What can a girl do to get the man of her dreams?

[Soap]

Hey everyone. I'm a guy and I always constantly wonder...

 

What "tools" do girls have to attract men? Seeing that more and more men are getting "shyer" nowadays, I don't see how a girl with their more subtle methods will land them with the guy they truly want.

 

As a guy, although I get shot down by rejeciton, at least I have a better chance of getting the girl of my dreams simply becasue I interact with way more women.

 

Thoughts?

[Rosalind]

I think it's odd a guy would be asking these questions.

 

Are you considering trans-gender surgery? .....if you have no problems meeting and interacting with girls, then why would you care or even give a thought to what "tools" a girl uses to attract a guy. Why do you want to learn this?

[ReluctantRomeo]

Originally posted by Rosalind

Why do you want to learn this?

 

Soap wants to get into your head

 

In no particular order, girls use tools such as:

 

- dressing

- "I'm fun and interesting" behaviour near men, but casually, as if the men weren't there

- eye contact. Especially with the "hello" then look away, then look back.

- receptive body language.

[d'Arthez]

Originally posted by Soap

As a guy, although I get shot down by rejeciton, at least I have a better chance of getting the girl of my dreams simply becasue I interact with way more women.

 

It depends on the type of woman who is your dream girl. If she is shy and conservative, your manners and behaviors will have to be completely different, than when she is outgoing and open minded about everything.

If you have a reputation of being a great flirt, or even a Casanova, some women will not be interested in you because of that. Other girls will behave in a similar fashion, and don't see a problem with that.

 

Partly it is a numbers game, but if your dream girl is not artistically inclined, it will have little or no value to roam the art exhibits. You will simply not find her there, and all the interactions you will have will amount to little, if your goal is to find your dream girl. Substitute art with any interest she should not have as a dream girl.

 

If you want to be with a dream girl, you will have to be a dream man to her. That is the part of the equation we often forget though.

 

Seeing that more and more men are getting "shyer" nowadays, I don't see how a girl with their more subtle methods will land them with the guy they truly want.

The counter-trend is that more and more women get more assertive in picking their dates, and potential partners. And it is by no means true that an outgoing woman always goes for the outgoing man. Some are firmly convinced that the man should do all the running ("the Rules" comes to mind), but a lot of women don't mind asking a man out, or make a fair effort too.

 

But it all depends on the exact woman you are looking for. If you like a more conservative woman, ReluctantRomeo is spot on. And the shyness of the women can be an issue, especially if you are having a hard time reading the signals.

[Soap]

Thx for asking rosalind, but no worries, I'm intent on staying male for at least a couple more...decades. I guess I was curious because I saw an episode of "Desperate Housewives" the other day.

 

The point I'm trying to make is that even IF the girl was perfect (on the inside) in every way, all she could do to attract that 'special someone' is to sit there and start flashing some skin or cross her legs or whatever. She'll be at the whim of the men to pick up these signals. And even if they do, theres only a small chance they'lll act upon it (ie. approach her)

 

But if she takes action and approaches the guy, she'll be insta-labelled as a "slut" by everyone around. Great...

 

d'Arthez, you mentioned that men get labeled as well (great flirt/cassanova), but generally, it's easier for girls to be labelled a "slut" than it is for a man to be labelled a "player."

 

I guess being a man, I prefer the direct appraoch

[d'Arthez]

Originally posted by Soap

The point I'm trying to make is that even IF the girl was perfect (on the inside) in every way, all she could do to attract that 'special someone' is to sit there and start flashing some skin or cross her legs or whatever. She'll be at the whim of the men to pick up these signals. And even if they do, theres only a small chance they'lll act upon it (ie. approach her)

If she believes she has to abide by "the Rules", then yes, it gets quite tiresome for her. It does not mean that she will be interested in everything that appears to be somewhat human, of the male sex.

 

But if she takes action and approaches the guy, she'll be insta-labelled as a "slut" by everyone around. Great...

Not every woman lets herself be deterred by double standards. Luckily not. And besides, how could she be your dream girl, if she is passively waiting, for some guy to pick up the signals of interest? Does not assertiveness count for something, the not being bothered what others think of this type of behavior?

[Rosalind]

Originally posted by Soap

Thx for asking rosalind, but no worries, I'm intent on staying male for at least a couple more...decades. I guess I was curious because I saw an episode of "Desperate Housewives" the other day.

LOL...okay then

[Zephyr45]

This is actually an interesting question. If you stick with just the stereotype (or the "Rules") then yes, the way a woman finds a man is to select from the pool of men that happen to approach her. The way a man finds a woman is to target anyone they want, creating their own pool of possibilities, but the catch is that only a few will respond.

 

Is that the assumption here soap?

[Soap]

Zephyr45, you have explained EXACTLY what I've been trying to say.

