Is he just player?

[Crisnico]

hello!i have 21 years, for 3 weeks i speak with this guy(also 21),we are colleagues, i liked him before but he was in a relathionship. in one day he started talking with me about classes and we talked for hours ,he told me that he is gonna break up with his girlfriend because she cheated on him with his best friend,i tried to console him and be a good friend ,we talked alot and discover we have so much things in common,one day he invited me to a walk ,he was playing with my hair touch my nose,touching my back i took this behaviour like a hint that he is interested in me ,after some days he invited me at his place to play games(gameing is one of our hobbys) ,when i got at his place he started to hold my hand ,cuddle and he kept making me compliments. everything was fine until one day when we said goodbye i kissed him on the cheek ,he started to say me that we move to fast and he needs space after a relathionship i was ok with that, we keept talking and behave like before (holding hands etc but no kisses) i asked him if that is ok and said yes ,that he liked me but needs time ,the conversation even became a little sexual in one night .

After some days he acted really weird he didn't wanted to be alone with me ,i asked him what was wrong and he told me that in the weekend he saw his ex they talked and he wants to go back to her, i didn't expected that, he said really cleary that he doesn't want to go back to her because she broke his trust. I was really sad and tried to show him that he was in a toxic relathionship (his ex is really possesive and a cheater ),i wasn't the only one who told him that his parents and other people even his high school teacher told him that she is not good for him but he won't listen ,i started to cry i felt used and ashamed .In that night they got back together when he told me i wished him well and to be happpy.

 

He insisted to stay friends and even dare to propose me to be friends with benefits ,i accepted to stay friends and nothing more ,since then we spoke a little and he told me that it was my fault that he got back with his girlfriend because we moved to fast and i scared him. Yesterday he started talking with me at college and kissed me and we talked like in the begining but he doesn't want to break up with her .

 

Today i deleted his number and deleted him from social media ,i feel used,and i feel is my fault i lost him because i moved too fast ,he blames me for what happend and told me he just wanted to be friendlly and maybe in time we will be together i really thought that he was flirting with me,his behaviour really confuses me and i need some advice .

sorry for the long post and for the english mistakes

[preraph]

He sounds like a mess. I don't think you should even be friends or even tell him maybe in the future. He's flirted with you while he's hung up on his ex -- and it's very possible they NEVER were apart and he was just saying that to see whether he was real into you or not. So don't just assume he's being truthful. Anyway, he stopped himself from going further, and backed off which is good. But then he thought about it and decided, Well, if she can keep a secret and not have any expectations and not let my girlfriend or wife or whatever she is find out -- in other words, if she can freely give me sex without any expectations for any obligation on my part -- then maybe I'm interested in that alone.

 

So open your eyes and do NOT go forward with this. If you keep seeing him as a friend, he is going to just confuse you and eventually take advantage. He knows he shouldn't, but he's doing to do it.

[d0nnivain]

You did not move too fast. Stop beating yourself up about that.

 

 

He was rebounding. He took up with you to fill the void in his life left by the departure of his cheating GF. For reasons I can't explain he chose to go back to her, even though everybody including you warned him not to. In all likelihood she will break his trust & leave him heartbroken but you should not stick around to pick up the pieces.

 

 

If you want to be friends with somebody don't blur the lines with physical contact like handholding, cuddling & kissing. If you have a romantic interest in somebody don't accept just friends as a consolation prize. You will only end up disappointed & longing for something you can't have.

 

 

I do not think he was a player. I think he is a confused immature young man. Leave him to wallow in his own mess.

[spiderowl]

You haven't done anything wrong and it is totally wrong of him to suggest you were moving too fast. He was giving you clear signals he wanted to get to know you. Holding hands and touching someone is not something you do normally unless you are hoping it will go further with time.

 

The problem here was his girlfriend broke up with him (or cheated on him, whichever is the truth). He did not choose to leave her because he had lost interest in her. This is crucial. She still has the power to pull him back. Whether this will continue is anyone's guess because he might eventually decide she is not worth the stress. But, for the moment, he is choosing her.

 

It sounds like he is blaming you because he feels guilty for drawing you in and then choosing his girlfriend again. You need to stand up to him on that one. I am glad you turned down his FWB offer, the cheek of it!

 

From the sound of it, he wants to keep you hanging on in case things fall through with his ex. Blaming you is not respectful and he needs to learn you will not be messed about. I think you should avoid him and be firm if he tries to blame you at all. Do not make yourself available to him. He is with someone else. If he ever splits up with his girlfriend again and comes looking for you, it is of course at your own risk if you decide to date him again, but he should certainly know beforehand that unless he is respectful he will have no chance.

Edited May 21, 2017 by spiderowl