the mud, and y'all already did that. I'm sure he'd as soon keep that up and keep you a secret and only have sex if you'd let him. He's hoping you'll accept breadcrumbs instead of having any self-respect and ignoring him like he deserves.

 

You do need to block him. The possibility he'll contact you is going to affect how you move forward and upset you and set you back every time he does it. He knows this, and that's one reason he does it. You need to block him and then start being social and getting busy doing fun things. He doesn't deserve you and you certainly don't deserve the treatment both he and his family have dished out. Let them swim around in their own little stale pond together for the rest of their days, but you get out there and live. And thank your lucky stars that you don't have to get Mummy's approval on who you marry

 

After 16 mo that he sends a message that said this...

 

Hi ... how are you? I received a statement of yours from .... I guess it’s for your retirement benefits. Let me know if you want me to send it to you. Hope your well !!! his name

 

 

Really LOL! I’m sure there has been other mail sent for me there but he didin’t reach out and now all of a sudden.

 

He either realizes that dating is tough and it’s very hard to find a good hearted person or He wants to see if I still care or if he has a shot to keep me a secret. LOL. I’m a warrior even when I’m in pain I swore to myself that I won’t ever give in to his BS even if it kills me. But I’m better now and I’d rather be alone then with a man that can’t stand up for me and is spineless. I’m smart enough and know better not to ever trust that man again. I also know that i dont want a coward like him as a husband or even an acquaintance.

[marky00]

Yeah, let him run back to mummy to work out his next move. Hopefully she tells him to jump in a lake.

[preraph]

You are strong, a lot stronger than him. And if there hadn't been the big cancellation and you went forward, it was only a matter of time before you saw how they interfered and influenced him and how he let them. It would have been worse if you'd had children. They'd be telling you how to raise them and everything else, and he'd let them. Ugh.

 

You need a man, not a boy and you're strong and you'll need a strong man who doesn't let anybody tell him what to do but has good common sense so that noone feels the need to.

 

He can't come back from something that bad. You'd never have any respect for him again even if he crawled back. You'd never be able to feel the same. He ruined it. I'm glad you're feeling so strong.

 

 

If he has any decency in him, he feels guilty for being such a weak-spleened piece of crap. Plus, you know, you had a relationship. I'm sure he has his lonely moments. Trouble is, he hasn't fixed anything. He isn't trying to undo it. Most guys still want to see if they can sleep with someone even after they've drug them through the mud, and y'all already did that. I'm sure he'd as soon keep that up and keep you a secret and only have sex if you'd let him. He's hoping you'll accept breadcrumbs instead of having any self-respect and ignoring him like he deserves.

 

You do need to block him. The possibility he'll contact you is going to affect how you move forward and upset you and set you back every time he does it. He knows this, and that's one reason he does it. You need to block him and then start being social and getting busy doing fun things. He doesn't deserve you and you certainly don't deserve the treatment both he and his family have dished out. Let them swim around in their own little stale pond together for the rest of their days, but you get out there and live. And thank your lucky stars that you don't have to get Mummy's approval on who you marry

 

After 16 mo that he sends a message that said this...

 

Hi ... how are you? I received a statement of yours from .... I guess it’s for your retirement benefits. Let me know if you want me to send it to you. Hope your well !!! his name

 

 

Really LOL! I’m sure there has been other mail sent for me there but he didin’t reach out and now all of a sudden.

 

He either realizes that dating is tough and it’s very hard to find a good hearted person or He wants to see if I still care or if he has a shot to keep me a secret. LOL. I’m a warrior even when I’m in pain I swore to myself that I won’t ever give in to his BS even if it kills me. But I’m better now and I’d rather be alone then with a man that can’t stand up for me and is spineless. I’m smart enough and know better not to ever trust that man again. I also know that i dont want a coward like him as a husband or even an acquaintance.

[marky00]

You are strong, a lot stronger than him. And if there hadn't been the big cancellation and you went forward, it was only a matter of time before you saw how they interfered and influenced him and how he let them. It would have been worse if you'd had children. They'd be telling you how to raise them and everything else, and he'd let them. Ugh.

 

You need a man, not a boy and you're strong and you'll need a strong man who doesn't let anybody tell him what to do but has good common sense so that noone feels the need to.

 

He can't come back from something that bad. You'd never have any respect for him again even if he crawled back. You'd never be able to feel the same. He ruined it. I'm glad you're feeling so strong.

 

yeah crawling back over hot coals I might have said but not in this case, especially since that last msg he sent. He didn't burn the bridges. He nuked them. Which makes that msg he sent just disgusting.

