Being supportive

[Fresnite]

Hello,

 

I was curios on a rather unique situation. So i have this friend who suffers from depression and has had suicidal thoughts and two attempts in the past. She is better now, but missed her last appointment and today she has one in 2 hours.

 

I was supposed to pick her up and take her, but she texted me at 6am saying she stayed up all night and is going to bed and will reschedule her appointment.

 

My question is should i be pro active and try to go over and wake her up to take her? Or just let it go, she will deal with it?

 

Thanks, immediate responses requested please. I feel this is important.

[Redhead14]

Hello,

 

I was curios on a rather unique situation. So i have this friend who suffers from depression and has had suicidal thoughts and two attempts in the past. She is better now, but missed her last appointment and today she has one in 2 hours.

 

I was supposed to pick her up and take her, but she texted me at 6am saying she stayed up all night and is going to bed and will reschedule her appointment.

 

My question is should i be pro active and try to go over and wake her up to take her? Or just let it go, she will deal with it?

 

Thanks, immediate responses requested please. I feel this is important.

 

You let her deal with it . . . support is not about pushing or taking control of a person's/friend's situation. What you can/should have done was remind her how important it is for her to keep up with her counseling sessions (after all it's only an hour and then she can go to bed if she wants) and then remind her that you made time to bring her to her appointment and if she wants you to be available for that in the future, she needs to be respectful of your time. Just because she is depressed, you don't have to tolerate it and she needs to know that she cannot use that "condition" as an excuse for lack of common courtesy. Actually, if you don't let her know that and create a boundary, you would be enabling her to use her "condition" for other failures/etc. If she threatens suicide, you call the police.

Edited May 19, 2017 by Redhead14

[Popsicle]

Hello,

 

I was curios on a rather unique situation. So i have this friend who suffers from depression and has had suicidal thoughts and two attempts in the past. She is better now, but missed her last appointment and today she has one in 2 hours.

 

I was supposed to pick her up and take her, but she texted me at 6am saying she stayed up all night and is going to bed and will reschedule her appointment.

 

My question is should i be pro active and try to go over and wake her up to take her? Or just let it go, she will deal with it?

 

Thanks, immediate responses requested please. I feel this is important.

 

You are really sweet.

 

I would go over.

[todreaminblue]

this really depends on what type of depressive she is and what appointments she is missing.....speaking from experience i have clinical depression and when i used to have appointments during episodes regularly.....injections....i would rescehdule alot....so eventually they just turned up at my house and would inject me..bash on my door till i got out of bed.....or they would catch me slyly just before i was about to pick up the kids from school walking out the door...if i get too bad or got too bad..they hospitalised me....i can be completely stubborn adn my family will say to me thats it draggin you to hsopital or here or there....and needless to say...they cant......and i dont want them too....so they support me by me allowing them acccess to my acute care team(i give my permission every time) in times of stress where they can get support just as much as i could.....

 

beign a partner or friend or family member of a person with depression is hard......you have no idea the gratefulness and understanding i have knowing how hard it is yet my true friends and family stick by me..i feel really bad actually they got stuck with me.......it is so beautiful a thing to come out of a depressive episode and have people who treat you like you are just back and they dont ask questions just happy to see me....better....and i can just be me again.....

 

you arent at that stage i guess of being a part of her support network and i think it would be wiser to maybe talk to her family or support network....or even her be honest and ask her what she woud like.......let her support network guide you on what is best as well and then you sort of become a support person as well who is supported.....

 

sometimes i am grateful when friends ring me and ask me to come with them.....or they drop by to visit.its a weclome happening.......and sometimes i am a right mess and the last thing i need is someone seeing me that way...when i have not slept in two days and i feel liek crap.....my head foggy and in a confused and depressed state...a mess.....

 

is there anyone who is part of her support network you could talk to ...a parent sibling friend etc......deb

Edited May 19, 2017 by todreaminblue

[Fresnite]

Wanted to say thank you for everyone's responses.

 

An update.

 

Yeah I was tempted to go over and wake her up, i didn't. I realized she does have her own support group. Her friends did think it was sweet. My friend who i would have done it to did not lol. She was like "what why? I can handle it and i have my support group for that"

 

But apparently it wasn't a psych appointment anyways so it didn't matter.

 

Very interesting to see different opinions and explanations though.

 

I like this forum, people genuinely seem to care.

[d0nnivain]

Supportive is lovely. Over-stepping your boundaries can cause more problems. You now know where her boundaries are so you can be mindful of her wishes.

 

 

Going forward, depressed or not, she still gets to make her own decisions. Unless you have concrete info that she's about to hurt herself, let her run her life.