Can physical attraction/tension be mutual?

[sapphire_rain]

I was at university with my friend using the photography studio (photography is part of our course). My friend had to take portrait shots of me for a project and I was the 'model'. We were in the studio alone, but one teacher was in another room with a class. After his class ended, we were still there, so we asked him if he'd mind helping us with the camera settings. He is a professional photographer.

 

This man has occasionally assisted in our class and has taken a few of our lectures, yet he doesn't know me well. From what I've experienced, though, he's a very kind, creative, gentle and intelligent person. I won't deny that he's attractive - early forties, wavy mid-length hair, a lovely face and a great sense of style. Many of the girls talk about how "gorgeous" he is. I should probably say at this point that I'm actually a lesbian - I have no doubt about that. I think that's why I feel somewhat confused about this experience.

 

Anyway, he eagerly helped us with the camera and the entire light set up, bringing in props and equipment. He took some shots of me himself, and came up very closely to me numerous times, asking me to move my head/shoulders etc. I began feeling quite drawn to him. I felt him looking at me a lot whilst my friend took the photos, and I admit I felt an intense, physical pull towards him. Several times, he was an inch or two away from me as he adjusted things, like the hat I was wearing. When he was close, I swear I could actually feel heat radiating from him and myself, as if a fire could've been lit. It felt intense as we made eye contact, and I actually heard him breathing heavily. Later, I was holding a glass as a prop, and he approached me several times, told me I was doing great, and this time touched my face to angle my head. I know this is probably means nothing because he's a photographer and has to be actively involved in the shoot. Yet, something just told me he felt the heat too. I'm 24; it's not as if I'm an immature 18-year-old.

 

As a lesbian, it felt very odd to me to feel this towards a man rather than a woman. I've only felt this way towards women in the past. The 'pull' to him didn't really feel sexual, but it was simply like an intense need to be physically close to him (hugging, holding each other etc). As we were packing up, he asked me if I was studying photography too, running his hands through his hair.

 

Perhaps I'm just craving physical intimacy, and I know I actually do lack positive male role-models in my life. In a way, sometimes I wish my own father could be more like these male tutors I encounter at university - passionate, artistic and involved/interested in our work. My question is - can this sort of physical attraction and/or tension be mutual? Do you think that it's normal for me to feel this rare 'pull' towards this man despite being a lesbian?

Edited May 20, 2017 by sapphire_rain

[SammySammy]

Can be mutual and should be mutual before pursuing anything further.

 

It also can be created.

 

As an amateur photographer, I can tell you that he probably knew what he was doing.

[basil67]

I think that attraction can be one way and tension is generally mutual.

[preraph]

Realize that sexuality is kind of a sliding scale. Most of us aren't totally one way or the other with zero attraction for the other side. Doesn't mean it's enough attraction to act on it or change lifestyles, but most of us can conjure someone we think is hot of the same sex.

 

So no different with you and your less dominant sexual facet. As you said, it may be a daddy thing, or that he's authoritative or is in a position of power you admire that you find sexy.

 

For example, a friend of mine once traveled to see me and brought Ms. Oklahoma (a gay man) with him. Now, I didn't know what was going on between them and was too loyal to my longtime friend to even consider it, but me and the guy went swimming together and it was like our eyes were just magnets on each other, a whole lot of tension. After they left, I got hang up phone calls and breathing ones with some voice for some months. I know it was him.

 

So attraction can happen when conditions are right. Some of my old guy friends who were gay also had moments of attraction to women. One married one but found it hard to give up the gay lifestyle. I think that's what usually happens: you miss your primary sexual leaning too much to give it up.

[sapphire_rain]

Can be mutual and should be mutual before pursuing anything further.

 

It also can be created.

 

As an amateur photographer, I can tell you that he probably knew what he was doing.

 

Ah, okay. That's rather interesting.

 

I have to ask - are you really implying he knew he was making me feel attracted to him?

[sapphire_rain]

Realize that sexuality is kind of a sliding scale. Most of us aren't totally one way or the other with zero attraction for the other side. Doesn't mean it's enough attraction to act on it or change lifestyles, but most of us can conjure someone we think is hot of the same sex.

 

So no different with you and your less dominant sexual facet. As you said, it may be a daddy thing, or that he's authoritative or is in a position of power you admire that you find sexy.

 

Thanks - you're right. Sexuality can be fluid. Despite being gay, of course I can still recognize when a man is attractive (and in this case, I did feel attracted to him). However, in reference to the other part of your answer: it's not about 'giving up the gay lifestyle' - sexual orientation isn't a 'lifestyle'. Being a lesbian isn't something I can give up; it's part of who I am, like eye color, or the height that we are.