I'm tempted to cheat

[foix]

I think the title says it all... I'm tempted to cheat. I haven't, yet. I think a lot of that is due to an opportunity not presenting itself. I'm 24 and I have been in a relationship for 6 years, we have a 3 year old child (unplanned). We aren't married, but having a child and living together, it's not much easier to end.

 

Our sex life is terrible. He lasts about 30 seconds and cannot go again. It doesn't feel good. There is never any foreplay so our whole intimacy period is about a minute. There isn't even kissing, pants are off but shirts stay on. When we do foreplay I have never been able to orgasm. I have been with 3 men, and never orgasmed during foreplay or sex. I often wonder if it could be better.

 

Do I just suck it up and deal with it? Is poor sex life a reason to break up a family, it makes me feel like a whore. I've never had good sex, ever. So I'd be leaving for a fantasy, basically, that I might never have.

[d0nnivain]

You aren't married. If you can't fix it & you are unhappy, change your situation but don't cheat. Think about what message cheating says to your child? Wouldn't you prefer to teach the child to have integrity?

[mightycpa]

If you're going to leave your BF, you should do that because you want to leave HIM.

 

Then you go find whatever's next.

 

Yes, it definitely could get better.

[Mrs. John Adams]

You don't say if you have discussed your issues..

 

So my question would be what have you done to try to improve your situation?

 

Have you told him you are unhappy? And is he also unhappy?

 

Do you love each other?

 

There are so many things left unsaid here.

 

I can tell you this...if you love each other then you should discuss your issues and try to figure out how to fix them together and if you don't love each other and you are not willing to work in things... then end the realationship.

 

But don't cheat... it will only complicate things and cause tremendous pain.

 

You don't have to stay in an unfulfilling relationship...

 

And cheating is never a good option

[Phoenician]

Do you love him ?

does he love you ?

 

 

I don't encourage cheating ; however in my case in 18 years I cheated on my wife one time emotionally and one time physically ; in other occasions I played around but in my Dictionary I don't call it cheating (dancing and just having fun with some friends ).

 

the above incidences made me realize that what I though could be wow sexually is not really achievable with a partner , it can be achieved once in a blue moon , a taboo .

 

this brought me back to reality and I worked in a different way with my wife and started to achieve good results despite that she hasn't changed at all ; she is the same selfish barbie spoiled girl but I still love her and love my kids .

 

 

My case could be different , I am 47 , have 3 kids ; so much financial issues in common , I love my wife despite I resent her many times and get depressed bec we are sexually incompatiblity , but leaving a great family and a good mom just for sex is not acceptable .

 

have you discussed the issue with him ( i bet 100 times u did ...).

 

would he accept to perform oral ?

[mikeylo]

Leaving when not married might be easier. Cheating is going to make you feel worse after the thrill has subsided.

[Furious]

I think the title says it all... I'm tempted to cheat. I haven't, yet. I think a lot of that is due to an opportunity not presenting itself. I'm 24 and I have been in a relationship for 6 years, we have a 3 year old child (unplanned). We aren't married, but having a child and living together, it's not much easier to end.

 

Our sex life is terrible. He lasts about 30 seconds and cannot go again. It doesn't feel good. There is never any foreplay so our whole intimacy period is about a minute. There isn't even kissing, pants are off but shirts stay on. When we do foreplay I have never been able to orgasm. I have been with 3 men, and never orgasmed during foreplay or sex. I often wonder if it could be better.

 

Do I just suck it up and deal with it? Is poor sex life a reason to break up a family, it makes me feel like a whore. I've never had good sex, ever. So I'd be leaving for a fantasy, basically, that I might never have.

 

 

 

You're definitely frustrated, but do you really believe that cheating is your best option?

 

You're predictably using the excuse that you care about your child and worry over breaking up the family. If you dig deeply into your skewed reasoning it's obvious you are really not thinking about your child in a responsible way and it's all about you.

 

If truly care about your child and care about yourself you'll make the decision to part ways with you common law husband and amicably provide for your child.

 

Take the time to settle into a stable environment for your child and yourself and then as a single woman go explore your sexuality.

[somanymistakes]

Cheating is generally the worst option. It's a way to "avoid trouble" at the front, which will lead to much more trouble in the end.

 

Is this relationship good OTHER than the sex? If so, how much have you tried to fix the sex? Have you talked to him about it? Tried reading up on and experimenting with other techniques?

 

If he's not willing or able to improve in the bedroom but doesn't want to lose you, you can also talk to him about the option of consensual non-monogamy. Some relationships really do accept the option for you to have sex with someone else as long as rules are followed. (And while it's rare, there even are people who are turned on by their partner sleeping with someone else. Go figure.)

 

If this relationship isn't that great on top of the sex being a disaster, maybe you should just try to go for a more amicable breakup and settle that out before searching for new sexual partners.

