Husband suddenly left me & is living with the other woman. ?

[sarahssarah]

sarahssarah, he'll be back, you can count on it. And it's very likely he'll leave again, you can probably count on that also.

 

The person that needs to make a decision is you, he obviously is happy eating cake. This must be confusing for your kids also, time to stop the madness...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Thanks. I won't let him keep coming in and out.

I don't feel like he will try to come back at all.

I've been going through this for 5 weeks.. just found out about the affair & him living with her about 2-3 weeks ago.

I feel like I would be in a better place by now but the pain

Just keeps starting over and over again.

I'm trying To be a good

Mom and work my job.. but I feel like giving up on everything .

I wouldn't end my life.. but thinking about all of the lies and betrayal makes me wish I could cut my feeling off for a while . The only way to do that is death so I have no options but to be miserable and try to push through life. At this very moment Idk how I will make it without him in mylife . He was my everything .. The only person I've ever loved. The only person I've ever had sex with or anything. I'm completely lost.

Edited May 20, 2017 by sarahssarah

[Mr. Lucky]

Focus on your kids, stay busy with work, lean on family and friends.

 

Probably won't be very comforting but everyone initially feels this way. Eventually, you get to a "new normal" with a little purpose in your step and a determination that his treatment won't define you. Living well is truly the best revenge...

 

Mr. Lucky

[BluesPower]

Thanks. I won't let him keep coming in and out.

I don't feel like he will try to come back at all. I've been going through this for 5 weeks...just found out about the affair & him living with her about 2-3 weeks ago.

 

I feel like I would be in a better place by now but the pain just keeps starting over and over again. I'm trying To be a good Mom and work my job...but I feel like giving up on everything.

 

I wouldn't end my life...but thinking about all of the lies and betrayal makes me wish I could cut my feeling off for a while. The only way to do that is death so I have no options but to be miserable and try to push through life.

 

At this very moment Idk how I will make it without him in mylife . He was my everything...The only person I've ever loved. The only person I've ever had sex with or anything. I'm completely lost.

 

You know, almost everyone feels this way in your situation. You are really still in shock about what is going on and I know that it just hurts so bad.

 

But try to realize that, even though it feels that way, it is not the end of the world. I don't know what happened with your husband, but you have to be strong for your children.

 

You have to be strong in their eyes in how you deal with what your husband has done to you.

 

Have you filed for divorce yet or spoken to a lawyer?

 

You hang in there, in time I promise it will get better...

[sarahssarah]

You know, almost everyone feels this way in your situation. You are really still in shock about what is going on and I know that it just hurts so bad.

 

But try to realize that, even though it feels that way, it is not the end of the world. I don't know what happened with your husband, but you have to be strong for your children.

 

You have to be strong in their eyes in how you deal with what your husband has done to you.

 

Have you filed for divorce yet or spoken to a lawyer?

 

You hang in there, in time I promise it will get better...

 

Thanks.your post was comforting ..

 

A small update: I ended up seeing fb photos

Of him at a family BBQ with her.

It hurt SO bad i almost had an anxiety attack.

I cried so hard .

Then I posted about his lie on Facebook and it actually felt good

To expose him.

 

The next day he calls saying he was going to come back home.. but he knew

I wouldn't let him bc he didn't come back the last few nights. He lied and said he was at his moms house.. he told me he'd either move back with me

Or move in with his mom this Friday

 

He doesn't know that I just don't take anything he says seriously anymore.

I'm moving on.. I unfollowed him on social media .. I'm going to stop

Questioning him or having conversations .. I basically started limited contact..

Bc it's the only way I can protect my spirit.

 

When Friday arrives I won't mention his moving arrangements at all..

I had to really drill this fact in my head: if a man wants you.. you'll know it 100% ..

 

A guy messenged me basically telling me he's always liked me. So I will use my friend to distract me.. I'm not looking for a relationship.

Just a nice friend to distract me from this horrible experience.

The last two days have been my best

[BaileyB]

Definitely block him and do whatever you need to do to heal. I'm glad the last few days have been better.

 

He has a lot of nerve to take another woman to a family BBQ and then call you and tell you that he's coming home. His belongings would be waiting for him on the front yard when he got home, if I was in your position...

 

Best wishes.

