mittenskittens Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 (edited) Hey guys. First post on here... sorry if it's in the wrong place, I couldn't figure out which forum to submit this to. I'm 22F and a paediatric nurse that's currently taking a break from the work because I've recently gotten over a serious illness. My 21M boyfriend is a chef. He works at a restaurant that I used to go to regularly as it was close to my old workplace, and I've made many friendships there. This is actually how we've met. We've been together for a little over a year now and things have been great! My only issue is that post serious illness my mental health has been a bit low, hence I'm back on my anti-D's. 3 months in and I feel like I have improved. However, there is just this one thing getting me down lately that hasn't bothered me before but is now, and it's making me feel rubbish. There is this female coworker at my bf work. She's been there longer than him, so I've known OF her for about 3 years. For the last 2+ years she has been saying really unkind things about me to my friends and other customers at the restaurant. She's called me a slut, the c-word, said I have no class, says I am childish, and doesn't like the look of me. I've never even had such awful things said about me in high school... and this woman is a few years older than me! I have to stress that I have done NOTHING to provoke this woman. I hold my mouth tight shut when I hear these things about me, shrug them off, and have never said a word to her face. The only time I have spoken to her is when out of no where she asked if I liked black guys and when she was trying to find her young daughter who'd decided to run off into the restaurant and I had found her hiding... She says these things to one of my oldest friends, to my bf's 3 sisters who she is friends with, to my bf and to the entire restaurant staff whatsapp group... and I always find out about these things as soon as it happens. My bf's approach is to ignore it entirely when she's slating me. Finally, when she called me the c-word, he told her enough was enough and she's been quiet with him ever since. However... she still continues to say things to other people and I'm fed up of hearing about it. It has come to the point that I don't really want to meet my boyfriend at work anymore or be anywhere near her. Whenever I am there and she turns up she's suddenly so kind/loud/happy to my boyfriend or the friends I am sat with and I just feel like crawling under a rock. I say nothing and I feel like I'm being a coward here... but at the same time, I don't need the drama. At first this never bothered me but now it's starting to make me feel insecure and rubbish! Especially as I am good friends with bfs sisters and they bring her up a lot, I just zone out and don't want to hear/talk about her! I do feel like I'm stuck in high school again. I don't really know if bf is completely understanding on how this has now started to make me turn in on myself a bit, and if I should even tell him. BFs sisters have stuck up for me in the past too but seem to have given up now. *Note, they only 'stick' up for me because she says these things when I'm never around.* Do I confront this girl next time she says something? And any words of wisdom for me feeling so low about this, I'm annoyed that it's even made me feel this way! Edited May 17, 2017 by mittenskittens Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 I'm glad your boyfriend finally told her enough is enough. To make his job less complicated, I suggest you stop going over there, or at least do it when you know she isn't working. He should know her schedule. No reason to subject yourself to this. And additionally, ask your bf not to talk at all to this person OR his sister about you. She's getting this stuff somewhere. He may have confided in her in the past about something that made her get it in for you. She may be jealous of you, and probably is. But ask him if you stay away if he will just promise not to talk to her his sister about you because it only gives them fuel. Also, who is the boss at this place? Shouldn't your bf have talked to him or her about this before? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mittenskittens Posted May 17, 2017 Author Share Posted May 17, 2017 I'm glad your boyfriend finally told her enough is enough. To make his job less complicated, I suggest you stop going over there, or at least do it when you know she isn't working. He should know her schedule. No reason to subject yourself to this. And additionally, ask your bf not to talk at all to this person OR his sister about you. She's getting this stuff somewhere. He may have confided in her in the past about something that made her get it in for you. She may be jealous of you, and probably is. But ask him if you stay away if he will just promise not to talk to her his sister about you because it only gives them fuel. Also, who is the boss at this place? Shouldn't your bf have talked to him or her about this before? I think that's what I'm going to keep doing, as I have been going over there less and less. I don't think he does know her schedule that well, as there is a large amount of people who work for the place because its both bar and restaurant. But I'll ask him to check the rota so we can avoid her. I think you're onto something about his sisters... I don't trust them 100% and think they may have something to do with some of this, but when they bring her up it's usually just "oh she's just jealous, ignore it" or "she just doesn't like the look of you" lol. The boss honestly turns a blind eye at everything aside from anything to do with money. He's nice enough but I think he's just a little too relaxed and sees some of he staff more as friends rather than employees. Bf is transferring to another job anyway in a few months which boss is aware of so hopefully we won't have to deal with this much longer... it's just about handling it in the mean time. Thank you for your input!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mittenskittens Posted May 17, 2017 Author Share Posted May 17, 2017 (edited) Also just to add, this nastiness has been going on a lot longer than we've been together! Nearly 3 years, and way before bf or I even knew this girl. I had no idea who she was when this started! Edited May 17, 2017 by mittenskittens 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 If she doesn't know you where on earth is she getting this stuff from? This is very strange. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 She's jealous. She probably wants him or at least wants all his attention. Glad he's leaving soon. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 (edited) horribel situation to deal with i can understand why you would be down about it i am glad your bf stuck up for you.....as pre raph suggested i dont feel you should go there and do tell your bf and friends not to bring you up in conversation...my exes ex used to belittle me.....say snide things to my daughters directed towards me, make fun of me in a veiled way they picked up on..like belittling women who dont drive etc........ spiteful about peopel with mental illness.....which i live with she would get jealous when i was bought up in coversation ...which could be what is happening here with you, she is reacting because of jealousy when your name is mentioned....my girls couldnt avoid my exes partner ....they had to deal with it...the best way was to not bring my name up ...i told them to be respectful and courteous and remain silent for their fathers sake..... because i have always believed you cant change another persons behaviour but you can control your own behavior....it took me wishing her a merry xmas one year to help with the jealousy.....she then didnt see me as such a threat.....i wished her well...and she did the same.......problem disappeared this problem this unfortunate and sad woman has with you isnt yours......she is the one with issues....maybe she is really really lonely......im sorry she has issues and jealousy concerning you.... and i hope that the whole situation improves for you soon.....deb Edited May 17, 2017 by todreaminblue Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 I'm so sorry you're in this situation. Your boyfriend has done the right thing, but your friends have not done enough. A true friend would tell her that her behaviour is inappropriate and hurtful and that if she wants to continue being part of the group, she needs stop this immediately. This includes them hearing second hand that she's said stuff to other people. Anyone who listens to what she says and doesn't call her on it should not be worthy of your friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
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