"You're so quiet" - any other quiet people dislike this comment?

[LotusAvx]

I can't stand this remark! I recently got it again today at work at my new job. I have been told this so many times in my life so far and I am only 22! I am an introvert, observer and just quiet/peaceful person. If I have something to say, I say it, if I want to join in on a conversation, I do. I have connected with a few people from my new job already and even hung out with them outside of work which was a big step for me, as I use to be very shy.

 

But today, as I was just standing there finishing up my 10 minute break, someone told me "you're so quiet". In the past I would have responded with something like "I'm just tired" or been too shy/embarrassed to say anything at all. But today, being the more confident person I grew into, I told them "that's just how I am - I am an introvert and observer.

 

I don't blurt out whatever comes to mind, instead thinking about what I'm going to say before I say it." I wasn't rude about how I said it, just telling him without apologizing for who I am. I use to feel bad, embarrassed and socially inept before I realized I am for sure an introverted person. I understand being quiet can be mistaken for being rude, but whenever I do talk I am pleasant.

 

Just wondering if anyone else has had this said to them and how they responded or any other fellow introverts who understand my situation. I don't know why a lot of people have trouble accepting and understanding that some people are just quiet!

Edited May 17, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[NJ123]

Yes, it's extremely annoying. Everyone always says how I'm so quiet & am known as the quiet guy at work. I can't talk about pointless stuff naturally like others can. I don't know how they do it with just talking about random stupid stuff that I don't care about.

[Gillys]

I know exactly how you feel. It doesn't really bother me anymore unless it gets me in trouble. I've only had real issues with it in a professional setting when extroverted supervisors accused me of being rude. I once was fired from a job because of my introvert personality. (I should say I can carry on conversations with people well, especially one on one, I just don't talk a lot in group settings).

 

I now fully embrace introvert personality and sometimes mention it as a strength during interviews because I feel it makes me a better team player and listener. If someone gives me the "you're so quiet" comment I usually just either say "yep" and laugh or make a joke out it...."yeah I never really grew out of that stranger danger phase", "I have a word quota each day and my eyebrows turn blue (or something else ridiculous to throw them off) if I go one word over, it's super annoying", "yeah I am.......wow, that's the most amount of words I've said in 4 days!"

 

Eventually, the people I make smile, usually defend me against the people who think I'm rude for not being a big talker

[SpiralOut]

Yes, it annoys me because if I were to reverse the comment "gosh are you ever loud," it would be considered rude. I never did come up with a suitable response. I usually just say "yep." Lol. What else do you want me to say?

 

ETA: If they keep going on about it, I'll mention that I become more talkative when I get to know someone better. That comment usually satisfies them.

Edited May 18, 2017 by SpiralOut

[The Introvert]

yeah this ' you are so quiet' comment has been thrown at me a hundred and one times. I used to feel bad about it especially when someone just saw me for the first time and throws the comment just a few minutes into our conversation as though I'm written 'QUIET' on my forehead. Now I am becoming confident as an introvert and I actually like it the way it is because I crave my inner peace and I'm not up to all sorts of drama caused by some extroverts. Nowadays if I get the comment I comfortably admit it like 'Yeah, I am" instead of trying to come up with excuses, apologies and explanations.

[ZayKayWill]

Yeah I used to get it a lot. When I'm around my friends though I tend to be a little more talkative. Like someone in this thread already said I don't like talking about stupid pointless ****. If you can find a topic that I find intellectually stimulating though I can talk for hours. I'm the kind of guy that prefer to be in his own little world connecting dots and introspecting on life. There are times when I get annoyed when people talk to me honestly...I can't stand talking on the phone honestly. Would much rather text and some people don't seem to understand that.

 

Going off on a tangent here but when I was with my ex she found it pathetic that I would argue with her via messaging than talking on the phone...but honestly when I'm pissed off I would much rather not end up blowing up on her and making things worse...you know? Meh just felt like getting that off my chest. BACK ON TOPIC.

 

I read a brilliant quote a while back. I forgot exactly what it said but the point was basically that there's no need to be talking all the time. If you don't feel the need to talk to people around you all the time that's a good thing because it shows that you're comfortable with the crowd around you and you don't feel the need to make pointless banter to take the awkwardness away.

 

I found it! -

 

“There's something nice about the silence of a car ride in the dark, going home. When you were tired of the radio and conversation, and it was okay to just be alone with your thoughts and the road ahead. If you're that comfortable with someone, you don't have to talk.”

 

-Sarah Dessen

[Nowty V]

people are quite often scared/intimidated by people or things that they don't understand.

 

It's their problem, not yours.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I hate this, too. Recently the trainer at the little gym I go to said, "You always seem like this is the last place you want to be!" Couldn't be further from the truth! I'm just quiet and serious, especially in a group of people I don't know well. In my prior job I was fortunate that after being there for a while all of my colleagues came to appreciate my quiet thoughtfulness, especially when I made a joke it came out of nowhere and they all loved that. Now I work alone at my home so I don't run into that....except at the gym haha!

