GF has regular contact with the married man she had an afair with

[True Gent]

Hi guys, I'll get straight to the point.

 

My current girlfriend whom I've been dating for around 6 months still has regular contact via social media with an ex of hers who is married. They had an affair before she knew me and it was over with him before we met.

 

He messages my GF fairly often, I'd say a few times a week. My GF has been upfront about it and doesn't seem to be hiding anything. They don't physically meet each other or see each other at all now. He lives in another area.

 

The thing is she does respond to his messages, I'm a bit unsure as to why she wants to keep in touch with him as she she has no intention of going NC with him.

 

I don't want to be unreasonable, but I have expressed that I'm not totally comfortable with it. I'd expect her to make her own mind up on what is right. Personally if the tables were turned I'd cut all contact with this ex fling. My GF has admitted if the shoe was on the other foot and I was having this kind of contact with a similar ex, she wouldn't like it.

 

What should I do?

[Frostedflake]

She said if the roles were reversed she wouldn't like it, so hold her accountable. Draw the line and say you want her to stop. This whole situation is pending on you to put your foot down.

[Friskyone4u]

Hi guys, I'll get straight to the point.

 

My current girlfriend whom I've been dating for around 6 months still has regular contact via social media with an ex of hers who is married. They had an affair before she knew me and it was over with him before we met.

 

He messages my GF fairly often, I'd say a few times a week. My GF has been upfront about it and doesn't seem to be hiding anything. They don't physically meet each other or see each other at all now. He lives in another area.

 

The thing is she does respond to his messages, I'm a bit unsure as to why she wants to keep in touch with him as she she has no intention of going NC with him.

 

I don't want to be unreasonable, but I have expressed that I'm not totally comfortable with it. I'd expect her to make her own mind up on what is right. Personally if the tables were turned I'd cut all contact with this ex fling. My GF has admitted if the shoe was on the other foot and I was having this kind of contact with a similar ex, she wouldn't like it.

 

What should I do?

 

First, you might want to read this forum for a while and start counting how many infidelity threads involve ex boyfriends or ex girlfriends who remain in contact hooking up again. That ought to get your attention.

 

Second, get yourself out of this mindset that too many men fall into and that is that she is allowed to do ANYTHINNG she wants to and anything you do not approve of makes you a controlling brute.

 

Third, if you express you opinion and she refuses to stop this crap, then you better assume that at some point ex lover boy, who lives in another area but probably has a drivers license , might take a field trip to meet her. So you better pay attention if she is taking "girls trips out of town in the direction where he lives".

 

The simple fact is that if you two are in a committed relationship that is exclusive, there is no reason for her to be continually texting an ex lover, ESPECIALLY if he is married. And your next strep should be to call his wife and ask her if she is aware of all this communication. DO NOT TELL YOUR GIRLFRIEND YOU ARE DOING THIS.

 

And if that does not work, stick a VAR in her car and you will know in less than a week exactly what is going on if anything. If you've expressed you unease and it still continues, what does that tell you about where you are on the pecking order.???

[Space Ritual]

Hi guys, I'll get straight to the point.

 

My current girlfriend whom I've been dating for around 6 months still has regular contact via social media with an ex of hers who is married. They had an affair before she knew me and it was over with him before we met.

 

He messages my GF fairly often, I'd say a few times a week. My GF has been upfront about it and doesn't seem to be hiding anything. They don't physically meet each other or see each other at all now. He lives in another area.

 

The thing is she does respond to his messages, I'm a bit unsure as to why she wants to keep in touch with him as she she has no intention of going NC with him.

 

I don't want to be unreasonable, but I have expressed that I'm not totally comfortable with it. I'd expect her to make her own mind up on what is right. Personally if the tables were turned I'd cut all contact with this ex fling. My GF has admitted if the shoe was on the other foot and I was having this kind of contact with a similar ex, she wouldn't like it.

 

What should I do?

 

Get yourself a new girlfriend. The physical affair may have ended but the emotional one continues. You have had a part time girlfriend for the last 6 months, unbeknownst to you. What is she doing, comparing recipes?

 

No. She is playing in her head all the fond memories of all the good times they had between the sheets and exchanging sweet nothings and probably tell each other that if things were different, you and his wife would be a distant memory.

 

Wake up kid!

 

There is no use in issuing an ultimatum to her. She will blameshift, call you controlling and then take her emotional affair underground.

 

Have some respect for yourself and find someone who will be all in when it comes to you. If it was my girlfriend I'd have her stuff packed within the hour and my foot up her ass so far she could taste my shoelaces. Tell Miss True Love she has been watching too much Lifetime and Bravo and to take her social media presence somewhere else.

[GoldenR]

You're not married. You don't have kids. With those two things in mind:

 

 

It's. Not. Worth it.

 

Don't issue an ultimatum or draw a line in the sand or whatever. You shouldn't have to do that.

 

Part ways with the gf. There are plenty of girls out there that won't do stuff like that. Why settle?

