I sent her money and now she won't contact me

[BluSpark]

The truth is I ended this long distance relationship about two weeks ago. .

 

She was not happy about it and kept trying to get me to change my mind. Immediately after I ended it she would text me everyday and we even video chatted a few times. But I was careful not to lead her on that I was going to change my mind.

 

Then she got robbed last week and the thieves stole her cell phone. She lives in San Jose, Costa Rica where petty crime is not uncommon. So her sister contacted me to tell me what happened and I communicated with her through her sister.

 

As a good gesture I offered to send her money to buy a new phone (a "cheap" one). She initially resisted but once I insisted she was grateful and said ok. So I sent her $130 U.S. dollars to replace her phone.

 

I have not heard from her since. I get that she may need space to process the ending of the relationship.

 

I suppose it was selfish of me but I enjoyed maintaining the contact with her. Again, it is probably good for her to move on and not be in touch me so much so I can't fault that.

 

I guess I was hoping we could maintain a friendship of some kind going forward.

[Chilli]

give it more time before ya start over thinking.

could be other stuff going on or maybe shes even trying to figure it all out too and the gift from you.

[d0nnivain]

You can't be friends with an EX. It was quite generous of you to send the money but you seem to be trying to buy her friendship. If you don't want to date her any more she has no incentive to keep in touch with you.

[ExpatInItaly]

Your wish to remain friends is probably not going to come true. Being dumped stings and a smart dumpee is not going to want to give themselves false hope by trying to maintain a friendship.

 

Your gesture to buy her a new phone was kind, but given that it was unsolicited, it might not have been as appreciated as you hope. Years back, a long-term ex of mine handed me an envelope of cash (yes, really) as a means of helping me get on my feet upon moving out of our once-shared apartment. It was thoughtful, I suppose, but I felt incredibly awkward accepting it; I didn't need nor ask for his financial support. In my mind, given the circumstances of our breakup, he was doing it to alleviate his own guilt for having made the exit he did (it wasn't very amicable) Your ex could be thinking the same thing, with your money serving as an unpleasant reminder of the break-up.

 

Take her silence as a sign she doesn't want to hear from you right now. She might eventually reach out to thank you, but unless and until she does, it's best to leave her be.

[amaysngrace]

She should at least say thank you.

Rude.

[preraph]

She might have just made that whole thing up too. You said LDR, so not sure you ever even met her, but I will just say the obvious: Never send anyone you only know online money or anything expensive. There are a million people out there specifically looking for someone they can make feel sorry for them and do just that, and they're just con artists.

[BluSpark]

She might have just made that whole thing up too. You said LDR, so not sure you ever even met her, but I will just say the obvious: Never send anyone you only know online money or anything expensive. There are a million people out there specifically looking for someone they can make feel sorry for them and do just that, and they're just con artists.

 

 

Not impossible but I highly doubt it. We've met in person on three separate occasions. I only sent her $130 US dollars. That was the only time I ever made such a gesture.

[BluSpark]

I appreciate all the replies.

 

 

I will give her the space she needs/deserves.

 

 

I might be jumping to conclusions but I would not rule it out if she has gone back to her old boyfriend. The guy was a control freak and a cheater from what she told me. For her sake I hope not....

[PegNosePete]

I might be jumping to conclusions but I would not rule it out if she has gone back to her old boyfriend. The guy was a control freak and a cheater from what she told me. For her sake I hope not....

Maybe he was playing the part of "her sister" then, and it was a scam to get $130 out of you.

 

We can speculate but either way it's unlikely you'll ever find out the answer, or ever hear from any of them again.

 

It's for the best. You need to just forget about her and move on now.

[whatnot]

Sounds like family. Never give cash.

[GunslingerRoland]

There is a scene in a movie (I think it's a Bronx Tale), where one guy avoids another who he owes $20 to. And it's pointed out to him that it's worth the $20 to know what kind of person that guy really was. Well it's worth that $130 to know what kind of girl she was.

 

But why were you wasting so much time in the first place with a girl from a different country who you've already broken up with?

[BluSpark]

Maybe he was playing the part of "her sister" then, and it was a scam to get $130 out of you.

 

We can speculate but either way it's unlikely you'll ever find out the answer, or ever hear from any of them again.

 

It's for the best. You need to just forget about her and move on now.

 

 

That is definitely not the case as I have met her sister in person and we have exchanged text messages on our smart phones on several occasions before. It was her sister.

 

 

That said, she recently broke up with her ex to take a chance with me so I would not be surprised if she is back with him lickity split.

[BluSpark]

There is a scene in a movie (I think it's a Bronx Tale), where one guy avoids another who he owes $20 to. And it's pointed out to him that it's worth the $20 to know what kind of person that guy really was. Well it's worth that $130 to know what kind of girl she was.[/QUOTE]

 

 

I like that one...but based on some other replies and other break ups I have been through I am guessing I will never hear from her again.

 

 

Yeah, kind of rude but I did break it off with her. As others have noted, sometimes that stings and the other person would rather not have you in their life.

 

 

 

 

 

But why were you wasting so much time in the first place with a girl from a different country who you've already broken up with?[/QUOTE]

 

 

We only broke up in the last 2 weeks and I WAS considering moving there. But the job opportunities I thought might materialize did not. So any move is on delay for now.

[basil67]

She should at least say thank you.

Rude.

 

I would imagine said 'thanks' when she finally accepted his offer. Further communication should not be required - especially as she did not choose to involve him in this drama. This was all her sister's doing.

[NTV]

Before you ever gift another chick any cash you should ask yourself one question: would she do this for me?

 

If the answer is "no" or "I don't know", then don't do it.

[Black Knight]

I had a similar experience but in reality I think the women use your feelings that have developed to use you for money. I had found a website for women that connect you with women in their country for future meetings. So after a week of looking at photos and I decided to contact one lady and we communicated for close to a year.

 

If you can't go to the woman's country to meet her within a six month period I think you will lose that chemistry that develops communication and it can become a game for the woman. All money transferring agencies moneygram, ria, western union etc all say don't send money to people you don't know! I also sent this woman money a few times she always showed me and told me what she wanted the money for so I believed her. The final straw was her adult son was hospitalized and she asked me to help. I said no. That was our last conversation I haven't heard from her since. That's fine by me.

[mightycpa]

more money!