Feel so alone

[bananaz3]

Hello, I am new to this forum. My spouse and I have been separated for 8 months. Before we separated we had just celebrated our 19th anniversary. I don't know where it all went wrong. He has said that he just isn't sure that he feels the same for me anymore. I thought everything was fine, yes we had our moments of fights and what not but I didn't think there wasn't anything that we couldn't get through together. We have children together and they are handling this better than me. Also he comes by all the time, I don't drive and with the activities our kids are in I rely on him for that. So I have found it hard to accept that we are really done. When I ask him what he wants he says he doesn't know.

 

I kind of suspect that there is someone else. He went away for work a few months before he asked for the separation and ever since then there has been a number that he calls that belongs to a girl who lived in the town he went to for work. He says they are just friends but he calls her all the time. Way more than he ever calls anyone else. I am talking about in the middle of the night, first thing in the morning, once he leaves my house. So I think it is more and if it is why won't he just admit to it? It would be easier to accept that there is someone else and that is why this is all happening.

Sorry for the long rant. I just find it hard to open up to the people in my live about this. I have only told one person about the separation as I feel the more people I tell the more it becomes reality. He is only the 2nd person I have ever loved and we got together when we were young. I don't know how to let him go

[standtall]

I kind of suspect that there is someone else. He went away for work a few months before he asked for the separation and ever since then there has been a number that he calls that belongs to a girl who lived in the town he went to for work. He says they are just friends but he calls her all the time. Way more than he ever calls anyone else. I am talking about in the middle of the night, first thing in the morning, once he leaves my house. So I think it is more and if it is why won't he just admit to it?

 

This is the reason....100% guaranteed.

 

Now, with men, they may come back

1. When the newness of his sex life with her wanes and he starts to see flaws in her.

2. If you make it financially very painful for him to leave.

 

Be wary though, if you do get him back, there is a good chance he will do it again because you forgave him the first time...and you will always be his second choice.

 

 

Personally, I would divorce.

[BluesPower]

So you don't need to suspect any longer...

 

He is having an affair, and it probably started before he asked for the separation. Not much doubt about that. I am sorry.

 

So you need to keep watching the phone bill and maybe have him followed by a PI if you want to know the extent of the affair. Do not confront him about it until you have conclusive proof. Read that sentence again and do not confront until you have proof. Otherwise he will continue lying about it.

 

Now, your marriage may be over, but if there is a chance to save it, you have to file for divorce. It may sound crazy, but since he is having an affair him facing divorce papers may, and I say may, wake him up.

 

But you cannot let any of this happen on his time table.

 

Start thinking about how to protect yourself and your children.

[Majormisstep]

Sorry you're going through this.

 

Agree with the other posters, guaranteed there is someone else but he'll probably come back around when the guilt sets in.

 

Divorce papers may be a wake up call.

[bananaz3]

We never actually married so I don't know how much a divorce lawyer could help.

 

It is just so hard seeing him all the time. And whenever I try to find out where he stands on things between us he just says he doesn't know. I try not to talk to him as much but he was also my best friend for the last 20 years. I feel like I have lost a piece of me. How does one let go??

 

On top of it all I will have to move, leaving the house I love as I can't afford it myself. I have to find a new job as mine that I love was just for extra money.

 

With these changes I feel like I am losing everything I have ever loved.

 

I guess I am just looking for support here, for others who know what I am going through.

 

 

Thanks for reading

[Superchicken]

Hi Bananaz3,

Standtall is right on the money.

 

 

We (This also includes women) tend to lose that "New" relationship and sex feelings as time moves forward. There's always the exception to the rule, as some just keep that feeling going and going.

But, we unfortunately, are in the higher statistics bracket of "Normal".

 

 

He may well comeback, as with his new spark, may well be a little too hot, or fizzle out quick smart.

 

 

I normally comment and give my point of views from experience either from my own relationships, or first hand from family and friends.

 

 

I don't believe your husband likes the fact that he is straying, and Bluespower has a freaking high batting average when it comes to sniffing these things out. Must have a shnowza bigger than Barry Manilo .

But he has spoken to you about separation, so he's not a loser.

 

 

I think its a fallen out of love, and more as an existence for the two of you. Rolling with the punches, and just waiting for the next round to end.

This isn't a good way to exist, and he's made a move to get out of that situation.

 

 

I suggest you start to change your life too.

Go out, shop and maybe get yourself a new wardrobe (Cloths of course), shoes, etc.

Maybe a change in hair style, Gym, I don't know, but anything to get him to see you as a different person.

Jog his memory as to what made him love you for so long. 20 years is a freaking long time. So you guys MUST have had something.

Sharpen you nails, and maybe fight a little if you think its something worth fighting for.

At worst, you lost him (Which is the case now), at best, well, I wish you two, another 20 years..

 

 

We all feel for you, and if you feel the need to keep unloading, then do so.

We all try and help.

 

 

Ted.