Do I Believe What She Told Me Drunk? If she responded this way..

[Ashora]

So I liked this girl and I've known her for a good theee or two months. We are in a group of friends who talk daily. And she mentioned before I even felt this way that she does not do relationships. But I took the risk and told her how I felt anyways. I can never get a chance where I would feel comfortably telling her how I felt so I texted her how I felt. I told her if she doesn't feel the same way it's okay, nothing has to change. A decently sized message to make sure I won't ruin our friendship.

She responses that she doesn't do "the whole like thing but thanks anyways". Then the night of (I haven't talked to her since this. I wanted to give it a little time to set in and not be awkward), all of us are in group chat over the phone on a app. She is drunk. She begins saying she isn't a "**** boy" and that people have called her ugly then she also had someone tell her she looks like a pop star. At first I think it's drunk rambling but then she continues to ask a random person in the group that "from 1-10 how much do you like me". And she trashes on people getting together in relationships. She takes stabs at me, indirectly mentioning if someone liked her.

I confront her after when she's sober. She says she just was joking that day and that's how she copes with her feelings. It wasn't anything directed to me. Two days later, she comes into the call again and says "I really love you guys." Then she emphasized "I like you... I really like you" when it gets quiet.

She has been oddly off and on as far as mean to me? She has also mentioned, when sober, an attraction towards this person who had the same name as me and was a voice actor. She talked constantly how pretty they were and how they were "Bae".

as far as I've seen she isn't shallow and she cares how she treats other people. But in this circumstance? I'm not sure what's going on. She could either be pushing me away, trying to tell me she likes me or make it clear that she doesn't like me. And I know the I like you was directed at me because she said it in the exact way I told her. I used those words. Does her drunk words mean anything? Are they saying the truth?

[d0nnivain]

Who knows what her drunk texts mean? None of this is real because it didn't happen in real life.

 

 

Your first & biggest mistake was telling her how you feel via text!!!! Ugh I can't even begin to tell you how colossally wrong that was.

 

 

Communication is 90% non verbal. By hiding behind a device you deprived yourself of the opportunity to really connect. Had you talked in person you both could have seen into each other's eyes & observed the body language. Without that she had no way of knowing that you weren't setting her to be the punchline of an elaborate joke at her expense.

 

 

I suspect that she's scared & her "I don't do relationships" are a self protective defense mechanism to prevent her from getting hurt.

 

 

Your second mistake was having some kind of group chat on an app. Ugh. What is wrong with people that you can't manage to get together in person? Until you can overcome this you will never have a successful relationship.

 

 

Stop trying to have virtual relationships. Put down all the devices you are hiding behind & really be with people in the actual world, in person. Yes, it's scary. Sadly its outside the norm in today's world but it's infinitely better then what you are trying to do which actually has the opposite effect & isolates you.

[jjgitties]

Your first & biggest mistake was telling her how you feel via text!!!! Ugh I can't even begin to tell you how colossally wrong that was.

 

^^ This!!! OP, you need to look at a persons face and eyes and body language then you reveal your undying love for them.

 

 

Your second mistake was having some kind of group chat on an app. Ugh. What is wrong with people that you can't manage to get together in person? Until you can overcome this you will never have a successful relationship.

@d0nnivain You (and possibly me -- I don't group chat) are out of sync with the new millennial generation that has grown up with technology, the Internet and mobile computing devices. They interact very differently and use then differently. You may want to rent and watch Unfriended . Its an okay film but it is very, very unique in that it gives insight into how younger generations interact and communicate via technology.

[Redhead14]

@d0nnivain You (and possibly me -- I don't group chat) are out of sync with the new millennial generation that has grown up with technology, the Internet and mobile computing devices. They interact very differently and use then differently. You may want to rent and watch Unfriended . Its an okay film but it is very, very unique in that it gives insight into how younger generations interact and communicate via technology.

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That does not mean that it is a healthy, effective way of developing a relationship . . . and I have been observing all this very closely. It causes more harm than good and we will see the effects of it all in due time . . . We are "allowing" our youths to direct and influence the "world" for themselves. And, a great many of them cannot communicate effectively in real life nor are they experienced/educated enough about life/relationships to allow them to come up with new ways of managing/developing them.

 

I don't begrudge communication technologies overall, there are lots of benefits too, but I don't think it's the way to go for everything.

[d0nnivain]

Thanks RedHead14

 

 

jjgitties I know that this generation uses all these technology pieces. I am simply advocating that they stop because instead of bringing them closer, it divides them. Do you know that police departments around the US now have to teach new officers how to talk to people because they don't know how?

[Redhead14]

Like my mother always said "If all your friends were jumping off a cliff, would you do it too"? Oh, there it is again -- old school thinking

 

The older generation has the benefit of hindsight and has the ability to use forethought to use that hindsight to affect the future more positively . . .

[coolheadal]

Thanks RedHead14

 

 

jjgitties I know that this generation uses all these technology pieces. I am simply advocating that they stop because instead of bringing them closer, it divides them. Do you know that police departments around the US now have to teach new officers how to talk to people because they don't know how?

 

I agree with you on that but the way it is today that's all they know how to do. Gone are the days you would do it in person. Shy people are still around they're the ones on these devices. If you tell them otherwise they get upset with you. Text Buddies and Text Love is the way they do everything on there. Sort of what we do here. Nice if we call can be in one room and talk for real and hear real voices talking. But that can't happen because we're not a corporation where it can be done in one conference group call.

[Kamille]

This girl sounds like a passive agressive communicator at best or a drama queen at worse. Why exactly are you drawn to her?

[jjgitties]

Thanks RedHead14

 

 

jjgitties I know that this generation uses all these technology pieces. I am simply advocating that they stop because instead of bringing them closer, it divides them. Do you know that police departments around the US now have to teach new officers how to talk to people because they don't know how?

 

I am a big believer in one on one conversation and meeting all people in person. But I do try to understand where some of the new generation are coming from. Their attachment to technology and their devices is on a whole other level than us older generation. A insignificant blut via social media or text can completely turn their day upside down.

 

Is it right or wrong is not my place to say. But it is what it is.

[preraph]

It sounds like she is really trying to make sure you know she doesn't like you at all that way, and she likes someone else. Sorry. It doesn't even sound to me like you should try to continue to be friends. It's just going to be awkward now, especially if you keep trying to find some way to read into it that she likes you when she has told you now three times that she does not, in that way.

[Ashora]

I thought she may sound that way but she isn't. She never comes into the chat and begins saying that has far as I have noticed. But she does go off on rants about how she feels on topics. That's just her talking, not so much being drama queen.

What attracted me to her was her personality, like just how what she said was interesting to me. Her input and how she saw things. She different than me in every way so could be oppsite attracts.

[Ashora]

Well at least now I know for the next time. The only time I had alone with her to tell her, I missed my chance because I was too nervous. It was extremely hard to me to just find the nerve to say what I did. We talk a lot on apps but we do meet up in person at least 1-2 a week. You made a great point about how you can tell better in person. I had maybe I would be wondering this. I also was afraid to make things awkward by saying this if it were just me and her alone. Because I've never told someone how I felt before, people have always told me

[Ashora]

I'm am being respectful of what she said and not pushing her into liking me or trying to be hopeful. It was just something that was on my mind that I'd really like input into. I'm going to pursue a friendship with her rather than keep trying for a relationship, because I will be respectful of what she said.

But if she ever chances her mind then I wouldn't mind trying to actually have that with her. That's where I stand on it. I hope it's the right way to go about things.