[Whodatdog]

Really? After 16 mos? How did you figure you got your retirement statement in all of that time? I think he might be fishing a little bit, wondering how you are doing, maybe a little lonely. Really no telling, but it seems really strange.

 

Be strong.

[Purepony]

So I received a text from my ex fiancé yesterday. He reached out via text several times after we ended it but I never responded. If anyone has read this thread you all know the difficulties that I faced after I was blindsided after he chose his parents over me.

 

Anyway his text said this,

 

Hi ... how are you? I received a statement of yours from .... I guess it’s for your retirement benefits. Let me know if you want me to send it to you. Hope your well !!! his name

 

 

 

Like seriously who would send something like this after so long and after what he did to me? My assumption is he either needs something or is trying to see if I will respond. Because I can get my retirement benefits by calling the company and I don’t need him to mail it to me.

 

But No I did no respond.

 

I was initially angry when I received the text because I felt like how did he get the nerve to text me after what he did to me and how he treated me. In the message he makes it sound like we are on good terms like he didn’t do anything wrong.

 

 

Later I had a mixture of emotions, I cried. I cried because I remembered the way he acted and treated me after the breakup and how disappointed I am in him. So right now I have a mix of emotions.

 

Please post your opinion on what you guys think he wants and why was I angry and then sad/ crying. I am trying to understand my emotions and reactions to this.

 

Maybe because I know that all bridges are burned and that I can’t even respond even if I wanted to because I have to much respect for myself. I honestly feel like I am a much better person then him and that I deserve better than him.

 

Thank you guys, hope you all are having a good day! Keep your head up!

 

 

Yeah screw that’s guy besides what kind of an idiot sends a message like that ?! With his name attached at the end like he doesn’t know what he did

 

You should ignore that clown and I see your point about age and things like that but you shouldn’t use time is a factor to fall into another relationship or start a relationship remember at the end of the day this is not a race

[Tiga]

Really? After 16 mos? How did you figure you got your retirement statement in all of that time? I think he might be fishing a little bit, wondering how you are doing, maybe a little lonely. Really no telling, but it seems really strange.

 

Be strong.

 

Yeah he texted a few times after we broke up and I moved out. Also about BS stuff, I never responded. We broke up Feb 2017, I think his last text and calls from blocked numbers stopped in May 2017 after I never responded. Then now ima Aug 2018 this.

 

He is fishing, wants to see if I’m willing to communicate.

 

I’m not he showed me what kind of person he is and I’m glad I was saved from him. Even though I’m still healing from the sudden change of character.

[Tiga]

Yeah screw that’s guy besides what kind of an idiot sends a message like that ?! With his name attached at the end like he doesn’t know what he did

 

You should ignore that clown and I see your point about age and things like that but you shouldn’t use time is a factor to fall into another relationship or start a relationship remember at the end of the day this is not a race

 

Yeah I think he put his name at the end because he wasn’t sure if I had deleted his number. I know his number by heart so there is no not forgetting.

 

Idk what he wanted I’m assuming a response.

 

I’ve heard silience and happiness is the best revenge.

[marky00]

Yeah he texted a few times after we broke up and I moved out. Also about BS stuff, I never responded. We broke up Feb 2017, I think his last text and calls from blocked numbers stopped in May 2017 after I never responded. Then now ima Aug 2018 this.

 

He is fishing, wants to see if I’m willing to communicate.

 

I’m not he showed me what kind of person he is and I’m glad I was saved from him. Even though I’m still healing from the sudden change of character.

 

My ex gf ended things badly as well. After some very LC for a few months, I went hard NC and then 6 months later, the bread crumbs came thick and fast. Those bread crumbs lasted a whole year and actually are still occuring as I got a birthday wish last month (3 years since BU).

 

Thing is, her crumbs definitely did get juicer. At first it was "how r u" and then "wishing me the best for my future" but it progressed to things like "I know I disappointed you and you might hate me. Are you married? Do you have kids?"

 

I only replied one time asking her what it is she wanted to say because she literally sent about 15 to 20 messages that year. She was obviously to scared to write back (was live chat on social media) so after that I was fine to stick with hard NC.

 

I'm just telling you this because the messages could get juicer so just be prepared for it (or just block them). That last message my ex sent me saying she knew she disappointed me, did bring back some feelings for me. She knew she needed to say something more juicy to get my attention and it sort of worked. But in the end, I knew it still wasn't substantial enough so I let it go.