[stillafool]

OP you do need support but leaning on another man may not be the best solution. You don't want to jump from the frying pan into the fire. Perhaps you would be better off to have a female as your support person.

[alsudduth]

When you are feeling weak and sad, think about your daughter...and whether you want her example of what a relationship to be is her mom settling for someone who treats her bad.

 

When it's hard to be strong, remind yourself that your daughter needs a positive role model in her life and teach her that it is not okay to let a partner treat you this way no matter how much you love them. Look at it as teaching your daughter strength and giving her a leg up on knowing what a normal relationship ISN'T.

 

She will admire you someday for protecting yourself.

 

I do agree though, careful with this friend you are connecting with...My situation was that my H was having an affair, told me he wanted a divorce - and in the midst of that an old friend contacted me in much the same way as yours and it turned into an affair of my own when H and decided to try and work things out.

 

Don't stoop to your Husbands level.

[sarahssarah]

When you are feeling weak and sad, think about your daughter...and whether you want her example of what a relationship to be is her mom settling for someone who treats her bad.

 

When it's hard to be strong, remind yourself that your daughter needs a positive role model in her life and teach her that it is not okay to let a partner treat you this way no matter how much you love them. Look at it as teaching your daughter strength and giving her a leg up on knowing what a normal relationship ISN'T.

 

She will admire you someday for protecting yourself.

 

I do agree though, careful with this friend you are connecting with...My situation was that my H was having an affair, told me he wanted a divorce - and in the midst of that an old friend contacted me in much the same way as yours and it turned into an affair of my own when H and decided to try and work things out.

 

Don't stoop to your Husbands level.

 

that's a good way to see things. I dont want to look back & tell this story to my kids like "I was depressed for months. I couldnt eat, work, sleep.. I became a bum" I want to tell them the story & let them know that I got my life together and took care of them and more.

 

for the last 3 days I have not been doing bad. Every so often (during my day)the feeling of betrayal, hurt & sadness creeps up.. but I just pray or talk to someone about the feelings and I come out of it. I have been doing well considering the circumstances. I have not had any huge crying moments where I just break down..

 

I feel like the more I limit contact to just the minimum and STOP searching for things that show his infidelity.. it gets easier that way.

 

Today I thought about paying his phone bill.. bc he will go all day without having a phone. (can't dial out on it & pay it) Then I was like "Seriously girl?! that's his business. why should i care about him and his affairs when he does not do ANYTHING for me. It's a habit I am breaking.

 

& don't worry everybody! I wont get too close to any men. I dont have the desire to be in any new relationship ...at all. It's just nice to talk to old friends.

[stillafool]

that's a good way to see things. I dont want to look back & tell this story to my kids like "I was depressed for months. I couldnt eat, work, sleep.. I became a bum" I want to tell them the story & let them know that I got my life together and took care of them and more.

 

for the last 3 days I have not been doing bad. Every so often (during my day)the feeling of betrayal, hurt & sadness creeps up.. but I just pray or talk to someone about the feelings and I come out of it. I have been doing well considering the circumstances. I have not had any huge crying moments where I just break down..

 

I feel like the more I limit contact to just the minimum and STOP searching for things that show his infidelity.. it gets easier that way.

 

Today I thought about paying his phone bill.. bc he will go all day without having a phone. (can't dial out on it & pay it) Then I was like "Seriously girl?! that's his business. why should i care about him and his affairs when he does not do ANYTHING for me. It's a habit I am breaking.

 

& don't worry everybody! I wont get too close to any men. I dont have the desire to be in any new relationship ...at all. It's just nice to talk to old friends.

 

I always use prayer to feel better and it works each time. Keep praying and doing what you're doing. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[phoenix_7]

I can understand the pain you are in. I experienced the same thing myself 4 months ago. oOur only blessing is that we dont have children. Be sad. Be angry. Go through the process. I know that you are itching to get revenge but dont do it. Believe me when i say that it will get better. Stop the begging and pleading, been there done that. it will not work. Go NO CONTACT. i know it is hard but it is something you have to do in order for you to heal.

I know that you are still "addicted" with him. you want his attention. but cut it off, pLEASE! I cut off contact with my husband for a month and now he is the one trying to get my attention. the funny thing is, i dont want to reply to him anymore bec i got my self respect back and it made me think twice about our rel. Do i even want him back?? after everything?

