How to deal with jealousy - attractive neighbors around my husband.

[jezebel92]

So lucky me, I've been put in an extra special situation. My husband and I have been together for 5 years and we are very happy. He gives me no reason to doubt him, and is very loving. I'm not sure when my insecurities began, possibly because after 5 years our sex life has slowed down a bit. But lately I've been very on edge and jealous because of 2 women in our lives.

 

Woman #1 - We moved to a new area about a year ago and shortly after, one of my husband's friends moved close by with his girlfriend. They have been together for about a year. When I first met her, I thought she was great - and she still is, very nice girl. However, about a couple months ago I started having a weird vibe around her and my husband whenever we would all hang out. I never saw them do anything intimate or anything, but it was just a weird discomfort I got because they are very compatible and end up talking a lot to each other. I brushed it off as my insecurity, but then it started bothering me more and more. I confronted my husband about it, we have always been very honest with each other. And I basically just asked him if I had anything to worry about - that I've been getting a weird vibe around them lately. And he said no. I told him it would help if we maybe just kept our distance for a little while and he complied. Then we started hanging out again, at my suggestion, because I wanted to know for sure that it was nothing. And that's when I noticed that it was more her than him. She always would stare at him in the eyes when he was telling us all a story, always said how funny and great he was, and just generally was very sweet towards him. Almost as if she had a crush on him and didn't realize. I tried to get to know her better myself, and she'd great around me. But the way she acted around him never changed. Nothing ever happened so I kind of just let things go. I started to feel better but now all of a sudden a place opened up literally next door to us and they will be moving in. My jealousy and insecurity are back.

 

Woman #2 - my other neighbor, who my husband and I are also friends with, just got married. His wife is from another country and about 15 years younger than he is with a daughter. She seems sweet, and has been trying to get to know us. I want to like her and get to know her as well. There's just one problem. She is a young hot woman, and she is half naked around us - a lot. The first time we ever met her was when we accidentally locked ourselves out and she had a spare key. She knew that she was going to meet us, and yet she came out in a tshirt and no pants. She does the whole tshirt no pants thing and walks around our building often. She also likes wearing pretty much a sports bra or bikini top with shorts outside in the yard all the time. I know I sound petty right now. It's mostly the no pants part that bothers me.

 

You see, I'm not really the kind of person that judges people on the way they are dressed. Not normally. But when it's around my husband, I'm uncomfortable.

 

And now I'm just in the middle between these two neighbors who make me feel insecure and uncomfortable and I have no idea what to do. Am I just absolutely insane and just have to deal with it and move on? Please help.

[Titanll]

If I were your husband and knew of this jealousy, I would be flattered and insulted.

[stillafool]

Wow this is a hard one. I guess the only advice I can give you is to try to relax, keep your husband out of the yard and start working out.

[preraph]

Move. By all means. Your husband may be a saint, but he's still a man and if he has one pretty lady crushing on him and another one running around naked (and there's some bad reason for that), this is going downhill.

 

Why on earth would those friends move in right next door? That's not good.

[jezebel92]

Why would my husband be offended? I clearly said he's been doing nothing wrong. I'm not even sure these two women are doing anything wrong. Just a crappy situation I'm in.

 

Am I just being jealous and insecure? What can I do? I don't know how to deal with either woman. What can I say? Stop making googly eyes at my husband to one and put on clothes to the other?

 

There's literally nothing I can say that won't offend them. Ugh. Don't know what to do. Especially considering they're both not only neighbors but friends.

[thefooloftheyear]

I dunno....

 

Some(most?) women I know, have an innate ability to size up competition and find a way to knock them down a peg or two without even saying anything...,maybe an "evil eye" or some other body language..

 

That's been my experience, maybe you can implement some covert strategy to establish a pecking order and keep them from muscling in on you..

 

Wish i was more helpful, just that I have seen and experienced women do this in the past, without making it a big production..

 

TFY

[Shanex]

Hard to give a fair and sound advice here. Moving out, well first OP and her hubby should find a different place yet close enough to their workplace and two, there might be one or two other women interested in him in a different neighborhood. I'm not being snarky. I assume your husband is handsome or very charming and attract the ladies.

 

I understand your insecurities very much. Usually it's us guys jealous of other dudes.. In your situation I would try to settle down and see that he loves you. Now, sure he's a man but are we all reckless cheaters? Probably not. As for the sex and if the passion in the bedroom subsided a bit no red flag quite yet after all these years.

