Will my ex take me back

[springy]

You lived together for 10 months with her children, I'm sure she hasn't suddenly developed some deep concern about how you will treat them on a ride home. Next lunch date, ask her if she is interested in working toward getting back together, or what her intentions are. Nothing needy about finding out where you stand...as long as you don't start begging or pleading for another chance. Now that would not be good...

[olivetree]

She already made the first move to get back into contact with you even though you left her.

It's your turn to make the next move.

You need to show her that you want her.

Tell her how you feel!

 

No risk, no reward.

[Musclehampsrer1987]

I guess I'll have to put it out there. I don't think there's anybody else if there is she's good at hiding it from me. I'm definitely trying to show her that I can be that better person I should've been cuz I know I have to prove too

[Kelsy]

She definitely cares about you.

The thing is she has kids and she really cares about their emotional health.

Children are very sensitive to conflict between their parents or mom and bf etc..

 

So itś not just you and her. Please try to be more mature and don´t move out after a small fight. Most couples have arguments and fights but dumping someone is a huge step. Itś not a game and it may take a long time to gain her trust back because you may run again after a little fight.

 

Give her time, maybe 2 months or so...She is not sure about you right now. You both need some time to clear your minds.

[Musclehampsrer1987]

She definitely cares about you.

The thing is she has kids and she really cares about their emotional health.

Children are very sensitive to conflict between their parents or mom and bf etc..

 

So itś not just you and her. Please try to be more mature and don´t move out after a small fight. Most couples have arguments and fights but dumping someone is a huge step. Itś not a game and it may take a long time to gain her trust back because you may run again after a little fight.

 

Give her time, maybe 2 months or so...She is not sure about you right now. You both need some time to clear your minds.

 

I've definitely realized that I think I'm making progress on the right direction yesterday she needed someone to pick her kids up and get them where they needed to go and I took them to get dinner afterwards and sat with them at her house. If she didn't trust me at all I don't think she would have done that. I want to ask her to start all over cuz I have my own house now and build on a new relationship but I don't know how to ask and I don't want to wait to long

[mightycpa]

Honestly, I don't think that the fight was such a big issue. People fight all the time. On the other hand, moving out? That's huge. That is abandonment. The big red flag that you started waving was

 

When the goings gets tough, I GET GOING! TOUGH!

I've read about the "silly fight" I don't know how many times. I think you're focused on the wrong thing. This woman has little kids. The last thing she wants is to make them feel like they've got a family and then you run off because of a silly fight.

 

I have no idea why she's back in touch again, I wouldn't be. So I think you have a chance. You can't have that conversation with her in front of her kids, but I do think you need to apologize for bolting. That's where you're going to have to start, and you're going to have to slowly work your way back to trust. Don't move back in with her until you've spent some time together as a couple.

 

But that said, if this is your style, then leave her alone. Go find someone else who doesn't really need stability.

[Musclehampsrer1987]

Honestly, I don't think that the fight was such a big issue. People fight all the time. On the other hand, moving out? That's huge. That is abandonment. The big red flag that you started waving was

 

I've read about the "silly fight" I don't know how many times. I think you're focused on the wrong thing. This woman has little kids. The last thing she wants is to make them feel like they've got a family and then you run off because of a silly fight.

 

I have no idea why she's back in touch again, I wouldn't be. So I think you have a chance. You can't have that conversation with her in front of her kids, but I do think you need to apologize for bolting. That's where you're going to have to start, and you're going to have to slowly work your way back to trust. Don't move back in with her until you've spent some time together as a couple.

 

But that said, if this is your style, then leave her alone. Go find someone else who doesn't really need stability.

 

I have apologized to her about everything and not just leaving I apologized for everything that led up to the fight and being so selfish. I realized that they mean everything to me and I was definitely wrong for leaving

[Altair0770]

Have you asked her yet if she would take you back?

 

If you dump someone, it's up to you to fix it. If you so badly want to be with someone, and you broke it, FIX IT.

 

Smart dumpees don't go begging and pleading to their ex to take them back. Smart dumpers don't fear the risk of rejection when they already threw that at someone else.

