My fiancé broke up with me 3 months before our wedding. [UPDATED]

[preraph]

^ I know. I hope you find someone that deserves you.

[Purepony]

You still have many emotions and stages to go through

 

The last time I was in San Francisco I had the most delightful shake at the ghirandelli in ghirandelli square

Ahhh I can taste that shake ))

[Maldives]

My heart dropped,

 

I signed up for match for the heck of it. The possible matches came up, my ex fiancé is on there as a match.

 

I knew he signed up for Tinder, but now Match. I am not sure if I should delete mine?

 

Idk if I should stay? What do you guys think?

 

He surprises me every freaking day!

 

About the part where he surprises u everyday...again I can relate. It's been almost 6 mths of the ex sitting neat me wich had been hell for me then her team her bf got moved down the other end 2 weeks ago and I thought my troubles were over only to see her back up on my end near my team. I pointed this out to my manager that why can she move from one end of the building to the other and i cant. She looked into it and found out that she joined my old team the team I wss in before I got promoted so it's just bizzare.

Another instanc3 I have to move from where I currently am and there were only 2 apartments that have have come up that really suit my needs and budget and loh and behold wen I went out onto the balcony it looks directly out to the exs apartment it's a cpl hundred mtres away but not far say about 300 mtres and the worse thing it actually looks onto her bedroom window so I would see the light on or off . I cldnt take it its hard enough working wth her let alone seeing that I cldnt believe it its as if I'm cornered by her i honestly don't know wats goin on here feels like I'm getting screwed and the universe isn't helping so I can relate to the ex popping up. Weird isn't it..it's almost like something wants us to hurt

[Maldives]

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I kind of feel like I have done enough crying, and for what and why will I sit here and beat myself up over it anymore. It is over. He is not worth anymore tears or hope. I at least had the decency to wait 3 months to join, plus I don't have many friends here and getting to know someone can't hurt.

 

It doesn't mean that I will jump into dating, maybe just to go on a date and be friends at first.

 

I wasted the best years of my life dedicated to someone. Why should I wait?

 

He joined tinder 3-4 weeks after our break up and I didn't even mov out the house completely.

 

He is a monster. But this is my journey and I feel like if I find someone I might be interested in then why not try to get to know each other.

 

Omg Tiga I can really relate again. I feel like me and u have experienced something very similar. Thats how I feel I don't have many people I know up here and one o the reasons I joined a dating site after about 4 or so mths felt like it wasn't worth shedding any more tears for her after everything's she's done. Wat i struggle wth is all the stuff she use to say soulmate never loved like this in it for ever all that was just feels like bs. It i love someone I don't leave them and walkway no matter how tough it gets and her situation was tough.

 

And that's wat really hurts here. She's sabotaged my dream of coming up here

[Maldives]

Hi,

 

I am good. I feel relieved, I realized some things about my relationship. I asked myself what was so special about my ex that is making me feel like this.

 

I realized that the only thing I liked about him was that he was kind, before the break up. Kind as in checking in on me, saying I love you and was somewhat caring. He would make me coffee and pick up clothes from the cleaners for me. Other then that he didn't do much.

 

I realized that I had done more in the relationship then him. I would buy groceries and carry them all in, I would ask him to assist me in grocery shopping and he would make up that he has something to do around the house. (Cut grass) this was all the time.

 

I cooked and cleaned. I paid for half of mostly everything and for going out while he was saving money.

 

Our sex was nothing special, basically he couldn't ****, me for a minute without stopping. He wasn't good in bed, I was never satisfied. I faked orgasms. I know that sounds bad but I did not want to hurt his feelings. He bought me little things here and there like headphones, a bracelet, paid half for a LV purse which he split with my sister for my birthday. But he never surprised me. He never bought me flowers because he said it's a waste of money because they die.

 

When we go on vacation I would pay for myself, he never surprised me with a short trip anywhere, he was not spontaneous at all. He never wanted to do anything or have fun. He was always a loner, lived a boring life.

 

I need to do stuff from time to time. I like to go on vacation and enjoy myself. I like sex and being pleased would have been nice.

 

 

Sorry I had to vent, but I realized that this was a blessing. This guy wasn't for me. I need a real man, not a b***. A man that will protect me, treat me well and be spontaneous. A man that will put me first!

 

HE WAS NOT THAT MAN.

 

God gave me a blessing in disguise.

 

Lol I had a bit of a laugh at this that's funny..sex was really good on our end and I know how important body shape to her is. I wss pretty fit still am race push bikes whereas her new bf to my credit is fat and ugly I honestly don't get it i never in a million yrs would have thought it would be this guy the only thing I can think of and ive noticed is he seems quest meek and probably gives her attention. but in hindsight our issues were about trust a big part of it then especially for me dealing wth someone else's kids and communication. Some arguments were pretty vile name calling and stuff just unfortunate.

