Insecurities or her?

[JimmyJones89]

Hi,

 

My gf has been in Australia since November. I'm not going to lie it's been tough and I didn't think we would last this long. She comes home in July..

 

The last couple of weeks have been really strange, communication wise. We talk through the week then come the weekend it's like I barely exist. She'll go on whatsapp but not read my messages, for hours. Sometimes she reads them then ignores all day. What's all that about? She knows it worrys and panics me so why does she do it? It's taking all my effort to not be a freak and become passive aggressive.

 

Is it my insecurities just making me think something is up or is there actually something going on?

[Apple1977]

From my experience ... she's going out weekends and doing her thing my ex did the exact same to me (she works at sea 4000 miles away and she also was gone from November but came back in April. Turns out Friday and sat night was her going to the bars and cheating time, I'd be very wary I had full trust in my girl and turns out she slept with 2 different guys in 4 months after us being in a realtionship for 3 years and just getting engaged

[ExpatInItaly]

She's probably going out and having a good time on weekends.

 

But unfortunately, it also sounds like she's not as interested in the relationship anymore. Unless you're irritating the crap out of her with constant messages or sending her not-so-nice messages or some such thing, she's deliberately putting some distance between you two.

 

I would pull back and see if she takes the initiative to step up contact. If she doesn't, then you might need to re-evaluate this relationship once she returns.

[d0nnivain]

If she wasn't on social media at all during the weekends, I'd tell you to calm down. However, if she is on the apps but ignoring you, that is a problem. It's not necessarily a new guy but it's rude.

 

 

You're in the home stretch. She comes home in 2 months.

 

 

Unless you see or hear something concrete, hold out hope that she's simply trying to cram in all the fun possible in the last 60 days but brace yourself for heartbreak.

[JimmyJones89]

I'm not bombarding her with messages, even though I want to. Trying to let her have the space if that's what she wants. She used to text me as soon as she'd wake up, now she just reads my message and says nothing for hours.

 

Should I call her out and ask her why or is that pathetic? She just sent me a message before she went to bed and put 'and I love you'. At the end so I guess I'll just let it ride and see what happens.

 

Falling at the last hurdle would be heart breaking!

[d0nnivain]

You can't fight by text when she is on the other side of the world. That is an exercise in frustration. You can say you miss how much she used to text & communicate but it's a delicate balance. Without the give & take from face to face non verbal communications you are just going to aggravate yourself & her. Hang tough but prepare for the worst

[BluesPower]

Brother, do you honestly think that your "GF" has been in Australia since November and she has not been banging some guy or several guys? Really?

 

I have no idea how old you are but come on man. Why didn't you guys break up before she went there for so long?

 

Honestly, you are kind of setting yourself up for heartbreak with this kind of deal.

 

I think you need to be real...

[ExpatInItaly]

I would avoid confronting her by text message. It's not the appropriate medium to have that kind of talk. That needs to be done over a video-chat, phone call or in person.

 

Actually, I would avoid calling her out at all right now. As I said before, I think you would be best to pull back yourself and see if she comes to you. This is not meant to be a game, but to evaluate where her interest level is. It sounds to me like she is losing interest, and I don't believe it's just your insecurity getting the best of you.

 

For context: How long have you been together, and how old are you both?

[mightycpa]

Whenever the communication dynamic changes without any announcement, then there is a lack of communication. That's what you're feeling.

 

For example, if rates for international snapchatting on the weekend (I know, I know) were imposed in Australia, then surely she'd say "it's going to be real expensive to snapchat you on the weekends, so I'm going to have to slow down" right?

 

But if she just slows down, unannounced and doesn't acknowledge the obvious change, then she's either a tone deaf oddball or she's doing something she doesn't want you to know about.

 

Here's how to find out. You say that during the week you talk all the time, but then on weekends you don't. Starting tomorrow, don't talk Wednesday or Thursday. Don't say anything about it, just don't talk.

 

Watch what happens by Friday. She'll react, either by not talking to you on Friday, or by demanding to know what's going on sometime Wednesday through Friday.

 

You're not making this up in your head.

[OatsAndHall]

I get anxious when the communication dynamic changes abruptly so I wouldn't say you're being insecure. You really have no idea what's going on and there's really no point in trying to get to the bottom of it..

 

As has been pointed out above, tell her that you miss talking to her on a consistent basis. But, you're going to have a bad situation on your hands if you take anything further than that. If you think you're feeling insecure now, just wait until you have a fight with her being half way across the world..

 

Wait it out, see what happens when she comes back. Hope for the best emotionally but prepare for the worst.