[jezebel92]

My husband is great. He is very handsome and charming and not only do the ladies love him, people in general just like him - he's a great guy. Can't fault him for that.

 

And I figure the slowing down is normal, I'm just trying to come up with reasons for why I'm so insecure lately.

 

My thing is, I trust him a lot, and I don't think he'd ever cheat on me. But he is just human, and when there are not just one but 2 people who live right next door who are either half naked in front of him all the time or crushing hard on him - it becomes more likely that he would.

 

I feel like it's not his fault at all, but I can't help feeling frustrated and helpless because there's not really much I can do without making it awkward for all of us or offending them.

[kiss_andmakeup]

Maybe I'm the odd one out, but I find this kind of petty. Today it was 90 degrees here so when I was stuck outside in the sweltering heat watering the plants you'd better believe I wasn't wearing much. It's just a practicality thing. It never crossed my mind that a neighbor would assume things about me because I sometimes tend to my yard in shorts and a sports bra.

 

If your husband isn't acting out of line then personally I would let this go. Spin it into an opportunity to improve your own self-esteem...whether that be hitting the gym, getting a new hairstyle, or just learning to love yourself the way you are without comparing yourself to others.

 

Easier said than done, I know.

[jezebel92]

I understand where you're coming from with the pettiness, and I admitted just as much. But how come you didn't address the no pants situation? Or the girl whose literally just crushing on him hardcore and then decides to move in next door?

 

My husband and I are young, and I'm not insecure about myself or my own body. I wear sports bras and shorts when I'm working out. I dress for summer when it's hot and I could care less what anyone else thinks.

 

I've said repeatedly that I normally don't do this or comment on how other people dress. But this time it effects me. I find the fact that she is someone else's wife, and feels comfortable enough to hang out in just her underwear and a tshirt in front of other men is odd and disrespectful to said person's wife - aka me. And I don't think I'm out of line to be kind of uncomfortable by that.

[Shining One]

I've said repeatedly that I normally don't do this or comment on how other people dress. But this time it effects me. I find the fact that she is someone else's wife, and feels comfortable enough to hang out in just her underwear and a tshirt in front of other men is odd and disrespectful to said person's wife - aka me. And I don't think I'm out of line to be kind of uncomfortable by that.

Different people have different comfort levels. What makes you uncomfortable may be perfectly normal to her.

[jezebel92]

So basically I should just deal with it? Even though its past MY comfort level?

 

Some people are comfortable with seducing other people's husbands or wives. Some people are comfortable with cheating. Some people are comfortable with walking around bare ass naked.

 

Everyone has different comfort levels but as people and especially neighbors, you should consider other people as well.

 

I may be comfortable with blasting loud music at 5am, doesn't mean my neighbors would appreciate that.

[Shining One]

So basically I should just deal with it? Even though its past MY comfort level?

Yes, you should learn to deal with it. What are your alternatives?

• Force your husband to distance himself from all attractive women?
  
• Move?
  
• Disfigure your neighbors?
  

[stillafool]

Get ready for them to start inviting you guys over for bar-b-ques.

[alsudduth]

My husband is great. He is very handsome and charming and not only do the ladies love him, people in general just like him - he's a great guy. Can't fault him for that.

 

And I figure the slowing down is normal, I'm just trying to come up with reasons for why I'm so insecure lately.

 

My thing is, I trust him a lot, and I don't think he'd ever cheat on me. But he is just human, and when there are not just one but 2 people who live right next door who are either half naked in front of him all the time or crushing hard on him - it becomes more likely that he would.

 

I feel like it's not his fault at all, but I can't help feeling frustrated and helpless because there's not really much I can do without making it awkward for all of us or offending them.

 

Is there a possibility you are pregnant? I know when I found out I was pregnant, I extra jealous and insecure....Might be something to consider if you in general aren't insecure...

[alsudduth]

So basically I should just deal with it? Even though its past MY comfort level?

 

Some people are comfortable with seducing other people's husbands or wives. Some people are comfortable with cheating. Some people are comfortable with walking around bare ass naked.

 

Everyone has different comfort levels but as people and especially neighbors, you should consider other people as well.

 

I may be comfortable with blasting loud music at 5am, doesn't mean my neighbors would appreciate that.

 

I would try talking to them. There is nothing wrong with letting your FRIENDS know that they are making you uncomfortable...If they are friends, they will understand and tone down their behavior.