 

Like your ex, I can only assume these people are selfish and borderline narcs because unless they were deeply remorseful or wanted to try again, those messages should not be sent. It also makes the dumpee think they might have changed but in most cases it's just the dumper looking for a weakness in your wall.

Edited August 23, 2018 by marky00

[preraph]

Yeah I think he put his name at the end because he wasn’t sure if I had deleted his number. I know his number by heart so there is no not forgetting.

 

Idk what he wanted I’m assuming a response.

 

I’ve heard silience and happiness is the best revenge.

 

^ It definitely is. Living well is the best revenge. And the ultimate goal is when you just stop caring what they were thinking or why this and that, but I know that takes time. But it will happen one day.

[Tiga]

I just wanted to express my feelings as I am having some weird and mixed feelings. Some of you know my story and have been supporting me since the beginning of my healing process and I really appreciate that and thank you.

 

Ever since the text I received from him I have been feeling confused. At first I was a little anxious/upset and kind of was curious why he had sent me a text. I decided not to respond and kept it that way. I figured in orders to completely move on I shouldn’t respond and also because he definitely doesn’t deserve a reply from me.

 

Then I felt like I didin’t even want to respond, like I had no desire to respond. The betrayal I felt from this incident left the inside of me/my gut feeling weird, like sick to my stomach. It’s like I had a mix of good memories which brought me to feel sad because we weren’t together and because he turned out to be a terrible person and not the person he portrayed himself as and the person I had in my, my idea of him.

 

So I was feeling sick, with no desire to respond. It’s like I knew that he burned all of the bridges between us and it left a disgusting taste in my mouth. At the same time I was sad that a person I thought was a good person turned out to be one of the worst people that I have encountered and the person who hurt me the most in life. The person I never expected would hurt me in such a way.

 

It’s like I’m disappointed in him but also myself. Like how could I be so blind? & was he really faking all of this time until the mask fell off? I felt like where was my intuition and common sense, because my intuition told me that he truly loved me and that I could trust him. I am trying to figure out where I failed and where was the connection lost.

 

Today, I felt strange. It sounds crazy To a third person and I don’t want to be pitied or make up **** but I am trying to figure out what my gut feeling is telling me. I feel a strange connection to my ex and Idk if I’m just still holding on to something or if it’s real. I feel like my gut feeling is telling me that I need to see and speak to him and Idk why. & I honestly feel like logically that is inanse and not a good idea but I feel like he needs me and I need to speak to him. Am I just feeling nostalgic because of the text message I received a few weeks ago or is my gut feeling trying to tell me something? & Honestly idk if I love him anymore, I just feel disappointed and sad. But would I want him back? Honestly I don’t think so because knowing that someone betrayed me the way he did I do t think i could ever get passed that. He betrayed me before our wedding out of the blue... that was the worst pain I felt in my life.

[Jane Deaux]

Today, I felt strange. It sounds crazy To a third person and I don’t want to be pitied or make up **** but I am trying to figure out what my gut feeling is telling me. I feel a strange connection to my ex and Idk if I’m just still holding on to something or if it’s real. I feel like my gut feeling is telling me that I need to see and speak to him and Idk why. & I honestly feel like logically that is inanse and not a good idea but I feel like he needs me and I need to speak to him. Am I just feeling nostalgic because of the text message I received a few weeks ago or is my gut feeling trying to tell me something? & Honestly idk if I love him anymore, I just feel disappointed and sad. But would I want him back? Honestly I don’t think so because knowing that someone betrayed me the way he did I do t think i could ever get passed that. He betrayed me before our wedding out of the blue... that was the worst pain I felt in my life.

 

 

Let it go. This is natural. He is not good for you. I think you are somehow seeking closure. But think about how hurt and painful it will be when the communication doesn't go the way you feel you need it to. And it just reopens wounds. It's not good to contact. Will just make it all fresh again.

 

Let it go. Keep moving on.

[Goodguy05]

Let it go. This is natural. He is not good for you. I think you are somehow seeking closure. But think about how hurt and painful it will be when the communication doesn't go the way you feel you need it to. And it just reopens wounds. It's not good to contact. Will just make it all fresh again.

 

Let it go. Keep moving on.

 

Hey tiga i remember u and ur story. Funny the timing of all this i just recently as in yesterday came back for a refresher from loveshack as it helped in the passed to get perspective as my ex has a few weeks ago made her instagram public after almost 2 yrs of having it prvt baffled me obviously wants someone to see ...and posts constantly where she didnt ye i ocasionally cant help myself and get curious its normal who doesnt.

