Am I rude to feel the need to exclude?

[musicale]

I am an introvert and I tend to not enjoy big groups of people. They tire me out. I also like getting close with just a couple people, too many and I feel like I'm spread too thin and can't put enough effort into each relationship.

 

I have one friend group of usually six whom I get together with periodically. I don't mind having other people join in with us because it's already kind of big. But I also have my two best friends whose company I really enjoy. They always want to invite other people to come along with us though. How do I tell them I only want it to be us three? Is it rude to not want to include other people sometimes? I don't want to be a drag but I feel like I'm missing out on spending time with them.

[d0nnivain]

Compromise. Sometimes do things one on one with them. Occasionally do the group thing. If there are too many group things, you bow out but reconnect on a smaller scale later.

[Ronni_W]

How do I tell them I only want it to be us three? Is it rude to not want to include other people sometimes?

No, it's not rude. The only thing is that if one or both of the other two do NOT want to exclude other people -- let's say they are extroverts who really enjoy being part of a large crowd (or whatever their actual reasons for preferring to socialize in bigger groups ) -- then you will be the one who has excluded yourself from those get-togethers.

 

As d0nnivain says, your compromise might be the best solution for yourself and for them, where they are not put in the position of having to choose and

you do not put yourself in the position of not being chosen.

[preraph]

When you are the one planning and inviting them to something, then you can just invite them only. Tell them in a nonconfrontational manner you want "the three of us" to go do whatever it is. Certainly if you have them over for a movie or dinner or drinks, you are free to only invite just them. If they bring someone else without asking after you've told them "just us three," then they are not wanting to spend time alone with you. But when they plan something it's up to them who they invite.

[basil67]

What Preraph said.

 

If you organise an event, it's fine to say "I'd really like a catchup with just the three of us"

 

If they organise an event, it's up to them who they invite. Also, if you don't feel like dealing with a crowd, it's OK to excuse yourself from the event. I wouldn't do this too often though.

[Gillys]

If you do compromise and join them in larger crowds, have you ever tried just focusing your attention on a few friends while you're out? That way it may not feel as exhausting to try to interact with 10+ people.