[NTV]

I'd be suspicious of both of them too. You have to trust your husband though. If nothing happens it will create more trust between you two. If something does then he would have strayed eventually anyway. Better to find out sooner than later.

 

Keep in mind that everyone loves attention. Suspicion is good.

[d0nnivain]

I don't think you have much to worry about with the buddy's GF. If you can't believe your husband wouldn't break his martial vows, do you really think he'd knife his buddy in the back by cheating with his GF? You already figured out it's the GF more than your DH. If he's behaving, let him enjoy the ego stroke (so long as his ego is all that is getting stroked) & take the high confident road. I might be a little extra touchy with my husband in her presence just to drive the point home.

 

 

The half dressed chick . . . well just because he looks doesn't mean he's going to touch. More importantly simply because she dresses a certain way does not automatically mean its an open invitation for anybody to have sex with her.

 

 

Perhaps befriend her & educate her about American customs where we wear bottoms.

[preraph]

I assume the exhibitionist is single, but remember you can always talk to the other one's man and see if he has any fears. Apparently not or he wouldn't be moving in right next door. Unless she manipulated him into it or something. i mean, it's odd they're moving right nextdoor.

 

Take photos of the nudie one and report her to whoever.

 

And keep your phone on you when you're socializing with the friends and try to take photos without them seeing when she and your husband are talking to each other or gazing at each other and if there's a lot of them you could send them to his friend like "Here's the photos from the other night," and maybe he'd see it was always those two and put his antennae up if it isn't already. I hope your husband and this buddy don't have a history of swapping women. And if either of them ever tries anything, like making excuses to get your husband over there alone or whispering to him, you go right up to them and say "What's this about?" I mean you can always make your presence known that you aren't deaf and blind and are on to them. Watch out for whispering. The couple of women I knew who would go after a married man right in front of his wife did it by whispering in his ear.

Edited May 17, 2017 by preraph

[IYamWhatIYam]

1) You have to trust your husband. There will always be an opportunity to cheat, even for the most unattractive, unpleasant man or woman alive. If he's a good husband, he won't cheat, regardless of the temptation.

 

2) Regarding a woman who goes around with no pants on, there is something wrong with her. Try talking to her about it, and stay away from her. I guarantee you that she does other weird things. You just don't know her well enough yet to know what they are. Bear in mind that a much larger portion of the population are severely mentally ill or bear the scars of horrid childhood trauma than you realize - 10% of the population hears voices, and I've met psychotics who can mask their psychosis well and still think that foreign agents are pursuing them. You'll probably find that this woman is mentally ill and/or has a drug/alcohol problem, and almost certainly, has sexual problems.

[IYamWhatIYam]

To follow up about nudity. Someone said that people have different opinions about it.

 

Exhibitionists have real problems, and your pantsless woman fits into that category.

 

My town oddly enough had no nudity law until a few years ago.

 

They finally changed the law when people started driving hundreds of miles here to go shopping (storeowners had to enforce their no shirt, no shoes, no service rules), ride bikes through town naked (ouch, ick), or fly 2,000 miles to walk naked down the street during an annual event that drew big crowds.

 

I didn't get to know any of our naked tourists, but did know of the reputations of some of the women who staged a topless walk which I accidentally witnessed (none worth looking at twice folks, sorry), and all of them were known for being downright weird.

[Shining One]

OP, out of curiosity, how do you know she isn't wearing shorts underneath the shirt? My girlfriend wears a big shirt (mine) and shorts around the house, but you wouldn't know she was wearing shorts unless you actually looked. If the woman in question is wearing shirts small enough that you can see her underwear and she's doing it on public property or your property, then she might be violating some rules.

[Shining One]

Take photos of the nudie one and report her to whoever.

I would advise against this. I can't imagine it's ever good advice to take pictures of an "underdressed" woman without her consent, especially if she is on private property.

[whichwayisup]

You have no control over what other women (aka your neighbours) do or say around your husband, but your husband has control over himself. He's given you no reason to doubt him so there's no affair or cheating going on.

 

Both women have men in their lives. You all are friends as couples, no one is spending any one on one time together.

 

The insecurity is something you have to work on, gain self confidence and try to figure out why you're feeling so intimated by them. Whether it be their beauty or how conversations go with them and your husband.

 

Did something happen in your past that triggers you now?

[dangerous]

Yes, you sound too jealous and insecure. Trust your husband and stop judging your neighbours - they both have boyfriends no?