We seem to be exclusively dating but unofficial. Is what I'm doing cheating?

[powderplutonium]

Seems heavily implied that we're exclusive so let's get that out of the way. We haven't had "the talk" to explicitly define the relationship, so there are no promises.

 

There is another guy who started talking to me several weeks ago. He knew from the start that I was seeing someone. To make matters worse, he has a girlfriend. We met up 3 times and had sex during our last 2 meetings. He kept it from his girlfriend and I'm keeping it from the guy I'm dating. I'm in so much pain over this because I feel like what I did was terribly wrong and I doubt my SO is also doing stuff like this behind my back. I really want to make this work with him but I feel like I'm screwing up already.

 

Am I really cheating on him? If anything, I just want to stop this so bad because I value our relationship too much.

[mikeylo]

Seems heavily implied that we're exclusive so let's get that out of the way. We haven't had "the talk" to explicitly define the relationship, so there are no promises.

 

There is another guy who started talking to me several weeks ago. He knew from the start that I was seeing someone. To make matters worse, he has a girlfriend. We met up 3 times and had sex during our last 2 meetings. He kept it from his girlfriend and I'm keeping it from the guy I'm dating. I'm in so much pain over this because I feel like what I did was terribly wrong and I doubt my SO is also doing stuff like this behind my back. I really want to make this work with him but I feel like I'm screwing up already.

 

Am I really cheating on him? If anything, I just want to stop this so bad because I value our relationship too much.

 

You may want to tell the guy you are dating about sleeping with another guy. See how it goes.

[powderplutonium]

You may want to tell the guy you are dating about sleeping with another guy. See how it goes.

 

I think I already know how that will turn out...

[BaileyB]

So, you are both dating other people... But you have had sex twice wih this other man and you have not told the person you are dating... Do you really need to ask the question? If you feel badly about what you've done, that should tell you something.

 

I would consider it cheating. But then again, I have certain expectations of the people that I date. To begin, I don't date anyone who is having sex with other people.

[BaileyB]

You may want to tell the guy you are dating about sleeping with another guy. See how it goes.

 

I have a feeling that he will help to answer your question...

Edited May 13, 2017 by BaileyB

[powderplutonium]

So, you are both dating other people... But you have had sex twice wih this other man and you have not told the person you are dating... Do you really need to ask the question? If you feel badly about what you've done, that should tell you something.

 

I would consider it cheating. But then again, I have certain expectations of the people that I date. To begin, I don't date anyone who is having sex with other people.

 

I have no hard reassurance that he's not doing the same thing.

[BaileyB]

Seems heavily implied that we're exclusive so let's get that out of the way.

 

This says otherwise. But, if you want to try and find a way to justify your actions, that is fine. How long have you been dating this guy?

 

Look, the simple truth is - do you really want to be the kind of girl who is dating one guy and sleeping with another? I think you should hold yourself to a higher standard then this...

 

If you want to date this guy, you need to have "the talk" and stop sleeping with other men. What do you want?

[BaileyB]

If anything, I just want to stop this so bad because I value our relationship too much.

 

If that's true, have "the talk" and send this other guy away...

 

And, if you do decide to date this guy, the rule of thumb is anything that you can not tell your partner, you should not be doing...

[powderplutonium]

This says otherwise. But, if you want to try and find a way to justify your actions, that is fine. How long have you been dating this guy?

 

Look, the simple truth is - do you really want to be the kind of girl who is dating one guy and sleeping with another? I think you should hold yourself to a higher standard then this...

 

If you want to date this guy, you need to have "the talk" and stop sleeping with other men. What do you want?

 

If that's true, have "the talk" and send this other guy away...

 

And, if you do decide to date this guy, the rule of thumb is anything that you can not tell your partner, you should not be doing...

 

I want a legitimate relationship with this guy. We've been dating for around 2 months. I don't want to force the talk because it might make me come off as too aggressive and clingy. But I really, really, really want to end this whole affair with the other guy.

[SoulStorm]

The thing is, you wouldn't be asking this question if you thought what you were doing was right.

Also saying you don't have any idea if he is being faithful to you is you also trying to legitimize your wrong doing. If you say it is implied that we are exclusive..then you know the answer. You are cheating. You are in the wrong and you know if you told him his reaction would be that of devastation.

