OW for almost 2 years, now pregnant and terrified ** Updated **

[smalltownwriter]

He dumped me for good on Thursday. After meeting my parents. And staying at my house for 2 weeks because work had him here that long. He said he missed his kids too much in that time and in that moment he knew he couldn't bear the thought of split custody and going a week without seeing his daughter. That he loves me so much but he has to pick the option that means he at least gets to see his daughter every day. And just like that it's over. He removed me from all social media. I assume he's moving back in this weekend. He just left town yesterday. I have toys, books, a brand new bed, etc at his apartment that I'm sure I'll never get back. He left a stack of clothes I washed for him along with one shoe. I told him I'd mail them next week.

 

I knew you guys were right but this was something my heart had to see through. I've never felt heartbreak like this before. It might be easier if he said he hated me but this was a 2 hour long conversation where he broke down many times and made it clear he loves me and none of this is because he wants to stay married, but because he doesn't want to miss new things his daughter learns as she grows up.

 

And now that he's been promoted he will be one of my bosses at that job. I want to quit. I could quit and still be fine with my other job. But as I have said in previous posts, this is an opportunity in my dream industry that I don't think I will get anywhere else. So I get dumped, I lose all of this in the breakup, and on top of that I'm the one who is supposed to walk away from my dream career...it just doesn't seem right.

 

I also want to blow up his life. I wish I could tell his wife all the things he said. I know it wouldn't be productive but the urge to go scorched earth is definitely there. I haven't told my parents or my friends who met him because it's humiliating. "Yes I know you just met him and we were about to build a life together but he decided to move back in with his wife."

 

It's all just too much to bear. I just want to sleep for days and I can't because I have a child to be there for. Not even going to get started on how awful I feel for letting him get so close to my kid.

 

Never again.

Edited September 16, 2017 by smalltownwriter

[Bittersweetie]

Smalltown, I am so sorry. Please make sure to take care of yourself: get proper rest, eat well, take walks or another kind of exercise. Try not to drink too much, because it's easier to do something one may regret after a few glasses of wine (I know this from experience alas). I'd also suggest delaying any big decisions for short time. I am thinking of you and sending you strength.

[BTDT2012]

Keep looking for a new job.

[BaileyB]

I'm sorry.

 

I can't say that I am surprised... As hard as it is, best that you learn this now before you become even more invested. I respect the fact that you felt you needed to follow it through... But now, you have your answer.

 

Take care of yourself - like everything in life, this too shall pass...

[LivingWaterPlease]

(((((smalltownwriter)))))

[deadsoul]

You've seen it through... and now you can grieve it and learn from it. This was not a waste and you truly loved him and it sounds like in his own f-ed up way, he loves you too. He didn't ghost you. He didn't break it off with email and you can officially say you've had your "closure." (Though I don't believe in closure at all).

 

Don't blow up his world. Focus on you and your daughter... No dream job is worth the pain, btw. Really try hard to get out. Your heart wants to stay because you might believe just seeing him/interacting with him is better than nothing, but it truly isn't.

 

As others have said, take care of you. There are really good lessons here and you have an opportunity to learn and grow from all this. Take care.

[K.K.]

I've followed your story and just want to say I'm so sorry. I think they (MM) go as far as they can even believing it themselves until they just can't anymore. Stories like this make me feel even more that sometimes it's not all about sex for the MM. Sometimes they love her. He loved you. It was just a painful choice I guess and he made it.

 

Don't blow up his world. We've all had those thoughts. It's just going to come back to haunt you and make you feel lower than a snake. I'm sure he hurts too.

 

Take care of you the best way you can. He'll probably come back wanting more of the same affair thing. Hope you're strong enough to make the choice not to go back. It's going to end the same way every single time.

[PhillyLibertyBelle]

I've followed too. I'm really sorry. When you were in the A were you peers at work? If so and your company has an HR department I would go to them and report you were dating (or an A up to you) and I guarantee he will never been your immediate boss or you could sue the pants off them.

[reed1971]

I am so very sorry to hear it has turned out like this.

 

I can only imagine the pain you must feel.... the sick aching feeling that you fear will never go away... the loneliness... the heartache... and that deep deep sense of despair.

