NLNJ6200 Posted May 15, 2017 Share Posted May 15, 2017 Hi everyone, my boyfriend of 9 months is severely addicted to video games. He plays them morning till night and I'd be okay with that but the problem is he barely pays attention to me because he's too into the game. We are long-distance but we video chat/phone call everyday. Pretty much 80% of the calls are of me watching him play these games. I try to be cute and send him sweet stickers (FB Messenger) or be all lovey and he's just like "Yeah" or "Aww" or worse, "I'm trying to concentrate. Keep it down a little." He's snapped at me several times for "distracting him" and each time he apologizes profusely and starts crying because he's scared he upset me. I always tell him "No it's okay." even though on the inside I feel hurt and rejected. Another issue is sex. Our video chat sex sessions are pretty good so I can't complain about that. However if I am feeling "it" during a game and I tell him, he'll say "Not now. I am busy." in an annoyed tone. As if the game is more important than me. When we first began dating, his gaming was casual. It never got in the way of our communicating. But after a while, it really picked up. Now it's pretty much a fullblown addiction. Addiction may sound like a harsh word to describe it but that's what this is pretty much. I love my boyfriend very much and his extreme gaming is definitely not a dealbreaker for me. In fact, I find it attractive that he does game. But when it gets to the point of where it is becoming more of a priority than me, that's when I need to do something. I know if I told him that I want him to stop, he would. He is very submissive when it comes to me and always asks whether he should do this or that. Pretty much asking me to make his decisions. I don't want him to stop gaming because I know he loves it. I just want him to tone it down a little. He's asked me if his gaming bothers me and I tell him "No it doesn't but I do wish you payed a little more attention to me." He apologizes and tells me he promises to be more attentive and he is, but then he reverts back. It feels like he loves games more than me sometimes and it's just frustrating. What should I do about this? Btw, we're both guys and both 17. We're long distance but plan on meeting soon. He said "When we meet up, you can't disturb my concentration if I am in the middle of a game. Once I finish the game then I will go and cuddle you but during, I need my concentration." I was taken aback by this but didn't really say much about it. I really need advice on how I can help him tone down his gaming before it ends up ruining the relationship. Thanks for your advice! Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 15, 2017 Share Posted May 15, 2017 If you know he would stop, then tell him to stop and problem solved. I bet he doesn't stay stopped though. I wouldn't stay with anyone who was that obsessive and didn't want to do anything else. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 15, 2017 Share Posted May 15, 2017 NLNJ, he doesn't sound like much of a catch. And you're right - he's more into the gaming than he is into you. He's prioritising gaming over you, so it makes me wonder how he manages his study. At 17, the two of you are probably in your final year of High School, yes? Is he putting sufficient effort in to have some sort of career or trade? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 15, 2017 Share Posted May 15, 2017 Hi everyone, my boyfriend of 9 months is severely addicted to video games. He plays them morning till night and I'd be okay with that... I didn't read beyond this first paragraph. I am a techie, programmer and software designer. BUT I am not a gamer, thank goodness! My 11 year old knows more about games than I do and I am keeping his enthusiasm for it limited. Why in the world, under any circumstances, would you think it was okay for him to play games from morning till night??!?! These types of people are relationship killers and far too often allow their addiction to take control of their lives. I am convinced that if you allow this to continue, he will not budge and you will be nothing more than a convenient roommate, if not already. Do you play? Is he asocial? Ack! I even put on my profile that I am not a gamer despite my enthusiasm for technology. I also avoid women who mention anything that may clue me into their gaming habits. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 15, 2017 Share Posted May 15, 2017 Get a new BF. At 17 I'm loathe to say he's addicted. He's just 17. However you need to have more self respect. If he can't stop long enough to pay attention to you, he deserves to be kicked to the curb. If you haven't even met yet, this isn't love. You may be so starved for love that you think whatever crumbs this rude boy is throwing your way is love, but it's not. You deserve better. Break up with him. Don't waste your time meeting him if he can't even be polite to you. Date somebody locally. Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 15, 2017 Share Posted May 15, 2017 Get a new BF. At 17 I'm loathe to say he's addicted. He's just 17. However you need to have more self respect. If he can't stop long enough to pay attention to you, he deserves to be kicked to the curb. If you haven't even met yet, this isn't love. You may be so starved for love that you think whatever crumbs this rude boy is throwing your way is love, but it's not. You deserve better. Break up with him. Don't waste your time meeting him if he can't even be polite to you. Date somebody locally. I know a child who is 16 who has been diagnosed with gaming addiction and has been seeing a counselor. Most of his electronic items have been taken away, but continues to play on hi iphone. The size of the dinky screen doesn't seem to bother him as long as he's getting his fix. Not certain if his parents are aware, but I guess you can't take away the iphone too. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 15, 2017 Share Posted May 15, 2017 I know a child who is 16 who has been diagnosed with gaming addiction and has been seeing a counselor. Most of his electronic items have been taken away, but continues to play on hi iphone. The size of the dinky screen doesn't seem to bother him as long as he's getting his fix. Not certain if his parents are aware, but I guess you can't take away the iphone too. All of that may very well be true & I hope the parents of OP's BF do something to socialize their son & get him help. But dealing with any addiction is beyond the scope of what some high school kid (the OP) can do for his LDR BF that he's never met IRL. NLNJ6200 needs to walk away because his BF is rude. Maybe that kid is rude because he's addicted; I don't know but this is a unhealthy place for the OP & he has to get out. Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 15, 2017 Share Posted May 15, 2017 All of that may very well be true & I hope the parents of OP's BF do something to socialize their son & get him help. But dealing with any addiction is beyond the scope of what some high school kid (the OP) can do for his LDR BF that he's never met IRL. NLNJ6200 needs to walk away because his BF is rude. Maybe that kid is rude because he's addicted; I don't know but this is a unhealthy place for the OP & he has to get out. That's what I get for not reading beyond the first paragraph. LDR, never met in person. Anyway, doesn't change my over-all feelings...don't get involved with someone like that. When you finally meet and become a real couple, that excessive game playing will be a part of your immediate reality. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 16, 2017 Share Posted May 16, 2017 How will he ever be anything but one-dimensional -- and how will he ever learn to live in the real world if his whole foundation is gaming, which is designed for you to always be able to win in the end. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted May 16, 2017 Share Posted May 16, 2017 If you can't beat him join him by developing an addiction to LoveShack. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 16, 2017 Share Posted May 16, 2017 I'm sorry OP, but this isn't love. You sit and watch him play games, he tells you you're distracting him, he's dismissive of you. Then you say you find it attractive that he games like this? I don't buy that. If you believe he will actually stop gaming so much if you tell him to, then go ahead and tell him. I have a feeling he won't, though. Does he not study? Work? Where does he find all this free time to play video games? I think you are too invested. You two are very young and have never met. Please take care of your heart and don't attach yourself too much to a stranger on the internet. If a LDR is proving to be too difficult due to his gaming habits, then a real, in-person relationship is going to be next to impossible. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Birdies Posted May 16, 2017 Share Posted May 16, 2017 When someone shows you who they are and what they value, believe him. Clearly gaming is more important to him than you are (and than basically everything else). And this is him on his "best" behavior since it's a new relationship. Ugh. I wouldn't stay another nanosecond in a relationship where your partner literally tells you his games are more important than you. "When we meet up, you can't disturb my concentration if I am in the middle of a game. Once I finish the game then I will go and cuddle you" Just tell him the truth and break up with him. Link to post Share on other sites
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