How long did it take you to move on?

[somuchfortheone]

This is a question for the dumpees... how long did it take you to move on, feel ok, normal,truly happy again, and ok being without your spouse after your divorce?

[grays]

Im sorry you find yourself in this situation. Im sure the answer to this question varies greatly between individuals and from one relationship to another.

 

I was married for 25 years before ex left me for another woman. I will probably never feel fully comfortable without a partner. Its what Im used to and what I like.

 

Anyway, I was completely devastated for about three or four months. A lot of that was because it wasnt a clean sudden break, he couldnt decide who he wanted to be with and waffled for a couple of months. I ultimately broke up w him, but only out of desperation to save myself. And there were a few weeks after that that i was pretty miserable.

 

Even before the actual break up, tho, I had started to work on my single viability. I started spending a lot of timecwith friends, building up my connections with other people, building myself some community. I started salsa dancing, which has been so great for me. I never have to spend a night at home feelingvlonely bc theres salsa every night of the week here.

 

And I started dating right away. I think it was three mos after he moved outvof the bedroom, while we were still in the same house together. And I dated a lot and all for the fun and excitement, not to find someone to cling onto. A lot of that first year I had 3 or more guys I was dating at the same time (honest w all of them, of course) and my life was so fun that I was grateful every day to not be w ex anymore.

 

Now its been nearly 3 years. Ive slowed down a lot on the dating and I am looking for something more serious and regular. This period is feeling a little harder. I do really miss having someone to share my life with. But I dont think Im any worse off than other single people. I miss the lifestyle of having a partner, but I dont miss my ex at all. Sometimes when Im feeling down, Ill ask myself if Id feel better if I was with him and the answer is always no. I felt more lonely and down when I was with him.

 

Not sure if Ill ever feel better about him. Hes an *******, for real. Its not so much that he left me for someone else (awful in itself) but that he strung me along and hurt me in every poss way.

[jjgitties]

Hmm. I guess depends on the context of the question. When I was a younger man I was once madly in love with a girl. After the relationship ended it took me a very long time to move on. I think a few years if I recall correctly.

 

If I divorce my wife[1], I expect the same thing will happen. I would expect to not attempt to try to enter into a relationship for at least 2 to 3 years. Maybe more. The main reasons would be, I don't want to screw up my chances for happiness with someone else because I am not ready.

 

[1] I would have been with her for about 25 years and married for about 16 years.

Edited May 16, 2017 by jjgitties

[Titanll]

I lost my fiance after spending 6 years together. Emotionally, I am sure there is a difference between my story and being dumped but the loss aspect may be similar. It took me most of three years to feel ready to move on. There is or was a guilt component that I dealt with and now in year four, I am past that and I am happy.

[somuchfortheone]

Hmm. I guess depends on the context of the question. When I was a younger man I was once madly in love with a girl. After the relationship ended it took me a very long time to move on. I think a few years if I recall correctly.

 

If I divorce my wife[1], I expect the same thing will happen. I would expect to not attempt to try to enter into a relationship for at least 2 to 3 years. Maybe more. The main reasons would be, I don't want to screw up my chances for happiness with someone else because I am not ready.

 

[1] I would have been with her for about 25 years and married for about 16 years.

 

 

 

Sounds likes you're considering divorce...I would just recommend you try everything to save it first...you don't want to have that regret...also being the dumpee that didn't get a fair shot to work on saving the marriage...that really hurts. The grass isn't always greener...most of the times, it's not.

[somuchfortheone]

I lost my fiance after spending 6 years together. Emotionally, I am sure there is a difference between my story and being dumped but the loss aspect may be similar. It took me most of three years to feel ready to move on. There is or was a guilt component that I dealt with and now in year four, I am past that and I am happy.

 

 

He moves out in 2.5 months...I think it'll take me another year and a half after that to finally be able to think about seeing someone...I have no desire at all to date anyone. I wouldn't mind talking to someone...maybe light flirting...but with the understanding that it's not going to go anywhere because I'm damaged goods right now. I don't want to hurt anyone.

[health]

My friend's Mom is enraged at her ex husband 25 years later.

 

It took me 2 years to get back to normal after grieving the loss of my 5 year relationship.

 

However 9 years later - now - if I get rejected by a girl or am I under alot of stress - I think back on what I had for a bit. It goes away fast though. I forgave her and take my own responsibility for our break up and wish her the best.

 

I look at finding a better relationship and the crowning achievement. I have dated since, but nothing long term.

[health]

Im sorry you find yourself in this situation. Im sure the answer to this question varies greatly between individuals and from one relationship to another.

 

I was married for 25 years before ex left me for another woman. I will probably never feel fully comfortable without a partner. Its what Im used to and what I like.

 

Anyway, I was completely devastated for about three or four months. A lot of that was because it wasnt a clean sudden break, he couldnt decide who he wanted to be with and waffled for a couple of months. I ultimately broke up w him, but only out of desperation to save myself. And there were a few weeks after that that i was pretty miserable.

 

Even before the actual break up, tho, I had started to work on my single viability. I started spending a lot of timecwith friends, building up my connections with other people, building myself some community. I started salsa dancing, which has been so great for me. I never have to spend a night at home feelingvlonely bc theres salsa every night of the week here.

 

And I started dating right away. I think it was three mos after he moved outvof the bedroom, while we were still in the same house together. And I dated a lot and all for the fun and excitement, not to find someone to cling onto. A lot of that first year I had 3 or more guys I was dating at the same time (honest w all of them, of course) and my life was so fun that I was grateful every day to not be w ex anymore.

 

Now its been nearly 3 years. Ive slowed down a lot on the dating and I am looking for something more serious and regular. This period is feeling a little harder. I do really miss having someone to share my life with. But I dont think Im any worse off than other single people. I miss the lifestyle of having a partner, but I dont miss my ex at all. Sometimes when Im feeling down, Ill ask myself if Id feel better if I was with him and the answer is always no. I felt more lonely and down when I was with him.

 

Not sure if Ill ever feel better about him. Hes an *******, for real. Its not so much that he left me for someone else (awful in itself) but that he strung me along and hurt me in every poss way.

 

Grays I'm curious, when you said you dated alot of guys the first year after separating - did you actually have sex with them or was it just going places with minimal intimacy?