Significant other isn't bothered if someone else shows interest in them

[AugustSnow]

Some say if your partner doesn't "get bent out of shape" if someone else shows interest in them then that means they are not interested in the person they're with or they have a side relationship with someone else to even care.

 

Others say jealousy is a bad thing and that it has no bearing on whether or not that person is interested the relationship or their faithfulness.

 

So which one is it? Which one is correct? Should jealousy be something "normal" in a relationship to show you still care and interested in the person you're with or is that shouldn't that shouldn't happen in a relationship?? Should that be a cause for alarm?

 

If someone wrote a thread about this already, I do apologize. It has been a while since I've written in here. Thanks for understanding!!

[d0nnivain]

Just because somebody is in a relationship does not mean they can control who else likes them or their partner. If boundaries are clear & there is trust, pitching a fit is not required. Jealousy happens but can be managed.

[somanymistakes]

So which one is it? Which one is correct?

 

People are different, there is no 'correct' answer that is true for all people. It is normal for some people not to be jealous. There are other people who would only not be jealous if they didn't care, or were already cheating themselves.

 

Should jealousy be something "normal" in a relationship to show you still care and interested in the person you're with or is that shouldn't that shouldn't happen in a relationship?? Should that be a cause for alarm?

 

I think a little jealousy is normal for most monogamously-minded people, but jealousy is also very dangerous and over-romanticised in popular culture. A lot of people get away with extremely bad behavior by passing it off as jealousy and showing that they care.

[SammySammy]

The person who gets "bent out of shape" because somebody is attracted to them is emotionally immature. Or faking.

 

It's possible to recognize or even acknowledge someone is attracted to you and still respect your relationship. No histrionics necessary.

[todreaminblue]

jealousy happens with some.....but controlling it and not turning it into anger towards others is a necessity...i also think that not being jealous or having jealousy frequently is a sign of security in a relationship and a person.....in no way meaning less love or thought...just security and a sense of knowing that nothing would ever happen anyway....deb

[preraph]

A really secure person knows they can't control their mate and they figure if the worst thing happens and the person turns out to be one who betrays them, that they can do better and they're secure enough to know they can find someone else, someone better suited. So they leave the door wide open and really, that's how you find out if someone has it in them to cheat or not. And if their mate knows them at all well, they will realize that this confident person will walk and never put up with any unethical nonsense. They know if they do it, they're the one who will suffer for it and there will be no mercy or turning a blind eye like with a more desperate needy person.

 

Very few of us are at that level of secure, but we should aspire to be.

[basil67]

The person who gets "bent out of shape" because somebody is attracted to them is emotionally immature. Or faking.

 

I initially had the same interpretation of what the OP wrote as you did. However, after re-reading it a few times, I don't think she's referring to the person who's being crushed on - rather, their partner.

[BluesPower]

If a woman want to be with me and we are exclusive, if someone hits on her or whatever then so what. Because if she expects me to be mono then she had better tow the line.

 

I am not ok with her returning too much flirting, and she needs be respectful of me at all times.

 

So I don't care if someone hits on her as long as she handles it correctly.

 

My current GF is a little less trusting of me because she knows about my past and I am respectful of that. I will hug my friends that are girls, and they may kiss me on the cheek but that is as far as it goes.

 

And I do not hang around with other women that I have slept with, she kind of has a problem with that, and I understand why...