How to deal with jealousy - attractive neighbors around my husband.

[jezebel92]

Yes, you should learn to deal with it. What are your alternatives?

• Force your husband to distance himself from all attractive women?
  
• Move?
  
• Disfigure your neighbors?
  

 

What the hell is that? "Force my husband to distance himself from all attractive women?"

 

It's not about her just being attractive, it's about her being hald NAKED in front of him. I'm not trying to be rude here but I don't think i'm being as insecure as you are making me out to be. It's NORMAL to not want someone naked or in just their underwear in front of your husband or wife.

 

I literally came out of my house to walk my dog this morning and the girl is in a tshirt and a pink lace thong. She even bent over to fix her slipper and I could see her vagina pretty much.

 

And me being uncomfortable by that and especially around my husband makes me insecure and hormonal? I must be pregnant to feel this way?

[jezebel92]

P.S. Half naked neighbor is NOT single. She is married to our neighbor. Who is much older than her and always wants to please her so I doubt he would ever say anything or care.

[SJS]

I would worry less about the no pants lady. If she goes pantsless around the building then that's just how she is and she's not after your husband. You mentioned she's from another country...maybe try talking to her in a friendly way that here we wear pants.

 

As far as the other lady, your husband knows she makes you uncomfortable. I agree with the others that you'll have to trust him. Just because they can converse and she makes eye contact does not mean she wants to seduce him. If she continues to make you uncomfortable, stop hanging out with them altogether.

[stillafool]

Well there is nothing you can do about what she wears. You are just going to have to live with it.

[jezebel92]

Another thing is, besides the possibility of cheating - I'm more just uncomfortable by the situation. Even if they are never going to cheat and have sex, having an emotional affiair is just as bad if not worse. My husband seeing another woman live and in person in her panties everyday is also just not cool for me.

 

I feel the need to make something clear. I'm not an overly conservative person with a stick up my ass. I'm okay with most things. Idc if my husband watches porn. I don't care if he has female friends. We have trust. My husband has attractive female friends. I've never had a problem with it. Ever. And that's because I can see that they are truly just that - friends. I'm all about feeling out the vibe. And this is just all negative vibes in my opinion.

 

He's not the problem. Cheating is not the problem so much either. It's more just the fact that I get a bad feeling about these two women and we have to interact with them on a daily basis.

 

Rather they cheat or not, would you feel comfortable hanging out with a friend who you know has a crush on your husband/wife bf/gf whatever? Seeing that friend make googles eyes at them? Probably not.

 

Rather they cheat or not, would you like to encounter your next door neighbor in their underwear everyday? Probably not.

[Kellens]

I completely agree with you OP, it is ridiculous that your neighbor walks around like that. I think most women would be upset if a woman was walking around in front of her husband like that. I'm not sure what you can do. If I got really annoyed I might say something to her but it's hard not come across jealous or angry.

 

As far as the other woman who is flirty/too friendly with your husband, I would definitely say something to her because it is disrespectful in my opinion. I would just take her to the side and say that you're uncomfortable with how she is with your husband.. depending on her personality she may be embarrassed or get defensive, but either way I think things would change if you spoke to her in a non-confrontational kind of way. At least that is what I would do. I am a bit insecure and I think I would feel the same as you in this situation

[jezebel92]

OP, out of curiosity, how do you know she isn't wearing shorts underneath the shirt? My girlfriend wears a big shirt (mine) and shorts around the house, but you wouldn't know she was wearing shorts unless you actually looked. If the woman in question is wearing shirts small enough that you can see her underwear and she's doing it on public property or your property, then she might be violating some rules.

 

It is because I have seen her panties. Many many many times. You mentioned that your girlfriend wears your big tshirts with shorts around the house - I'm assuming short shorts. That's totally normal. I do that as well. But when I'm going outside to walk my dog or to get the mail, I'll put on something to make me look less naked. Sometimes what is normal to wear at home is not the same as what you wear outside in front of strangers.

[jezebel92]

What makes all of this so complicated and hard is the fact that they are friends, and neighbors.

