lawgirl79 Posted May 22, 2017 Share Posted May 22, 2017 My ex, whom I have been married to for 19 years, was emotionally and physically abusive. He has went to friends and family over the 19 years telling them I am a bitch, I dont support him when he is sick and not able to work, etc. Now they all think I am a bitch. They dont believe that he physically or emotionally abused me and they have all turned against me. Not only am I losing my husband, I am losing family and friends. I am having such a hard time coping. On top of that, my husband refuses to sign the separation papers. Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted May 22, 2017 Share Posted May 22, 2017 Why separation papers ? File for divorce. Get them served by sheriff and let attorneys take care. It will cost a lot of money but it will save this drama. When such things happen, you usually have people taking sides. Unfortunately you can't avoid it but does it really matter what his family and friends think of you ? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 22, 2017 Share Posted May 22, 2017 Of course his family is going to take his side. If your boil family is on his side, correct the record. Any "friends" who take sides weren't your real friends to begin with so you have lost nothing. If he was abusive just be glad he's gone. If he won't sign the papers, move forward with an uncontested divorce. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 22, 2017 Share Posted May 22, 2017 Thank God you're getting away from him if he has physically and emotionally abused you. You don't need the separation papers signed to leave. It's normal for him to have his family and friends as support and you have yours. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lawgirl79 Posted May 22, 2017 Author Share Posted May 22, 2017 Thanks guys. Unfortunately, I cannot file for divorce until we have been separated for a year (MD law). It has not been quite 6 months yet. I was trying to get him to sign separation papers so we would have a binding contract as to what bills he would pay, assets we each would have and custody for our minor daughter/child support. We have an adult son as well. I basically agreed to pay all the bills (since he left the house-we rent, and I drive the car which is in my name alone) and I agreed to have joint custody with the kids and not ask for child support (he has been a descent father). I am afraid he will ask for alimony (he has barely held a job the 19 years we were married-he was always pulling the sick card but nothing is wrong with him) so I went without asking for child support for our minor daughter who is 16. I did put in the Separation Agreement that I would be able to claim her on all tax returns from this tax year each year thereafter, since he is not paying child support or contributing to her private schooling. I dont know why he wont sign them, it is in his favor. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted May 22, 2017 Share Posted May 22, 2017 I agreed to have joint custody with the kids and not ask for child support (he has been a descent father). I am afraid he will ask for alimony (he has barely held a job the 19 years we were married-he was always pulling the sick card but nothing is wrong with him) so I went without asking for child support for our minor daughter who is 16. I did put in the Separation Agreement that I would be able to claim her on all tax returns from this tax year each year thereafter, since he is not paying child support or contributing to her private schooling. I dont know why he wont sign them, it is in his favor.Get a lawyer involved, lawgirl. What kind of a decent father won't contribute to the support of his minor daughter? That is a financial concession that should count. Is he on the lease? That's another financial concession that should count. Can he afford a good attorney? That's a way to squeeze him into whatever you want him to do. Take some time off, shop around all the best divorce attorneys in your county and any close surrounding counties. Make sure he can't hire any of them, and leave him with the dregs, and the ones who will bill him just to get to the courthouse. Then start hammering. His family and your deserting friends are the least of your concerns right now. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lawgirl79 Posted May 22, 2017 Author Share Posted May 22, 2017 mightycpa: I am familiar with the law as I have done some domestic law work. I really dont need an attorney because we do not have any assets to split. I do make quite a bit more than he ever has and therefore, with me having primary custody he would only have to pay $200 a month for child support and with us having joint custody he would not be obligated to pay child support at all. He is not on the lease. The car that I pay for I just purchased in February in my name alone, he would be entitled to any equity in it but I am still making payments to the finance company so there is no equity in the vehicle at this juncture. I am kind of up sh**ts creek when it comes to asking him to pay anything because, like I said, I have supported him during most of our marriage. He can technically challenge the tax return issue and ask for part of my retirement, which I had him waive in the Separation Agreement. I am hoping he does not do either of these. He hasnt even looked at the Separation Agreement. He just said he was not signing anything. If he wants he can get an attorney, but I doubt he can afford one. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 22, 2017 Share Posted May 22, 2017 He's probably afraid to sign fearing he'll be obligated to pay some money down the line. His friends have probably told him not to sign anything. Thank God he's almost out of your life with him not working or paying for anything coupled with the abuse. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 22, 2017 Share Posted May 22, 2017 Just keep on doing what you are doing until you can file the divorce. Trying to force him now may cause him to dig in his heels because he can. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted May 22, 2017 Share Posted May 22, 2017 I really dont need an attorney because we do not have any assets to split " He who represents himself has a fool for a client " - Abraham Lincoln With a possible alimony demand you'd be foolish not to have legal representation if you can afford it. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted May 22, 2017 Share Posted May 22, 2017 What kind of a decent father won't contribute to the support of his minor daughter? Tha I think Mom is the one who waived it but it's irresponsible parenting imo. Child support is for the child and I'd be highly surprised if a family judge would allow him to be relieved of his financial obligation to their daughter. Mom would know this if she hired a lawyer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted May 22, 2017 Share Posted May 22, 2017 " He who represents himself has a fool for a client " - Abraham Lincoln With a possible alimony demand you'd be foolish not to have legal representation if you can afford it. great minds and all that.... I really dont need an attorney because we do not have any assets to split. .... He can ... ask for part of my retirement.I will gloss over splitting the income completely, and move directly to the observation that the retirement account is an asset to split, as is the vehicle. He hasnt even looked at the Separation Agreement. He just said he was not signing anything. If he wants he can get an attorney, but I doubt he can afford one.Maybe you can entice him to sign with some cash? Does he love to blow cash? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whatnot Posted May 22, 2017 Share Posted May 22, 2017 My ex, whom I have been married to for 19 years, was emotionally and physically abusive. He has went to friends and family over the 19 years telling them I am a bitch, I dont support him when he is sick and not able to work, etc. Now they all think I am a bitch. They dont believe that he physically or emotionally abused me and they have all turned against me. Not only am I losing my husband, I am losing family and friends. I am having such a hard time coping. On top of that, my husband refuses to sign the separation papers.I don't know if this will help, but it helped me.... When my ex wife left (with another man), she told her family things that were untrue. This bothered me, as I really respected her parents and I always felt they respected me. I told my sister what she was telling them. She said... "Don't worry about that. She's their daughter. They know what she's capable of doing. And they know who you are, and what you're capable of doing or not doing. They know what's going on". This helped tremendously. (Because I know it's the truth) take care 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whatnot Posted May 22, 2017 Share Posted May 22, 2017 They know who works and who doesn't. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 23, 2017 Share Posted May 23, 2017 I'm glad you know what to do. He's probably hoping you'll pay him off to get rid of him, but maybe not. Anyway, sorry this is dragging out a whole year. Lord. I think you should take a vacation on the quiet, using cash (nothing he can try to recup), get away. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted May 23, 2017 Share Posted May 23, 2017 My ex, whom I have been married to for 19 years, was emotionally and physically abusive. I am afraid he will ask for alimony (he has barely held a job the 19 years we were married-he was always pulling the sick card but nothing is wrong with him) so I went without asking for child support for our minor daughter who is 16. Whatever it costs you, 5 years from now you'll look back on it as the best deal of your life. I wouldn't sweat the small stuff, my focus would be on getting it done... Mr. Lucky 4 Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted May 23, 2017 Share Posted May 23, 2017 Get rid of him before he files bankruptcy and makes things more difficult for you. I know someone who , to avoid paying anything, got himself into an accident and become bedridden for a while. He chose that over paying a penny! Be wise 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted May 23, 2017 Share Posted May 23, 2017 I think Mom is the one who waived it but it's irresponsible parenting imo. Child support is for the child and I'd be highly surprised if a family judge would allow him to be relieved of his financial obligation to their daughter. Mom would know this if she hired a lawyer. