Anxiety from being lonely

[Missy Love]

Hi - so I am 30 years old (female) and have been feeling incredibly down. I have been living in a city now for three years, and it's far away from my family. I uprooted for an incredible job opportunity, and it has been an awesome adventure. I'm living my dream, but I find that I just feel empty a lot of the time. I don't feel like I'm moving forward in my life in terms of settling down and having a family of my own, which is what I've always wanted. I've been single now for nearly four years, and I've gone on a lot of dates in my time here, but nothing has stuck. It has been incredibly discouraging.

 

I think it's not just in terms of romantic relationships, but also friendships. I have several activity buddies and many acquaintances, but I don't feel that I have many people who are there for me 100%, like with the people who I grew up with, who I just feel more bonded to.

 

I have a great job and enjoy the work that I do and the people that I work with. I feel advancement and growth in terms of my career, but on the evenings and weekends I feel incredibly down and seeking people to hang out with. Everyone seems to be busy with their own lives though and don't seem to truly care all that much about me. Sometimes I'll even feel a pang of sadness when I find out a group of my acquaintances all got together but didn't include me. I really just need a few people who I feel close to is all. I just don't feel like anyone here is truly there for me.

 

I was recently back visiting my family, and while it was nice while, it felt to me that I should stay where I'm at. My job would allow me to relocate closer though if I wanted. I was mostly at my parents' home, and I know that I need to have my own adult life. My parents tell me I should enjoy this stage since I'm in the prime of my life.

 

I'm just lonely all around I guess, and I don't tend to do well when I am by myself a lot. I don't even know what to do on the weekends. I really seek a family of my own and to just move forward in life and with someone, but that just seems impossible for me to find. I do think my luck in the area that I'm in is better than near my parents since there are more guys my age here. I've just realized that what gives me happiness in life is the people and the relationships that I have... I just don't know what I did to mess it all up, and what I could be doing differently.

 

Advice???

[jjgitties]

You are 30 years old. You are still young and most probably a beautiful woman. Don't worry. You will find someone. Just don't be unrealistic with your expectations. I know a lot of female friends that held out for I dont know what, and now they are in their mid 40s and its harder to find someone.

 

It sounds like you are after a real relationship and not into FWB and flings. So beware and stay away from men who do not want to get into relationships. They will make you miserable and steal your best years away from you. There are many of them out there in large metropolitan cities.

 

As far as other people and their time for you. People with families and commitments will obviously not have time for their non-attached friends (or semi friends) for obvious reasons. You need to find a few similar people like yourself -- single and without families -- that you can schedule, hang out, and spend time with.

 

Best of luck.

[d0nnivain]

When you have a lifetime of memories with people (your childhood friends) it's hard to feel that level of connection with people you met more recently. You also didn't have the same immersive experiences with the new friends, not like the full school days you had from childhood.

 

 

You seem active. Keep that up. Initiate some more. Volunteer doing something you care about to find like minded folks. Perhaps check out an alumni association so you have some roots with people.

[preraph]

I would just offer this as a suggestion to be carefully weighed. I think it's preferable than hastily picking a husband once you reach a certain age, because that can trap you into a lifetime of continued anxiety and regret.

 

Have you thought about adoption? Do you have the means and support to have a child on your own? Having a child will make it even more difficult to find a man, but not impossible as many of them will have children over 30. Lord knows there's lots of nonbabies in desperate need of adoption. You may want a baby, but I would just suggest that an older child already in school might be something you could manage without a career interruption. And it wouldn't prevent you fro having a baby in the future.

[endlessabyss]

Seems like you're more invested in careerism, and have sacrificed having your own family. I see this with a lot of women at my work, and they end up getting a dog to fill the void.

 

Naturally, careers are more unfulfilling and empty, so there is a dilemma you're facing.

 

Age is definitely going to be a factor as well.

 

Hope everything works out in the future.

Edited May 21, 2017 by endlessabyss

[preraph]

A couple of dogs with a house with a yard and a dog door is easy to manage. You're gone a lot, so you need two because they're pack animals and can get anxious too without someone or a dog there.