 

I still havent fully let go but realised its about time i do somehow. Life is good in some ways purchased a new property met new people and made new friends. Im trying to stop feeling responsible for the breakup and see the balanced picture its never just one persons fault. I jeep looking for closure but am realising i wont and even if i did the ex probably doesnt even know clearly herself the reasons she left. It makes f all difference in the end.

 

Not here to give u advice or tell u wat to do but i think something that wil lreally help ad i read the whole thing last night again is read the guide on here about the NC rule. It made more sense now then it did say 2 yrs ago wen we broke up.

 

I think theres a lot of truth in tha and is like a bible of breakups lol it might just save u some lol. Haha if u know what i mean. My ex wife i always try and remember what she did she reached out like ure ex similar but different in some ways but breadcrumbs as they say on here. Read it its really good itll help

 

Btw its normal to feel the way u do we all do wen they reach out like that its selfish in a way on there behalf

[Tiga]

Hey tiga i remember u and ur story. Funny the timing of all this i just recently as in yesterday came back for a refresher from loveshack as it helped in the passed to get perspective as my ex has a few weeks ago made her instagram public after almost 2 yrs of having it prvt baffled me obviously wants someone to see ...and posts constantly where she didnt ye i ocasionally cant help myself and get curious its normal who doesnt.

 

I still havent fully let go but realised its about time i do somehow. Life is good in some ways purchased a new property met new people and made new friends. Im trying to stop feeling responsible for the breakup and see the balanced picture its never just one persons fault. I jeep looking for closure but am realising i wont and even if i did the ex probably doesnt even know clearly herself the reasons she left. It makes f all difference in the end.

 

Not here to give u advice or tell u wat to do but i think something that wil lreally help ad i read the whole thing last night again is read the guide on here about the NC rule. It made more sense now then it did say 2 yrs ago wen we broke up.

 

I think theres a lot of truth in tha and is like a bible of breakups lol it might just save u some lol. Haha if u know what i mean. My ex wife i always try and remember what she did she reached out like ure ex similar but different in some ways but breadcrumbs as they say on here. Read it its really good itll help

 

Btw its normal to feel the way u do we all do wen they reach out like that its selfish in a way on there behalf

 

 

Thanks goodguy! That’s crazy that she made her ig public now. She wants attention, you should just block her account all together or make a promise to yourself not to visit her page. Even though you feel like you are over her, the photos can bring back memories and with those memories come attached file, which are feelings. So it’s probably best to stay away from it all.

 

I read somewhere once someone burns you once they will do it again.

 

My ex though idk what he was thinking sending me a text after what he put me through. I honestly don’t know why he reaches out but I want to not care or even wonder and I’m not there yet. I feel like the pain is still there deep down because I am not able to forgive him just yet. I feel like once I forgive him then I will move on. & I don’t mean tell him I forgive him I mean actually forgive him deep down and for myself not for him.

 

It’s just so hard to forgive him because when I think about the forgiveness the betrayal and the gut wrenching feeling comes up.

 

What’s so weird is that my ex before my ex fiancé reached out to me a few days ago and wrote me this

 

 

“It has been like 10 years since I have even touched you with a finger, why do I still love you!? I know this is random but honestly I’m sick of the thoughts and dreams it’s like it’s ****ing driving me crazy! I’ve been silent about it because I know there isn’t even a point now of texting you but DAMN! We don’t talk, we don’t see each other, you live on the other side of the world, I don’t understand this at all!

And I’m sorry for this, I really am. It’s just that I don’t know what to do or who to talk to about my personal feelings and believe me I’ve prayed over and over for God to set me free.. I guess I feel like I needed to let it out regardless of what you will say, and I still know you, so I know there is no answer to this, I just feel like I needed to finally just open up”

 

 

I don’t know what to say to this bc I feel nothing, but I feel like my ex fiancé will write me something like this one day and I can’t wait till that day where I have no emotions and no reaction to it.

[Tiga]

You guys he contacted me again...

 

 

This time he called once, I didin’t pick up. He called again I honestly thought the worst and that maybe something was wrong so I picked up. It’s been over 1.5 years and now he calls me. About 6 weeks ago he sent me a message if you see my post from earlier asking me about some mail. I never responded to the text and have been in no contact for 1.5 years.

 

I answered “hello” and he said ”heyyyy” and i said “who is this?” Even though I knew who it was. He said “ what you don’t recognize my voice anymore” so I said “ please don’t call this number ever again” & hung up.