 

Woman #1 - I have considered many many times taking her aside and saying - hey, you're making me uncomfortable the way you're all over my husband sometimes. But how do you do that without sounding jealous and like you think she has bad intentions. How does she not get offended when I say that to her? Best case scenario, she says okay and backs off. But she'll be uncomfortable around us and we see each other everyday. Worst case scenario, she's offended and makes a big fuss about it to both my husband and her boyfriend - and things get EVEN more awkward as again, we see each other everyday.

 

Woman #2 - I feel a little bad about everything I'm saying about her. I do. I don't like to judge people - but when they make me uncomfortable - I don't know what else I can do. She's from another country. Her husband is much older (about 15-20 yrs) and doesn't like to do much but be in the house. I've tried to befriend her and she's nice, but I don't know how to tell her this makes me uncomfortable without offending her. There's also a bit of a language barrier. She understands most english but not all. She is new to the country, and believe it or not, she's a bit shy. It's taken her some time to start socializing with us, and now if I tell her she will most likely be hurt and/or angry. And again, like woman 1 - we see her almost every other day.

 

We live in an apartment building, and all on the same floor. They are both quite literally our next door neighbors. Awkwardness on a daily basis is a real fear.

[Space Ritual]

OP,

 

Right now, you have an inkling that something is amiss. I get that.

 

If I had a dollar for very person that came here and put in their first post that "he/she would never cheat on me" only to find that indeed they did, I'd own this website. lol

 

That being said, you cannot control the behavior of the two ladies, nor your husband. You can only control your own.

 

Right now with the Summer season upon us, I would take a more vigilant and observational approach. Has your husband changed his routines at all? Phone out in the open or is he hanging onto it like it needs to be pried from his hand? Any unscheduled trips to the store? An behaviors that you can pinpoint?

 

The reason I ask this is because although you may think something is up, with these people living in such close proximity to you, you better have your bases covered and have irrefutable proof before you spill the beans again to your husband. You don't want to blow this up unless your poof is solid.

 

So my advice right now is to sit back and observe your husband and these women and interaction. Usually if a person finds any affection requited by a third party they will give themselves away in fairly short order.

 

Check phone record usage f you feel you need to. Like a massive amount of texts to a number that isn't yours. If something is going on somebody will eventually get complacent and trip up. They usually do.

 

So play it close to the vest

Edited May 18, 2017 by Space Ritual

[jezebel92]

I don't think this has anything to do with my husband, more so the women. But thank you for your warning.

 

My husband and I spend a lot of time together. I help him a lot with his scheduling as he is bad with that kind of thing and I enjoy it, so I know pretty much where he is always.

 

He even sometimes asks me what is next on his schedule.

 

He's never gone away without me before, and has never asked to. We both are very open with our phone bills, emails, and social media accounts. We have each other's passwords for everything.

[d0nnivain]

You don't tell the first woman she makes you uncomfortable. You do discuss it with your husband & ask him to draw clearer boundaries with her.

 

 

You do tell the other woman that you can see her underwear & that she is putting herself in a dangerous setting. If a child sees this, she could be setting herself up for some kind of charge as a pervert. Suggest to her that she be more modest.

[dangerous]

Another thing is, besides the possibility of cheating - I'm more just uncomfortable by the situation. Even if they are never going to cheat and have sex, having an emotional affiair is just as bad if not worse. My husband seeing another woman live and in person in her panties everyday is also just not cool for me.

 

I feel the need to make something clear. I'm not an overly conservative person with a stick up my ass. I'm okay with most things. Idc if my husband watches porn. I don't care if he has female friends. We have trust. My husband has attractive female friends. I've never had a problem with it. Ever. And that's because I can see that they are truly just that - friends. I'm all about feeling out the vibe. And this is just all negative vibes in my opinion.

 

He's not the problem. Cheating is not the problem so much either. It's more just the fact that I get a bad feeling about these two women and we have to interact with them on a daily basis.

 

Rather they cheat or not, would you feel comfortable hanging out with a friend who you know has a crush on your husband/wife bf/gf whatever? Seeing that friend make googles eyes at them? Probably not.

 

Rather they cheat or not, would you like to encounter your next door neighbor in their underwear everyday? Probably not.

 

OP having read this post above, your issue is likely not with your husband, it is with these so-called friends. Maybe avoid them or tell them direct if they flaunt/flirt. Tell your husband that you will do this if they step out of line (or if they already have) - he will probably back you up and may even talk to them directly himself - in fact if he has recognised the inappropriate behaviour then he should act himself.

