BluesPower Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 ruined_my_love... Do you think the things you have done for the marriage make up for your 18 month affair? Do you really think that? Do you expect him to not be as angry as he is. This is the stuff you have to take until he gets to a better place. You might as well call in the dogs. You do not have what it takes to help your husband heal. You still do not realize what you have done. Maybe you never will. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Heathen Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 There is no point in a polygraph. This guy is gone. If not now then very soon. For some, one affair is enough and this appears to be the case. I understand that ruined feels that for all the good she has done in the marriage, that she deserves a second chance. She probably feels she is not a bad person and it was only 3 times. Unfortunately for her, She married a guy with strong boundaries. MTH, Your most recent post focuses on his anger at you recently. perhaps you should focus on his most recent statement Originally Posted by Texashunter To be honest, with everything I've read now I think this is over and I just don't want to see it..I hate that she's pregnant now with our 4th child.....(etc) I just can't take it anymore.. You have a serious problem and it looks like your time is up. You had better figure out a better way to communicate why he should stay with you, rather than rant about his anger and your work history. Link to post Share on other sites
ruined_my_love Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 ruined_my_love... Do you think the things you have done for the marriage make up for your 18 month affair? Do you really think that? Do you expect him to not be as angry as he is. This is the stuff you have to take until he gets to a better place. You might as well call in the dogs. You do not have what it takes to help your husband heal. You still do not realize what you have done. Maybe you never will. Of course I do not think that anything I have ever done makes up for or in any way justifies having an affair. I do expect him to be angry, and I fully understand that it is my responsibility to be there for him and to help him heal. But I cannot force feed him. I love him and I want to be here for him. I am doing everything I can to show that. Link to post Share on other sites
harrybrown Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 Would you and he benefit from going to a session with affair-recovery.com? You can find them online. Contact them and see what they think. You do have the kids to also think about how this impacts them. Good luck to your family. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Texashunter Posted April 13, 2017 Author Share Posted April 13, 2017 She looked into it but dear god they are expensive.. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
harrybrown Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 they have a free drawing each month. Send them an email about your situation. They may enter you into the free drawing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 (edited) She looked into it but dear god they are expensive.. So she can fly out and sleep with this guy but there is a complaint about the price of a poly? You're talking about the future of your kids here, how they will spend these very formative years. Is it too high for that? Edited April 13, 2017 by DKT3 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Texashunter Posted April 13, 2017 Author Share Posted April 13, 2017 (edited) She hasn't complained..she's been the one lookiing into it but it's been me..3k for a weekend deal..I'll give her that she has been reading and looking into things. Edited April 13, 2017 by Texashunter Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 She hasn't complained..she's been the one lookiing into it but it's been me..3k for a weekend deal..I'll give her that she has been reading and looking into things. Oh, I'm talking poly, none of the other stuff matters if she is still lying Link to post Share on other sites
Author Texashunter Posted April 13, 2017 Author Share Posted April 13, 2017 Sorry at a bar and I've had a few drinks..didn't read it through..but she has said she would gontake a poly.. Link to post Share on other sites
GoldenR Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 TH - This is one of the most saddening threads I've ever read. My heart goes out to you, brother. Stay strong, and always remember, no matter what happens, it will get better. Eventually....somehow, someway, it always does. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
QuietDan Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 Of course I do not think that anything I have ever done makes up for or in any way justifies having an affair. I do expect him to be angry, and I fully understand that it is my responsibility to be there for him and to help him heal. But I cannot force feed him. I love him and I want to be here for him. I am doing everything I can to show that. I wish you strarted posting a lot earlier in this. You would have gotten a lotvof heat and tough love. But, I think you might have had an ah... ha... Moment on a couple of things. You two might have better odds for reconciliation. One thing I noticed is this sort gove and take thing on your part of things. You take the blame with one hand, then backhand the blame with the other. The waywards who are serious about reconciliation and seem to be more successful with higher chances of success do a better job at controlling themselves and don't do it as much as you seem to be. Right now, the voice / style/ type of things you say and how you say it, generally, puts you in the group of waywards who seem to have the least amount of success with the reconciliation process. I really hope the best for you two and your family. I seem to be noticing a pattern with long term waywards. The heart seems to harden and the reasonses take on more defensive /combative tone. Since this is longer running than the typical ONS or even the 1 week to 3 month short term affair category, this is very much a longer life style choice type situation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GoldenR Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 One thing I noticed is this sort of give and take thing on your part of things. You take the blame with one hand, then backhand the blame with the other. The waywards who are serious about reconciliation and seem to be more successful with higher chances of success do a better job at controlling themselves and don't do it as much as you seem to be. Right now, the voice / style/ type of things you say and how you say it, generally, puts you in the group of waywards who seem to have the least amount of success with the reconciliation process. I really hope the best for you two and your family. I've noticed this in your postings as well. You're tone is very much, "I said I'm sorry! And I mean it! What else do you want from me?!". Link to post Share on other sites