[harrybrown]

has he ever talked to a doctor about his issues?

 

have you asked him to talk to the doctor or gone with him?

 

Cheating never made anything better. I agree with other responses.

 

It will make things worse.

 

have you talked to him about your feelings?

 

Have you tried other options, like the use of "toys", like a vibrator?

Not trying to be offensive, but there are other ways.

 

Does he ever offer oral?

 

for the sake of the child, i do hope you try other options, rather than cheating.

[Confused48]

You talk about leaving him. That is not cheating. You have the right to leave if you are unhappy. And, IMHO, if you desire satisfying sex, you should not try to deny yourself that.

 

Desiring satisfying sex does NOT make you a whore. Many people can be happy without it, that is true. But if you feel like you want it, as you have stated, then time is only going to make you more desperate to get it. You may even be tempted to cheat to get it. Which would be very regrettable.

 

So, either work with your current partner to get your very reasonable and understandable needs met. Or leave him. Before it gets to the point of desperation and lowering yourself to the status of a cheater. In my mind that is far worse than a whore.

[saddad44]

Don't cheat.

 

You have two options:

 

1. Talk with him, get in counseling, find a good one that focuses on sexual issues with couples.

 

2. Leave him, then explore your options as a single female

 

Do not cheat. Keep your dignity and conscience in check. It's not worth it - trust me. Learn the lesson that so many on this exact message board have learned. It's never worth it, it's never fulfilling and all it causes is a life time of regret.

 

Work on your relationship or leave. Only you can make that decision.

 

If you haven't had discussions with him, then it's worth at least trying to talk about it. Have you tried to guide him or teach him what you like? Do you even know what gets you off? These are discussions that he may find offensive because he may think all is peachy, particularly if you haven't discussed it with him.

 

Be open and be honest in your discussion (keep out the part that you thought about cheating). But tell him you aren't satisfied and want to fix it, here's how or here's what we can try...

 

DO

 

NOT

 

CHEAT!!

[Just a Guy]

Hi foix, can you let us know how and why you and your partner get together? Did both of you truly love each other or was it just temporary infatuation which evaporated after a while leaving both of you in a loveless relationship? You have said that you have been with your partner for six years and that you ate now 24 years old. That would mean you got together with him when you were 18 years old. That is a young age for someone to get into a long term relationship. The other thing is that you said you have been with three men( possibly that includes your partner) but sex with any of them had not been good. You also have said that foreplay has not added to your sexual pleasure and sex in general has not been pleasurable for you.

 

You have said nothing about the emotional state of your relationship currently. If everything else is alright with the relationship and sex is the only thorn in an otherwise happy relationship then maybe both you and your partner need professional help to enhance your sexual relationship. However, if your relationship as a whole is dysfunctional then it is best that you two go your separate ways. Something to think about. Warm wishes.

[alsudduth]

As someone who has both cheated and been cheated on, don't do it. It will be one of the single worst mistakes you will make in your life.

 

Communicate with your boyfriend, and maybe find a therapist that can attempt to help you with the intimacy issues.

[TwiceHurt]

Cheating will never solve problems, it will only multiply them.

 

Sure it's easy to just leave since you're not married....and if you didn't have a family with him I'd say just go.

 

But it's not just you. It's something that will change the life of the child you have as well. A child who didn't ask for any of this.

 

So in my opinion, it would be worth trying to fix before you leave. Talking to him is a great first step. Maybe counseling, maybe a sex therapist. Etc etc etc

 

If you do leave him, you want to be able to confidently say to your child "I did everything possible to save my relationship with your father so you could have a stable family life but it just wasn't possible" and feel good about it.

[Birdies]

SEX THERAPIST. See one. This could radically improve your life.

[Southern Sun]

As someone who cheated, AND dealt with almost the exact same sex problems, here's what I would suggest:

 

1) Cheating is a path to misery and is only an attempt to avoid problems and consequences...and it doesn't work.

 

2) If your intercourse lasts all of 30 seconds, I promise you your BF is not happy with that either...but extraordinarily embarrassed and sticking his head in the sand.

 

3) PE can be dealt with but he MUST stop avoiding the issue. Don't wait 15 years and finally cheat, like I did.

 

4) PE can make you feel like there is no intimacy at all, that your partner isn't even in the room with you. It made me feel like "a hole" (sorry, kind of gross). It wasn't what my partner intended at all, but considering how he had to check out in order to do anything with me, it was the unintended effect.

 

5) You MUST be assertive and tell him your needs if you want anything to change. This may be hard but cheating is harder, I promise. Either that or end the relationship. But letting years of this go by is a recipe for resentment and you will ruin your relationship.

 

Good luck.

[Robert]

Looks like a drive-by so we'll close this up until the thread starter returns. ~6