Is she a friend?

[Angel29]

I met a girl through the meetup.com groups a couple of years ago. She was quite keen to become friends and asked for my phone number and Facebook. Whilst we have had good times I am unsure why she wants to be friends. I feel at times she will ask me to go to the cinema as though she has no-one else to go with or she suggests meeting up as her boyfriend isn't available.

 

When she texts me I will reply the same day and messages between us are quick. But when I text her she takes days to reply but then I see she has been on Facebook, Meetup and What's app in the mean time. She did say the once she is terrible at replying to people but I can't understand how she can use social media or put her name down for these Meetup events which are happening right now or this weekend but doesn't have time to send a short text. I know people have busy lives to reply but she blatantly ignoring what I have sent. Is it me or am I just being used?

[Ronni_W]

Angel29,

 

Sorry to say but I think that your intuition is spot on. This person is not a friend in the conventional, generally desired or accepted (or acceptable) way. At very best, she is a social media 'friend'.

 

I wouldn't say that you are being used, though. Only that how you're applying the word 'friend' is more in the conventional, generally desired and accepted (and acceptable-for-a-genuine-mutually-beneficial-and-rewarding-friendship) way...and this person is applying it in a more technology/social media way, where it really isn't meaningful and there needs to be a lot less, or even not any, expectations.

 

Personally, I would more or less write her off for actual friendship and just get together with her for events or outings that I may find enjoyable and that I think she'd make a good (or at least half-decent) companion/acquaintance. (Her excuse about being "terrible at replying to people" is just that - an excuse. People who care and are interested do make the effort; you're also right about that.)

[preraph]

She is short on friends, and her communication style, which comes off as "I'll call you when I need you," is why. She wants someone when she doesn't have anyone else, but she is not willing to do the least little obligation to maintain a friendship. So not a good friend.

[Angel29]

I can't believe this woman has only just replied a few minutes ago, what a complete joke.