Decline wedding invitation?

[JellyTot]

I have a serious food allergy that limits what I can eat. My partner's close friends have invited us to their wedding reception but the meal isn't safe for me to eat. I've contacted the restaurant and basically they only serve one type of food and there is no alternative. On this occasion it's a sit-down meal so I can't avoid eating like I can with a buffet, and there isn't another room that I can sit in during the meal.

 

My only option would be to attend and sit at the table but not eat anything. In my experience this makes everyone else feel guilty and spoils their meal, and it makes me feel uncomfortable too. I have to contend with servers trying to give me plates which I have to repeatedly decline, strangers repeatedly asking why I'm not eating and sometimes accusing me of ruining the event by being on a silly diet or being picky. I get hungry and shaky from not having a proper meal and it's just unpleasant to sit there starving and watching everyone else eat.

 

Should I simply decline the invitation? I feel awful about declining when I'm not even busy, but I don't know what else to do. To complicate matters, my partner wants to attend and feels I'm ruining the day by refusing to go with him, as well as ruining it for our mutual friends who will also be there and will expect me to accompany him.

[d0nnivain]

How close are these friends? If you can tell the bride to make the place prepare food you can eat talk to the couple about your reasons before you just don't go. I find it very odd in this day & age that the restaurant won't accommodate you. Food allergies are very common. I give you credit for being pro-active & calling.

 

 

If you aren't close enough to say all that & you would feel better about not causing a fuss, send a gift & skip the wedding.

[JellyTot]

The restaurant can't provide a meal because it's the sort of small place that specialises in only one type of ethnic food. They literally cook one dish and nothing else. Everything is cooked on one big hotplate so even if they had other ingredients they couldn't cook them for me without cross-contamination that would be enough to make me sick.

 

I wanted to decline the invitation and send a gift with an explanation of my absence. But my other half really wants to attend because they're among his best friends and his whole friends group is talking about it and looking forward to it. He's angry at my refusal because he feels it's impolite to both him and his friends and will ruin the event for him. I'm equally upset about being excluded but I don't see what else I can do.

[d0nnivain]

Let him go. You skip it. Especially if he will have been drinking, be the awesome GF & be his safe sober ride home.

[Ronni_W]

The restaurant can't provide a meal because <snip> They literally cook one dish and nothing else. <snip> they couldn't cook them for me without cross-contamination

Tough call, JellyTot. Most importantly, I'd not worry about the potential reactions of people who don't understand how serious, even catastrophic unmanaged food allergies can be. (If you have people like that at your table, just inwardly laugh and offer pity for their ignorance. .)

 

Is there any way the restaurant will allow you to bring in something? Salad or cereal or whatever can be easily-enough transported? Perhaps the bride may need to make this request. And again, I wouldn't worry about other people's reactions. ("Well...I didn't want to ruin Couple'sNames big day by getting violently ill or dying...and of course

I wouldn't miss their special day for the world! And I also wanted to be here with Partner'sName. So this is my perfect solution that helps me fulfill all my desires and needs, and helps them know how special they are to me, as well.")

 

The thing is, it is a very special day for your partner's close friends and, thus, for him. For that reason alone, I'd want to go the extra mile to try to make it work for me, too; perhaps doing that especially for my partner. NOTHING is going to be an ideal solution for you, but...maybe during dinner service you drive yourself to another place where you can eat, or to a park where you can sit in peace and enjoy watching the world go by?

 

Like I said at the top, though, tough call.

Edited May 20, 2017 by Ronni_W
Fixed incomplete thought/sentence. :-)

[anika99]

I was also wondering if you could bring some food in for yourself. Something that you prepared yourself and have placed in a small Tupperware type container, like salad or rice and chicken. Obviously you can't plop a big bucket of KFC down on the table in a restaurant, lol, but I would think that given the circumstances and given that this a wedding event, that the restaurant would not object to you bringing a small container of your own food.

 

If that's not possible then eat before you go. That will at least eliminate the problem of you having to sit there hungry while everyone eats. The resturaunt seriously only serves one dish and nothing else? They don't serve bread or desserts?

 

You don't have to sit there and starve so you wording it that way seems a little dramatic to me. Either take your own food if it's allowed or eat before you go. If it's important to your friends and your partner that you attend then you should do so. If you go its only a few hours of some very minor discomfort to you but if you don't go it could cause years of resentment and hurt feelings for your friends and your boyfriend.

[SpiralOut]

Ditto to bringing your own food. Talk to the bride/groom and explain the situation. If they really want you there, it shouldn't be an issue.

[preraph]

Trust me when I tell you that these folks would be more than happy if you told them to order one less meal. That stuff costs a fortune. Tell them you will be a non-eating guest, and sit and have a glass of whatever you drink and chat. No reason to feel awkward about it. Models don't eat all the time. Sometimes I don't eat when out with business people or whatever because I ate something better earlier.

[anduina]

Have your partner discuss your food allergy with his friends so they don't order a meal for you, only a seat at a table. Eat your main meal prior to attending and bring some snacks so you can nibble with the rest.