Alonenewlywed Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 Hi this is my first post. My husband and I were recently married 5 months ago before that we dated for 7 years.. He has asked me to stop worrying about him, says he can't be with me any longer, doesn't want to "check in" with him, and doesn't want kids or a family because of his busy lifestyle as a very busy worker. He says he has given up on us and that he's too tired to make us work. I am at a loss he says I can't do anything to make this right and that it's too late. Backstory: my husband and I have fought a lot since we've been married mostly me requesting to spend more time with him since he is so busy with work. His work is his priority and we have not been successful and getting good quality time together. He says that I can be critical and unappreciative which I think is somewhat true but don't believe that I should be blamed for our relationship not working. I am incredibly sad, I want to work things out so bad but he has promptly and shut down that idea saying it is too late. I don't know how to cope or what to do. I want him in my life he is my partner and my best friend. Even through this hurt and devastation I love him and care for him deeply. I am going to try and give him his space as best I possibly can. I sincerely hope that he will change his mind but don't find it likely. I think I'll eventually be ok but I would much rather prefer a life with him rather than without him. Thoughts? Advice? Coping mechanisms? Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 When did things change? Did they suddenly start going wrong after the marriage, or have they been stressed for a while and getting married was an attempt at fixing things? Did you live together prior to marriage? Is there something weird and different going on with him at work? Do you think there is any chance he is seeing someone else? Have you tried going to marriage counseling? (Sorry for the giant pile of questions but I don't want to throw out generic advice.) Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 I am very sorry to hear what has happened. I don't think there is anything to be gained from trying to make it work with him now. He has said there is no point so believe him. If you try to persuade him, it won't help. It sounds like he has been excluding you from his life for some time now. Obviously I do not know why. My wild guess would be that he has met someone and that is why he is so busy all the time. Either that or he really is married to his work and any woman will always come second in his life. You deserve so much better than this. A husband should have time for you. You will recover from this. It will take time of course, but now is the time to start making a life for yourself. I know it will feel awful at first because you are so used to everything revolving around him but please take time to look after yourself and do things that make you feel better. Spend time with friends and family who care for you, see a counsellor, do anything that gives you a boost. Gradually make yourself less dependent on your husband. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alonenewlywed Posted May 14, 2017 Author Share Posted May 14, 2017 When did things change? Did they suddenly start going wrong after the marriage, or have they been stressed for a while and getting married was an attempt at fixing things? Did you live together prior to marriage? Is there something weird and different going on with him at work? Do you think there is any chance he is seeing someone else? Have you tried going to marriage counseling? (Sorry for the giant pile of questions but I don't want to throw out generic advice.) We have had problems for a couple of months. But our wedding wasn't an attempt at fixing anything we were engaged for about 2 years and they were 2 really great years. We did accumulate a lot of debt but he's also been working very hard to pay off those debts. So have I but I'm also a full time student and only work part time. We actually live with my parents and it was that way for approximately 1 year before the wedding. This was so we could save money. I feel like he could be seeing someone else. But of course he has not admitted to it. Since he told me 4 days ago that he is done and given up on us he's suddenly been hanging out with "friends" that he supposedly told me he doesn't have friends and not coming home till after midnight. His stories don't add up. So that could definitely be a possibility. He is opposed to couple counseling but I have reached out to a therapist for myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alonenewlywed Posted May 14, 2017 Author Share Posted May 14, 2017 I am very sorry to hear what has happened. I don't think there is anything to be gained from trying to make it work with him now. He has said there is no point so believe him. If you try to persuade him, it won't help. It sounds like he has been excluding you from his life for some time now. Obviously I do not know why. My wild guess would be that he has met someone and that is why he is so busy all the time. Either that or he really is married to his work and any woman will always come second in his life. You deserve so much better than this. A husband should have time for you. You will recover from this. It will take time of course, but now is the time to start making a life for yourself. I know it will feel awful at first because you are so used to everything revolving around him but please take time to look after yourself and do things that make you feel better. Spend time with friends and family who care for you, see a counsellor, do anything that gives you a boost. Gradually make yourself less dependent on your husband. Thank you for your response. I want to work on my self and heal but it's all still so fresh. I don't know how to effectively cope. How long is appropriate to grieve? I don't have many friends. It's so hard because my family loves him.. I want to be happy but it feels so hard when my partner in life has suddenly just given up. I'm going to try my best to take care of myself. Thanks for your response! Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 Check your phone bill. Smells fishy to me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alonenewlywed Posted May 14, 2017 Author Share Posted May 14, 2017 Unfortunately with iMessage. It's almost impossible to check those things. It's 1:30 in the morning where I'm from. He supposedly went out with a real estate friend and he's still not home. I'm positive there is someone else now. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 It sounds like there is someone else. I am so sorry. Kick him out of your parents' house. Keep going to IC. Talk to the officiate from your wedding to see if you can get the marriage annulled not just a civil divorce 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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