broke NC, when will i get angry?

[brken]

5 weeks break-up, 1.3 yr together. was doing well with NC (spoke one time) but now im just 2 days NC again.

 

i broke it because after an initial messy break-up we were able to end things on a better note and he expressed hoping we could eventually be friends. he even commented on a (relevant, mind you) song i posted to fb. i was checking social media too much and realized i needed to block everything for now, proper NC. but being weak (and i know this is advised against on here so trust me i already know!) i shot him a cordial message to let him know if/when he saw i blocked him on everything that it wasnt to be cold and i hoped we could be cool one day (again HE expressed wanting that only 2 weeks ago), but i needed to do it for me.

at first he said 'i totally get it' but then went on to say he was still "perpetually frustrated" (we both did things wrong re: breakup and i think he was referencing his frustration partially with what *I* did, but everyone agrees he overreacted) and that i 'should probably just live my life because hes only gonna make things worse' im confused because a week earlier he was more sweet and now seems to be upset again.

 

why cant i just say screw what he thinks and for holding onto resentment when he was the one who initiated the breakup. im glad i told him that blocking didnt mean i hated him because i want him left with knowing I only wished him well, but it did set me back.

 

i re-live our memories CONSTANTLY. i cant focus on why it ended and just think about the good times and how badly i want them back.

i plan on being true NC forever (i see no reason to reach out again, but classic dumpee hoping he will reach out in a few months)

but why am i still so caught up on him seeming to take back what he said about missing talking and wanting to be friends. we ran into each other last week so maybe that stirred up his feelings. ANYWAY tell me ill stop thinking of the memories!! i love any analyzing or any advice. thank u!

Edited May 13, 2017 by brken

[Frostedflake]

I can't tell you that you will stop having memories. That's just kinda what the brain does- it's good at recalling things. BUT you can take note of what triggers these memories and make it work in your favor. Such as, not doing those particular things, not going to those places. Or do but with new company and also sharing that music/playlist (the kind you used to love but now it hurts 'cause ..memories) with other people you appreciate.

You shouldn't have to give up things you like because a painful relationship end warped a memory into saying so.

 

Basically. Everything you've wrote here screams out to RECLAIM. Reclaim yourself, your independence, your right to your feelings, and take care of you. Seriously.

The only thing still holding you back is your utter concern for this guy whose only concern is himself. Anything he took back wasn't to hurt you less, it was to make him feel better. He's moved on or working on it. And now you know what you have to do so you can to.

Be brave and do it.

Edited May 14, 2017 by Frostedflake