[ExpatInItaly]

Well, she already has questionable ethics considering she had an affair with a married man. So it should come as no surprise that she doesn't see anything wrong with continuing contact with him. Her boundaries are sketchy and her morals lacking. Did you know from the get-go that she's the type to have sex with married men? That says a lot about her character.

 

You've only been together 6 months. I would get rid of her. You don't need a girlfriend who thrives on attention from other men (because that is why she is doing this, she likes feeling desired by the both of you - very bad sign)

[elaine567]

The problem with a affair is that there is often a lot of sneaking around, and barefaced lying involved.

They quickly learn how to cover their tracks and they learn how to not care who they hurt in the process. I am sure his wife would not be pleased he is still speaking to his (ex)OW, but your gf is still happy to keep up the contact...Why would she do that?

 

Who knows what is really going on?

Trouble you have is that even if you put your foot down and stop him from contacting her, they will merely find another way to do it.

The moral compass that will kick in and you can rely on for most, is probably not present here.

[lolablue17]

Why did they break up?

[harrybrown]

you start your NC today.

 

you are not exclusive. Run and run far.

 

How do you really know the PA ended? You don't.

 

She said she would not like it , but continues?

 

Hope you let his wife know and move on to someone that is not cheating on you. like she is cheating on you.

 

they have not broken up. they have not stopped the A. She is still in contact.

 

why would you believe that they are not continuing the A? certainly not because she told you. She cheated with a married man, and she would not lie?

 

She is lying to you now. The A never stopped.

[Miss Peach]

I was in a different situation but my BF was doing something I wasn't comfortable with and he initially tried to justify it but if the roles has been reversed he wouldn't have liked it. We've been dating just a few months more than you. The difference is he seems to have picked me and our relationship over holding onto what I found uncomfortable and hurtful and is trying to make things up to me. That's the only reason I have given it a shot and stayed. Otherwise I would have left.

 

Another thing I'll mention is I know a married guy in another state who has been trying to have an affair with me for the last 2 years. He offers to visit me still. I won't visit him alone but have had to see him in groups since we have a lot of mutual acquaintances. I wouldn't doubt with the distance that it couldn't be a PA ever again. At least with the married guy I know he's trying to find a way to be with me still. I don't want to help a married man cheat so nothing will happen. But he still tries on his end.

[usa1ah]

Do you really have to ask?

 

She had sex with a married man.

 

She is still in contact with the cheater.

 

I think this shows pretty much where her moral compass is pointing.

 

If you are looking for a faithful GF, then find someone else.

[kendahke]

Hi guys, I'll get straight to the point.

 

My current girlfriend whom I've been dating for around 6 months still has regular contact via social media with an ex of hers who is married. They had an affair before she knew me and it was over with him before we met.

 

He messages my GF fairly often, I'd say a few times a week. My GF has been upfront about it and doesn't seem to be hiding anything. They don't physically meet each other or see each other at all now. He lives in another area.

 

The thing is she does respond to his messages, I'm a bit unsure as to why she wants to keep in touch with him as she she has no intention of going NC with him.

 

I don't want to be unreasonable, but I have expressed that I'm not totally comfortable with it. I'd expect her to make her own mind up on what is right. Personally if the tables were turned I'd cut all contact with this ex fling. My GF has admitted if the shoe was on the other foot and I was having this kind of contact with a similar ex, she wouldn't like it.

 

What should I do?

 

What you should do depends upon how badly you need this woman as your girlfriend.

 

You've told her your feeling and she's basically told you to go kick rocks.

 

You need her this badly that you keep her around and just stew about it? No one's sex is that good. I'd rather be celibate for 10 years than to put up with someone who is still engaging in emotional intimacy with a married person they had an affair with. That speaks completely to her character. Is this the kind of character you want possibly being the mother of your children (because oopsy pregnancies do happen)?

Edited May 25, 2017 by kendahke

[usa1ah]

What you should do depends upon how badly you need this woman as your girlfriend.

 

You've told her your feeling and she's basically told you to go kick rocks.

 

You need her this badly that you keep her around and just stew about it? No one's sex is that good. I'd rather be celibate for 10 years than to put up with someone who is still engaging in emotional intimacy with a married person they had an affair with. That speaks completely to her character. Is this the kind of character you want possibly being the mother of your children (because oopsy pregnancies do happen)?

 

I LOVE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

So flipping true.

[juniorrocha]

Well, I have this female friend who I hooked up with when I was broken up with my gf. I have absolutely zero feelings for her and it seems like she feels nothing about me too, but every once in a while we chat, never meet. We only do that because we get along well and have lots of things in common too. I'm not the cheater type, let alone with that friend; if I knew the girl has feelings for me, I'd certainly pull myself away.

 

My girlfriend feels uncomfortable with the situation, but I tell her it's nothing and she's free to read everything if she wants, which she admitted she's done and said "indeed, you two just look like good friends talking".

 

It's normal to feel that away, but sometimes, it isn't a big deal. However, what I think is speaking louder here is

1) she had an affair with a married guy;

2) you don't trust her.