Wouldn't your reaction be the same?

 

Your actions show exactly how you value exclusive relationships, even if it is implied

[Poutrew]

I want a legitimate relationship with this guy. We've been dating for around 2 months. I don't want to force the talk because it might make me come off as too aggressive and clingy. But I really, really, really want to end this whole affair with the other guy.

 

It is already too late. You need to tell the first guy that you are already banging the 2nd guy - but hey, you can blame it on him... for not having 'the talk', and defining the relationship officially. If it were me, I'd drop you. You are potentially exposing me to STD's without my permission. Another concern I would have is did you have sex with me while you were already wet with the other man... not to mention that you willingly had a relationship with a man who is presently in a relationship making you the other woman. If you are doing that now, what's going to happen after we are married, and the kids are here and you get bored with the daily humdrum of existence? Nope, not long term material at all...

[Jiveballer]

Well, if you want to stop doing guy #2 so badly there is nothing at all to stop you, right?

[preraph]

If you haven't had a talk and agreed to be exclusive, then technically you are just multi-dating, but since things are getting serious, I think you owe it to him to have a talk and see if he wants exclusivity or thinks you are exclusive or not.

[jjgitties]

yup. you are cheating. i don't know which part of that you don't get if you think you are in an "exclusive" relationship

 

BTW.. I also don't get why are you sleeping with another guy who has a GF if you are dating a guy with whom you really want a relationship to work out. But what do I know. I am just a dumb male. How women's minds work is beyond me intelligence level.

[Miss Spider]

It's cheating. I think even if you say you are not seeing others and you go and do it that is cheating. "I'm not seeing anyone else" and you don't tact on the words (but I might tomorrow) to give yourself an out is just as deceptive as saying "I'm exclusively seeing you" but neglecting the (but I might not be tomorrow) If you are doing something that you know that if the other person knew it would leave you are "cheating" by definition...Acting unfairly to give yourself an advantage imo. No matter what kind of semantic loophole you wanna use.

[Space Ritual]

OP,

 

Our words don't mean jack squat,and our actions says everything there is to say about us.

 

And you, frankly, should probably tell the guy what you've been doing and let him decide whether or not he wants to continue the dating arrangement after 2 months. You are using Semantics as a blameshift mechanism to assuage your own guilt for your actions when in fact all of it falls squarely on your shoulders.

 

Knowingly sleeping with a guy who has a girlfriend is bad enough, but dong it twice, shows you have little respect for anyone, let alone yourself.

 

Part of being an adult is taking accountability and accepting that there is consequences for every action we take and every choice we make. I suggest you start acting like one.

 

You of all people should take my tagline to heart.

[kendahke]

 

Am I really cheating on him? If anything, I just want to stop this so bad because I value our relationship too much.

 

Of course you're cheating on him--even removing the guy you're dating, the guy you're having sex with has a girlfriend, so yes of course you're cheating. Period. Full stop.

 

I have to disagree with you on your value system. For a person who values their partner, there would be nothing that could move them to OK it with themself to pull down their panties and climb in bed with any other guy.

 

A person with a developed sense of integrity and a working moral compass doesn't enter into this sort of behavior and fault finding afterwards.

 

Some advice:

Don't fool yourself into thinking that you two haven't been seen by someone who knows his girlfriend. If you don't want this to end really, really badly and ugly, you need to have a discussion with your boyfriend before someone else brings it to him--that is something you cannot control and there will especially be nothing you can say to retrieve the situation. Yes, this may end badly, but when someone else brings it to him (because the truth always outs when you can least afford for it to out), he's likely to adopt a scorched earth policy as far as you're concerned.

 

You were grown enough to do it, be grown enough to take your butt whippin' for it.

[Ophelia27]

So you really like the guy you are dating and WANT to be exclusive to him? Then why sleep with someone else? Someone who is cheating on their girlfriend.

 

I honestly don't understand the logic. You are having a great time with a guy you really like but unless you have "the talk" you are forced to sleep with cheater boy? You said you wanted to break it off with the guy but not until your love interest says you two are official.