Edited May 18, 2017 by Goodguy05

[Tiga]

People who get hurt by a loved one are so often looking for any way to fast-track the healing. It's just not usually that simple. Three months is barely enough time to shake the feeling of shock and devastation from the breakup itself, let alone enough time to find your way back to stable ground.

 

It's quite likely that if you got involved with someone right now, you would be overwhelmed by feelings of distrust and emotional unavailability, even if objectively, you knew that you can't project what your ex did to you onto a new person.

 

I completely understand you and I think you are right. I know I am not ready to give it my all or commit to someone in a relationship because I am still grieving. It is seriously like a roller coaster, I guess it is normal. One day I feel like he is not worth me being sad and I need to meet new guys and the next I feel like I am not ready. I guess I am trying to speed uo the process because I was so disappointed and still am. I had not cried in a while, like actually cried and let my voice out, I would start and stop myself, until today. I was driving and a song came on and all of a sudden the emptiness I have. Een feeling for a few weeks now turned into a mix of feelings. I felt the pain again, I guess it got to me to see him on match, to see that he is trying to forget me. It hurts, my heart hurts for someone that doesnt see it from my perspective. I know he loves me and that makes it hurt even more. I looked for many reasons as to why we werent meant ti be together to justify me moving on and erasing him out if my heart.

 

 

It will take a while, I am aware of that. It is crazy hiw my feelings subsided and I felt empty and I thought I was losing the love I had for him, but they all came back rushing and I cried my eyes out. Knowing that he is hurting too, knowing that he is doing this to mask his pain. I ask God why though? It is tough I have no thoughts of contacting him but even though he did this I can honestly say I loved him and the man he was unconditionally.

 

I truly wish thigs were different and I know that sounds stupid and I am this huge fool but the heart wants what it wants. ?

[Purepony]

Good morning, you'll have those days it's still recent, what helped me was changing my routine.. for example I would take a different route to work, I'd listen to new music or different music ( something that normally when I listen to ) try and change whatever you can no matter how small and you'll be suprised

 

If you contact him he'll probably just use you again or give you some bread crumbs because he knows he has all the control and you will feel much worse

[LonelyJedi]

I completely understand you and I think you are right. I know I am not ready to give it my all or commit to someone in a relationship because I am still grieving. It is seriously like a roller coaster, I guess it is normal. One day I feel like he is not worth me being sad and I need to meet new guys and the next I feel like I am not ready. I guess I am trying to speed uo the process because I was so disappointed and still am. I had not cried in a while, like actually cried and let my voice out, I would start and stop myself, until today. I was driving and a song came on and all of a sudden the emptiness I have. Een feeling for a few weeks now turned into a mix of feelings. I felt the pain again, I guess it got to me to see him on match, to see that he is trying to forget me. It hurts, my heart hurts for someone that doesnt see it from my perspective. I know he loves me and that makes it hurt even more. I looked for many reasons as to why we werent meant ti be together to justify me moving on and erasing him out if my heart.

 

 

It will take a while, I am aware of that. It is crazy hiw my feelings subsided and I felt empty and I thought I was losing the love I had for him, but they all came back rushing and I cried my eyes out. Knowing that he is hurting too, knowing that he is doing this to mask his pain. I ask God why though? It is tough I have no thoughts of contacting him but even though he did this I can honestly say I loved him and the man he was unconditionally.

 

I truly wish thigs were different and I know that sounds stupid and I am this huge fool but the heart wants what it wants. ?

 

I feel your pain, really I do.

Apparently we share the a very similar story. Where the family overrules the relationship.. not good.

 

If you ever need to chat, PM me.

[Tiga]

So he went home to be with his parents this week. Our wedding was supposed to be in a few days.

 

He went to be with them, I guess he is trying to cope. Wow he chise them and will spend our wedding day with them and not me. It sucks. He will spend it with the people that tore us apart.

 

I cant truly say his family is evil and so is he.

 

 

I DESERVE better.

[Maldives]

So he went home to be with his parents this week. Our wedding was supposed to be in a few days.

 

He went to be with them, I guess he is trying to cope. Wow he chise them and will spend our wedding day with them and not me. It sucks. He will spend it with the people that tore us apart.

 

I cant truly say his family is evil and so is he.

 

 

I DESERVE better.

 

Feel ur pain and rejection Tiga. Believe me that's the rejection side of things talking. I know I feel it too. My ex's bf was in t h e kitchen today and said hello lol he's a nice guy but she isn't. I prayed so hard to god last night to help wth this situation and thank God she wasn't in today and is off sick.