Author Texashunter Posted April 13, 2017 Author Share Posted April 13, 2017 The length of the affair still confuses me..there was no love and want to leave for the AP but yet it just keep going even without having any more physical contact..maybe that's just me..why continue something for that long 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 The length of the affair still confuses me..there was no love and want to leave for the AP but yet it just keep going even without having any more physical contact..maybe that's just me..why continue something for that long Asked my ExW the same thing, when she said the OMM is a Jerk, everyone hates him, and he is scum. You know her response? "I don't know". Get use to that answer. Brother, it still hurts thinking about it, and its been 10 years. It goes back to what I said before, "If you bang a guy you don't like, what will happen when a Hot good looking guy shows you some attention?" Hang in there. Pulling for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Doorstopper Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 It was more an EA,emotional affair, than a physical one. My wife had a 9 month emotional affair, with someone she went to high School with, but barely knew. I can sort of understand the woman getting the emotional connection, but don't see what the man got out of it. My D-Day was also Oct 26 but a year earlier, so we are approaching 18months. I'd like to tell you, the anger will go away soon, but that would not be true. One thing to I'd like to caution you about; Don't make decisions based on what others are telling you. You need to think it out for yourself. I've seen a lot of "piling on" in this and other threads. Ultimately, you are the one who has to decide how to proceed, and live with that decision. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Doorstopper Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 The length of the affair still confuses me..there was no love and want to leave for the AP but yet it just keep going even without having any more physical contact..maybe that's just me..why continue something for that long It was more an EA,emotional affair, than a physical one. My wife had a 9 month emotional affair, with someone she went to high School with, but barely knew. I can sort of understand the woman getting the emotional connection, but don't see what the man got out of it. My D-Day was also Oct 26 but a year earlier, so we are approaching 18months. I'd like to tell you, the anger will go away soon, but that would not be true. One thing to I'd like to caution you about; Don't make decisions based on what others are telling you. You need to think it out for yourself. I've seen a lot of "piling on" in this and other threads. Ultimately, you are the one who has to decide how to proceed, and live with that decision. Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 The length of the affair still confuses me..there was no love and want to leave for the AP but yet it just keep going even without having any more physical contact..maybe that's just me..why continue something for that long You know that she is lying about the sex. It is a total lie. She would not have gone back if it was not good. Better, maybe not, but bad, no way. I wish she would admit that. Next, they were sending jackoff videos to each other and pics and getting their thrills other ways. Further, if you had not caught her, they would have figured out how to do another trip and screw as much as they could. She really has not been truthful about very much. A poly may tell you a lot. So you need to do that. But she is really not sorry and totally not remorseful. The tone of her posts are like many have said. She is in damage control and that is it. Isn't it funny that she turned up pregnant. She probably thought that would keep you from divorcing her. And Ruined, feel free to dispute me. I would like to hear what you have to say. I had a wife like you and all she did was cry and say sorry. She was not sorry. She is sorry now, that she is living in a rented house. She is sorry that she has to get a job. She is sorry that my smoking hot GF is 12 years younger than her. She is sorry that I am not a stooge for her anymore, but she is not sorry that she screwed me over for 26 years. Ruined, listen...You have absolutely no idea how much your H is hurting. You have no concept of how much you have hurt him, or you would not be worried that he is cussing at you and calling you names. But when he divorces you, and you have time to think about it, in a few years, you will start to understand. But by then, you will have a new stud that will bang you and leave you. You your husband will have a beautiful younger woman that is way smarter than you. She will know how to keep him happy and she will love him. Is any of this starting to register with you, as much as you think you understand, you understand nothing at all. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Texashunter Posted April 13, 2017 Author Share Posted April 13, 2017 Asked my ExW the same thing, when she said the OMM is a Jerk, everyone hates him, and he is scum. You know her response? "I don't know". Get use to that answer. Brother, it still hurts thinking about it, and its been 10 years. It goes back to what I said before, "If you bang a guy you don't like, what will happen when a Hot good looking guy shows you some attention?" Hang in there. Pulling for you. But that's the thing, when I meet the guy the first time I knew he was a douche. He was overly cocky and thought he was a billy bad ass because he was in the army. He was a punk pvt..he told her he was ranger..which was also false as sht..she said she like him because she thought was was very confident. That's she found him attractive. But if you saw they guy you'd go horse sht..he looks like a scum bag. Ya so he was a little bit more fit..but wormy..not muscled or really cut looking..I have way larger muscle mass then him and she chose him to screw me over with..what's that say about me and my looks?? I would have at least given her credit if she had upgraded to a hot guy..but this lil bith was anything special at all..and that's being nice.. so it tells me I'm not attractive to her and not good looking at all to mess with him and want him so badly she would fly..not to mention cheat for 17 months..and then to do anything he desired without hesitation...you want to kill someone's self image...she killed it, burnt it and threw i in the trash.. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Texashunter Posted April 13, 2017 Author Share Posted April 13, 2017 It was more an EA,emotional affair, than a physical one. My wife had a 9 month emotional affair, with someone she went to high School with, but barely knew. I can sort of understand the woman getting the emotional connection, but don't see what the man got out of it. My D-Day was also Oct 26 but a year earlier, so we are approaching 18months. I'd like to tell you, the anger will go away soon, but that would not be true. One thing to I'd like to caution you about; Don't make decisions based on what others are telling you. You need to think it out for yourself. I've seen a lot of "piling on" in this and other threads. Ultimately, you are the one who has to decide how to proceed, and live with that decision. He got sex with her at least twice and got to do what ever he wanted with her, he got to make sex videos of the 2 of them..he got as many sex picture and I mean a lot when ever he ask..and she would do it no matter where she was, home and around us. She sent him video of her playing with herself and he got to face time with her and watch her play with herself live while she got to watch him jerk off..plus she boosted his ego by telling him how great he was in bed and how bad she wanted him.. Link to post Share on other sites
harrybrown Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 So sorry. I do not see how you can get past this. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Doorstopper Posted April 14, 2017 Share Posted April 14, 2017 (edited) He got sex with her at least twice and got to do what ever he wanted with her, he got to make sex videos of the 2 of them..he got as many sex picture and I mean a lot when ever he ask..and she would do it no matter where she was, home and around us. She sent him video of her playing with herself and he got to face time with her and watch her play with herself live while she got to watch him jerk off..plus she boosted his ego by telling him how great he was in bed and how bad she wanted him.. Well, when you look at it that way .... He sounds pathetic! And in no way am I trying to minimize what your wife did. Edited April 14, 2017 by Doorstopper 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted April 14, 2017 Share Posted April 14, 2017 The length of the affair still confuses me..there was no love and want to leave for the AP but yet it just keep going even without having any more physical contact..maybe that's just me..why continue something for that long It's an addiction. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Blunt Posted April 14, 2017 Share Posted April 14, 2017 By Texas Hunter He got sex with her at least twice and got to do whatever he wanted with her, he got to make sex videos of the 2 of them..he got as many sex picture and I mean a lot when ever he ask..and she would do it no matter where she was, home and around us. She sent him video of her playing with herself and he got to face time with her and watch her play with herself live while she got to watch him jerk off..plus she boosted his ego by telling him how great he was in bed and how bad she wanted him.. “..,..cheat for 17 months..and then to do anything he desired without hesitation...you want to kill someone's self-image...she killed it, burnt it and threw I in the trash.. By Blunt Texas Hunter, You need to ask yourself if you can live with this kind of torture…It does not matter how many tears she now has, great damage has already been done. Texas, you cannot afford to remain in the state that your self-esteem has been killed, burnt, and thrown in the trash. You have to start getting better and that means that you force yourself to focus 100% on yourself. Force yourself to put your wife out of your mind and thoughts; at this time she brings more pain than healing. Right now your wife seems to be very honest but that is not near enough help. Focus all your energy and actions on your short term plan and your long term plan for YOU to start getting better. Forget about your marriage for now. Your emotional life is at stake and you must save yourself. Stop spending emotional energy thinking about the betrayal and direct all your attention on you building yourself up. To Ruined My Love, Stop trying to save your marriage and start taking action for you to rebuild.. You and your husband or x-husband will have four innocent children to care for and your badly damaged emotions will hurt your children unless you get better. Do not waste time trying to get Texas Hunter to have a loving relationship you; at this time he is not about to have any love for you; you are his betrayer and have stabbed him in the back. Save yourself not your marriage as you will be responsible for helping raise your children so put your children ahead of your desire for a relationship with a man and improve your character. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted April 14, 2017 Share Posted April 14, 2017 (edited) First let me just say that people trying to save their marriage don't have attitude. I have brought up the video's three times without one response from ruined_my_life. I didn't know there was more then one video, sorry. You've mentioned that sex only happened a few times, sex that is live via skype, face time or cell phone has the same ending as physical sex, they both climax together in real time. Doing it with her boyfriend while you and your children are home says a lot about who she really is and what was important to her. At least you know which of her cloths should be shredded or burned, they are nicely recorded on video and in photographs, nothing like seeing her wear these things in the house to set you off. Has her consular said anything about her allowing the other man the approval to make video's of their sex? I have such a hard time believing it meant nothing yet it went on for 18 months and video's were made to remember the experience. Actions don't match some of the words being spoken. Four children don't deserve this, they are innocent. Edited April 14, 2017 by aliveagain 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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