Seek support from your friends and family. Be strong for your daughter. Day by day you have to start detaching yourself from your husband. I am sure that he already started detaching from you months before.

Trust me, it will get better.

[sarahssarah]

I can understand the pain you are in. I experienced the same thing myself 4 months ago. oOur only blessing is that we dont have children. Be sad. Be angry. Go through the process. I know that you are itching to get revenge but dont do it. Believe me when i say that it will get better. Stop the begging and pleading, been there done that. it will not work. Go NO CONTACT. i know it is hard but it is something you have to do in order for you to heal.

I know that you are still "addicted" with him. you want his attention. but cut it off, pLEASE! I cut off contact with my husband for a month and now he is the one trying to get my attention. the funny thing is, i dont want to reply to him anymore bec i got my self respect back and it made me think twice about our rel. Do i even want him back?? after everything?

Seek support from your friends and family. Be strong for your daughter. Day by day you have to start detaching yourself from your husband. I am sure that he already started detaching from you months before.

Trust me, it will get better.

 

 

 

Thank you!

 

 

I actually did let him come back again.. because he said he knows everything is his fault and he acted like he felt remorseful. He really acted like he cared for a second but it;s like hes making up lies to cover up things that he already admitted to..

He got caught with her & STILL lied & said that she just happened to be where he was. He is a compulsive, disrespectful liar.

he is so rude & nasty to me & i really think he's bipolar because as soon as im not paying him any mind.. that;s when he wants to act right. I dont understand his behavior and I probably never will. So i made the decision to delete him off of my social media, delete his pictures from my phone & just not discuss relationship issues with him at all.. letting go of him once again bc someone like him needs mental help.

[sarahssarah]

tonight.. im feeling so stupid

 

why did i accept the lies ..

every time he tried to come back into my life I was here with open arms & That will not happen again.. It's like I just let him back so easily without him having to prove anything. All he has to do is say a few things to convince me.. & I will NOT fall for it again. I've had enough of the talk with no action..

 

I've just had enough & im really ready to let go

even though it hurts &I feel jealous and betrayed.. abandoned.

I've had enough & im going to try harder to let go of this relationship..

Accept the fact that he's not ready or willing to really change anything.

 

Just venting

[BluesPower]

We believe them because we love them. We want to believe them.

 

It happens to a lot of people.

 

It makes you crazy until, like you do now, you start to realize it is never going to change.

 

And then you can start moving forward.

 

Hand in there.

[sarahssarah]

We believe them because we love them. We want to believe them.

 

It happens to a lot of people.

 

It makes you crazy until, like you do now, you start to realize it is never going to change.

 

And then you can start moving forward.

 

Hand in there.

 

Just found out they went on a trip together that he lied about.

 

That broke me down...

 

I just don't understand how I could've been replaced. He used to adore me & now suddenly I get nothing .. he doesn't care about me or my affairs AT ALL.

How can someone turn on another person like this.

I will never know ..

I just can't wait until I'm over him.

[misspalmy]

he did you a fav. now you can heal and move on and find a better guy, shes won a cheater. once a cheater always a cheater.

 

you can sit there with ur pop coen and wait till he does the same to her:laugh:

[testmeasure]

So, with you, his choice is to live with you and your family or get "space" by going back to his family?

 

But, with OW, he's out and away from all that? Ok, so he visited a family BBQ with her. But visiting is far different than living with.

 

He might actually prefer you, but not the living situation. If that's the case, this 180, no contact stuff might backfire. He might actually prefer no contact (or controlled contact) with the families.

 

I couldn't live with my ex's family, but I couldn't live without my daughter. If I was forced to take them as a package deal... At first I might be back and forth about it. I could see myself spending short amounts of time. I might even convince myself and anyone else that I intended to get back together.

Edited June 12, 2017 by testmeasure

[phoenix_7]

Thank you!

 

 

I actually did let him come back again.. because he said he knows everything is his fault and he acted like he felt remorseful. He really acted like he cared for a second but it;s like hes making up lies to cover up things that he already admitted to..

He got caught with her & STILL lied & said that she just happened to be where he was. He is a compulsive, disrespectful liar.

he is so rude & nasty to me & i really think he's bipolar because as soon as im not paying him any mind.. that;s when he wants to act right. I dont understand his behavior and I probably never will. So i made the decision to delete him off of my social media, delete his pictures from my phone & just not discuss relationship issues with him at all.. letting go of him once again bc someone like him needs mental help.

