How do you get a guy to stop talking to you, when it's hard to physically leave?

[ThisisIt606]

I live in an apartment in the city. There is a maintenance worker who ALWAYS talks to me. It's friendly enough chit chat, but I know he likes me from how he painfully tries to keep convo going, compliments my figure, clothes, etc.

 

I am really not interested in him in the slightest and I honestly find it very aggravating to have to engage in this pointless, dragged out small talk with him. It's often in situations were I "can't leave."

 

1) I'm waiting in my apt lobby for an Uber. It's freezing cold out on this particular day so I don't want to stand outside. He comes up to me, compliments me on my dress, asks where I'm going and then just stands there, hands in pockets smiling and nodding at me while I'm trying to show I'm NOT interested in talking (by not contributing more to the convo). Then he asks me more direct questions, " are you going dancing?" "who are you going with?" "where is it?" Finally my uber comes.

 

2) I'm in the laundry room folding all my laundry after I take it out of the dryer. I do this because it's much easier for me to just transfer my folded laundry to my drawers later. He spots me as he's wandering the halls and comes into talk to me. Again, me not saying too much in return, him complimenting my body saying I look strong/fit etc. He then asks me how many siblings I have, where I grew up, and just generally "get to know you questions". I couldn't exactly be like "welp, gotta go!" Bc I was in the middle of folding everything. I also didn't want him to "throw off" my normal routine, bc it's a big pain in the @ss for me to have to put away unfolded clothes.

 

Generally if I see him (usually in the basement bc that's where he works) I'll keep my head down/try to ignore and hope he doesn't see me. However he always spots me and makes a bee line. I really like to do simple things (waiting for an uber, folding my laundry) in peace and not engage in really awk prolonged small talk with the guy that literally just stares at me, fidgeting with his fingers because HE feels that awk silence too but just chooses to INGORE it to get in time with me or whatever. " ooh I haven't seen you in a long time. Where have you been?"

 

Perhaps I sound like a huge jerk, but I'm just annoyed women have to put up with this relentless pursuit of some men when the woman is clearly not interested. It leaves me aggravated and annoyed.

 

Any tips on how to either get out of, or shorten these interactions? He works in my building so while I don't see him ALL the time, it's enough to prompt me to write a post.

Edited May 20, 2017 by ThisisIt606

[Sara1989]

Some men are clueless, in his head he may just think your shy...not that your trying show a lack of interest.

 

If I was you, I just be upfront with him "I am really busy, I cannot talk" just keep saying this, yes it be awkward and uncomfortable but its better than just hoping he get the hint. If it carries on regardless of what you do then you can obviously contact his employer.

[Nowty V]

Do you pay a service charge for the buildings facilities?

 

Could you notify the property management company that their employee is making you uncomfortable with his unwarranted intrusions?

 

Sometimes you have to speak to people of this kind in a language they will understand.

 

He seems to catch you when you are a captive audience, there is no chance of swerving him with a "gee is that the time, must be off".

 

If it is not nipped in the bud there is no telling how the fantasy will play in his mind.

[Grey40]

If you can't tell him that ore not interested to his face, see if you can't talk to someone else in the building and see if they can do something about it. They might just tell him, "dude stop you're creeping her out"

[ThisisIt606]

Some men are clueless, in his head he may just think your shy...not that your trying show a lack of interest.

 

If I was you, I just be upfront with him "I am really busy, I cannot talk" just keep saying this, yes it be awkward and uncomfortable but its better than just hoping he get the hint. If it carries on regardless of what you do then you can obviously contact his employer.

 

Thanks everyone! I think i'll just have to bite the bullet and say something directly to him next time that I just can't talk. I'd rather not get him in trouble with his manager/ also don't know if he'd go a little cray and become more "obsessed" with me.

 

He saw me doing laundry last night, and this time it was more of a active situation for me as I was taking it out of the wash and putting it into the dryer/could be quick with it. I kept my head down mostly and answered when he asked me something directly but kept it short. He left on his own that time. That was the first moment when I felt he honestly *got it*.

 

If he doesn't ease up in the future, I'll take your advice and def say something to him.

[preraph]

Talk to the manager of the building and tell them you do NOT want them to use your name or be specific with him but that they need to tell him to not be as chatty with the tenants. The manager isn't going to fire him over it. Just tell them it's awkward and taking too much time but that he's good at his job if he'd just stick to it.

 

This would make me paranoid and I'd look for cameras everywhere because you never know. They're so tiny these days. If he ever says anything to make you think he might be watching you inside the apartment, consider having maybe a police officer check your apartment or a security professional.

Edited May 20, 2017 by preraph

[rushed]

Ugh, yeah, that really sucks. I hate those situations. I would just start talking about "my boyfriend." "Yeah, I'm going to go meet my boyfriend for dinner." "Sorry, can't talk right now. Texting with my boyfriend about something important right now." As for the laundry, I'd just start doing them with headphones on even though you're not listening to anything.

[preraph]

Also, you might try wearing a headphone or Bluetooth and pointing to it as if you're listening to someone and put your finger to your lip and shush him and turn your back and maybe walk away and hope he leaves and doesn't wait.

[todreaminblue]

headphones are normally a good way of bubbling yourself if you dont want to interact i dont mean earphones you stick in your ear wax either i mean the visible big bubbles on either side of your head ....i have had guys actually come up to me and ask me to take them off when i have been out and about and asked me what am i listening too...or asking me to take them off to warn me when i used to night walk that its dangerous and scold me like a kid....one guy actually got off his bike to scold me....i get in trouble with people i dont even know..god loves me.....smilin........but they are a deterrant....most of the time.....deb

Edited May 20, 2017 by todreaminblue

[basil67]

I was also going to suggest headphones. If you're wearing them, you can just smile and keep listening to your real (or imaginary) music.

[preraph]

If he asks what you're listening to, tell him not to approach when you're on headphones or bluetooth because you often have conference calls where you have to listen and not talk much.

[SwordofFlame]

I was also going to suggest headphones. If you're wearing them, you can just smile and keep listening to your real (or imaginary) music.

 

Don't smile. Use your best resting b*tch face.

[todreaminblue]

Don't smile. Use your best resting b*tch face.

 

 

lol....true.....deb

[Imajerk17]

This is definitely one of those times where I am glad to be a guy. We don't get accosted nearly as often by clueless overly persistent members of the opposite gender, and even in those rare instances when we do, we are usually bigger/stronger, and that somehow means we don't feel nearly as intruded upon.

 

What the others said above. Another suggestion: Look busy/engaged w something (e.g., a book, your phone) is what I'd advise, and if the guy tries to talk w you, well, don't give eye contact and also you "really have to get back to work". A great way to show clear noninterest with little risk of a confrontation. He likely will get the message, and he is doesn't, then you'd be warranted to try stronger measures, such as talking to a manager or his coworker.

Edited May 21, 2017 by Imajerk17

[mightycpa]

What's the big deal? He's hired help. You can't direct the hired help?

 

Say something like "Isn't there a unit that could use your services right now?"

 

It's time to pull rank.

[Cookiesandough]

Pretend to be on your phone