caring guy Posted August 1, 2005 Share Posted August 1, 2005 Hi all How should i be feeling? I'm with someone for 17 months, were both 30, she has 2 kids. I love & get on with kids, but gradually getting into further comitment, slowly! We've had ups & downs, i admit i've shown complacency, taken things for granted, but always bought flowers & tell her i love her everyday. She told me she wanted space 2 weeks ago, a refresh, i said ok & we just sms each other. We met & i told her i am comited to her, want to be there for her kids, step dad etc full on! I romanced her, held hands, kissed good company & humour. This happened on 3 days. Saturday she was due to go on holiday with her kids & mum & sister & her kids. Friday i came reound as i was to look after pets. She had lovebites on neck & told me an ex turned up late last night with wine & was upset as he'd argued with his gf, they drank wine, hugged & he kissed her & then on neck & she pushed him away, saying i'm with someone (even though rough patch). I forgave, told her i love her & we kissed & hugged. Later that night i realised her story was bull**** & she'd been out a fortnight previously & met someone in a bar, swapped numbers, been out dinner, she went to his, he came to hers, & those bites were from him, she invited him round. They both fancy each other. He wanted sex, but she said no as she was trying to work it out with me. (Found this out in email she accidentally left open, from her & him) How am i to feel??, whilst i was cooking for her & the meal we had out & nice walks & me trying to show an improvement, the night before i cooked for us as going away meal, she was cavorting with someone in our bed. I do lots for her, cook, make cups tea, wait on her!, i love her to bits & admit i've been complacent. I feel sick to my stomach! In our bed!!! I'm supposed to be staying there with her animals to feed them. I confronted her & she slagged me off for reading & that she was due to tell me on her return. She doesn't know what she wants,she says when she gets back, we'll spend time together & see, he's 21 & made her feel wanted, she slated me, saying i'm ugly & have a belly (although i run 3 miles a day), i'm a scruff & don't make an effort style wise (i have changed this way lots), i've even given up the odd beer she hates me doing & that i won't change. I'm so upset. I picture it alll the time, them together, my baby!! Tonight she messaged me calling me my pet name "hot water bear", hoping i'm ok & followed by "love xxxx". What am i to expect, how am i to feel, maybe she is thinking i can change & this youngster is just a quick fix, Please help, i need advice. CG Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted August 2, 2005 Share Posted August 2, 2005 Judge a person by their actions and not by their words and her actions speak volumes. She is playing you and making you look like a fool. Apparently she has no problems lying and cheating on you. Why would you wish to settle for this? Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 2, 2005 Share Posted August 2, 2005 1. What am i to expect, 2. how am i to feel, 3. maybe she is thinking i can change & this youngster is just a quick fix, 1. More of the same. 2. Hurt, used, betrayed, stunned, and moreover ANGRY. 3. If she thought you could change, she'd have tried to get you to go in the direction she'd like to see. This youngster might be a quick fix, but there'll be a queue of them to come. The person who needs to change here is her, and until she does change whatever it is within her that allows her to cheat - you can have the body of Adonis, the brain of Einstein, and the wallet of Bill Gates and she will still cheat on you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author caring guy Posted August 2, 2005 Author Share Posted August 2, 2005 She claims i've neglected he, made her feel unspecial & thinks a future, be it financial or commited wise & ok i've had a drink prob which i'm on my way to beating, but are any of these reasons worthy of 2 timing? I've always loved her as i say, bought her flowers etc, but she seems to want me to show her i care by wearing new clothes constantly, i understand this when were going out, i'm ususlly a jeans & trainers guy, but not scruffy by any means, if i wear a faded tshirt it's wrong, or an old pair of jeans! I love her & she's due university soon & i'm gonna be house husband, thats what we planned anyway! CG Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted August 2, 2005 Share Posted August 2, 2005 Look at your present because that will be a future. I feel sorry for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author caring guy Posted August 5, 2005 Author Share Posted August 5, 2005 Currently so confused. She texts me telling me she loves me, can't imagine life without me. But she will see this guy but be more open about it & meet only in public places. She says he's a friend that made her feel good, whereas were in a relationship that is very rocky! I'll be in the house when she arrives next Friday & don't know what to expect. We have to sort this contact with this guy out, i'm not a mugg that is going to be seen as well as this guy. I guess she wants to do (as far as i can seee) is see us both & come to a decision. She says there will be no intimacy between them whilst i'm doing my hardest to save the relationship. Should i call her bluff, risk losing her, by saying it's me or him! I don't wanna lose her, i have hurt her & made her feel bad in past, but never warranted 2 timing, cheating whatever! What do you think equals cheating in a relationship? She says i've brought her to this, she didn't care anymore & thought fu-k it! CG Link to post Share on other sites
thegoodhubbie Posted August 5, 2005 Share Posted August 5, 2005 My friend my heart goes out to you. Please read these words and understand them. You have done nothing wrong. Focus totally on what she does. Not what she says. If she is behaving this way now, she will continue to do so in the future. She has no character. You are making a mistake. Move on. Sadly, I think you will probably not heed my words and skim over what others have said and will say in this thread and continue in the same pattern as before. I wish you well. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author caring guy Posted August 5, 2005 Author Share Posted August 5, 2005 But i have done something wrong, i abused alcohol, argued, showed no commitment, was pigheaded, wasn't there when she needed me, emotionally cold sometimes, made her cry.! All that warrant her doing this, maybe i was warned, but do i deserve 2timing! Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 6, 2005 Share Posted August 6, 2005 You made bad choices. She made bad choices. Were your bad choices caused by someone else? I think you know they were not - you know that you were responsible for making those choices. She needs to know that she is responsible for hers. Her bad choices were not caused by you. She made the choice to cheat - regardless of how bad it might have been, not you. Link to post Share on other sites
roadsgt97 Posted August 6, 2005 Share Posted August 6, 2005 run away as fast as you can Link to post Share on other sites
Author caring guy Posted August 6, 2005 Author Share Posted August 6, 2005 Lucreziaborgia Yes we both made bad choices & only she chose to cheat, but strangely she feels my bad choices that spread out throught the relationship, like arguments over my alcohol consumption, commitment, emotionaly cold, etc, that shewould have to 2time for equivelant time to make up for her hurt. I've never cried more over this & yes i made her cry & we both have to admit to our mistakes & Trust each other & move on. She says her choice to accept invitations by another guy was caused by me, my actions that lead her to think, ok, i'm gonna do ths! But it's like you say, it's what she did, i could never do. I'd rather her have stabbed me in the back, but i guess she did! Link to post Share on other sites
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