 

 

Yeah i did that too, haha! I let him back in even when i caught him exchanging sweet texts with the girl last year. He was crying, pleading, etc. and i gave him another chance. He even promised to stop communicating and seeing the girl. but surprise surprise i caught him again with the same girl this january. even when confronted with evidence he still lied. they are actually very good liars and manipulators. they will do everything to cover up their behavior just to save their asses. they'll turn things around and make it your fault. is he narcissistic? please do research on NPD. i hope you're feeling better.

[sarahssarah]

Yeah i did that too, haha! I let him back in even when i caught him exchanging sweet texts with the girl last year. He was crying, pleading, etc. and i gave him another chance. He even promised to stop communicating and seeing the girl. but surprise surprise i caught him again with the same girl this january. even when confronted with evidence he still lied. they are actually very good liars and manipulators. they will do everything to cover up their behavior just to save their asses. they'll turn things around and make it your fault. is he narcissistic? please do research on NPD. i hope you're feeling better.

 

That sounds like him.. ive physically caught him with her

He came up with an excuse as to why he didn't try to convince me at the time.

He's a real liar and I just understand how he could flip this all around on me

He was never a liar to my knowledge and everything always added up and made sense with him. Now nothing ever makes sense..& he lies even though

It's obvious. It's as if he believes his lies. He can be caught and still lie.

& I still am in love with him.. I feel in my heart that he's in love with this girl.. but he keeps telling me he doesn't and they aren't together in anyway. Yet he lives with her and cannot seem to let go. I just hate this so much. We haven't talked in a few days. I'm doing no contact and plan to keep it that way until I'm over him ... because he keeps going back and forth hurting me.

I believe he wants to be single because he missed out on that. But he can't have me AND the single life because I refuse to share a husband with other ppl. They can have him. I will wait a while and file divorce eventually .

[phoenix_7]

That sounds like him.. ive physically caught him with her

He came up with an excuse as to why he didn't try to convince me at the time.

He's a real liar and I just understand how he could flip this all around on me

He was never a liar to my knowledge and everything always added up and made sense with him. Now nothing ever makes sense..& he lies even though

It's obvious. It's as if he believes his lies. He can be caught and still lie.

& I still am in love with him.. I feel in my heart that he's in love with this girl.. but he keeps telling me he doesn't and they aren't together in anyway. Yet he lives with her and cannot seem to let go. I just hate this so much. We haven't talked in a few days. I'm doing no contact and plan to keep it that way until I'm over him ... because he keeps going back and forth hurting me.

I believe he wants to be single because he missed out on that. But he can't have me AND the single life because I refuse to share a husband with other ppl. They can have him. I will wait a while and file divorce eventually .

 

my husband is also a "late bloomer". when he was still single he lived in a conservative household. it was just school-work-home for him. his parents are quite strict and close-minded. i was also his first longterm rel. when we got married five years ago we moved into our own place and everything was blissful for the first two years. **** hit the fan when he started going to the gym. he used to be chubby but then he became slimmer and fitter which made him more confident. he started hanging out with vain, single people who loves to go clubbing. then he changed. everything went to his head. now he's got a huge ego. his mistress is actually an ex-gf of his former gym friend. now i heard that he is unhappy with his rel bec reality hit and their honeymoon stage is over. the girl is forcing to make their rel work (she has abandonment issues) and he is just going along with it bec of his pride --does not want to admit that he made the wrong decision of choosing her over me. just keeps on sending me lame emails.

anyway, work on YOU. he is still in the "fog". no amount of reasoning or logic will work on him. maybe they are still on the honeymoon stage. by the time that the "fog" may have lifted you may have already moved on. stop obsessing over him. you are just feeding his ego. take away his safety net. don't allow him to make you his option. you deserve better than that.

[teak]

He said he thinks you can do better than him. So, do it. Get yourself right and move on. Do better than him. You'll never be ok with him after this. After he ditches his side piece, after he comes home and says all the right things, you will never trust him again which just leaves you with a lifetime of constant worry and doubt.