I'm gonna get out tho there's no solution staying here wich makes me angry because this was my company I was here 1st and never wanted her here because I had concerns about somthing like this happening but she's made it unbearable to work here. Even if I do sit down tg he other end I noticed her friends are down there as well so she'll be going bac and forth.

 

The best revenge is that ur life becomes a success that's it. She's winning at the moment. My mate who's a priest said God only gives u wat u can handle but I personally told God last night this is not true my situation is very hard he must of agreed

[Maldives]

I actually thought I had a curse placed on me and a friend I know who's a psychic cldnt see one but gave me this thing to do to protect myself from curses. I'll tell u wat I'll never play wth that again it was basically filling up a bottle of water and writing down the name of the person who u believe cursed u in red ink and placing it in the bottle and then putting it in the freezer effectively freezing an tg negative energies lol I tell u it didon't work the next day was chaos and I got hurt from her even more.

 

After almost 5 or 6 mths in the freezer last night I chucked the bottle in the garbage bin and Loh and behold shes off sick today. Hopefully that got rid of her bad energy by accident. Never play wth that stuff again my priest friend told me all that stuff just invites negative entities maybe he was right. All it was tho was a thing to protect me from her but it didn't work hopefully throwing that in the garbage did kind of symbolic

 

The wedding day and him going to family just reinforces the pain and that it's becoming harder and harder to repair too much damage

Edited May 19, 2017 by Goodguy05

[Purepony]

He's going to move on he's not looking back.... he's going to his family for support and probably to catch up but if he's anything like me and so far there's been some similarities he's okay as much as it even hurts me to feel your pain thru your words I am almost certain he is fine

[Tiga]

Purepony,

 

I am wondering why you said that if he is like you he is fine and not looking back? Six years of his life with me and he is ok?

 

It is hard to believe, but then again his actions for the break up and after are hard to believe. Its like he flipped a switch.

 

I feel like I did not know him at all and that I lived and loved a stranger and a two faced person.

[Tiga]

He went home to be with his prents this week (our wedding week). I creeped and found out through facebook, I know i took a step back. I saw oictjres of him, he got so skinny, looks like a skeleton. He is wearing a ring I got him for Christmas. .... He does he look happy.

 

I cried, I was in pain. I feel like he is in oain as well.

 

Maybe I am going crazy, because the texts he sent were to "check on me" and not to reconcile. I havent answered any of them or answered the phone calls.

 

But it just seems like this pain will never go away, it hurts so deeply. I know that in time it will heal but I really felt like we were meant to be and he did as well. He even said Idk what happened i saw us together forever. He was sad and cried.

 

But never admitted that it was his prents. I dont get it, its unresolved. We were fine m, his prents said they weren't coming to the wedding and 2 weeks later he broke it off claiming "he loves me but he had this gut feeling". And that he believed we werent meant to be.

 

Wtf!!! 6 years and 3 months before our wedding!!! I am in so much lain, our wedding day is coming up, I feel so terrible.

 

My entire body hurts, this bitter, painful, confusing, loving, betrayed feeling. All at once!

 

So unexpected from him, it kills me.

[1fish2fish]

Tiga, my heart goes out to you. I am so sorry you are going through this pain.

 

I know you know it will get better, but it's the getting through the now that's so hard and painful.

 

Be kind to yourself, protect yourself, pamper yourself. No more stalking his social media, okay?

 

Right now, just breathe. (((hugs!)))

[preraph]

He went home to be with his prents this week (our wedding week). I creeped and found out through facebook, I know i took a step back. I saw oictjres of him, he got so skinny, looks like a skeleton. He is wearing a ring I got him for Christmas. .... He does he look happy.

 

I cried, I was in pain. I feel like he is in oain as well.

 

Maybe I am going crazy, because the texts he sent were to "check on me" and not to reconcile. I havent answered any of them or answered the phone calls.

 

But it just seems like this pain will never go away, it hurts so deeply. I know that in time it will heal but I really felt like we were meant to be and he did as well. He even said Idk what happened i saw us together forever. He was sad and cried.

 

But never admitted that it was his prents. I dont get it, its unresolved. We were fine m, his prents said they weren't coming to the wedding and 2 weeks later he broke it off claiming "he loves me but he had this gut feeling". And that he believed we werent meant to be.

Wtf!!! 6 years and 3 months before our wedding!!! I am in so much lain, our wedding day is coming up, I feel so terrible.

 

My entire body hurts, this bitter, painful, confusing, loving, betrayed feeling. All at once!

 

So unexpected from him, it kills me.

