Long time friend acting odd and distant towards me

[IceDx]

I have been friends with a girl for 8 plus years and we've been super close throughout most of it. There have been a few stretches where we didn't talk or hang out that much, but this time feels different. So I figured I'd ask the community, see what you guys/girls think.

 

There is no romance between us, never had been either. Its been strictly platonic the whole time and both of us to my knowledge have been fine with this.

 

So what's changed with our close friendship?

 

One, we hardly hang out or meet up anymore in the past 6 months. I've asked to make plans, but usually she says she can't because she is busy with XYZ or completely ignores it. This have been going on now for 6-8 months. Its like she's intentionally avoiding it.

 

Two, text conversations have changed a lot. We used to joke alot with each other, tell funny stories, etc. She also was always wanting to know how things going on in my life were, etc. Now literally all she ever does is vent to me about her problems, and send super long texts about things going on in her life. Doesn't ever ask what's going on in my end, doesn't every joke anymore, etc. This also started around the same time. The same goes for phone calls. She'll call me wanting to talk about this stuff for hours too.

 

Three, I'd say at most 2-3 days would pass between texts exchanged. Now if I text her sometimes I don't hear back for a week, and again she'll only respond to things related to her.

 

If it wasn't for a real close connection in the past, I probably wouldn't even care and just let things fade.

 

I can't even think of anything that could have happened. Always nice to her, always understanding, I can't think of anything I said or did. I've mentioned to her a few times we hardly hang out, etc anymore. Its either been ignored/dismissed or she's been combative about being busy etc.

 

And why does she send me super long vents or super long texts about things going on and want my advice/opinion on things? Like if there was an issue, why would she bother sending me that stuff or calling me. And despite how she has been towards me, when I do get around to respond, I am still genuine and helpful. Maybe I shouldn't respond?

 

Only time I've seen here is a few random time we've been out for mutual friends. Nothing has seemed off either. I know people just can grow apart, that could be partly happened but also what explains the text/phone call stuff?

 

What do you guys think?

[Whodatdog]

I think you need to ask her. Theres no way for us to know.

[preraph]

I bet she is just busy and maybe has a new friend or new date or something like that and so her mind isn't on her friends, but you should say, "I noticed you're busy a lot lately. What's going on in your life? All good, I hope."

[IceDx]

I have brought it up but as I mentioned she's very combative about being busy or ignores it. She isn't nearly as busy as she claims, confirmed through mutual friends.

 

I don't know its possible but the behavior that is odd is she feels its ok to send me real long vents or complaints about things going on in her life or calls to talk about it, yet its like that is all she wants from as a friend.

 

I actually did send her a text last week very similar to what you suggested.

 

I still have the text "I know you have been pretty busy last few months but I hope all is well and we can meet up soon".

 

She texted me 5 days later about some work related stress she was dealing with and an issue with aunt. Almost as if she disregarded majority of that text.

[preraph]

She only disregarded the part about you wanting to get together. If I were you I'd stop contacting her and see when the next time she contacts you and if she only calls you to unload on you about stuff like you say, I'd cut her off and tell her you have plans and need to get off the phone.

[Popsicle]

I have had lulls in my long-time friendships. Lulls, meaning times in our lives when we haven't talked as much as we used to. Then after a while, we resume again and it goes back to normal and the pattern may repeat again after several years. It goes in cycles.

 

Why does this happen? Usually because one or the other is going through something in their life. Maybe an extra busy time in their life, or a time of personal introspection and re-evaluation, or a time of stress or trauma. If you are and were a truly good friend then they will come back. But if this is a male/female friendship then honestly there is less of a chance that it will come back due to the complexities of that.

[IceDx]

This could just be a rather long lull. I think for now I am just going to let things be, and also I think at this point I am done being a venting board. If it does come up why I am not responding to these texts/calls, I'll basically point our all the things in my original post.