 

Just ask if she'd like to start again. If yes, congratulations. If no, then you have your answer. But we can't make that answer for her or you.

[Kelsy]

I've definitely realized that I think I'm making progress on the right direction yesterday she needed someone to pick her kids up and get them where they needed to go and I took them to get dinner afterwards and sat with them at her house. If she didn't trust me at all I don't think she would have done that. I want to ask her to start all over cuz I have my own house now and build on a new relationship but I don't know how to ask and I don't want to wait to long

 

 

Ok, do you want them to move in right away or you just want to hear the answer from her: yes lets try again...

 

If I was her I would like to hear a straight question: could you see us getting back together again? Or something like that

I think the answer from her will be smtg like that: lets see, give it some time etc.

 

You are the one who needs to make this move.

 

But dont rush things, it all should happen organically. If she says yes or at least not straight no then let it flow. Her body language will show. Its like starting dating again you know

[Musclehampsrer1987]

Ok, do you want them to move in right away or you just want to hear the answer from her: yes lets try again...

 

If I was her I would like to hear a straight question: could you see us getting back together again? Or something like that

I think the answer from her will be smtg like that: lets see, give it some time etc.

 

You are the one who needs to make this move.

 

But dont rush things, it all should happen organically. If she says yes or at least not straight no then let it flow. Her body language will show. Its like starting dating again you know

Yeah I'm just gonna ask her is it possible she could be getting friendlier and warming up to me again waiting on me to make a move. She passed a big test for her medical schooling and I was the first one she told when she found out today

[mightycpa]

Ok, do you want them to move in right away or you just want to hear the answer from her: yes lets try again...

 

If I was her I would like to hear a straight question: could you see us getting back together again? Or something like that

I think the answer from her will be smtg like that: lets see, give it some time etc.

 

You are the one who needs to make this move.

 

But dont rush things, it all should happen organically. If she says yes or at least not straight no then let it flow. Her body language will show. Its like starting dating again you know

Of course, that kind of question leads to a wishy-washy response like the one above

I think the answer from her will be smtg like that: lets see, give it some time etc.

which really doesn't help anybody. So you might want to amend the question to let her know that you're fully prepared to hear the truth... except in my head, that comes across as needy.

 

Still, I don't think getting the likely "no promises" answer will help you. It might just be better to have a conversation to tell her why you are continuing to put the time in, and ask her why she's doing the same.

 

Maybe this is how she treats exes until she gets a new guy. You never know.

[Musclehampsrer1987]

Of course, that kind of question leads to a wishy-washy response like the one abovewhich really doesn't help anybody. So you might want to amend the question to let her know that you're fully prepared to hear the truth... except in my head, that comes across as needy.

 

Still, I don't think getting the likely "no promises" answer will help you. It might just be better to have a conversation to tell her why you are continuing to put the time in, and ask her why she's doing the same.

 

Maybe this is how she treats exes until she gets a new guy. You never know.

 

That could very well be but her kids are starting to get attached again and I can't see her putting the kids' emotions in jeopardy if she didn't have good intentions or some motive behind it all

[mightycpa]

That could very well be but her kids are starting to get attached again and I can't see her putting the kids' emotions in jeopardy if she didn't have good intentions or some motive behind it all

Then what are you worried about?

[Musclehampsrer1987]

I'm not sure what I'm afraid of? I just know I need to ask her and I've thought of what to say without sounding needy or selfish cuz I do want to be back together more than anything but I also do just want what's best for the kids. And I do know that I lost a lot of her trust but she must still think highly of me to let her kids get attached again and let me spend time with them and after I broke her and the girls' heart I'm sure that has to be a sign that she still loves me

[springy]

Be careful about projecting your own analysis about how she feels onto this situation. Yes I'm sure she still loves you, but that doesn't necessarily mean that will lead to getting back together. She is a single mother, she knows you will not harm her children, she needed someone to pick them up; you were avaiable... She may be testing the waters or she may just be transitioning you to good friend who can help with her kids. It could be that the kids miss you and she wants to see if you can be broken up and still be around for them.

