audriabella Posted May 16, 2017 Share Posted May 16, 2017 Hi, It has been a year since I posted my first thread in here. Just to give you a background from my first thread: Me and my boyfriend has been in a relationship for almost 3 years now. His parents are happy and supportive while my parents disagree 100% due to the following reason: 1. He is younger than me ( I am 32 and he is 28). They think that having a younger spouse means he is childish and therefore not a good spouse. 2. He is from a different race, and they think it is humiliating that I marry someone from a different race. 3. He earns less than me. They believe guys has to be 100% financially responsible for their spouse. I have explained I'm fine with combined income. We are both working, and if we combine our income, we are good financially. 4. His parents are not wealthy enough. My parents think it's a loss on my end if someday we need to help his parents financially. We have tried talking to my parents. My bf has met with my parents twice now, but my parents refuse to accept us as a couple, let alone give their blessing. Over the next few months I need to decide whether I want to go through and have a wedding (planned in next year march) or just end my relationship because of the fact that they will never approve our relationship. If you have been in this situation and you went through with your wedding, how did you do it ? And how did you feel on your wedding day ? My concern is that if I go through, my wedding day will be the worst day of my life because of my parents. They have agreed that they will be there for the formality, however I know that without their approval I guess I would feel guilty about disappointing them. Please consider that I come from a culture where a wedding without a parents blessing is basically the worst sin you can do as a child. I feel so confused now on what to do... Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted May 16, 2017 Share Posted May 16, 2017 It's your life and if you're happy then that is what should matter the most to your parents. If your happiness doesn't matter to them then theirs shouldn't matter to you either. It works both ways. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 16, 2017 Share Posted May 16, 2017 You are an adult. Do what makes you happy, not what mommy & daddy want. If your parents are at least willing to show up, in time they will probably come around. I moved out of my parents house & in with a guy, platonically. My mother didn't approve & told people I was dead. I didn't talk to them for almost 2 years. Finally my father said this was stupid & brought us back together. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted May 16, 2017 Share Posted May 16, 2017 I feel so confused now on what to do... Book a destination wedding in the Caribbean. Just the 2 of you. I guarantee it will be amazing, and so much less stress than trying to organise a "normal" wedding. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Whodatdog Posted May 16, 2017 Share Posted May 16, 2017 Hi, It has been a year since I posted my first thread in here. Just to give you a background from my first thread: Me and my boyfriend has been in a relationship for almost 3 years now. His parents are happy and supportive while my parents disagree 100% due to the following reason: 1. He is younger than me ( I am 32 and he is 28). They think that having a younger spouse means he is childish and therefore not a good spouse. 2. He is from a different race, and they think it is humiliating that I marry someone from a different race. 3. He earns less than me. They believe guys has to be 100% financially responsible for their spouse. I have explained I'm fine with combined income. We are both working, and if we combine our income, we are good financially. 4. His parents are not wealthy enough. My parents think it's a loss on my end if someday we need to help his parents financially. We have tried talking to my parents. My bf has met with my parents twice now, but my parents refuse to accept us as a couple, let alone give their blessing. Over the next few months I need to decide whether I want to go through and have a wedding (planned in next year march) or just end my relationship because of the fact that they will never approve our relationship. If you have been in this situation and you went through with your wedding, how did you do it ? And how did you feel on your wedding day ? My concern is that if I go through, my wedding day will be the worst day of my life because of my parents. They have agreed that they will be there for the formality, however I know that without their approval I guess I would feel guilty about disappointing them. Please consider that I come from a culture where a wedding without a parents blessing is basically the worst sin you can do as a child. I feel so confused now on what to do... Its 100% under your control whether you make it the worst day because of your parents, or your BEST day in SPITE of your parents. I know which way I would go. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 16, 2017 Share Posted May 16, 2017 Depends what culture you are from. I know some Asian culture the parents will disown their adult children if they do not obey and will never come around because their pride and culture is more important. They do not want to be embarrassed in front of people that their daughter didn't marry wealthy. They will probably always hate him but they will love their grand-kids. They will endure him. My colleague is Chinese. Her in-law didn't approve of her and now we are 17 years later and they are still making her life a living hell. BUT she has a good husband and great kids. She endures the in-law a couple of times a year. Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 My mother had died before I met my DH. My father was still alive and neither he or the rest of my family approved. I was deeply in love and knew he was " the one", so I married him. We had a simple courthouse ceremony with just the two of us and then had a lovely lunch. No muss, no fuss, no stress, no drama. We've been married 14 years. Abolutely no regrets. Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 My mother had died before I met my DH. My father was still alive and neither he or the rest of my family approved. I was deeply in love and knew he was " the one", so I married him. We had a simple courthouse ceremony with just the two of us and then had a lovely lunch. No muss, no fuss, no stress, no drama. We've been married 14 years. Abolutely no regrets. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 (edited) the bible states that we should honor our parents but it also says as adults we cleave unto our spouse and they are to be the most important earthly prioroty to us..other than of course god.......your happiness is what is important you are an adult .....and if your parents want to support you then thats great....you make your decisions on your marriage not your parents.....they will eventually come round......i believe that if you are happy if they love you eventually they will be happy too....best wishes...deb Edited May 19, 2017 by todreaminblue 1 Link to post Share on other sites
caveman621 Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 What cultural background - or century - are your parents from? They have a problem with a four year gap? That's nothing!!!! And they have a problem with a mixed race marriage? Sorry, not judging. Oh, wait, yes I am. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 Over the next few months I need to decide whether I want to go through and have a wedding (planned in next year march) or just end my relationship because of the fact that they will never approve our relationship. I'm not sure which is more unfortunate - your parents attitude or the fact that, at 32, you'd let those feelings govern your life. Please consider that I come from a culture where a wedding without a parents blessing is basically the worst sin you can do as a child. You're not a child but rather, based on your post, a grown and intelligent woman. Make your decisions accordingly... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Tiga Posted May 22, 2017 Share Posted May 22, 2017 Marry the person you love. Those reasons are mostly materialistic and cultural. It's 2017! Live for your happiness and if your parents truly care and want you to be happy they won't make you chose! Also you never mentioned how your decision will affect your fiancé, it seems to be all about your parents. Remember he is human too and does not deserve to have his heart broken because someone else's opinion of him. If you love him you will be fine. Parents will come around. And they will also die one day and who will you be left with? Someone your heart did not truly love? My ex fiancé left me because of his parents, it killed me and him. Read my story please if you get time and give me some input. Link to post Share on other sites
WaitingForBardot Posted May 22, 2017 Share Posted May 22, 2017 Before asking for her father's blessing my now-wife agreed that if he said no we would elope. I'm sure it was not an easy thing for him due to racial, religious, and cultural reasons, but we got his blessing without too much fuss. This was in large part because I'm sure it was clear to him and her mother that we were getting married with or without their consent, and whether or not it caused a rift in the family. So for 30+ years they put up with me, but they do love their grandchildren. Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted May 23, 2017 Share Posted May 23, 2017 You are 32 and you are considering letting your racist parents dictate if you should get married or not? Get married, and only invite people who will be supportive of the union to the wedding. Link to post Share on other sites
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