My mom yelled at me when I expressed my feelings of sadness and loneliness

[ChattyKat]

I figured it was better than bottling up my feelings since I've read that's not healthy. Bottling up my feelings is usually what I do to avoid talking it out. I was trying to explain to my mom that I was feeling hurt, sad & lonely because my sister doesn't include me sometimes when going out with my sister in law or friends. I had talked to my sister about it and she was full of excuses. My mom started yelling at me that I was being childish and immature. And not to drag her in the middle of it. My family doesn't understand me what it's like to sometimes feel excluded from the family and being moderately Deaf in a small town is isolating.

 

I swear sometimes my mom is a narcissist. As I brought up my problem of feeling lonely and sad, she started making it about herself that she also feels the same way which had never came up before in a conversation.

[basil67]

Looking at your recent posts, you don't like your sister and SIL and the feeling is mutual. Last I saw you'd found them talking badly about you and were plotting unpleasant behaviour as revenge at Thanksgiving. Kat, they aren't going to invite you out if the dislike between you all is mutual.

 

While it's good to express our feelings, you've got to choose the right recipient. In this case, your mother is probably sick and tired of the drama.

[mrs rubble]

My mother gets angry at me too if I confide in her, doesn't matter what I'm complaining about, she gets angry, so now I no longer tell her anything that's troubling me. I think it's because she feels unable to do anything to help that she gets worked up. I'm guessing your mother maybe the same.

 

 

 

 

 

I have other friends who will listen without getting worked up or angry, so I tell them instead, I suggest you find someone else to confide in too.

[BettyDraper]

Find other friends. Wondering why you're not included in a certain group will only make you feel worse.

I've been excluded before so I know how much it hurts. I just distance myself from those people and formed my own network of friends.

[amaysngrace]

When you stop depending on other people for your own happiness you will be much better off...and happier!

[stillafool]

Go out with your own friends who you enjoy and enjoy you. Why would you want to hang out with your sister and sister in law if you don't like them? I imagine your Mom is sick of this and no longer wants to be involved. Can't say I blame her.

[Redhead14]

I am sorry you are feeling lonely and sad and I'm sorry you're feeling abandoned by your mother. However . . .

 

I assume you are at the age of adulthood -- 18+. Your mother is right for staying out of the middle of things between you and your sister.

 

That being said, she could be more delicate and nurturing at least about the way she deals with you.

 

I'd say,though, that you need to get really focused on your own life and the people you associate with, etc. In your other threads, I've read that you have/had a friend who was in prison???

 

I "hear" alot from you about what's wrong with everyone else. You can't change anyone else. What you can change is yourself and how you deal with them/things. You need to reflect on you, your attitudes, your behaviors, your boundaries and identify areas that you can actively work to change/improve. Get involved in some activities if you're so lonely. I see that you attend church. I hope you're being involved in church sponsored activities at least.

 

I get that you are feeling left out of the family/abandoned, but there has to be some reason(s) for that. This is not happening in a vacuum. If your family is just plain dysfunctional, you're an adult now and can take ownership for your life and move forward.

 

I'm not saying your mother is blameless -- clearly she is struggling with managing her family/children. I can only guess at why. But, as I said, you can't change her or the past, you can only work on you. Go do some nice things for yourself, even if they are little things. Treat yourself well. Do things that are uplifting. Find a hobby, explore your strengths and interests and focus on the positive. It's not easy sometimes, I know, but you need to redirect your attention to YOU and be good to yourself.

[whichwayisup]

I figured it was better than bottling up my feelings since I've read that's not healthy. Bottling up my feelings is usually what I do to avoid talking it out. I was trying to explain to my mom that I was feeling hurt, sad & lonely because my sister doesn't include me sometimes when going out with my sister in law or friends. I had talked to my sister about it and she was full of excuses. My mom started yelling at me that I was being childish and immature. And not to drag her in the middle of it. My family doesn't understand me what it's like to sometimes feel excluded from the family and being moderately Deaf in a small town is isolating.

 

I swear sometimes my mom is a narcissist. As I brought up my problem of feeling lonely and sad, she started making it about herself that she also feels the same way which had never came up before in a conversation.

 

Why would you want to spend time with your sister and SIL seeing as you know they aren't nice to you and talk behind your back? Those people are TOXIC! Best thing is to try to reach out to your real friends and stay away from people who try to make you feel bad. Just because they are family doesn't mean you have to spend time with them or like them... Some family members aren't worth the effort. No good can come of you being upset by feeling excluded by the two of them. They can't be trusted.

 

Sorry that your mom wasn't more supportive. Lesson learned not to open up to her since she just doesn't get it and certainly has no empathy or compassion for you.

[preraph]

I think you were trying to create drama, and your mother knows this as well. You're trying to get your sister and SIL in trouble. They're under no obligation to include you. My sister never included me at all.

[jstar845]

Hello, I’m glad you expressed your feelings yes this was correct and healthy and there is nothing wrong with this. Please don’t let anyone make you feel bad for doing this. This is not fair that your sister makes you feel this way. Sometimes older siblings may not include us and we don’t understand why. Sometimes our own family doesn’t understand our feelings and they should be sensitive to them. I know you expected your sister to be understanding of this. But, at times our siblings or others don’t understand. We sometimes feel lonely and sad you are not alone. When you feel this way try 1. Journaling your thoughts and feelings 2. Engage in social activities with others even if you don’t feel like it- (it helps to be around others) have lunch or hang out with a friend, schedule a weekly dinner date with your mate, take a class or join a club for new friendships

3. Find ways to support others- find a support group volunteer, listening ear to a friend, do something nice for someone, accompany someone to the movies, concert, or small get-together

4.Care for a pet

5.Do things that make you feel good or you enjoy or used to enjoy- hobby, sport, music, art, writing, go out with friends, take a trip to museum, mountains or ballpark

6.Support your health- eight hours of sleep, expose yourself to at least 15 minutes of sunlight each day this helps to boost your mood.

7.Think and establish a wellness list- What helps you boost your mood?. Nature, read a good book, journal, write what you like about yourself, watch a funny movie or tv show, music, play with a pet

8.Exercise

9.Eat healthy- don’t skip meals

10.Challenge negative thinking- practice thinking positive

11.play with a pet