Knix Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 (edited) I've been in an on and off relationship with my boyfriend for about a year and a half now. Throughout the relationship we have gotten into bad fights to where I need to take a break, we've seen other people, and then got back together. But this keeps happening where my boyfriend does or says something disrespectful and then I consider ending things and he will literally cry and be heartbroken, only to go right back to being distant. He moved back to his hometown in Wisconsin (I've mentioned this in previous posts) but says he won't continue the relationship if I don't move there because he hates California.. my family is not okay with this and they honestly don't like him. On the otherhand I love his mom and dad, I feel like they could be my in-laws, and when things are good with my boyfriend, everything feels right. I like Wisconsin, but California is my home. I try to communicate more that what he is doing is bothering me and he makes an effort to acknowledge it and make changes because he insists he loves me. With that said, he's admitted to me that his ex has reached out to him a few times now, but he has put a stop to the convos when she starts trying to flirt. He insists that he has blocked her and won't do it again, but I can't be sure. I feel like he purposefully creates distractions from our relationship. He bought me a plane ticket to see him in July for two weeks, and I'm excited but also hesitant. A part of me doesn't want this anymore... but a part of me wants to try and make it work. I've also had an 8 year friendship with a guy I met through a penpal service when I was in high school in England. For the past 8 years we've had an undeniable chemistry. When we talk on the phone, we talk for hours and just laugh and laugh. My friend in England loves to travel, and wants to move out here to California. Now we are talking about him coming down for a California road trip with me in August... he works in radio and insists on paying for it too which is so hard to pass up. I feel like I'm cheating on my boyfriend, but I'm honestly unsure about what to do. My friend from England and I are just friends, but I know that there's a connection there. I don't want anyone to get hurt, but I'm worried I'm also making a big mistake by even considering moving to Wisconsin. I have a deep down feeling that A) I won't see my family at all and B) It will be easy for him to have more control and power in the relationship, because us breaking up would mean I would have to move my whole life again back to California, so he might just be constantly difficult or the ex will still pop up now and then. I feel bad that I'm even considering my friend from England as an option, but I really care for him and love talking to him. Everything I want to do, he's all for it and wants to have fun! Where my boyfriend is all about money except when it comes to doing things he wants to do.... I just feel lost. And I'm afraid someone will get hurt. Edited May 18, 2017 by Knix Link to post Share on other sites
GoldenR Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 This is easy... Don't move. Break up with your bf before your other guy comes to visit. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 I agree. Since your bf is so bad just dump him and go with the other guy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 So have you met Mr. 8 year penpal in real life or is this all over the internet? because if it is, you are living n internet fantasy air. You are in love with the feelings Mr. Online gives you, not Mr. Online himself. You better make damned sure this is what you want, because if Mr. Online shows up at your door and he has British Summer Teeth (Summer There...Summer Not) and a Ruddy complexion and pimples, you are going to be hard pressed to tell your current boyfriend that you made a "mistake". Of course the ea feels good. That's what it is intended to do...but it is NOT REAL. At any rate, break up with your boyfriend. he deserves somebody that loves him, and I am afraid that isn't you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MountainGirl111 Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 Breakup with your boyfriend already, why don't you? It sounds like that is long overdo. Then you can pursue whomever you wish and not worry about what the boyfriend will think or do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Knix Posted May 19, 2017 Author Share Posted May 19, 2017 So have you met Mr. 8 year penpal in real life or is this all over the internet? because if it is, you are living n internet fantasy air. You are in love with the feelings Mr. Online gives you, not Mr. Online himself. You better make damned sure this is what you want, because if Mr. Online shows up at your door and he has British Summer Teeth (Summer There...Summer Not) and a Ruddy complexion and pimples, you are going to be hard pressed to tell your current boyfriend that you made a "mistake". Of course the ea feels good. That's what it is intended to do...but it is NOT REAL. At any rate, break up with your boyfriend. he deserves somebody that loves him, and I am afraid that isn't you. ACTUALLY I do love my boyfriend, hence why I posted this thread.. He is very distant to me at times and I feel like he is avoidant of intimacy/flirts with his ex behind my back. I haven't met "Mr. Penpal" yet. He is coming in September just to spend time with me and see California. We have video chatted and talked on the phone for YEARS.... 8 years to be exact. I've known him longer than any boyfriend I've ever had, and he is a great person who has always been there for me through good times and bad. He has also admitted to loving me for a long time. I know this isn't an in person thing, but it's through our communications that we have cared for each other. I have never been the one to reach out to my boyfriend in regret, he is. Because he doesn't always treat me with the respect I deserve. He does really messed up things and then apologizes, only to do it again. Link to post Share on other sites
MountainGirl111 Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 It sounds like to me that perhaps your 8 year penpal meets your emotional needs better than your boyfriend. A lot of guys don't get that. I hope things go well for you, whatever you decide. Link to post Share on other sites
ItIsNotMe Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 IMO, you should have a serious conversation with your BF, explaining him more about your emotional needs. Be supportive to him. He may also have hard time with moving and distance. If you really love your BF, don't let the "the grass is always greener on the other side" ruin your relationship. I mean that mr. Online Guy may be really nice but you haven't met him in private yet so there is a big chance to get disappointed when you do it. And if this is the case, you'll be really sorry for leaving/cheating on your BF whom you know in real life for more than a year. You can't resolve your relationship issues by asking us if you should mr. Online Guy. The only way is to have a better communication with your BF. He may love you but to have a different way of expressing his love to you. And again - speak with him, be supportive and cut your communication with mr. Online Guy. As you said, if you didn't love your BF, you wouldn't post this thread here. So if it's true, why would you date another guy? Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Peach Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 I moved to another city to be with someone who wasn't respectful of me and I stayed in it way too long because I didn't want to (or have the money to) pack it all up and move back. I also didn't really like the city I moved to. I wouldn't move to another city unless I was REALLY sure about the relationship. It doesn't sound like you are. It's not easy to uproot your life twice for guy you're not completely sure about IMO. Did he discuss with you prior to moving? That might be a good sign as to how he views you. Link to post Share on other sites
TaylorW Posted May 20, 2017 Share Posted May 20, 2017 Sounds to me like your boyfriends has some stuff he needs to work on. I used to be like him, getting mad at something my ex did, becoming really distant and thinking about ending things and then regretting I overreacted. He needs to learn to regulate his emotions better. Sometimes he's probably really stressed or gets triggered and than overreacts and gets really distant. Then he calms down, thinks more clearly and realises he overreacted. That's why you see like 2 parts of him. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted May 20, 2017 Share Posted May 20, 2017 Have you ever heard of the expression beating a dead horse? because that is what you are doing by clinging onto that BF of yours....and as the saying goes, you can't have your cake and eat it too....it's time to cut the cord and move on...it's not working now, it's not ever going to work later.... BTW you are fooling yourself if your think you are just "friends" with this English dude. And we are not buying it nor will your BF. This English dude is your emotional lover, and have been for years now. And I have to say, he is consistent with his commitment to you more so than your BF will ever be. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts