Oh no, not again...

[clia]

I need some advice on my ongoing saga...(I think I know what to do, but I'd like a different perspective.)

 

Background: I met a guy who is a friend of my best friend's husband back in January. (A bunch of us got together for a joint bachelor/bachelorette party.) He lives 2000 miles away. We hung out there when we could, talked a lot, talked on the phone 5-6 times before the wedding, then hung out at the wedding. In short, really hit it off. Nothing remotely sexual happened. He didn't call me after the wedding because I lived so far away. I drunk dialed him once, but later found out that he thought the whole thing was really funny and it wasn't a big deal. I am moving to his city in a month to start graduate school.

 

The current situation: This past weekend, I flew to his city to find an apartment. After that, a bunch my friends and his friends (him included) got together at a resort to golf, etc. for the weekend, so I drove up to join them after I completed my apartment search.

 

Friday night was fine. We did some drinking, played cards, etc., and he and I hung out a little more. (But not a whole lot--he was mainly with his friends and I was with mine, which was fine.) He told me he was really excited that I was moving to his city and was very nice and respectful. He and I were both sleeping on the floor and he let me have the cushions on the couch to sleep on. We didn't hook up at all.

 

Enter Saturday. The guys golfed and drank all day, and the girls went off and did our own thing, then golfed 9 holes later in the evening. After we were all done golfing, we went to the bar. He ended up getting really drunk. I mean, he crossed the line between fun and obnoxious. He was annoying everyone. I asked one of his friends if this is normal, and his friend said he'd never seen him like this. I joked with him that he owed me a drunk dial, and he gave me one. A really pornographic one that was completely inappropriate. I was completely turned off.

 

I guess I'm upset because I saw a side of him that I didn't want to see. This exact same thing happened with the last guy that I liked. (I don't know if it's me, or what?) Needless to say, I didn't speak to that guy for a year after that.

 

Sunday, he followed me all the way back to his city, which I wasn't expecting. (I hardly said a word to him before we left the resort.) When I stopped at a rest area, he stopped with me and told me I was a good driver and that was why he followed. He told me I could follow him into the city and he'd take me to my hotel so I wouldn't get lost. (I thought that was really nice since I don't know the city that well yet.)

 

So, except for Saturday night, he's been nothing but nice and considerate every time we've hung out. But, I can't get how he was acting out of my mind, and am even debating whether or not I want to see him when I move. I know that everyone has bad days--heck, I've drank a little too much a few times, too, but I just couldn't believe that he would leave a message like that on my voice mail. His friends told me not to hold it against him, but I want to date an adult, not an obnoxious frat boy. (He's 28.)

 

Do you think I should let this slide? I think I should probably give him a call when I get there and go out with him as friends, but I'm just so leery now. Any insight? Guys, why do you think he acted that way?

 

Thanks!

[Tony T]

Nobody's perfect. I think his overall good behavior makes him eligible for a second chance. If you can't get used to forgiving and forgetting, you ought to forget ever having a relationship with anyone...and by no means ever consider marriage.

 

The inability to express your displeasure to him via phone or in person and then putting it behind you is, in my opinion, just as bad as the behavior itself. Now, if it happens again...that's a different story.

 

I am certain that he is embarassed, very sorry he got so drunk and said what he did, and probably doesn't remember anything he said. His friends were probably being quite honest when they told you this was not his normal self.

 

Give him another chance. You'll be a better person for it. And maybe somebody along the road of life will, in turn, give you a second chance as well when you make a mistake.