Feel like a loser for attending social dance events alone

[fakeniceguy]

It's been scientifically proven that women like men who have "social proof." Social proof could be in the form of popularity with women or the fact that he's married or in a stable relationship currently with a woman.

 

I have a genuine desire to learn to dance. I'm not doing it just to meet women although that's part of it too but not the only thing. I think learning to dance is gentlemanly, good for the brain, good for health and as an indirect effect, puts me into contact with women.

 

However, I can't help but feel like a pariah being a single guy going social dancing alone. Most people that go are couples who want to learn together. As for single women, often they show up together with their single friends in groups.

 

Showing up as a single guy who looks still relatively young, I mean, it's obvious what I'm after. Most of the single guys who go are older men who are either happily divorced or just happy being single and want to find a hobby to pass the time.

 

Me being a guy in his early 30s showing up alone just spells LOSER. I mean, why would I be wanting to learn to dance? Obviously in order to meet and attract women. So why doesn't he bring some of his lady friends? Cause none of his lady friends want to go or they would just find it awkward to go with a platonic guy friend or just plain have no interest in dancing.

 

That's the honest truth. But honestly though, I do have an interest in dance. I'm a musical person overall. I grew up playing piano and I've been playing guitar last couple years. Dance is just another musical thing I want to learn.

 

It's not like I'm some juice-head at the gym who is into bodybuilding and all of a sudden decide to to take a dance class randomly. I have a genuine appreciation for the arts.

 

But I'm afraid I'm gonna be judged and branded as a loser.

[ZA Dater]

It's been scientifically proven that women like men who have "social proof." Social proof could be in the form of popularity with women or the fact that he's married or in a stable relationship currently with a woman.

 

I have a genuine desire to learn to dance. I'm not doing it just to meet women although that's part of it too but not the only thing. I think learning to dance is gentlemanly, good for the brain, good for health and as an indirect effect, puts me into contact with women.

 

However, I can't help but feel like a pariah being a single guy going social dancing alone. Most people that go are couples who want to learn together. As for single women, often they show up together with their single friends in groups.

 

Showing up as a single guy who looks still relatively young, I mean, it's obvious what I'm after. Most of the single guys who go are older men who are either happily divorced or just happy being single and want to find a hobby to pass the time.

 

Me being a guy in his early 30s showing up alone just spells LOSER. I mean, why would I be wanting to learn to dance? Obviously in order to meet and attract women. So why doesn't he bring some of his lady friends? Cause none of his lady friends want to go or they would just find it awkward to go with a platonic guy friend or just plain have no interest in dancing.

 

That's the honest truth. But honestly though, I do have an interest in dance. I'm a musical person overall. I grew up playing piano and I've been playing guitar last couple years. Dance is just another musical thing I want to learn.

 

It's not like I'm some juice-head at the gym who is into bodybuilding and all of a sudden decide to to take a dance class randomly. I have a genuine appreciation for the arts.

 

But I'm afraid I'm gonna be judged and branded as a loser.

 

Do not care what other think. In this instance do what you want to do and ignore the judgement of others because if you always worry what others think then you wont think about much else.

 

 

Take this from someone who does everything on his own.

[basil67]

I'm a woman and I had to Google the term Social Proof. I see where you're going, but your ideas about it are too narrow. It's far more than being popular with women or having a girlfriend. It also involves having a decent circle of friends, being easy to talk with and engaging with life. Frankly, I rate the last three examples much more highly than being popular with women or having a girlfriend.

 

Your dance lessons show that you're engaging with life. You mention your female friends, so clearly you have a circle of friends. And I hope you're easy to talk with. If so, you're well on your way to social proof.

 

When you talk with different women you meet and ask them....say...how was your weekend? Make sure to throw in anecdotes about what you did on the weekend too. Let her know that you've got a social life and friends. That's the social proof.

 

All that said, if 'fakeniceguy' truly describes you, the girls will see straight through you and you won't get a chance. Women like a man who's thoughtful in a relationship while still cares about his own needs. A guy who's assertive rather than dominant or passive. And certainly not a fake.

[fakeniceguy]

Do not care what other think. In this instance do what you want to do and ignore the judgement of others because if you always worry what others think then you wont think about much else.

 

 

Take this from someone who does everything on his own.

 

I admire this kind of attitude but it's hard to apply in real life. Women especially are judgmental, way more so than guys. I know this cause I have a few girl friends and I hear some of the stuff they say about random guys out in public.

 

 

I'm a woman and I had to Google the term Social Proof. I see where you're going, but your ideas about it are too narrow. It's far more than being popular with women or having a girlfriend. It also involves having a decent circle of friends, being easy to talk with and engaging with life. Frankly, I rate the last three examples much more highly than being popular with women or having a girlfriend.

 

Your dance lessons show that you're engaging with life. You mention your female friends, so clearly you have a circle of friends. And I hope you're easy to talk with. If so, you're well on your way to social proof.

 

When you talk with different women you meet and ask them....say...how was your weekend? Make sure to throw in anecdotes about what you did on the weekend too. Let her know that you've got a social life and friends. That's the social proof.

 

All that said, if 'fakeniceguy' truly describes you, the girls will see straight through you and you won't get a chance. Women like a man who's thoughtful in a relationship while still cares about his own needs. A guy who's assertive rather than dominant or passive. And certainly not a fake.

 

See, a couple years ago, I'd agree with you about how having a social life and friends is more important in terms of social proof. Not to make this too long but lemme give you a bit of background.

 

About 4 years ago or so, my social life was really good. Had a good circle of friends, mainly single guys, but a few girls too, that all got along and we'd see each other as much as 3 times a week. Really good social scene.

 

Fast forward to the past year or so, I have almost no social life. All my single guy friends got into serious relationships and/or moved to different cities for various reasons. Even the ones still in the same city, they tend to just do things with their SO.

 

Back when I had a very active social life and plenty of friends, the girls I were interested in knew this, some of whom were even in the same social circle. That didn't matter a damn to them. They weren't interested in me.

 

Also, if a guy having a social life is so important to girls, then why is it that all my guy friends now who are either married or in a serious relationship don't even hang out with friends anymore? Obviously, if the girl they're with encourages him to have a social life, he'd still be doing stuff outside of their relationship.

 

One of the reasons why I'm trying to learn to dance is cause I don't have much of a social life anymore and I need to find something to do with my leisure time. So yeah unfortunately, I won't be able to tell girls I meet that I hung out with friends on weekends cause I don't.

 

As for my few female friends, we just go for coffee or drinks. We're not that close anymore. I mean, how close friends can you really be with a girl whose just a friend anyways? Not that I even want to be that close. My female friends tend to be on the attractive side so it bothers me if they start confiding in me about some douchebag they're currently dating who treats them like crap or how it's so hard to find a decent guy. I don't really want to hear that kind of stuff.

 

Also, one thing I noticed is, my female friends tend to date guys who are total loners. But they tend to be tall, good looking and a bit douchey. But they have NO friends. No social life. But they're getting girls left and right. And because they get girls constantly, they're even more attractive to other girls because they see that there's always a girl on his arm.