amaysngrace Posted May 23, 2017 Share Posted May 23, 2017 I'd check your local women's shelter to see what services they offer. If you've been together with an emotionally and physically abusive person for as long as you've been you most likely have a lot of unhealthy thinking that you're going to need to work through. I was in a similar situation as you once and that's where I looked first. You'd be amazed at the resources they have at their disposal. They'll be able to point you in the right direction on almost any problem that arises and may even be able to get you free legal counsel if you decide you want a lawyer present. All of their services are free too, even their counseling sessions. I'd start there. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 Okay people, I can consult with an attorney and I have. I work for a law office and I have extensive knowledge of the law. I do know my rights. My issues really arent with child support/etc. My issues are that he is defaming me. I've been through this, my ex husband told friends and his family that I'd stolen chemicals from work and had been poisoning him.....it got back to a friend who works in the same profession, she thought about this ridiculous claim and decided there really was no chemicals at work that I could steal and use to poison him with, so she confronted the ones spreading the rumours and told them it was garbage. I had another couple of people question me about these stories over the next few years, and by then I was able to joke with them about it, "ahhhh!! you do realise he's still alive and well" "why would I steal chemicals from work, when I could get some gono or campylobacter, that'd be way more fun." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 Okay people, I can consult with an attorney and I have. I work for a law office and I have extensive knowledge of the law. I do know my rights. My issues really arent with child support/etc. My issues are that he is defaming me.It's not your knowledge. It's your detachment. It's the same reason they don't let doctors treat patients that they know or are related to. Objectivity helps, because it allows the mind to consider things that you might not. This is especially true for the defamation. Your attorney will be able to judge this with a much colder eye than you, and clearly assess your options. So good for you for surrendering this work to someone who is not invested. Link to post Share on other sites
forgiven1 Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 I know exactly how you feel- I was there myself. I don't have a clue what my ex told any of his family- but to me it was a loss of family and friendships as we had been married 20 years. It has taken 7 years for him to ask forgiveness and I have forgiven him, and if we could he'd want to reconcile the marriage- I don't know that I'd want to after all the abuse we had in that marriage but I want know as I've in fact already gotten remarried. -which I don't suggest anyone to do- take time and find yourself and who knows maybe your ex will find himself and who knows God may plan to restore your marriage and make it better than ever before. I pray for wisdom but remember abuse is never something to keep entangled with. My ex, whom I have been married to for 19 years, was emotionally and physically abusive. He has went to friends and family over the 19 years telling them I am a bitch, I dont support him when he is sick and not able to work, etc. Now they all think I am a bitch. They dont believe that he physically or emotionally abused me and they have all turned against me. Not only am I losing my husband, I am losing family and friends. I am having such a hard time coping. On top of that, my husband refuses to sign the separation papers. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lawgirl79 Posted June 27, 2017 Author Share Posted June 27, 2017 Okay so I know I dont owe my ex anything but because he was abusive I am wondering if I should disclose to him that I am in a relationship with someone now. I have a fear that if I dont and he sees me out with my new BF my ex may try something drastic like fighting. I am thinking that if I mention it to him while discussing something about our children, it may help ease the transition. Any suggestions? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 27, 2017 Share Posted June 27, 2017 Are you referring to the ex that ghosted you? If so, NO. He doesn't care. Just move on and get him off your mind. Enjoy your new love and if you run into the ex I'm sure your new guy can handle himself. You really need to get your ex off your mind and move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lawgirl79 Posted June 27, 2017 Author Share Posted June 27, 2017 No. I am referring to my ex husband. Not any previous boyfriends. The one I left because he was physically and emotionally abusive. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 27, 2017 Share Posted June 27, 2017 Do your kids see their dad often? If so, then yes. If they don't see their dad at all then no. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lawgirl79 Posted June 27, 2017 Author Share Posted June 27, 2017 Yes. They see their dad often. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lawgirl79 Posted June 27, 2017 Author Share Posted June 27, 2017 I am pretty sure he may know because I ran into my inlaws over the weekend when I was at breakfast with my BF, daughter and BF's son. I am sure they told him. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted June 27, 2017 Share Posted June 27, 2017 I am pretty sure he may know because I ran into my inlaws over the weekend when I was at breakfast with my BF, daughter and BF's son. I am sure they told him. Then do not worry. Ex tries something call the police then get a retraining order. Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted June 27, 2017 Share Posted June 27, 2017 The more important thing is to be sure you've disclosed to your new BF that you have an abusive ex, and that both of you maintain your own safety. I have no evidence on whether telling him will ease the transition or not. It is certainly a risk that many abusive partners will fly into a rage and attack their exes and/or the new partner. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lawgirl79 Posted June 28, 2017 Author Share Posted June 28, 2017 my BF is aware of my ex being abusive. Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted June 28, 2017 Share Posted June 28, 2017 Your in laws might have told already. Let go. If I remember correctly, your kids are in 20s ? They are old enough to not tell anything to their dad. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 28, 2017 Share Posted June 28, 2017 Many abusive men are cowards and will not get into fights with other men, preferring to slink away. It is only women they prefer to hit, so protect yourself. But saying that a proportion are generally violent guys and if he is one of those both you and your bf may be at risk. How do you think he will react to the news? Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted June 28, 2017 Share Posted June 28, 2017 Had this happen to me. Just kept being myself. People later told me that they never believed her because they had never seen or heard of me behaving the way she claimed. What illness does your husband say he has? Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted June 29, 2017 Share Posted June 29, 2017 So you're with somebody new already? And you're introducing him to your child already? And he thinks it's okay for you to meet his child already too? Sounds like a disaster waiting to happen 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 29, 2017 Share Posted June 29, 2017 I am pretty sure he may know because I ran into my inlaws over the weekend when I was at breakfast with my BF, daughter and BF's son. I am sure they told him. How long have you been dating this guy? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 1, 2017 Share Posted July 1, 2017 How long have you been dating this guy? Just a few weeks... And, she's been considering allowing him to move into her home. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/627521-dating-so-complicated-2.html Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted July 1, 2017 Share Posted July 1, 2017 OP, His family and your deserting friends are the least of your concerns right now. ^^^ This x1000. You need to accept that you can't control what others think and say about you. Forget these shallow people and concentrate on getting free from your abusive ex. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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