 

Heartache is one of the worst feelings and I want you to know that i am thinking of you... for what that is worth.

 

I know it is hard to imagine, as each day feels like a lifetime, and the fog is so thick that sometimes you can't see beyond the day... but one thing I can promise is that this feeling does pass... sure it may take a while... but it does pass. Please keep posting, this is the hardest time and the time you need the most support xx

[sandylee1]

The best thing you can do is find a job in a place without him. It's all well and good believing that he loves you, but have you ever stopped to think why he has a problem being faithful to his wives?

 

Why would it be any different with you?

 

It's time to separate reality from fantasy and see him for who he really is......that's a man who makes the ultimate commitment to a woman and cheats time and time again.

 

He's not capable of fidelity, but he wants the status of being a family man. That's what it boils down to.

[smalltownwriter]

The best thing you can do is find a job in a place without him. It's all well and good believing that he loves you, but have you ever stopped to think why he has a problem being faithful to his wives?

 

Why would it be any different with you?

 

It's time to separate reality from fantasy and see him for who he really is......that's a man who makes the ultimate commitment to a woman and cheats time and time again.

 

He's not capable of fidelity, but he wants the status of being a family man. That's what it boils down to.

 

I am willing to accept all criticisms, but there is no evidence to suggest he cheated on his first wife, so I don't think that is a fair assessment.

[smalltownwriter]

He keeps viewing my Snapchat stories. Why? He removed me from all other social media. He responds to it. One was a picture of an outfit. "I approve of this choice," he said. Why is he tormenting me? I begged him to stay and he left.

[MidnightBlue1980]

He keeps viewing my Snapchat stories. Why? He removed me from all other social media. He responds to it. One was a picture of an outfit. "I approve of this choice," he said. Why is he tormenting me? I begged him to stay and he left.

 

He torments you because he gets a kick out of your adoration. It's fun for him. The more you hurt, the better he feels. He doesn't actually want to lose that ego boast so he keeps you on the hook with a comment here, a comment there.

 

These guys are all the same (some women too). It's called feeling good at someone else's expense.

[sandylee1]

I am willing to accept all criticisms, but there is no evidence to suggest he cheated on his first wife, so I don't think that is a fair assessment.

 

I thought you mentioned a previous OW.

[smalltownwriter]

I’m struggling. Mostly with anger and confusion. Last week he asked me to quit, because he thought I was dating a particular guy he was super jealous of. I’m not.

 

Saturday was a milestone birthday for him. He got a kitten. Not just a kitten, but the kitten WE were supposed to get. An orange cat. He and my son collaborated on the name. So he got the damn orange cat, posted a picture on IG of the Cat and then wrote his first and middle name in the caption. The middle name was the one we had decided on, that my son had helped with. Why would he do that? Why would he post it for me to see? Who posts their new cats middle name? Why does he want to torture me? I don’t understand. He’s the one who left. Can’t he leave me in peace?

[BaileyB]

I’m struggling. Mostly with anger and confusion. Last week he asked me to quit, because he thought I was dating a particular guy he was super jealous of. I’m not.

 

Saturday was a milestone birthday for him. He got a kitten. Not just a kitten, but the kitten WE were supposed to get. An orange cat. He and my son collaborated on the name. So he got the damn orange cat, posted a picture on IG of the Cat and then wrote his first and middle name in the caption. The middle name was the one we had decided on, that my son had helped with. Why would he do that? Why would he post it for me to see? Who posts their new cats middle name? Why does he want to torture me? I don’t understand. He’s the one who left. Can’t he leave me in peace?

 

Why would he do that? Just because he can get to you... WHEN are you going to understand - this is not a nice guy? He has treated you terribly... time and time again. It's not going to stop now...

 

It goes without saying... He doesn't get any say in who you are dating and he has no right to be jealous.

 

I'm sorry that you are struggling. Use your anger to stay strong - stay away from this man, don't give him the satisfaction of getting to you, and NEVER do this again...

[anna121]

He does this because he can. Because he is a moral predator.

 

You would do far, far better to get away from him every way that you can.

[anna121]

I thought he had blocked you on social media?

[oldbutcurious]

STW, I did not go through all the posts, but if you are still pregnant with the baby, can you focus on the baby and your son? And your business as well? Distance from him, not mind him for a while, relax and give him the space he needs.

 

Some guys are like that - need to see and feel how it is w/o being charmed / bothered (however they may see it) by their women for a period of time. This is subjective, about how long.

 

Maybe, something else will come up.

[whichwayisup]

I’m struggling. Mostly with anger and confusion. Last week he asked me to quit, because he thought I was dating a particular guy he was super jealous of. I’m not.

 

Saturday was a milestone birthday for him. He got a kitten. Not just a kitten, but the kitten WE were supposed to get. An orange cat. He and my son collaborated on the name. So he got the damn orange cat, posted a picture on IG of the Cat and then wrote his first and middle name in the caption. The middle name was the one we had decided on, that my son had helped with. Why would he do that? Why would he post it for me to see? Who posts their new cats middle name? Why does he want to torture me? I don’t understand. He’s the one who left. Can’t he leave me in peace?

 

He knows you're lurking his fb page and he's wanting to be an a-hole on purpose to hurt you.

 

Leave yourself in peace by blocking him so you can't see any of his social media. You're actively looking and by doing that only hurting yourself more.

 

I really hope some day soon you can really grieve the loss and let go.

[S2B]

I’m struggling. Mostly with anger and confusion. Last week he asked me to quit, because he thought I was dating a particular guy he was super jealous of. I’m not.

 

Saturday was a milestone birthday for him. He got a kitten. Not just a kitten, but the kitten WE were supposed to get. An orange cat. He and my son collaborated on the name. So he got the damn orange cat, posted a picture on IG of the Cat and then wrote his first and middle name in the caption. The middle name was the one we had decided on, that my son had helped with. Why would he do that? Why would he post it for me to see? Who posts their new cats middle name? Why does he want to torture me? I don’t understand. He’s the one who left. Can’t he leave me in peace?

 

Why don't YOU take charge of YOUR life and block him in every area of contact?

 

Seriously, remove him from all ways of you seeing anything that has to do with him!

 

A kitty? Pffftttt! Who cares? He was trying to bait you to get a rise out of you - stop allowing him to manipulate and control you.

 

He's treated you terribly! But YOU keep allowing it - so just stop any interaction with him!

 

No contact!

[Maddieandtae]

Staying in any form of contact keeps you engaged and stuck.

 

Who knows really why anyone does anything? We are never in anyone's heads so it's all speculation as to the real reason of another's actions.

 

You can analyze your behavior though and try taking him out of the equation to see why you do what you do.

[sandylee1]

Why are you following him on IG?

 

I suggest you get your own cat as well.

 

Thud is what hsppebds age you intruder your child to your married boyfriend. You made your son a part of this.

 

He doesn't get to tell you to quit or who to date. As long as you continue engaging with him, you won't move forward.

 

I imagine his daughter is the one passing with the kitten the most.

[Bittersweetie]

Staying in any form of contact keeps you engaged and stuck.

 

Who knows really why anyone does anything? We are never in anyone's heads so it's all speculation as to the real reason of another's actions.

 

You can analyze your behavior though and try taking him out of the equation to see why you do what you do.

 

THIS. I know how hard it is to move from "why is he doing this to me?" to "why am I allowing this to get to me?" But it is such a more productive way to use your energy. One thing I learned after everything I went through is that there are some questions in life I will never know the answer to. And I could either A) let it get to me for years and years or B) let it go and move on. I've done both and believe me Option B is a much healthier choice.

[imsosad]

Give yourself a gift: block him on all social media.

Blocking him is an expression of self love. It will help you heal.

He does it because he wants to mess with your head. By following him on IG you're are giving him the means with which he can hurt you. He wants to confuse you. He wants you to obsess over his cat. Why? Because it prolongs his ego boost. It enables him to still get high on fumes from the affair.

If someone was coming at you, would you hand them a knife?

He's coming for your heart and mind. Don't let him. Take his knife away. Block him. You will feel So. Much. Better.