jjmcwill Posted May 15, 2017 Share Posted May 15, 2017 (edited) So for about the tenth time my wife has broken it off and wants a divorce. I came home and all my stuff was packed and I was informed that if I didnt leave there would be consequences. She does this once a year and I lose time with my family and daughter and my whole life gets upended. I tried so hard this time around. I wasn't the best husband but I tried. I work 75 hours a week because she didn't want to work. I quit drinking and smoking because she said I was the reason she couldn't quit. She sits around and smoke her weed and watches countless hours of netflix foolishness. To her credit she finally got a job. I overpay her in child support and even pay her car insurance. She expects me to fix her broken down car because I owe her for how awful I was.. I feel as though she needs to move on and be a big girl now. She didn't want a husband and provider is part of that role. I am so happy that she is gone. I wasn't looking to end the marriage, I would have stayed in her personal hell til I died, but she ended and I made the decision to make it final this time. Usually when she gets in financial trouble she comes back to me. I have never felt so much peace. I am not even religious but it feels like the hand of God came down and freed me from bondage. It changed my whole view of the world. I walk around saying crazy **** like thank you God all damn day now. Even still I do feel a little guilty because she has always been an irresponsible Obama baby type. Should I just fix her car and by the way where do I draw the line?... Also, I told her to send her car to the shop to find out what was wrong with it. She says she doesn't have the money and screamed at me that I was peice of shet for making the suggestion. She smokes a pack a day and buys weed regularly... Not my problem. Edited May 15, 2017 by jjmcwill 2 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted May 15, 2017 Share Posted May 15, 2017 How long were you married? Do you pay spousal support? Her car should go to the shop - you should get a copy of the estimate...any payment should be paid directly to the shop if you decide to pay it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jjmcwill Posted May 15, 2017 Author Share Posted May 15, 2017 How long were you married? Do you pay spousal support? Her car should go to the shop - you should get a copy of the estimate...any payment should be paid directly to the shop if you decide to pay it. Nothing is official. I am not exactly rushing the process because she is telling me she is going to make sure I pay her for the rest of her life... I should state that I am not making much money, I just work many hours. After overpaying her in child support and covering her insurance and buying stuff for my daughter and my bills ext. I cannot even afford A place to stay. I am far from wealthy and the idea that she wants to take me for all that I have is laughable, but she probably will. Spends 10 years not doing a ****ing things and somehow that's my fault. We were married ten years. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted May 15, 2017 Share Posted May 15, 2017 Nothing is official. I am not exactly rushing the process because she is telling me she is going to make sure I pay her for the rest of her life... I should state that I am not making much money, I just work many hours. After overpaying her in child support and covering her insurance and buying stuff for my daughter and my bills ext. I cannot even afford A place to stay. I am far from wealthy and the idea that she wants to take me for all that I have is laughable, but she probably will. Spends 10 years not doing a ****ing things and somehow that's my fault. We were married ten years. You both participated in the marriage - and what made it not work out... so stop blaming only her. Can you get a new job? 75 hours working making very little money is not a productive use of time/energy. See an attorney to see what you'd pay. Consider filing. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Frostedflake Posted May 15, 2017 Share Posted May 15, 2017 Ayy, yours sounds like mine! Also had a drinking and smoking problem. She was..something else. I can vouch that you did make a glorious escape. And you'll know it when that pressure leaves your shoulders and you're no longer hesitating walking through the door at the end of the day. The guilt is there for awhile though. So try to remember your responsibility is your child, not that woman. It is completely possible to love and provide for your kid without providing for a deadweight ex spouse. You just have to make sure you draw those lines in court. Fill out an affidavit. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jjmcwill Posted May 15, 2017 Author Share Posted May 15, 2017 Ayy, yours sounds like mine! Also had a drinking and smoking problem. She was..something else. I can vouch that you did make a glorious escape. And you'll know it when that pressure leaves your shoulders and you're no longer hesitating walking through the door at the end of the day. The guilt is there for awhile though. So try to remember your responsibility is your child, not that woman. It is completely possible to love and provide for your kid without providing for a deadweight ex spouse. You just have to make sure you draw those lines in court. Fill out an affidavit. Thanks brother. Much better advice than get a better job so I can pay my ex wife more money. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted May 15, 2017 Share Posted May 15, 2017 Thanks brother. Much better advice than get a better job so I can pay my ex wife more money. I suggested seeking legal advice to see what laws may benefit you. Please don't twist my suggestion to make it negative... it was intended to help you. Ask an attorney - you need to get an understanding of the laws in your area. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted May 15, 2017 Share Posted May 15, 2017 You should definitely see a lawyer. Take all the financial details with you and ask what the best course of action is. Giving her money now might be shooting yourself int he foot. You're setting a precedent. The longer you carry on with the current arrangement, the more likely it is that it will become official. Getting a better job may be shooting yourself in the foot, too. If your income increases then your spousal maintenance contributions might be set at a higher level. See the lawyer, file... and then get a better job. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted May 15, 2017 Share Posted May 15, 2017 Did a judge order the child support? If not, then you could buy your child the things she needs directly and give them to her. Or you could submit to the court to obtain custody of your daughter and take care of her. Your wife can ask for anything she wants - you can also say no as often as you want...as long as it's not something in your court order. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 15, 2017 Share Posted May 15, 2017 Well, I was right there with you until you besmirched Obama. You don't have to fix her car. I can't imagine it's part of the settlement. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 15, 2017 Share Posted May 15, 2017 I don't see where you are obligated to fix your EXs car but to the extent your children have to ride in it, make sure they are safe. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 16, 2017 Share Posted May 16, 2017 She sits around and smokes dope and doesn't work? Time for her to get a job! Pay the support but stop enabling her and paying for extras. She can pay her own car insurance or when her car breaks down etc. You're not her bank! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AngryGromit Posted May 25, 2017 Share Posted May 25, 2017 So for about the tenth time my wife has broken it off and wants a divorce. I came home and all my stuff was packed and I was informed that if I didnt leave there would be consequences. ... First off your still married correct? There been no court order ordering you to pay alimony, correct? When are you giving her ay money at all? If she wants to kick you to the curb, fine, let her file for divorce, but I wouldn't be giving her one penny unless ordered to do so by the court. She treats you like crap and you enable her but giving her money. Maybe when she as to work for a living, she will appreciate the support you were giving her. I overpay her in child support and even pay her car insurance. She expects me to fix her broken down car because I owe her for how awful I was... Not sure why you were ordered to pay Child Support when you were still married, please enlighten me. There no reason why your should be forced to live in a cardboard box under an overpass while your ex lives the good life, using drugs, being lazy, showing no appreciation. You need to put your foot down. Only give her what the court orders and no a penny more. Also make sure the court knows what your base pay really is, the extra money is overtime which is not guaranteed to be available all the time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted May 25, 2017 Share Posted May 25, 2017 When she gets desperate enough and hungry enough she will go to work. In the interim don't give her a dime more than the court orders. Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted May 25, 2017 Share Posted May 25, 2017 Get your door locks re-keyed. Link to post Share on other sites
aurelius99 Posted May 26, 2017 Share Posted May 26, 2017 Get your door locks re-keyed. Do people really still break into houses these days with these security cams all over the place? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted May 26, 2017 Share Posted May 26, 2017 Much better advice than get a better job so I can pay my ex wife more money. If your plan is to keep yourself in poverty to continue punishing her, might be time to rethink your approach... Mr. Lucky 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted June 3, 2017 Share Posted June 3, 2017 Apparently, some folk come on here not looking for solutions but maybe hoping for more problems. The OP has not shed any real light on his current situation. He does not say whether he has moved out of his house or made his wife move out. He has not answered many of the questions that folks on here have asked him which would shed more light on his current situation. It is only a rant with no asking for solutions or opinions on how to deal with his situation. All I can say is " Good luck with that". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted June 3, 2017 Share Posted June 3, 2017 Meet your legal obligations and don't give her a dime more. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted June 3, 2017 Share Posted June 3, 2017 As far as I know, she can't throw you out of your house(is it yours or a joint purchase?), unless there is documented abuse... So tell her to pound sand, if you don't want to leave the house....Just make sure your kids are fine and aren't subjected to any emotional trauma.. And if she is getting stoned, Id take my kids out of there....Thats a bad situation... TFY Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 3, 2017 Share Posted June 3, 2017 Oh cry me a river Firstly, you chose to marry your wife. I am sure her personality traits were pretty obvious into the dating process and if they weren't, you didn't date long enough. Take some responsibility for the wrong choice you made. Moving forward, you let her dump you and get back together 10 times. That's about 9 times too many. Now you are thanking god that she left? FFS, take some control of your life. You could have and and still can leave at any time. Thirdly, you are overpaying child support and she is making you fix her car? Paying a dime over your legal obligation is again completely your problem. Not getting legal help is again your problem. Choosing to fix her car - yup, your problem. But I guess you are so used to playing victim to the evil wife for the last 10 years that you are not going to stop now. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 3, 2017 Share Posted June 3, 2017 Oh cry me a river Firstly, you chose to marry your wife. I am sure her personality traits were pretty obvious into the dating process and if they weren't, you didn't date long enough. Take some responsibility for the wrong choice you made. Moving forward, you let her dump you and get back together 10 times. That's about 9 times too many. Now you are thanking god that she left? FFS, take some control of your life. You could have and and still can leave at any time. Thirdly, you are overpaying child support and she is making you fix her car? Paying a dime over your legal obligation is again completely your problem. Not getting legal help is again your problem. Choosing to fix her car - yup, your problem. But I guess you are so used to playing victim to the evil wife for the last 10 years that you are not going to stop now. Exactly. Nobody can take advantage of you without your consent. This woman left and you took her back 10 times! Now, you complain about the fact that she is taking advantage of you... She will continue to take advantage of you until the day that you have the ability to tell her that you have done enough. When that day will be, is entirely your decision. Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted June 3, 2017 Share Posted June 3, 2017 Over 2 weeks since OP spoke. I don't think he's listening to you guys. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted June 4, 2017 Share Posted June 4, 2017 Exactly. Nobody can take advantage of you without your consent. This woman left and you took her back 10 times! Now, you complain about the fact that she is taking advantage of you... She will continue to take advantage of you until the day that you have the ability to tell her that you have done enough. When that day will be, is entirely your decision. Few things....And understand we all don't know all the facts.... When kids are involved, these decisions aren't always so cut and dry...Some people think only for themselves and don't concern themselves with the offspring that they put on this earth...Sometimes just blowing the whole thing up is far more catastrophic to kids then having to put up with a selfish or obstinate partner...SO you make concessions for them... It could also be money,.,,,You now have to create two households...How can that be done if only one is a struggle?? You don't always have the ability to tell her you have done enough,,,,There are guys I know stuck with lifetime alimony payments...They can't decide when its enough....The courts did... TFY Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 I have fixed my marriage once again. The fact that it needed fixing once again, means that what you think is a fix, is just a temporary patch. See you in a couple of months Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts