Jump to content

Trying to understand wife's [past] affair


Recommended Posts

  • Author
Texashunter
If you hate her - why did you two choose to bring another child into the world?

 

Yeah... Perhaps reconciliation isn't in the cards.

 

Both my husband and I have cheated in our 15 years together. There was pain, sorrow, guilt, hurt - but HATE? We have never held hate in our hearts, I don't know that hate could be recovered from.

 

She hated me..she has admitted that she hated me and wanted to hurt me..that once the affair started she then just didn't want to get caught..she hated me for bs reasons...I hate her for not caring about how this would effect our children..I don't care about myself..but my kids..what the F did they do to her for her to ruin their lives?? Oh as long as no one found out no one would get hurt right?? That's a bunch of bs..in fact..she was so worried about them..why do it around them or when she was supposed to be spending time with them..just be with our boys and playing with he boyfriend...I feel I'm allowed to hate for awhile..do what you want to adults..but when it comes to kids I will not show that kind of kindness you seek..she had plenty of chance to stop it..

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
I'm still lost..I don't know what I'm doing..just kind of in this fog and can't find my way out..I want to figure out things before having to break my family apart because of her actions..I don't want to make dissions when I'm like this..I have 3 boys futures at stake..and how do you leave someone when they are pregnant with another one of your children..I can't do it in good conscience..I hate her and am disgusted with her..but that's my baby in her..it deserves my care..I do for my children..not her..I'm still a man and a father who prizes his children beyond my happiness and pain..as long as they are mine I will not let them down. Even this new one that is due in Nov..they don't deserve to have a mother like her..but they do deserve their father keeping them together.

 

You realize you will be jeopardizing your children's future if you stay married to someone you hate, right? And that you don't have to stay together JUST because you have kids...

 

I get that you're angry and I'm not condoning your wife's actions.....I am a BS AND a WS (in that order), so i have a semi unique viewpoint because I can see both sides of your coin. It just sounds like based on this thread you are not going to be able to forgive your Wife, in which case MC is a lost cause, and I would instead recommend family counseling to help your family cope with the changes it will have in divorce and how to work together to co parent.

 

I don't know your whole story, but I disagree that just because a person has an affair, that they are a horrible parent. Even through my H's affair, I never thought he was a bad dad. Selfish, but not a bad parent. And ditto for me. I am a great mom, who had a period of extreme selfishness.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
If you hate her - why did you two choose to bring another child into the world?

 

Yeah... Perhaps reconciliation isn't in the cards.

 

Both my husband and I have cheated in our 15 years together. There was pain, sorrow, guilt, hurt - but HATE? We have never held hate in our hearts, I don't know that hate could be recovered from.

 

TRUTH! There has never been HATE on my end either for me and my H during both our affairs.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
frigginlost
TRUTH! There has never been HATE on my end either for me and my H during both our affairs.

 

Cheaters don't have the ability to hate. Hate is an emotion that is trumped by guilt...

 

OP, she sounds like she is willing to grab a shovel and work. FWIW, I had feelings of hate when my ex cheated. It's normal. It's hard to work through put it's an extension of extreme hurt. I was able to work past it and we ended up staying together another 2 years... before she cheated again...

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
ruined_my_love
She hated me..she has admitted that she hated me and wanted to hurt me..that once the affair started she then just didn't want to get caught..she hated me for bs reasons...

 

I do not HATE you....I was unhappy, and frustrated and angry and hurt. And these were all things that I brought upon myself. Just like most WW, there really is NO GOOD REASON for what I did. I was not being abused, I was not being locked away - you are right - you were the perfect husband and we had a perfect life. But still, I was unhappy. And I know that it was my fault - my fault that you were depressed and that I didn't know how to handle it, my fault that I felt like I needed to take care of everyone else but then didn't take care of you the way you needed me. I take full responsibility for what I have done and how I have hurt you and our family. I am truly sorry. I beg for a chance to "make it right" and I know that I can never achieve that, but I will die trying. I love you and I love our boys and I don't want to continue hurting you or them.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Texashunter
Cheaters don't have the ability to hate. Hate is an emotion that is trumped by guilt...

 

OP, she sounds like she is willing to grab a shovel and work. FWIW, I had feelings of hate when my ex cheated. It's normal. It's hard to work through put it's an extension of extreme hurt. I was able to work past it and we ended up staying together another 2 years... before she cheated again...

 

May I ask what lead to her second affair? That tends to still be a fear for me and My oldest son..that once things clam down and she ends up going back to her old ways that she will end up doing something again despite what she says..this largely due to the fact that I don't trust a word she says..

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

The part of this that would really get to me is the whole "it to my AP to awaken these sexual desires within myself. And now I want to do these things with you".

 

Idk how you get past that, TH. The situation you're in really sucks. I'm sorry that you're going thru this.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
Cheaters don't have the ability to hate. Hate is an emotion that is trumped by guilt...

 

 

This is one of the most ridiculous things I've ever heard. I didn't hate my husband EVER at any point during or after his affair. I was angry and hurt and betrayed but I never have hated him. ever. And that was before I cheated.

 

One bit of advise for you, OP....don't have a revenge affair...I did and it wasn't worth it. It doesn't make things better, It doesn't make everything hunky dory, even stevens. It only will add to confusion, hurt, anger and pain for your kids.

 

Not saying you will, but I think I read somewhere where you had thought about it.

Link to post
Share on other sites
frigginlost
May I ask what lead to her second affair? That tends to still be a fear for me and My oldest son..that once things clam down and she ends up going back to her old ways that she will end up doing something again despite what she says..this largely due to the fact that I don't trust a word she says..

 

Sure. Working through an affair/being cheated on is not easy for the person who cheats. We as the damaged party ride a roller coaster of hell that plays out in our heads. Our self-esteem is absolutely smashed. We continually have questions for months/years after d-day. It is very rare that the cheating party can keep up with them. They go full-bore into fixing what they broke but withing a couple months those same feelings that led to the cheating return. Since the focus is entirely on your healing from what they did, they feel as if they are not getting anything regarding attention to their needs.

 

My ex was absolutely that perfect "let me fix this" person for about 6 months. Then cracks started to appear. Triggers that would cause me to go silent started to annoy her. I would try to communicate, but it was wearing on her that it was still an issue (sorry, 6 months is nothing when trying to get over something as bad as being cheated on).

 

After a year or so things started to play out in an accelerated pace. Talks of the cheating more or less stopped, but the damage was done. During that year she reverted to her not getting what she wanted out of the relationship and struck up a "friendship" with an ex. I knew the clues to look for, and I knew the playbook she read from, but this time I was going to control it.

 

I waited for concrete evidence, got it, opened the front door and closed it behind me. I never looked back.

 

Regardless of what your wife is saying, you will not know anything about how bad she wants to fix it for at least 6 months from now.

 

It's a big risk... but my father took it with my mom and they lived happily ever after.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Texashunter

I feel that her actions are temporary..once she doesn't see the results she thinks she she have she will revert back and find another sucker to play with..she's not known for taking care of the things she has. When things don't go her way she runs..to difficult for her to fix easy thing..she likes to take things that are easily fixed and leave them for life to just fix on its own..to much effort expected out of her other wise

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
ruined_my_love
Regardless of what your wife is saying, you will not know anything about how bad she wants to fix it for at least 6 months from now.

 

It's a big risk... but my father took it with my mom and they lived happily ever after.

 

 

 

We are in month 7 now...it is hard....I want so badly for him to be 'happy' or at least be OK...I am being patient....I am trying. I know we can work through this and I know we can be happy together again at some point in the future, but having it pushed down your throat everyday how much you are hated and how big of a whore you are....that does get tough to swallow. But I will not give up. I love my husband and I love my family and I don't care about me....if he wants me, I am his, as I was for 10.5 years and as I should have always been. I can't take back what I have done. But I can work like hell to show my family what they mean to me.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Texashunter

She could have had everything she was looking for in the affair at home had she just tried..but that was too difficult..it was easier for her to find someone else and wait till it just magically fixed it self..if not no big thing..she had everything she needed from her family and the rest from her AP..she was living the good life sort to speak.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

It appears we have both spouses in this story posting here on a marriage in recovery so here's the directive:

 

1. Focus on the marriage in recovery

 

2. All parties are to be treated with equal civility and respect

 

3. Remember this is posted in our Marriage and Life Partnerships forum and that, while relevant as history, any affairs are in the past.

 

Engage in infidelity rhetoric at your own peril.

 

I merged this latest thread with the background thread which had over 360 posts in it. If unfamiliar with the story, plenty to read.

 

Thanks!

Edited by William
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
harrybrown

Good luck to you.

 

Her words are words. Look for actions.

 

I forget-

 

did she sign a post nup?

 

after my friends wife cheated the second time, he divorced. He tried but the second time put him in a bigger world of hurt. If that is possible.

 

She tried to come back again, but he told her she had burned all the bridges to the ground.

Link to post
Share on other sites
May I ask what lead to her second affair? That tends to still be a fear for me and My oldest son..that once things clam down and she ends up going back to her old ways that she will end up doing something again despite what she says..this largely due to the fact that I don't trust a word she says..

 

In your case (I went back and read your first post) I can definitely see why this would be a concern for you. You were the perfect husband to her (by her own admission as well) And has no solid reasons for why she chose to cheat so I may be projecting my own scenario onto yours incorrectly. For example my H was NOT a good husband to me for a very long time, even past his own affair. He didn't really start trying to change until I was already in an affair and I told him I wanted out.

 

It has taken 4 years of awful ups and downs for my H and I to both get to a place where we are honestly working together to try and make this marriage a happy one. And progress is made everyday, TH......My point in saying that is that even though this was your wife's awful choice....if you haven't started divorce proceedings yet, and aren't 100% sure you want a divorce....you will never allow her to make progress if you push back on EVERYTHING she is trying to do to show remorse. I imagine it would get tiring if even after 7 months you are still pushing back on everything she is trying to do. And maybe she isn't doing anything, I don't know that part...

 

If you don't feel like you can give her even an inch or hope or encouragement that she is moving in the right direction at least to begin making this right (Which is your choice to forgive or not 100%), then you need to leave her. don't waste years in an unhappy situation if you can't get past it.

 

May I ask what you have asked of her that she hasn't been willing to do? Or what she isn't doing that would maybe make it easier to soften the edges around the horrible situation your family is in?

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Cephalopod

He was not a perfect husband.

 

Read again what she wrote:

 

The affair also sparked a light that lit the bomb that blew my sexuality out of that bottle I had placed it in. I had not felt horny and that kind of want in a long time.

 

What? I don't even know what this means. So during their marriage she had her sexuality capped up in a bottle? Why wasn't her "perfect" husband allowed to uncork it? Hmmm... maybe because he wasn't perfect. Maybe he didn't possess the corkscrew necessary...

 

I feel like what I got out of it was sexual validation without expectation or judgment. He wanted me, for me, or what little he knew of me, and there was no expectation to go along with it.

 

So TH is judgmental? Well wait, I thought she said he was perfect. I guess

 

TH didn't want her for her?... Well I wonder, what would he want her for? A partner for contract bridge?

 

Oh... so TH just expected sex from her? The other man didn't I guess. Hmmm...

 

I found out that I CAN be a sexual being and still be a mother and a caregiver.

 

But not a wife... Notice how "wife" didn't make it into that sentence. That is telling.

 

The buildup of the years prior, the miscarriages, the babies back to back, bringing Logan into our family and then losing him, your depression, my inability to find a way to reach you – all these things led me to the place I was when this started. Having friends - or one friend in particular - who was not supportive and who didn’t truly understand me didn’t help. There were times I dreaded being at home because I felt trapped somehow.

 

But wait...I thought TH was a perfect husband. I didn't think perfect husbands got depressed, or acted distant, or entrapped their wives.

 

The thing that had always been missing from our sex life was MY sexual desire.

 

Well if he was a perfect husband why didn't she desire him?

 

I could not separate having wants and needs from being a mother and providing care.

 

What does being a mother have to do with sexuality or feeling sexually free with one's husband?

 

I bottled it all up and could not let it out. I knew you were always way more sexual than I thought I was. It’s not that I didn’t WANT you….it was that I needed to take care of you, and it was hard to separate that. Then when we started having other problems in the bedroom, it just got worse.

 

Well if TH was a perfect husband, why is she describing him as sexually selfish and needing to be taken care of? I thought perfect husbands were in tune with their wife's needs and desires? A perfect husband would always put his wife's wants before his own.

 

He reminded me of you in some ways – dark hair, dark eyes. He told jokes, elaborate stories. But he was also in pretty good shape because of what he did for a living.

 

"You're a perfect husband TH, except you're dumpy and fat and not hot like my OM."

 

To be honest, it was easy to email him, even from home, because you hardly paid any attention to me.

 

No way TH ignored her! He's a perfect husband for crying out loud!

 

I remember at one point being a little upset because it was like you never paid any attention to me or to what I was doing, and that’s why I was able to get away with it.

 

Yeah you're perfect...but so gullible and un-attentive.

 

There were times I dreaded being at home because I never knew what kind of mood you’d be in.

 

Perfect husbands are always moody and changeable and spooky.

 

I know you are a grudge-holder. I know I have hurt you beyond imagination. I know forgiving me will be the hardest thing for you to do.

 

You mean guy! :mad:

 

Also, it’s hard to trust that you won’t go into a tirade on any given day and start calling me all of the hurtful and nasty things you’ve been calling me over the last 2 months.

 

TH! You are such a tyrant!

 

 

You know, there are so many cowpies in this pasture that TH can't walk two steps without stepping in one.

 

When I read these answers, I don't see honesty. I see backtracking, blame-shifting, psychobabble... all covered with a heaping helping of horse manure... on top of the cow manure.

 

If I were TH, this is what I would read between the lines:

 

"You're a nice guy TH, and I love you like a brother....or maybe a dad/brother....but you just don't do it for me physically. I'm not sexually attracted to you, never have been, and you just don't do it for me in the sack. I would have told you a long time ago, but then I would have lost my home and security...and I couldn't have that. So all these years I've been giving you duty sex, keeping my inner bimbo in a bottle....until I met a guy who found my ticklish spot, and who's hotter than you, and better in bed. But hey! Look at all the other things I give you! I gave you kids, I'm a pretty good cook, and I can work with you to keep the house relatively clean...."

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
BluesPower

I would like both of you to listen please. And so that both of you know, I have been cheated on and I have cheated. I have taken care of someone with severe depression and emotional problems and I have suffered from depression. I have reconciled and I have been divorced.

 

So that you both understand, I have been where both of you are.

 

So to ruined, as you try to recover your marriage, you still need to understand some things.

 

Your affair because of the circumstances and the acts in that affair, yours is one of the worst. Not nearly as bad as me personally, but your affair is on the high side of bad. You may want to say that you only had sex 3 times in 18 months, so.... But what you did to get to the sex, that travel, the lying, the videos, and on and on... No wonder TH is having a hard time getting over it. Your AP AWAKENED your sexual side, at least you are honest.

 

You were unhappy, you were tired of his depression, you were tired of being a mom and taking care of everyone, I get it, I have done it, but I was the dad that took care of everyone.

 

You see, you understand that you made a huge mistake, but if we are honest you are glad for the new unbridled sex, I get that, been there.

 

Besides all the stuff about the sex, which babe is just really bad, you have admitted that you did not communicate your needs affectively, you could have chosen to get a new hobby, a new work out routine, consoling, but you chose to have an 18 month torrid affair complete with videos, Skype sex and on and on.

 

You made these choices of your own free will and you may lose your marriage and family over it. All of that is on you. And you need to continue to own that behavior and frankly pay for it. I know it sounds horrible but it is true.

 

You don't like it when he goes into a rage about your affair and calls you horrible names and screams at you. Well tough cookies, get over it. You caused his pain and you have to deal with the consequences. I know that it is hard but it is what you have to do if you want to recover your marriage.

 

And can you just admit to TH and the rest of us that you got pregnant on purpose so you had a better chance that TH would stay with you? I think it would be good if you could.

 

Now, I like your answers to the questions, I think you were honest, but at the same time you could have read enough on infidelity sites to know what the correct answers were. I may believe you, but can you understand why your husband does not? I mean how could he after what you have done to him?

 

Now for you TH. First, you don't have to make up you mind right now, but in a few months, you have to make a decision about what you want to do. The ball is in your court and you have to man up and decide what you want.

 

Second, months ago, I recommended that you should get on some meds for your depression, and you chose not to. OK, are you ready yet. Look no judgment form me, I did not want to either, but they help me manage my depression and they help me function way way better than I do without them.

 

You need to be on the proper meds to be able to look at your situation and figure out what to do.... You cannot do that in the current state that you are in, you just cannot.

 

And something else you should know, my depression is actually caused by the trauma that my Ex wife put me through. I have lived with and taken care of someone with severe depression and emotional issues and brother I can tell you that it sucks the life right out of you. You love them, you want to help them, you try to help them but you just cannot fix them. Then you feel bad because you cannot help the person that you love.

 

You are a grown man and if you have issues with depression, you have a responsibility to get the proper help and if that includes meds to help you though the rough spots then that is what you need to do.

