BigBlueSky Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 (((BW))) I am SO proud of you for making a great choice for YOU! Looking forward to a better 2018 for all of us. You sure have come a long way! I remember appearing on these boards around the same time as you. I feel like we're both in a better place. So glad to have you here! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kick_theleaves Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 I've just read the entirety of this thread and it's made me so emotional. WELL DONE! I just wanted to say that as a newcomer reading your story in full for the first time it's incredible how far you've come. You should be so proud of yourself for denying her invitation. Happy New Year to you, you're a much stronger person than you give yourself credit for and I'm sure 2018 will bring many positive changes into your life. Wishing you all the best. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BreakingWave Posted January 1, 2018 Author Share Posted January 1, 2018 Wow, y'all - thanks for that wonderful outpouring of support! I truly appreciate it. I actually managed to enjoy my lowkey NYE. It was nice waking up in my own apartment without a telltale headache. I resumed my "Morning Miracle" routine - I recommend to everyone that you check out Hal Elrod - and was able to get some writing and housework done today. I haven't heard from her at all today. Normally this would really upset me, and I can't pretend I don't think I'll feel depressed about it later. I'm sure she's waiting to see if I contact her, perhaps because she feels awkward and isn't sure how I want her to proceed. But for now, whenever I start to miss her I'm trying to remember how I felt when she didn't call or text on my last birthday. When she invited her husband to join us at a dinner that was going to be just the two of us. When she invited me to meet her for drinks and he was there. The ways she, intentionally or not, managed to make me feel like crap so many times in the last year. It's definitely hard to contemplate how difficult the next few months will be. Her grandchild will be born in about a month and I know I'll be invited the come meet the baby. Then her son will be getting married and I'll be invited to go to the wedding, and listen to all those vows about monogamy and the sanctity or marriage while I'll be meant to pretend like I didn't have an affair with his mother. Not to mention, I won't have her to call every day and laugh with. But whenever I feel like I'm being a lesser person... I'll remind myself that I crossed the Atlantic Ocean for her *repeatedly* - most recently, spending hours and hours providing free legal help to a member of her family. And I'll remind myself how often she was unwilling to cross the smallest mud puddle for me in return. It's not going to be easy. I can't say definitively I'm starting NC. I feel like that will be setting myself up for failure. But what I can say is I'm going to stop making myself so damned available, and I'm going to stop voluntarily walking into situations that I know will hurt me. 2018, I sure hope you turn out better than 2017! Link to post Share on other sites
Dreamwalker17 Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 Wow, y'all - thanks for that wonderful outpouring of support! I truly appreciate it. I actually managed to enjoy my lowkey NYE. It was nice waking up in my own apartment without a telltale headache. I resumed my "Morning Miracle" routine - I recommend to everyone that you check out Hal Elrod - and was able to get some writing and housework done today. I haven't heard from her at all today. Normally this would really upset me, and I can't pretend I don't think I'll feel depressed about it later. I'm sure she's waiting to see if I contact her, perhaps because she feels awkward and isn't sure how I want her to proceed. But for now, whenever I start to miss her I'm trying to remember how I felt when she didn't call or text on my last birthday. When she invited her husband to join us at a dinner that was going to be just the two of us. When she invited me to meet her for drinks and he was there. The ways she, intentionally or not, managed to make me feel like crap so many times in the last year. It's definitely hard to contemplate how difficult the next few months will be. Her grandchild will be born in about a month and I know I'll be invited the come meet the baby. Then her son will be getting married and I'll be invited to go to the wedding, and listen to all those vows about monogamy and the sanctity or marriage while I'll be meant to pretend like I didn't have an affair with his mother. Not to mention, I won't have her to call every day and laugh with. But whenever I feel like I'm being a lesser person... I'll remind myself that I crossed the Atlantic Ocean for her *repeatedly* - most recently, spending hours and hours providing free legal help to a member of her family. And I'll remind myself how often she was unwilling to cross the smallest mud puddle for me in return. It's not going to be easy. I can't say definitively I'm starting NC. I feel like that will be setting myself up for failure. But what I can say is I'm going to stop making myself so damned available, and I'm going to stop voluntarily walking into situations that I know will hurt me. 2018, I sure hope you turn out better than 2017! So nice to hear you're enjoyed yourself and your loving doggie. Your dog cares much more about you than that woman who torn you down. Don't project how you fell right now into the future - you won't feel that bad for long. You're too good to be stuck in all of this. Happy 2018 and I hope you're getting excited about new life and a future without all this misery and darkness over you. Link to post Share on other sites
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