[sarahssarah]

my husband is also a "late bloomer". when he was still single he lived in a conservative household. it was just school-work-home for him. his parents are quite strict and close-minded. i was also his first longterm rel. when we got married five years ago we moved into our own place and everything was blissful for the first two years. **** hit the fan when he started going to the gym. he used to be chubby but then he became slimmer and fitter which made him more confident. he started hanging out with vain, single people who loves to go clubbing. then he changed. everything went to his head. now he's got a huge ego. his mistress is actually an ex-gf of his former gym friend. now i heard that he is unhappy with his rel bec reality hit and their honeymoon stage is over. the girl is forcing to make their rel work (she has abandonment issues) and he is just going along with it bec of his pride --does not want to admit that he made the wrong decision of choosing her over me. just keeps on sending me lame emails.

anyway, work on YOU. he is still in the "fog". no amount of reasoning or logic will work on him. maybe they are still on the honeymoon stage. by the time that the "fog" may have lifted you may have already moved on. stop obsessing over him. you are just feeding his ego. take away his safety net. don't allow him to make you his option. you deserve better than that.

 

 

He just called and texted to speak with our kids and

Now I feel terrible after hearing his voice.

It's a lot to get it through my head that the person I've been

In love with since childhood no longer cares about me anymore.

No longer has the desire or need to be with me. I was doing ok these past few days but hearing his voice & how it has no concern for me it just crushes me and it goes against everything I've ever known. I've never had anyone else or loved any other man.

Next time he calls to speak with the kids I'll have to go out of the room.

& my daughter wants me to go with them somewhere but I can't do it bc I'll just keep hurting myself.

[phoenix_7]

He just called and texted to speak with our kids and

Now I feel terrible after hearing his voice.

It's a lot to get it through my head that the person I've been

In love with since childhood no longer cares about me anymore.

No longer has the desire or need to be with me. I was doing ok these past few days but hearing his voice & how it has no concern for me it just crushes me and it goes against everything I've ever known. I've never had anyone else or loved any other man.

Next time he calls to speak with the kids I'll have to go out of the room.

& my daughter wants me to go with them somewhere but I can't do it bc I'll just keep hurting myself.

 

i think you are still in stage 1, denial.

like i said, it is a process. you have to learn to accept that the person you fell inlove with is gone or else he would not have broken up with you right?

yeah, it's usually 2 steps forward, five steps back. since you have kids just stick to limited contact. it will get easier. hang in there.

[LeeBorden]

Hi Sarah,

 

I'm so sorry. I'd love to tell you some secret to get him to come back and stay with his family, but I'm afraid there isn't one. I regret that I must suggest at this point that you focus on protecting yourself and your child.

 

Begin writing, but do not send, a letter to your husband. Knowing that you're not going to send it gives you the freedom to say whatever you would like, no matter how awful it may sound. Put the letter on a word processor (well protected, of course!) so you can periodically return to it and revise it as your thoughts and circumstances change. After you've produced several revisions and redrafts, you'll be ready to sit down with a good professional counselor who can coach you on how to convert your love and your logic into a sound strategy for protecting yourself and those you love.

 

All of this is going to be painful in ways you can scarcely imagine, and then it's going to get worse. And then one day, far later than you would like, you will realize that it's getting better. I promise.

 

Lee Borden - Divorceinfo

[sarahssarah]

i think you are still in stage 1, denial.

like i said, it is a process. you have to learn to accept that the person you fell inlove with is gone or else he would not have broken up with you right?

yeah, it's usually 2 steps forward, five steps back. since you have kids just stick to limited contact. it will get easier. hang in there.

 

Yeah everyday there's a new part of the process I'm going through

Right now I'm in denial again and it's one of the worst

To be in . I think hearing his voice.. feeling like

IM the ow .. now I'm no one to him..

It hurts arnd this morning isn't going so well. But I

Will be okay

[stillafool]

Maybe you should start letting the kids answer your phone when you know it is him so you don't have to hear his voice. Since he is primarily calling for them anyway that should take some of the stress off of you. It is obvious he wants this OW and if I were you I would go ahead and file for divorce to let him know you are serious. I wouldn't let him come back home because all he is going to do is run back to her and continue hurting you. You have to realize that the man you fell in love with is gone. All you can do is make sure the children have access to their father and he pays child support. I know you don't want to hear this now but there are really good men out there who would value a woman like you.