 

D'arthez, the problem with a girl being assertive is that society has clouded our midns with stereotypes and values. So if a girl approaches a man, many of them will get uneasy (I've seen this happen to both myself, and my friends).

 

The solution? Remove our social conditioning! (harder said than done).

 

-peace-

[Neptune]

If a woman is interested in a man there are many subtle ways of making contact. If a man misses them , well, he has some learning to do. And 98% of men have some learning to do. Women`s means of communication are a little too advanced for most men and the men just don`t get it. But, it is all there. Oh, and I am not saying that I have it all figured out. Actually it is because I have stumbled , bumbled and struck out with women for so long that finally I came to understand what`s going on through a lot of study. But learning the language of women? Well, looks like I have run out of time!

[d'Arthez]

Originally posted by Soap

D'arthez, the problem with a girl being assertive is that society has clouded our midns with stereotypes and values. So if a girl approaches a man, many of them will get uneasy (I've seen this happen to both myself, and my friends).

 

The solution? Remove our social conditioning! (harder said than done).

 

The problem is not with the girls behaving in this or that way, but with the societal preconceptions that do exist, and subsequently influence our behaviors. If you don't care to much about these preconceptions, you simply don't mind if a woman is assertive.

 

Rules that women should be passive in as many ways as possible, and hold a small job, and take care of the children herself (if she has them) are fine and dandy for the group of women and men who believe that this is the way it should be. However for others, that may not be the case.

If a woman approached a man who defines gender roles so strictly, and he gets uneasy with it, things between the woman and man would not work out in all likelihood - unless one of them were to experience a complete metamorphosis.

 

That woman is not interested in establishing a relationship with all the men she asks out. One is enough. If she asks 10 guys, and 8 are uncomfortable, she still will have 2 dates, she selected herself. If she let herself be approached by 10 guys, chances are high that these guys are quite different from the guys she is interested in. Now she is doing the selecting, and presumably have made a slightly more solid foundation for whatever may develop.

 

You can't remove social conditioning easily. The only thing you can do yourself, is to try and not let the conditioning lead your thoughts.

[elijahBailey]

great thread.....

 

Originally posted by Neptune

If a woman is interested in a man there are many subtle ways of making contact. If a man misses them , well, he has some learning to do. And 98% of men have some learning to do. Women`s means of communication are a little too advanced for most men and the men just don`t get it. But, it is all there.

 

no way Neptune you serious about the 98%? I think it's actually pretty easy to understand women's subtle ways once you know what to look out for And it's not advanced in any ways.

 

Going back to what the OP asked... 'what tools do girls have to attract men' and land them a guy them want. hmmm, I never thought of their primal instincts as "tools"; they just KNOW how to get the attention. If you're a looker, dressing up and revealing some legs will do the trick. If you're average, you do what the looker does, but you might wanna exhibit some intellect to raise your stock value. And if you're none of the above, you just dress loudly and talk loudly. I always think it is innate in a woman to know how to seek attention; if one way doesn't work, there is always a workaround. This is the guiding principle behind how most, if not all, women behave.

 

Not all women get the men of the choice, just as it's the same the other way round. But the 'getting part' is the easy part. The OP didn't ask about the 'keeping part'. That's why many good lookin' people wind up with the short end of the stick after being taken advantage of, but the average Joe and the plain Janes who live happily ever after

[Zephyr45]

Originally posted by elijahBailey

Going back to what the OP asked... 'what tools do girls have to attract men' and land them a guy them want. hmmm, I never thought of their primal instincts as "tools"; they just KNOW how to get the attention. If you're a looker, dressing up and revealing some legs will do the trick. If you're average, you do what the looker does, but you might wanna exhibit some intellect to raise your stock value. And if you're none of the above, you just dress loudly and talk loudly. I always think it is innate in a woman to know how to seek attention; if one way doesn't work, there is always a workaround. This is the guiding principle behind how most, if not all, women behave.

 

Yes and no. I think. Just altering your looks will certainly affect who is attracted to them, but it won't necessarily attract the "dream guys" they want - depending on what they want. Suppose the woman would prefer a more reserved, shy guy. Just dressing sexy and going to a bar isn't going to really do the trick - shy guys would probably be LESS likely to approach her due to intimidation/nervousness.

 

So, I'll agree women know how to get attention in general, but I'm not sure we nailed down what specific methods they might use to get the attention from a specific type of guy they want. (Assuming in this hypothetical scenario that just going up and asking the guy out is out of the question.)

[elijahBailey]

Indeed. But there are no specifics here. But I tell ya, if a girl has a figure to flaunt, they *would* flaunt it. If a girl has a pretty face, she *would* emphasize it. It doesn't matter if they are in the dating scene or not. A lot of the married ones I've seen at work are still workin' ever so hard to get some attention by the way they dress. But I understand that it's the need to know that they 'still have it' when men look and ladies envy them.

