Would this move have sent a clear signal to him?

[Ditapage]

Hi all,

 

Rather than drive myself crazy analysing I thought I would get others perspective.

 

I met a guy at a church last week and we had great conversation, he seemed engaged in the conversation (it's pretty obvious when someone's attention is elsewhere, I think) and he put his hand on my arm in the conversation and encouraged me to come to a function that week.

 

Friendly... No big deal. Hardly a Oh he likes me encounter. He's an outgoing person in general.

 

I went to the function, and he was occupied with other people, so I sat next to a guy and then he came and said hi to me and sat next to that guy. (We were in row seating) he's like "so good to see you", "are you glad you came?"

 

But I know not to misinterpret everything especially when the guy is by nature very friendly and outgoing.

 

 

I saw him today at church, this is quite a big church, and everyone congregates in an attached cafe afterward and there's about 200 people in there so you don't really bump into people you already know, since I'm new and only know a couple of people, so if someone you know is in the area you seize the opportunity to say hi.

 

So when I passed by him, I lightly tapped him on the back.

 

Well I have never been this forward in my life and 110% believed in not approaching, not acting interested. But I have spent years doing the extreme opposite and avoiding people I'm attracted to and regret is tougher than knowing where I stand.

 

He was really nice and happy to see me , "so good to see you", etc, asking questions, his friend came over to say bye to him, and introduced himself to me and when he asked my name, the guy says before I can "this is ..." I'm thinking I can say my own name. It was like a parent telling someone what their shy little kids name is. It was weird. Anyway he keep talking and he's very nice, smiley, engaging, laughing at every stupid joke, etc.

 

My question is, I've shown interest now, right? I don't want to be annoying. But my tendency is always to shut down and ignore someone completely if I like them even we get along. I don't know where this boldness came from. Guys if a girl taps you out of the blue does your mind go right to 'that was more than friendly' and if you don't like her, how would you react to it? It was meant to be like a tap hello/a quick acknowledgment and keep walking, but we ended up talking for awhile and now my brain is in overdrive, mostly terrified what he thinks of me for that. But I'm guessing its a strong signal on my part and if nothing happens from here, at least I'm not wondering what if.

 

i am prone to reading into things or missing things completely, so thanks for your thoughts

Edited May 14, 2017 by Ditapage

[CC12]

No, a tap on the shoulder to say hello is not any kind of signal at all. This is a thing people do to each other all the time. Guys do it to guys, girls do it to girls, parents do it to their children. But I think it's really cool that you approached him. It's a great first step. Keep putting yourself out there.

 

He sounds like a nice guy. Even if nothing romantic ever happens between you, it seems like he's a good person to know. He can make it really easy for you to meet new people. He's good at introducing people, as you saw! Ask him if he wants to get coffee with you after church.

 

Really though, great job approaching. I know it's hard. Keep on doing it. You won't be sorry. Even if you face rejection with someone at some point, it's not the end of the world. Dust yourself off and try again with someone else.

[basil67]

Ditto to the post above. Your move was so tiny that I can't imagine a guy seeing this as a show of interest. It's a pretty normal thing for friends to do. Also, him partially introducing you wasn't weird. It was a fairly normal conversation to me.

 

If you want to be forward, ask him if he'd like to meet you for coffee sometime.

[d0nnivain]

Congratulations to you for doing something you considered bold & daring.

 

 

Unfortunately, like the previous two posters, I don't see tapping somebody on the shoulder to say hello anything other than being friendly. Especially if he's as outgoing as you say, to him that was perfectly normal behavior.

 

 

I am encouraged by the fact that he introduced to his friend & called you by name. That is some evidence he's paying attention.

 

 

Because these are church encounters, not a singles bar, I suspect it will take a few more meetings to turn this to a date.

 

 

He seems active in the Church community. Find out if he's on any committees & volunteer for one so you are assured of more time together.

[Ditapage]

Thanks everyone for your helpful replies.

 

It is good to hear from others when I'm so inexperienced, and prone to overanalysing. I come from a strict men do all-women do nothing background.

 

Writing it down I already see where I've made a big deal out of nothing. In hindsight the tap was so light I could've passed it off as an accident

 

But the sole intention was to say hi, I'm not trying to actively pursue this person, i just want to be friendly and available, I'm afraid of being the unapproachable person I used to act like because i somehow picked up a stupid idea that women are supposed to act that way. I blame a strict religious background.

 

 

Only now am I starting to not feel guilty about initiating conversation with men and dropping the pride. There are worse than someone knowing you like them.

 

Thanks again for the helpful feedback and encouragement.

Edited May 14, 2017 by Ditapage

[d0nnivain]

Ditpage:

 

 

There is a psychology behind people's body language when they are speaking while standing in public. When deciding whether to approach look at the two people. If they are square to one another -- shoulder facing shoulder, hip facing hip, feet pointing toward one another, it's a closed conversation, no one else is welcome to join. If they are more angled closer on one side, more open on the other, or side by side, it's an open conversation that anyone is welcome to join.

[preraph]

Yes, I think you're shown that you're friendly and open to him if he wants to follow up by asking you out. Chances are he will let it wait a bit and see how next church visit goes, and let's hope he takes the initiative this time to talk to you. You could nod or wave or smile from across the room and then see if he takes the initiative to come talk to you or not.