 

YOu keep bringing up that she must trust you with her kids...why wouldn't she? Did you smack them around? Talk crazy to them while you were together? Were you never alone with them? I assume you treated the kids well, hence trust was never lost in that area of the relationship. It was how you handled yourself with her that the trust was lost.

 

Find out what her intentions are before you go any further. I realize it's not an easy thing to do, and you will need to be prepared for whatever the response is, but at least you will know where you stand. Tell her that you have enjoyed the moments you have with her and the kids and ask her if she has considered giving the relationship another chance. That you wish you had handled things differently but you would not repeat that behavior in the future. See what she says...there is no perfect way to ask this question and by golly you may have to sound a tad bit needy.

 

I mean geeze...you walked away and moved out. A little neediness might do you good in this situation. A fight that lead to such a dramatic exit does not sound "silly" to me.

[Musclehampsrer1987]

She messaged me today at work and it was old of weird. She said she got a phone call from a private number saying that they were my girlfriend and that they didn't appreciate her talking to me. I told her that I didn't have a girlfriend and she seemed kind of jealous even through a text but I did ask her when I could take her to lunch or dinner and we could talk about some things and she said sounds great to let her know when I have a day off

[Kelsy]

She messaged me today at work and it was old of weird. She said she got a phone call from a private number saying that they were my girlfriend and that they didn't appreciate her talking to me. I told her that I didn't have a girlfriend and she seemed kind of jealous even through a text but I did ask her when I could take her to lunch or dinner and we could talk about some things and she said sounds great to let her know when I have a day off

 

She said she got a phone call from a private number saying that they were my girlfriend and that they didn't appreciate her talking to me.

 

 

I there someone in your life who could call her? I don´t know her but the first thing came to my mind was that she actually didn´t get that call but was testing the waters if you are dating around etc...

 

You dumped her and need to fight for her! You don´t sound needy at all.

And be prepared that she won´t run back to you right away. Keeps you waiting and let you fight for her longer. Dumpees can do that you know.

[Musclehampsrer1987]

That was my guess is no one actually called her she was just testing the waters to see if there was anybody new. I'm not sure what that would be a sign of but she seemed kind of jealous when she told me about it

[Musclehampsrer1987]

Update: I asked her today if we could talk and she said talk? I said about us and everything and tonlet me truly apologize and I don't think I sounded needy she said we will see. We've only been taking again a couple of weeks and I know it might be to soon to think about getting back together I know I just have to be her best friend and keep improving on the things we always fought about. We are still going to try to take the kids out for ice cream this week and maybe dinner next week. I hope I'm making progress even though sometimes it feels like I take a step forward and take two steps back but I can't give up. I already did once and it was the worst decision I ever made even my heart was smart enough to stay behind

[Kelsy]

Why are you worried about neediness so much? Were you needy in your relationship? Just meet her, have fun and ask the question if she would like to date you again, fresh start?...Otherwise you will continue to overthinking.

You have nothing to loose. You are needy when you beg, cry, always want to discuss this dopic. I think its lovely when a man is brave enough to ask this straight up question. It shows confidence. And if the answer is no then accept it. And be polite and wish her well. Dont stick around and try to change her mind etc. This kind of behaviour is needy. But remember the answer can be "yes" as well.

[springy]

Update: I asked her today if we could talk and she said talk? I said about us and everything and tonlet me truly apologize and I don't think I sounded needy she said we will see. We've only been taking again a couple of weeks and I know it might be to soon to think about getting back together I know I just have to be her best friend and keep improving on the things we always fought about. We are still going to try to take the kids out for ice cream this week and maybe dinner next week. I hope I'm making progress even though sometimes it feels like I take a step forward and take two steps back but I can't give up. I already did once and it was the worst decision I ever made even my heart was smart enough to stay behind

 

Hmm...her response almost sounds like she's not interested in going "there". However, I think it is important to find out if recon is a REAL possibility or if you are being friend zoned. Is she giving you a genuine chance to rebuild trust? Not jump right back into the relationship. I see nothing wrong with some clarification. You do not need to be her "best friend" in order to win her back. She has to have the desire to be with you again. You need to be cordial and consistent - but none of this means anything if she isn't seriously considering recon and is just stringing you along, trying to keep you in the kids' lives for their sake (or hers i.e. - can you pick them up for me?), or trying to slowly wean herself off of you. I think it would be awfully selfish of her to not give you some idea of where this is or isn't going. This way you can stop trying to guess her mood, and choose to stay or go.