 

For what it is worse, I think you wife is being honest with all the questions that she answered. I think she loves you, and I believe she is sorry for what has happened. What I would not have given for my Ex W to say those things to me. I she had, maybe she would not be my Ex.

 

My recommendation is to get help and give the marriage a try...

Link to post
Share on other sites
understand50

Texashunter,

 

I am known as a reconciliation guy. I tend to think that this is best, and that divorce is left when all it cannot work, or when there is abuse. I gave you some links, and I wonder if you have read them.

 

Texashunter, I know your wife did a evil thing, there is no excuse, but you got her pregnant after, and you state you want to try and reconcile for the kids. I think as long as you hate her, do not recognize any effort on her part to make things right, and punish her for what she has done, you are abusing her, and you need to divorce. You are not, and did not give her the gift of a 2nd chance, you are staying for the "kids", but I do not think so. I think you are afraid of being alone, and are taking it out on your wife, and your kids as well. Separate. Separate now, right now, you are not good as a father or husband. You are not doing anything for yourself. Hating your wife and only hating her, does nothing good for the kids that love her. Love her because that is mom. They love you because you are dad, but the hate between you just confuses them.

 

If you cannot get past hating her, for the sake of your kids, and the unborn child, leave. Man up, and do the right thing. If after a cooling off period, you find you miss her, and there is love enough to forgive her, come back. Otherwise divorce. Reconciliation is not one long hate filled "hell" marriage. If you can not treat her with respect, and kindness, then you can not reconcile. A poster here, "Mercy" sated, that she "love them more then hating what they had done". With you , it is just all hate. I have sympathy for the pain and the hurt she caused you, but it is not a license to hurt her in return.

 

I wish you luck.....

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
RecentChange

 

And something else you should know, my depression is actually caused by the trauma that my Ex wife put me through. I have lived with and taken care of someone with severe depression and emotional issues and brother I can tell you that it sucks the life right out of you. You love them, you want to help them, you try to help them but you just cannot fix them. Then you feel bad because you cannot help the person that you love.

 

You are a grown man and if you have issues with depression, you have a responsibility to get the proper help and if that includes meds to help you though the rough spots then that is what you need to do.

 

My recommendation is to get help and give the marriage a try...

 

Ugh, I know I am coming from my own perspective, but so much this!!! That's why I asked without knowing the back story, when that little word was mentioned just once, my ears pricked.

 

It's HARD to love someone who is suffering from depression. Not only the lack of range of proper emotions (really it's hard to love someone when you aren't loving yourself), it's not just the negitivity, the doom and gloom, but also the absolute heart break of not being able to make the one you love the most HAPPY. Honestly it's tough, especially when you have been trying hard to make them happy - for me, it contributed to my desire to escape, even if momentarily.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Quiet Storms
You know, there are so many cowpies in this pasture that TH can't walk two steps without stepping in one.

 

When I read these answers, I don't see honesty. I see backtracking, blame-shifting, psychobabble... all covered with a heaping helping of horse manure... on top of the cow manure.

 

If I were TH, this is what I would read between the lines:

 

"You're a nice guy TH, and I love you like a brother....or maybe a dad/brother....but you just don't do it for me physically. I'm not sexually attracted to you, never have been, and you just don't do it for me in the sack. I would have told you a long time ago, but then I would have lost my home and security...and I couldn't have that. So all these years I've been giving you duty sex, keeping my inner bimbo in a bottle....until I met a guy who found my ticklish spot, and who's hotter than you, and better in bed. But hey! Look at all the other things I give you! I gave you kids, I'm a pretty good cook, and I can work with you to keep the house relatively clean...."

 

I was beginning to think that I was the only person who saw it this way!

 

I just kept reading stuff like this: "I just feel like I couldn't do anything right for anybody and no one cared. BUT I should not have had an affair; that was all on me. BUT I felt that it was so easy to communicate with OM because you never paid attention to me. BUT it was my fault for having an affair."

 

And this one really hit hard: "He reminds me of you physically.... and he is in great shape because of his job". "And he was able to make me feel desired and sexual when I never felt that way before". Ouch.... that would have just killed me.

 

Maybe I am seeing it wrong. I know there is a fine line between explaining why something happened, and actually blameshifting that activity back to the other person. But this just seemed like it went back and forth with... "yes, it was all my fault" and "but I did it because I felt unwanted/etc" Is that remorse? To me it just seems like covering the butt because otherwise everything might be lost... and pretty thought-out language. Sorry... just my opinion; obviously I don't know your wife OP.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
RecentChange

While not excuses, affairs happen for reasons.

