BaileyB Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 I do see why some people tried to stop us but turns out the man who tried to stop me turned out to be a crook. I'm 20 and he just turned 46. We were only in a relationship for a year before we married and we fell in love the year before that. We were very close friends but I'd known him for 6 years before that. You are only 20 years old and you have known this guy for seven years? You were very close friends for three years before you got married - which means that a 43 year old was "close friends" with a 17 year old? Are you younger than his children? That is really not good. It's totally inappropriate for a 43 year old man to be "friends" with a 17 year old girl. You won't want to hear this, but you are much too young to understand what it is to have a healthy relationship with a healthy partner. This isn't it. There is something wrong when a 43 year old divorced man seeks a "relationship" with a teenage girl. He is controlling and abusive and you are young and inexperienced, you just don't know any different. Be very careful with this man. I hope someday you gain the wisdom to know, this is not a good situation for you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 I know...but it's one of those things where when I married him I vowed "for better or for worse" and I meant it. I didn't believe it would be "for worse" but I am going to try my best to work with him through it unless those things happen. I guess it's a personal goal. That's a young and idealistic way to look at marriage. "For better of for worse" doesn't mean that the husband gets to belittle me, yell at me, control me, and threaten me. That's not love, and that's not a healthy marriage. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 The more I read this thread, the more sickened I am. It sounds like to some degree this grown man groomed you since you were barely a teenager. He sounds like a horrible person, and with a history of this kind of abusive controlling behavior, cheating, and the fact it isn't slowing down, i see no reason why you shouldn't GTFO now. Marriage vows are very important to me, but this isn't a healthy situation, you need to get out before you get trapped further. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 Marriage vows are very important to me, but this isn't a healthy situation, you need to get out before you get trapped further. You could get trapped further, if you get pregnant with this man. I would suggest that you read this discussion and know that this may in fact, be your future. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/603285-there-anything-wrong-our-marriage 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kiss_andmakeup Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 You met this guy when you were 13 and he was nearly 40, and barely was the ink dry on your adulthood when he married you. I'm sorry, but that alone says even more about his character than all the awful things you've explained to us here. This guy sounds like he has serious problems and if I were you I'd run as far as possible before he tries to trap you by way of a child. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
kiss_andmakeup Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 You could get trapped further, if you get pregnant with this man. I would suggest that you read this discussion and know that this may in fact, be your future. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/603285-there-anything-wrong-our-marriage I thought of that thread, too. Lots of similarities. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author KittyK2700 Posted May 18, 2017 Author Share Posted May 18, 2017 That's a young and idealistic way to look at marriage. "For better of for worse" doesn't mean that the husband gets to belittle me, yell at me, control me, and threaten me. That's not love, and that's not a healthy marriage. I agree...BUT there have been some new developments in this whole thing. Yesterday he figured that I was upset and asked me to talk to him about it. We talked for a good hour and a half, I broke down and told him how I'm feeling and he took his place and admitted that he has a problem. He said "the problem isn't you, it's in me. Let me fix it." He also compromised on a major issue we were having that he refused to compromise on. There was a lot more he agreed to work on, but I don't have time to write it out. If he's willing to try, I'm willing to stay Link to post Share on other sites
Author KittyK2700 Posted May 18, 2017 Author Share Posted May 18, 2017 You could get trapped further, if you get pregnant with this man. I would suggest that you read this discussion and know that this may in fact, be your future. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/603285-there-anything-wrong-our-marriage I read it and there are a lot of similarities. However, I'm on birth control (neither of us want children) and he's suggested getting surgery so he can no longer have children and there are no risk. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KittyK2700 Posted May 18, 2017 Author Share Posted May 18, 2017 You met this guy when you were 13 and he was nearly 40, and barely was the ink dry on your adulthood when he married you. I'm sorry, but that alone says even more about his character than all the awful things you've explained to us here. This guy sounds like he has serious problems and if I were you I'd run as far as possible before he tries to trap you by way of a child. He can't. I'm on birth control (we decided before we got married that we don't want kids) and he's considering getting surgery. Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 Oh, what a mistake you made marrying this man. I'm so sorry. It's going to be your best years down the drain until you realize the truth and finally leave, perhaps in your mid 30s or so... Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 I read it and there are a lot of similarities. However, I'm on birth control (neither of us want children) and he's suggested getting surgery so he can no longer have children and there are no risk. If there are a lot of similarities, then you have a lot of problems. Men like this don't change. But, you seem sure that you want to stay around despite the obvious risk. I do wish you luck. Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 I agree...BUT there have been some new developments in this whole thing. Yesterday he figured that I was upset and asked me to talk to him about it. We talked for a good hour and a half, I broke down and told him how I'm feeling and he took his place and admitted that he has a problem. He said "the problem isn't you, it's in me. Let me fix it." He also compromised on a major issue we were having that he refused to compromise on. There was a lot more he agreed to work on, but I don't have time to write it out. If he's willing to try, I'm willing to stay All I'll say is if you do this, give him a short leash. Because it's easy to say you're going to change and pretend for a couple of weeks. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kiss_andmakeup Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 He can't. I'm on birth control (we decided before we got married that we don't want kids) and he's considering getting surgery. Ok, but my opinion still stands. What on earth is in this relationship for you? You're 20 years old, and you have your entire life ahead of you. What draws you to stay with someone more than double your age, who clearly creeped on you when you were a kid, and now emotionally abuses and cheats on you? Are you really under the impression that this is all you deserve? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jjgitties Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 Wow. I just read your story. You met this man when you were a teenager and he was in his 40s and you became best friends. And you married him when you turned 20. Have you had any boyfriends or relationships other than your marriage? From the things you have written, it does sound like this guy is very controlling and obsessive and verbally abusive. Who screams at their new wife over little things like dropping a plate or picking up the wrong towel? Anyways, I wish you well and hope things work out. But FWIW,I am in my late 40s. It has taken me that many years to become the person I am, with my faults and my good sides, (whatever they might be). Its possible to change but I don't think its easy or reasonable to expect massive personality changes from a 40 to 50 year old. The older people get, the more stuck in their ways and the more accentuated and deeper their personality quirks get -- sort of like the wrinkles on the face. anyways ,wish you well and good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Southern Sun Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 Research Narcissistic Personality Disorder...maybe Antisocial Personality Disorder while you're at it. I think you may meet your husband. (ETA: Treating you like a queen in order to seal the deal IS what they do. Then they abruptly change). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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