 

Yeah. That "gut feeling" was his parents not approving of you and making him think he's Mr. Perfect and should get someone who will always acquiesce to what he and his parents want.

[Tiga]

I have a feeling he will call or text me tommorow, (our set wedding day).

I feel like I should respond.

I havent reaponded to any of his calls or texts going on 7 weeks now.

 

As I mentioned before on the pics I saw he looked so down and sad, and lost so much weight he looks like a skeleton. I know he is in pain like me.

 

Should I respond if he does reach out? Keep it short and see what he wants?

[Tiga]

I made a new thread for this question. It is in reference to my ex fiancé who broke off our wedding (wedding day today) because of his parents.

 

I have not responded to any text messages or phone calls for the last 7 weeks.

 

I am debating if he reaches out today should I respond.

 

I saw pictures of him where he looks miserable and like a skeleton due to a lot of weight loss.

 

I am in pain and feel like he is too.

 

Should I respond if he reaches out to see what he wants?

 

Maybe just answer to see what it is he wants but not really give out any info about me?

 

 

Thanks,

 

 

Today I was supposed to be marrying m best friend ?

[Zahara]

I read your other thread.

 

I would not respond. There is no point in you digging at that wound for insignificance. If he has anything of substance to say, he would have said it by now.

 

He may be in pain as well but he's dealing with it much better than not being with you.

[d0nnivain]

You don't even know if he will reach out. I suspect he won't.

 

 

Surround yourself with supportive friends & family today.

 

 

If he does reach out, whether you should respond, depends on what he says.

 

 

It's not like you can actually reconcile if he reached out. In your shoes I couldn't trust him. Plus his parents & all the things that drove you apart are still there. Nothing has been fixed nor is it fixable because he doesn't want it to change.

[LonelyJedi]

I have a feeling he will call or text me tommorow, (our set wedding day).

I feel like I should respond.

I havent reaponded to any of his calls or texts going on 7 weeks now.

 

As I mentioned before on the pics I saw he looked so down and sad, and lost so much weight he looks like a skeleton. I know he is in pain like me.

 

Should I respond if he does reach out? Keep it short and see what he wants?

 

Be glad he is even speaking to you. I haven't heard a peep out of my ex

 

It should make you feel better than you know he is in pain too, he is suffering like you are. I have no idea if my ex is suffering... it hurts to think she is not, especially with her new BF

 

I would personally not respond, unless his text is something to the effect of "I am sorry. I would like to talk about this and reconcile". And if you do talk with him, how will you make sure the same mistakes won't get repeated again?

[Altair0770]

You don't even know if he will reach out. I suspect he won't.

 

 

Surround yourself with supportive friends & family today.

 

 

If he does reach out, whether you should respond, depends on what he says.

 

 

It's not like you can actually reconcile if he reached out. In your shoes I couldn't trust him. Plus his parents & all the things that drove you apart are still there. Nothing has been fixed nor is it fixable because he doesn't want it to change.

 

This.

 

I'd also recommend doing your best to not think about "will he reach out". That puts your healing on delay until that day passes without a reach out. I spent my entire birthday glimpsing at my phone for a "Happy Birthday" text from my ex that never came. I still enjoyed my birthday, but my mood could have been better if I trusted my gut that she wouldn't reach out.

[Redhead14]

I made a new thread for this question. It is in reference to my ex fiancé who broke off our wedding (wedding day today) because of his parents.

 

I have not responded to any text messages or phone calls for the last 7 weeks.

 

I am debating if he reaches out today should I respond.

 

I saw pictures of him where he looks miserable and like a skeleton due to a lot of weight loss.

 

I am in pain and feel like he is too.

 

Should I respond if he reaches out to see what he wants?

 

Maybe just answer to see what it is he wants but not really give out any info about me?

 

 

Thanks,

 

 

Today I was supposed to be marrying m best friend ?

 

feel like he is too. -- You have enough on your plate in dealing with and managing your own emotions. You don't need to try to help him manage his. If his parents are so influential in his life, let them give him the support he needs -- and, apparently, they aren't doing a good job of it.

 

Keep moving for your OWN good. This man is a child. Let his parents finish the job they started and are so far complete failures at.

[ExpatInItaly]

I wouldn't even concern yourself with this, unless and until he gets in touch today. He might not.

 

Even if he does, it's impossible at the moment to suggest how to respond because that would entirely depend on what he says. Don't waste your precious emotional energy formulating a response to something that hasn't yet happened.

 

Do as the others suggested and try to have a pleasant day today, as far as humanly possible. Be with positive people you love.

[preraph]

You know what I'm going to say. You can never come back from the nonsense this guy put you through, so why try to HELP him??? It's time he grew up and dealt with his own problems instead of leaning on others.