 

So, if she didn't feel desired by her husband (umm been there done that - practically begging for sex while guys are chasing you), is she then never allowed to say that's how she felt? Should that never be addressed as part of the reconciliation so that both can understand fully what lead to bad choices?

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
Quiet Storms
While not excuses, affairs happen for reasons.

 

So, if she didn't feel desired by her husband (umm been there done that - practically begging for sex while guys are chasing you), is she then never allowed to say that's how she felt? Should that never be addressed as part of the reconciliation so that both can understand fully what lead to bad choices?

 

And you just put my question in much better words - thank you!

 

Where is the line between saying how you feel and 'making excuses'? It just seemed the way everything was worded, that it almost went from sentence to sentence, back and forth, in the same paragraph. I think that's what I was reacting to.

 

It almost seemed like she was saying how she felt, but then felt the need to say "but it was all my fault, 100 percent on me" in the next sentence or otherwise it might be read as an excuse.

Edited by Quiet Storms
  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
ruined_my_love

"You don't like it when he goes into a rage about your affair and calls you horrible names and screams at you. Well tough cookies, get over it. You caused his pain and you have to deal with the consequences. I know that it is hard but it is what you have to do if you want to recover your marriage.

 

And can you just admit to TH and the rest of us that you got pregnant on purpose so you had a better chance that TH would stay with you? I think it would be good if you could. "

 

Thank you, BluesPower, for your reply.

I sincerely appreciate the input and advice. I realize how badly I have messed up and I regret what I have done. I realize that anything and everything I say here will be picked apart - I won't say the right thing, I'll leave out an a word that someone else thinks I should include - I get it. I just wanted to point out that I mention how tough it can be (for me) but that I AM taking it. I caused this, and he has every right to call me every dirty name in the book. I hurt him. I sorry for that.

 

And I want to say that yes, we got pregnant on purpose. He wanted more children, and I had denied him that. He needed a huge gesture from me to prove to him that I want to be with him and I want to be with my family. We discussed it. We tried for it. We were were disappointed with negative tests. Ecstatic with the positive result. I realize that this is a risky decision, but I want to give this man the world - the world that I snatched from under his feet for my own selfish reasons. This is the most unselfish thing I could ever do. Some may take issue with that, but that is their opinion.

 

I know that this will be a long and difficult road, but this is the road I want to be on - with my husband. If he cannot forgive me or work toward reconciliation - then so be it. Be I know that he wants it as much as I do - he is hurt now.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Paragraphs
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Texashunter

My depression start to show some when my nephew who we took in at age 9 was taken away without notice by my parents..I was devastated...but it got worse when she keep pushing me away and I felt alone..like my friend and partner was gone..I tried to get out of it by starting these Spartan races for the two of us to have some time to bond and work together as we raced. I didn't know she was just going to us it to end up finding her AP while working there. He was an employee and we volunteered to help so we did pay the race fees.

 

Once they had there first meeting in her van she came home and I could see the change and knew something had happened..as the months went by she became worse and worse with her treatment. I tried and tried to rekindle things but she just keep pushing me away..I sunk into further depression..the worse she became the most I feel into the depression and tried to pull myself out by trying harder to win her back...but she proved I failed time and time again..

 

I hired a divorce attorney because I suspected everything and caught onto things she was doing. They sent a PI out and began tracking emails and suck..in mid January they called me in and spilled the beans on her..I read emails and saw photos..they explained the video of them solo and then the videos of the two having sex..I confronted her in March to see if she would tell the truth and she lied again and even made it out that I was crazy..which she had said before when I hinted to her cheating..

 

I was just being crazy and she would never do that because she loved me more than anything and no guys ever hit on her..how ever sex had gotten better and by better I mean we atleast had a lot more..our sex was lame as she didn't want to spice any part of it..when I got more information I contacted the attorney and was planning to hit her with it on May 18th which was the day she started her affair...but I kissed it and my depression kicked in hard again and I just lived with it..he dumped her on sept 23rd and in the mist of them emailing..she sent him an email and it came back undeliverable..she says she was actually glad..but yet she did nothing but go back to how she was with me..

 

So again I planned to file and give her the papers on Christmas as my last gift to her privately..but then I saw the Facebook message for her AP's wife and contacted her..and well the rest is history and here we are now..

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Paragraphs
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...