lying

[Eowyn]

My boyfriend and i had a chat when we first started going out about our pasts and how far we'd been before etc. he told me about a friend of a friend who he'd ended up kissing after getting drunk one night, about a month before we started going out. He told me that they'd fell asleep together, but he swore that that was as far as it went. He's my first boyfriend and we did a lot of stuff that i'd never done before and he made me feel like his 'first' too. But then i found out that him and this girl did go further than just kissing and that he'd been lying to me all this time. I don't know what to do because he says he's so sorry and that he never meant to hurt me and he blames it all on the alcohol. But i feel like i can't trust him now, what if he's lied in other ways. And if i'd known he was the kind of person to go out and get drunk and have a one night stand, i never would have considered going out with him. He swears he's changed now, but what should i do? I can't stand the thought of him with another girl...

[Goose]

Lying is no good, but I think everyone has made a mistake and everyone deserves a second chance. He has not cheated on you, he just concealed his past, probably because he did not want to hurt you. Believe me, if my girl inquired about my sexual past, I would decline to answer, because some things from our past need not be disclosed. Past it Past. You live in the present. FOrget this time, however, if such an incident occurs again, I would advice to leave this guy alone, but for now, I would not break up with him over this matter. Good luck to you

 

My boyfriend and i had a chat when we first started going out about our pasts and how far we'd been before etc. he told me about a friend of a friend who he'd ended up kissing after getting drunk one night, about a month before we started going out. He told me that they'd fell asleep together, but he swore that that was as far as it went. He's my first boyfriend and we did a lot of stuff that i'd never done before and he made me feel like his 'first' too. But then i found out that him and this girl did go further than just kissing and that he'd been lying to me all this time. I don't know what to do because he says he's so sorry and that he never meant to hurt me and he blames it all on the alcohol. But i feel like i can't trust him now, what if he's lied in other ways. And if i'd known he was the kind of person to go out and get drunk and have a one night stand, i never would have considered going out with him. He swears he's changed now, but what should i do? I can't stand the thought of him with another girl...

[sparkle]

I think it wasn't smart of him to lie to you about this. What he should've said was: My past is none of your business.

 

No he shouldn't have lied, but it isn't any of your business what he did and who he did it with, as long as it happened before you two started going out. And you don't have any right to judge him or put him down about this. Why does it really matter who else he's messed around with before you? The point is that he's with YOU NOW. That's all that is important.

me all this time. I don't know what to do because he says he's so sorry and that he never meant to hurt me and he blames it all on the alcohol.

He doesn't need to explain his actions to you. He doesn't need to apologize to you and say he's so sorry...etc. This happened in the past, and he had every right to keep his mouth shut and tell you nothing about it.

But i feel like i can't trust him now, what if he's lied in other ways.

He probably lied to you about this because he thought you wouldn't be mature enough to handle the truth. Unless you're leaving something out, if this is all he lied to you about, give him a break. This isn't really a big reason for you not to trust him.

And if i'd known he was the kind of person to go out and get drunk and have a one night stand, i never would have considered going out with him.

Wait a minute. I have MANY guy friends, almost all of them are normal, mature, intelligent men who have professional careers or are in college. And many of them have had one-night stands, with or without being drunk. Many of them have dated lots of girls, and some of them have slept with a handful of girls as well. Just the same, I know a few girls who have had one-night stands. They aren't trashy or unclassy either. Most of them are wonderful people, who others would love to be with.

 

So don't look down upon or judge a person who's had a one-night stand or slept with someone. More often than not, many of them who have had one-night stands are just smart enough to not mention them.

He swears he's changed now, but what should i do?

I didn't think there was anything he needed to change, except maybe be more responsible when it comes to being drunk. But if he wants to be with you now, I'm sure he keeps himself away from those types of situations.

 

And as for what you should do, if you can't handle the fact that he lied to you, just break up with him. And if you can't handle his past, then break up with him. It's totally up to you. It's quite simple. Either you stay with him and learn to deal with it, or if you can't, then you leave him and find a guy who's never been with any other girl.

I can't stand the thought of him with another girl...

Like I said above, if you can't, then just break up with him and look for a guy with a spotless past. But let me warn you before-hand, most guys above age 16 will probably have done something with a female.