 

I'm twice your age so I'm ok with now just saying, "Yes, I can be quiet, I agree!"

[guest569]

All my life! I'm fine with it now because i know that it's not a flaw or a problem. Quiet people are awesome and i have always been more interested to associate with them. It is frustrating when people comment on it because there is often that "you're quiet" = "i take issue with it. Be louder." I usually respond with silence or "yep" or "yes, and..?"

[Chilli]

Don't mean this in any offensive way at all but l would like to ask , why are people quiet ?

ls it just that they don't have as much to say as other people ?

Just don't need to talk all the time ?

 

l've just always wondered .

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Don't mean this in any offensive way at all but l would like to ask , why are people quiet ?

ls it just that they don't have as much to say as other people ?

Just don't need to talk all the time ?

 

l've just always wondered .

 

I just don't need to talk all the time. Honestly, I don't feel like I have the energy, either. From my perspective, it takes a lot of energy to talk all the time. I could never be a teacher because talking all day sounds like a nightmare! I have a lot of thoughts inside my head, but I don't wish to expend the energy to verbalize them all. I'm a great conversationalist one-on-one if the conversation is about something meaningful and not just fluff. In my last relationship it got to the point that I dreaded our nightly phone calls (we were a bit LDR) because I just to just sit and listen and listen and listen to the tedious details of his work day. I don't understand how someone can have the energy to recount the whole day in detail after having just lived it.

[carhill]

Normal group dynamics. Work groups are especially interesting because of the competition involved in capitalistic work. Quiet people are different and an unknown quantity so get poked to test them.

 

Next time it, unsolicited comments, happen just hold their gaze and say 'thanks' and go back to work.

[JohnM]

I've found that the people who make that comment tend to be highly extroverted and so don't quite know how to deal with someone being quiet. People with low social/emotional intelligence also struggle.

 

I think in a way it makes them uncomfortable as they can't relate. Once I know people I tend to open up more and over time I am the more confident part of the group. We tend to grow as people.

 

Sometimes I'll explain it, I'll say how extroverted people get their energy from interacting and being social: it powers them up in a way. For me it is the opposite and I am comfortable with how I am. That I don't see it as a problem, I used to have periods of thinking it was a massive life issue and that I was weird. Now I have the confidence to just be happy with the personality that I have; I work with what makes me at peace. If other people don't get that, it is their loss.

[Chilli]

Yeah for sure , big believer in being whomever you are and that will fit in and click where it does and not where it doesn't , and that's life anyway.

 

So do you guys enjoy people trying to make conversation or would you just rather they shut tf up.?

l'm never really sure with people that don't say much.

Although these days think to hell with it l'm not doing all the work so if there's silence there's silence but it use to make me a little uneasy.

 

l hear CO on the energy thing , talking does take a lot of energy even l find.

That was one of the hardest parts when l was married, she needed to talk all the time but although l'm not a quiet person l do need my time out and l'm quite comfortable not having to say a word for a day or two a time.

Often people even my ex would think l've got the sh@ts but it was nothing at all ,l was just done with talking for awhile.

[JohnM]

I appreciate people making conversation; one on one I hold very good conversations. As long as it isn't fluff talk; what is the point. Also if I'm pretty certain I'm not going to see someone again, or they aren't my kind of person I see it as a waste. Not to be mean, but I make few friends and I know them deeply. I don't keep many close so to be let in you need to be worth my time; once friends with someone I'm very loyal, caring and supportive to a tee. I need time to open up to people so they can see all facets and I don't have the time to do so with the wrong people.

 

My good friends know what I'm like now, in a bit group even though I've known them for over 12 years I dip in and out of group conversations. I'm happy staying silent in the background where I can recharge my batteries and they know that. I come back into the thick of it but pick and choose when to wisely.

[Popsicle]

They want to get to know you better, or are interested, but don't know how to talk to you or get in there.

 

There are quiet people who no one says "you're so quiet" to. These are quiet people that no one is interested in getting to know.

[Maggie4]

Each time someone has said that to me, I know I have been quiet and it's because I didn't particularly want to socialize with those people. Of course I wouldn't tell them that. So the comment about me being quiet is met with... silence.

[Timuquana2017]

I've heard it myself as well and I don't let it get under my skin anymore. Probably because I'm older and now I just don't give a squat about what others think or say about me. Sometimes I either respond with a smart remark or just continue remaining 'quiet'.

[guest569]

 

So do you guys enjoy people trying to make conversation or would you just rather they shut tf up.?

l'm never really sure with people that don't say much.

Although these days think to hell with it l'm not doing all the work so if there's silence there's silence but it use to make me a little uneasy.

 

I love a good old chat if it is interesting. I like to take time to think and dream. Small talk has its place though, a lot of people hate it. It can help with opening up and rapport building. It's easy to find something you can both relate to I.e. The weather. What I can't stand is one sided, mindless chatter, or when people talk incessant nonsense all day in the workplace and wonder why they work so many hours.

 

I agree though that too much silence can be awkward!