Tips for spicing up a LDR

[inareflection]

Hi everyone,

 

I have been in a relationship with my SO for about 8 months now, and have been in a LDR with her for the past 2 months. Things between us over the past few weeks seem to be feeling a bit stale for me. I feel not only physically distant from her (for obvious reasons), but emotionally distant, romantically distant, sexually distant etc. I just feel distant from her. I find myself not fantasizing about her sexually as much as I used to. The thought of growing more and more distant from her saddens me deeply.

 

I would love to know some practical ways to help spice things up between us and create more passion, fun and excitement.

 

Thanks for your offerings

[d0nnivain]

Go there. Nothing will repair this more than actually being together.

 

 

If that is not an option at least try to Skype or FaceTime

[Whodatdog]

LDRs are just not natural. To grow a relationship, you have to actually spend time together.

[Titanll]

Do you not see her at all?

 

I would be searching for something more than to spice up an ldr. If I had to go without seeing my SO for some period of time, I can't imagine things feeling stale. I would expect quite the opposite. Do you know how she feels?

[inareflection]

Go there. Nothing will repair this more than actually being together.

 

 

If that is not an option at least try to Skype or FaceTime

 

Of course. Ultimately that is what we both want; to be together again.

It's very hard currently though as she had to go back home to her home country, and I'm in Australia, so there's a huge distance between us, not to mention a lot of money required to be with each other again. There's also a lot of visa requirements necessary to plan a long-term future together.

We are both saving though and planning a holiday to meet up again within the next few months. We also have longer term plans to live and travel together in another country where we are both eligible for working holidays.

 

As for Skype, we have regular Skype date nights. Usually 2 or 3 per week. It's these Skype dates that we have which I was kinda referring to in my original post. While I love catching up with my lady, sometimes it feels a bit stale because we are catching up via conversation mostly.

Imagine being with a partner in person and living together, but only ever talking to each other; expressing feelings through words and facial movements yet never touching one another. It's so painful and frustrating sometimes.

 

I want to learn other ways to share feelings of desire and longing without being able to touch her or kiss her or hold her. Practical ways. If anyone here is in a LDR, what do you do with each other when you Skype date? Do you just talk? Do you play games? Do you read to each other? Sing to each other?

And how do you keep things fresh between you sexually? Do you sext? Do you send pics back and forth? Videos?

[d0nnivain]

Years ago before the internet & cell phones I did a bi-coastal LDR. We each wrote the other a snail mail letter every day. They often crossed in the mail. On Wednesday nights after 11 p.m. my time we had a 1 hour phone call.

 

We did not sext. The letters were romantic not sexual. The phone calls were pretty tame too.

 

When one of did something unusual we'd send the other a cute trinket. He lived near Disney so I got a lot of Disney stuff when he'd take visitors to the park. I lived near NYC so he'd get an I heart NY pencil or something. It helped us remember that we'd prefer to do these things with each other but it wasn't possible.

[LovelyRose]

At Donavain, how long did it last? Also how often did you see each other?

[Els]

It really depends on what works for both of you. When we were in a very long distance R we webcammed a lot. Not as explicitly as one might think, but being able to see the other person's facial expressions, etc... that meant a lot to us. My SO would just leave his webcam on the entire time, like a private 24/7 stream. So if I wanted to, I would tune in at any time (using the Skype auto-call feature where you allow certain callers to always just go through), and see what he was doing, even if he was sleeping or away. That made him feel closer to me, almost like we were sharing a life (although, obviously, not exactly). I didn't have the bandwidth to do that myself, but I left my Skype on whenever I was awake and at home as well.

 

If anyone here is in a LDR, what do you do with each other when you Skype date? Do you just talk? Do you play games? Do you read to each other? Sing to each other?

Yes to everything. We also sent gifts in the mail occasionally, spent a lot of time planning visits, talking about our sexual fantasies, etc.

 

We were LD for 2 years before we closed the distance, if that helps.

Edited May 29, 2017 by Elswyth

[RichardGhval]

Pretty good stuff there Chel.

 

Thanks for sharing this information and I enjoyed the site links. Will go back for further study.

[inareflection]

It really depends on what works for both of you. When we were in a very long distance R we webcammed a lot. Not as explicitly as one might think, but being able to see the other person's facial expressions, etc... that meant a lot to us. My SO would just leave his webcam on the entire time, like a private 24/7 stream. So if I wanted to, I would tune in at any time (using the Skype auto-call feature where you allow certain callers to always just go through), and see what he was doing, even if he was sleeping or away. That made him feel closer to me, almost like we were sharing a life (although, obviously, not exactly). I didn't have the bandwidth to do that myself, but I left my Skype on whenever I was awake and at home as well.

 

Yes to everything. We also sent gifts in the mail occasionally, spent a lot of time planning visits, talking about our sexual fantasies, etc.

 

We were LD for 2 years before we closed the distance, if that helps.

Thanks for sharing your experience!

 

That's kinda cool that you could just tune in to each other's lives with Skype being left on all the time. I am glad to hear of a LDR success story too! Of course my partner and I ideally want to close the distance between us permanently, but while that is just not possible at the moment I want to try different things to keep the magic and spark alive in our relationship. I am going to read a book to her next time we talk. Not all in one go of course!! I think sharing experiences like that could be really lovely for us, and connective.

 

So are you both still together currently? I would love to hear more of your relationship and how it went from 2 years LDR into what it is now if you care to share!

[Els]

Thanks for sharing your experience!

 

That's kinda cool that you could just tune in to each other's lives with Skype being left on all the time. I am glad to hear of a LDR success story too! Of course my partner and I ideally want to close the distance between us permanently, but while that is just not possible at the moment I want to try different things to keep the magic and spark alive in our relationship. I am going to read a book to her next time we talk. Not all in one go of course!! I think sharing experiences like that could be really lovely for us, and connective.

 

So are you both still together currently? I would love to hear more of your relationship and how it went from 2 years LDR into what it is now if you care to share!

 

Yes, we closed the distance 6+ years ago, and we're still happily together currently. A LDR is definitely doable with persistence and effort, but without a doubt the long-distance phase was the most difficult one for us by far. Having a concrete plan for closing the distance is crucial IMO (it doesnt have to be possible at the moment, but you would ideally be talking and planning about how you would do it when the time comes). Of course, the other things that you're trying to do (spice things up by doing different stuff together, making the most of what you can do despite the distance) are important too.

 

All the best!