 

Recall this...it is a very real possibility:

 

Not necessarily. This board is littered with stories where that exact story plays out. It happened to me too. Just because she calls you and hangs out with you does not mean she wants to get back together with you. More often than not, it means nothing of the sort. Most people can't just go cold turkey and immediately stop contacting/seeing an ex. So they end up weaning off of you gradually. Or they are just lonely, and it's hard to go from seeing a person everyday to nothing. She might still like you and have some feelings for you, but that doesn't mean she wants to get back together with you.

 

If she gives a bunch of vague, fluffy answers I'd be really cautious if I were you. Things like "who knows what will happen in the future"..."I think we just take it slow and see where things go..."I'm not saying never, but..." Or other stuff that sounds completely noncommittal and gives the appearance that she's trying to spare your feelings.

 

I also don't think more apologizing is necessary (was it not a true apology before?). You don't want to resort to appearing like you're groveling. She needs to know that you are not going to up and leave on the fly - I am not sure how you show someone that. Also not sure if this or similar behavior was a pattern for you during the relationship. If so, that is going to be tough to overcome.

You're in a tough spot - I don't think you need to be besties and be at her beck and call and completely available to her whenever she pops in, as you may set yourself up for being used. Don't pick up a completely different personality, she will see right through that...and it won't last because it's not genuine.

 

Have you considered that maybe you're just going through the typical mood swings of a breakup, and that ending it was the right thing to do? What was the "silly" argument about anyway? You have not shared what that was (your prerogative) - my guess is the fight wasn't so silly and you are trying to minimize it. I could be wrong, obviously.

Edited May 31, 2017 by springy

[Musclehampsrer1987]

We had a fight about money something that could have been fixed so easy and all I had to do was admit that I was wrong. She talks to me all the time now let's me in on the personal details of her life and the girls' lives. It's just we've only been talking everyday for about 3 weeks now and we've hung out a few times and went to lunch with the girls a couple times and she even texts me good morning and goodnight xoxox now. I'd like to think she's warning back up to me I just wonder if I should let it flow a little bit longer before I make a move. I don't want her to find someone else but if she does I have to be happy for her but I don't think she has yet or she wouldn't talk to me all the time and be so friendly she was always about having nothing to hide in our relationship so I don't think there is anyone else right now

[Ronnys93]

We had a fight about money something that could have been fixed so easy and all I had to do was admit that I was wrong. She talks to me all the time now let's me in on the personal details of her life and the girls' lives. It's just we've only been talking everyday for about 3 weeks now and we've hung out a few times and went to lunch with the girls a couple times and she even texts me good morning and goodnight xoxox now. I'd like to think she's warning back up to me I just wonder if I should let it flow a little bit longer before I make a move. I don't want her to find someone else but if she does I have to be happy for her but I don't think she has yet or she wouldn't talk to me all the time and be so friendly she was always about having nothing to hide in our relationship so I don't think there is anyone else right now

 

Speak to her about whether she is willing to take you back in the future if things improve. Just ask where she sees you two in the future and take it from there. Don't force any moves just try and fix the issues. I'd personally continue to see if it works as friends though for now.

[Musclehampsrer1987]

Me and my ex have been broke up for about 3 months . We have recently started up a good friendship again. We have went to lunch a few times and I have hung out with her and her daughters at her house too. She lets me see the girls and even take them out to do things and have a fun day with them when I can. We talk pretty much everyday and recently when she tells me good night she puts xoxo at the end. We always did this when we were together. Am I reading to much into it or is it that she could be warming up to me again?

[ItIsNotMe]

Do you want to get together? In this case, try with answering with xoxo too