[whichwayisup]

P.S. Half naked neighbor is NOT single. She is married to our neighbor. Who is much older than her and always wants to please her so I doubt he would ever say anything or care.

 

Just stop spending time with them. You can't control this woman and what she wears or doesn't wear. Your husband (as well as every other male married or not on your street) is going to gawk at her. Please just try not to make this about you and bring on insecurities. Your H is not going to cheat or have an affair with her.

 

Your other option is, move. though that's a band aid to the root of your problem which is your insecurity. Have you thought about counseling to help you?

[LivingWaterPlease]

I wouldn't want to live next door to a man or woman who went around with only underwear and a t-shirt on whether I was single or married.

 

I'd either talk to this woman or talk to the management of the apartments about it. If nothing is done I would move. Not because of jealousy, but because I don't want to live in a place where I may walk outside and see a person in his/her underwear.

 

As for the married lady moving in next door who is crushing on your husband. I wouldn't hang out with anyone who is obviously crushing on my boyfriend or husband. It's not jealousy, it's common sense to expect your friends to respect your relationship. By the same token, were I married, I wouldn't hang around a guy who was crushing on me as that would be disrespectful to my husband.

 

It's called boundaries. And being respectful of others. Both situations.

Edited May 20, 2017 by LivingWaterPlease

[preraph]

Not sure if you're in an apartment or a house, but if there is a landlord involved, complain to them. If not, call police. Tell them you're planning on having children soon and don't want an exhibitionist running around in front of them.

[meta.morphate]

I'm glad people are starting to mention contacting the landlord. Not sure how your apartment is run, but there should be a property manager who can contact your neighbors and let them know, hey, you're not alone in the world, people are uncomfortable with you coming outside with your vagina showing, so please put some pants on. That removes you from the equation pretty much and will avoid awkwardness there - and as you've mentioned, and so have many others, she really may not know she's doing anything offensive - and let's keep in mind her husband may be a creep. Sounds a little mail-order-bride-ish, so maybe he has some role to play in her walking around in panties. Short shorts and a big t-shirt, we all do that, for real. A thong though? That's pushing it.

 

 

As for the flirty friend ... there's not really going to be a way for you to approach that situation without creating awkwardness. There's just not. Whether you speak to her man, or ask your man to speak to her/her man, it will get out that you initiated it all ... if you speak to her, it's likely going to be uncomfortable at the least, and it IS going to make you look super insecure. It doesn't sound like she's doing too too much, and it sounds like she's friendly and sweet to you as well, so she might just be that kind of a person. Have you ever observed her with other friends, besides your husband or yourself? I understand your feeling insecure if she's sweet, attractive, all these nice things, and is showing attention and appreciation to your husband, but she really just might be that kind of a person to everyone. I'm sure if she were actually crossing the line, her husband (boyfriend?) would say something to her. Have you ever hung out with her one on one? She sounds like maybe she just likes you guys, and maybe your insecurity is skewing your vision of the situation, but try being friends with her and spending some girl-time. That might calm your nerves a little if you see that she's really just a friendly person.

 

 

It sounds, too, like your husband has very little to do with this situation at all. Which is a good thing. Additionally ... it would be HIS place to say something to a female who was crossing the line with him, if it were to come up in the future. Like let's say the flirty friend tries to hang out with him one on one, or whatever .... it would be up to your husband to let her know that he's married and ya'll can hang as a group or whatnot but he's not going to disrespect you.

[preraph]

I'm in Texas and a woman neighbor running around with her bottom hanging out would have the police out because it is pervy in that it is exhibitionistic, and it's no different than a flasher as far as mindset. He wants to shock people and she will end up flashing a child and getting arrested. Jeez, get a handful of mothers in the complex to complain on her at the same time you do.

 

Please, those of you who are acting like this is her own business, if this was a man outside with no pants on, he'd be in jail for ludeness charges long before now, and for good reasons.

[Rach_and_roll]

Talk about it and really explain to your husband your emotional needs, sounds like hes responsive and will be supportive! nothing wrong with feeling insecure and jelous as long as you handle it apropriately!