 

& I ended up sending him a message immediately saying “FYI if you get any more mail of mine (since he inquired 6 weeks ago if I wanted him to send me my benefits mail) please forward it to ....(my work address) “ since he knows where I work.

 

He responded and said “ ok will do and I was just checking to see how you are and hope you’re well, take care”

 

He wants to creep back into my life wth!!! He is pretending like he didin’t leave me before the wedding. I dont understand what he wants & why all of a sudden is he checking up on me when he didin’t care for my well being during our break up. Like how does he have the audacity?

 

I feel like he definitely realizes he will never find another girl like me. I treated him well, what was mine was his, I cooked, I cleaned, I ran errands for the house all by myself, I also worked full time and was hitting the gym 5-6 times a week. I kept up with a lot and he couldn’t stand up for our love after his parents said they were not going to the wedding.

 

6 years of my life wasted on that fool.

 

I am so much stronger now and I honestly don’t think I love him anymore.

Edited October 20, 2018 by Tiga

[Zapbasket]

I am so angry on your behalf that he'd dare keep reaching out to you. What a worthless piece of crap. I'm glad it seems you are seeing this because I know it's hard to get to that place when you have loved someone once.

 

You need to put a stop once and for all to these contacts. He likely will contact you yet again, even if it's a few years from now. You need to block his number, all social media outlets, and you need to leave instructions with work and your family that if he ever reaches out, to tell him you are not available and not to call again.

 

It's oddly satisfying to block people who have hurt you. Especially when it's clear that they do not or will not understand that after the way they treated you, they have some nerve reaching out. You are well rid of him as well as the ex before him.

[preraph]

It's because he's weak. He's just trying to sneak around on his parents and keep you a secret and I don't know what ever made him think you'd go for that. It's like he doesn't know you at all. Doesn't he understand that his value went way down in your eyes because of his weakness and not acting like a man with his parents and his extremely unethical hurtful actions? Men are always reaching out to exes to solve their temporary lonely or horny problem. I still think you should just block him on everything. It's just going to keep you upset. I'm glad you've been strong. You're much stronger than him, obviously, so you deserve better.

[Tiga]

I definitely see this and I am level headed and don’t even fear of running back to him because hearing his voice made me feel disgusted by him. & this is definitely a good thing. I would never settle to be with him discretely without his parents knowing, he’ll I wouldn’t even do it if they knew and begged me to take their son back. He showed me that he didin’t value me when he chose to please his parents & then turned out to be just like them.

 

LOL I can honestly laugh about it now. I see him as a weak, spineless, mama’s and daddy’s boy at the age of 34 LOL, I actually feel sorry for him!

 

I now realize that I am so much stronger than him and that in this life I will come across someone as strong as me or stronger to teach me to become even better than I am. Not someone like him who tried to drag me down but I realize people that attempt to hurt you/hurt you they are only doing it because they have insecurities and specific weaknesses within themselves. It has nothing to do with you.

 

 

I love you all! Love shack has helped me in my toughest times and now when I see the light at the end of the tunnel I just want to say thanks to everyone who supported me on this journey and who gave me advice.

 

It feels AMAZING to have all this power now!

[preraph]

I think the way you've handled this very difficult situation is an inspiration to all of us, Tiga. Your strength is inspiring and your clear-headedness in the face of such trauma.

[Tiga]

It's because he's weak. He's just trying to sneak around on his parents and keep you a secret and I don't know what ever made him think you'd go for that. It's like he doesn't know you at all. Doesn't he understand that his value went way down in your eyes because of his weakness and not acting like a man with his parents and his extremely unethical hurtful actions? Men are always reaching out to exes to solve their temporary lonely or horny problem. I still think you should just block him on everything. It's just going to keep you upset. I'm glad you've been strong. You're much stronger than him, obviously, so you deserve better.

 

Right, I wonder if his parents know that he is texting and calling me. & if they don’t what does he think? That I will be with him in secret? What ever made him think that?

 

I don’t get it. You’re right it’s one of those reasons he probably wants to feel me out to see if he can use me and have sex with me. Or has reality hit him? The way he sounded on the phone saying heyyyy like we talk everyday and he didin’t leave me before our wedding and didin’t treat me like ****. Lied to me that he had a gut feeling and that it had nothing to do with his parents. & this was immediately (2 weeks) after his parents refused to come to our wedding and refused to communicate with me and my family. I’m pretty sure they told him to choose between us and he made his choice. Sooo what does he want now?