[crazy_grl]

Originally posted by elijahBailey

I always think it is innate in a woman to know how to seek attention;

 

lol. You've just never noticed the ones who don't know how.

[Soap]

Lol, I described it is "tools" cause I couldn't think of a better word.

 

Anyways, I think the best chances a girl could have with a 'specific' man would be to give off some "signals" first. Show some legs, breaest, flick of the hair, etc.

 

And if that doesn't work, she'll have to approach with the mindset of 50% being friendly, 50% being sexual. The reason for this is because if she goes all out sexual, the guy will either: a) get freaked out or b) one night stand her.

 

And if it's 100% friendly...then the man willl just put her in his friendzone.

 

Watcha think?

[Neptune]

Whatcha think?

I think the 50% of the human race that can answer this best has been completely silent on this matter. Oh sure, a few women have responded to this thread but they gave not one clue to answer the question. So ya see....what I say I stand by. Women have a much different system of communication. And part of that is not talking about it

[Rosalind]

<--------chick here

 

Hey dudes....whatchoo you want?

 

I'm not giving away my 'secrets'

 

Rosalind

[Neptune]

One picture is worth a thousand words

[centered]

Originally posted by Neptune

Whatcha think?

I think the 50% of the human race that can answer this best has been completely silent on this matter. Oh sure, a few women have responded to this thread but they gave not one clue to answer the question. So ya see....what I say I stand by. Women have a much different system of communication. And part of that is not talking about it

 

Okay, okay! Here is how we do it:

 

1) On the last Sunday of each month, at 3 am, we fill a basin with water, add a sprig of rosemary, a few drops of vanilla, and a cinnamon stick.

2) We stir this recipe with our toes for 40 minutes while humming the lullaby our great great grandmothers sang to their childhood dolls.

3) After the blending is complete, we wash our hair with the mixture, carefully working the essence through from root to tip.

4) We wring our hair by candlelight as we conjure details of the man we desire in our minds.

5) When our hair is dry, we powder ourselves with myrrh mixed with honey and amber dust, slip into our sexiest lingerie, and recline on our bed with a dreamy, doe-eyed expression until sweet sleep steals over us and we are carried off into our fantasy.

6) Upon awakening, any man we make eye contact with is powerless to overcome the spell we have woven around ourselves.

 

Simple, yes? So now you know!

[amerikajin]

It's really simple for women. If you look attractive, aren't a b!tch or neurotic, and are somewhat interesting to talk to, you can get the guy of your dreams.

 

It's men who have to worry about being confident and all this other crap.

[d'Arthez]

Define the dream guy first. Likewise define the dreamgirl.

If you are a homeless guy, with no penny and no substantial achievements, and your dream girl was Britney Spears, you can come up with tactic and tactic, but it simply won't work.

 

A guy must be a a dream guy to his dreamgirl too. Or are we forgetting something here?

 

If a woman wants the highly outgoing guy, who radiates sexiness, chances are high that the same tactic would not work on the shy D&D-roleplaying guy.

If he has to possess at least three Ferraris, it is the man who has to do all the work. If he inherits the money of a rich uncle or something like that, he practically does nothing.

You are not likely to meet either of these guys like that in a sleazy bar. Even if you do, they probably will be highly uncomfortable in that setting. It would not make it easier for them to spot the dream-girl, would not it?

 

Like-wise men are not of the mind-set that anything goes (although some men are barely thinking of that though), so to limit the role of the woman as a sort of living doll, is a gross underestimation of what she has to do.

 

In short, it is impossible to answer this question, given the lack of specifics. You cannot know before meeting and talking for a long time with a person, whether he or she would be a dreamguy / girl. All the signs that a woman could give to a man are indicative of interest or lack of interest, but nothing more than that. Interest that can be killed by both persons, by using simple words.

[krystalboricua]

hey if i was boycrazy,how cani change that? i need help. being boy crazy is reuining my life and my parents

[elijahBailey]

Originally posted by crazy_grl

lol. You've just never noticed the ones who don't know how.

 

sorry for the late reply. I took a day off to verify if such women as you've described exists..... None found so far..... but I'll keep a look-out though

 

no, but seriously..... there are many decent women around who'd not even try once they are in a committed relationship. These are the ones that earn my respect.

[crazy_grl]

Originally posted by elijahBailey

sorry for the late reply. I took a day off to verify if such women as you've described exists..... None found so far..... but I'll keep a look-out though

 

Wow. I wasn't expecting to spawn any social experiments. Maybe you're not looking in the right place. Maybe try a a grocery store. A lot of different types of people go there, because everybody needs food.

 

There are some girls you might not even notice are female at first glance, not because they're ugly, but because they're basically tom boys. Most women grow out of it and learn how to get a man's attention, but some don't.

 

You'll notice that some women are a lot better at it than others, and like d'Arthez said, it depends on what type of guy you're trying to get the attention of.