Time to nut up. Decisions.

[FBCoach23]

Hey everyone, I’m new to the site and must say I like reading all the posts and it makes me feel that I’m not alone in what I’m going through.

Right now, I don’t know what to do. Or, do I? The fact I’m on this website wondering if I should stay or go probably tells myself I have one foot out the door already. I love this woman, but I’ve come to the conclusion that we just aren’t right for each other.

What man, or woman lets someone treat them with disrespect verbally? Hell, she’s even smacked me in the face and threw water in my face before. Better yet, she’s got an abortion behind my back making me feel so low that I couldn’t make a baby but come to find out she had an abortion behind my back. Yet, I stayed with her with hopes our marriage could survive.

She’s never fully accepted my kids.. I don’t know why. I have two boys of my own ages 12 and 10. They are great kids, can be goofy and wound up at times and love to play sports. She has two kids of her own 12 and 10, boy and girl. They aren’t into sports and that’s okay, each kid is unique, right? But I do accept them and never made her feel that her kids aren’t up to par with mine. No kid should be treated that way. Her daughter has selective mutism and hasn’t talked to me all but probably 4 words in 5 years. I don’t know why but I still engage with her and try to be funny. We’ve got to the point of hand gestures to agree or not. That is okay. Better than nothing.

Three months ago I lost my job and been looking. I clean, I cook, I take kids to appointments, etc. If I don’t clean to her standards she complains to no end. She’s been controlling and nasty verbally towards me for a long time but I’ve had this hope we’d survive. I just can’t do it anymore. She calls me the worst husband in the world and of the year, who does that? I’d never call a wife that. When I was putting gmy life on the line everyday for a few years (worked at a prison) and she went to school she wouldn’t clean at all during that time, I’d get up from working graveyard shift and clean and do it all over again.

Sadly, she’s now pregnant and due in July. I feel terrible that this even happen and the baby is being brought into this world. All I can do is think, damnit she’s going to be brought into a broken family. However, I know you don’t stay with someone because a child. It just sucks.

Now, I’m no saint. We’ve ended numerous times prior. A couple times I’ve regained some friendships with some girls and talked to them via messenger on my phone and the wife saw it. I know it’s not right, but it wasn’t anything more than friends. However, she looks as it as me cheating on her. I know it’s not cheating, or is it? Either way, I was under the assumption we were over. Anyway, she throws it in my face all the time. In her eyes I’m a cheater. There doesn’t seem like there’s much hope with us.

My kids and I deserve better. I think it’s about time I put my kids first and start to focus on moving forward.. with or without her. Lord, help me!

[d0nnivain]

Glad you talked / wrote yourself into the truth. Your kids have to come 1st. You cannot expose them to this violent women who is committing spousal abuse. The slapping & the water throwing should have been the last straw.

 

Since you are unemployed what realistic plans do you have for moving out or paying for the upkeep on the house if you can get her out?

 

Best wishes. Keep us posted

[aurelius99]

Glad you talked / wrote yourself into the truth. Your kids have to come 1st. You cannot expose them to this violent women who is committing spousal abuse. The slapping & the water throwing should have been the last straw.

 

Since you are unemployed what realistic plans do you have for moving out or paying for the upkeep on the house if you can get her out?

 

Best wishes. Keep us posted

 

FYI, family court judges only consider it spousal abuse when it's man on woman. Your wife's abusive of you will not help you to win custody. Source: personal experience with identical situation.

[d0nnivain]

FYI, family court judges only consider it spousal abuse when it's man on woman. Your wife's abusive of you will not help you to win custody. Source: personal experience with identical situation.

 

 

The children are his from another woman. His STBXW will not be awarded custody of his bio children. They have no kids together because she aborted the child they made.

 

Judges are supposed to consider all factors when deciding what is in the best interests of the children. There is a slight preference for maternal custody but the fact that you didn't get your kids aurelius99 does not mean that all judges in all states in all cases always rule against the dads. I'm sure it feels like that because you are hurt but it's not a universal truth.

[mikeylo]

After the first abortion, is your wife pregnant now? That's going to complicate things in the already messed up situation.

 

With no job, how are you going to support 5 kids and if you divorce , boy ! You are in ***** load of trouble.

[aurelius99]

Glad you talked / wrote yourself into the truth. Your kids have to come 1st. You cannot expose them to this violent women who is committing spousal abuse. The slapping & the water throwing should have been the last straw.

 

Since you are unemployed what realistic plans do you have for moving out or paying for the upkeep on the house if you can get her out?

 

Best wishes. Keep us posted

 

Sounds nice on paper. The reality is that men lose custody 90% of the time. Those stats are nationwide. And if you exclude cases where the mom doesn't fight for custody (meaning she vanishes), then it approaches closer to 100%.

[somanymistakes]

Sounds nice on paper. The reality is that men lose custody 90% of the time. Those stats are nationwide. And if you exclude cases where the mom doesn't fight for custody (meaning she vanishes), then it approaches closer to 100%.

 

Do you have references?

 

The first source I have says 50% of the time both parents agree that the mom gets full custody without ever involving the courts - and half of those fathers then disappear because they don't want to be bogged down by the kid. Which has a big impact on the percentage of dads with custody overall.

 

I see one site saying around 17% of single parents with full custody in total are fathers...

 

Another site saying that when a case DOES go to trial over who gets custody, it's about 55% sole custody to the mother, 20% sole custody to the father, and the rest some sort of joint arrangement.

 

Which suggests that yes, the scales ARE tipped in the mother's favor but not as badly as you're making it out to be.

[live2ndin]

Thank you for being brave and reaching out for help with this issue. Everything with this relationship needs to start and end with love. It is interesting that you said "Lord, help me!", because I was thinking that sometimes we need to take a step back and ask for the wisdom to see the bigger picture. If you don't mind I would like to add you to my prayers, and that you would be granted wisdom and love to help you and your spouse return to a more fulfilling relationship.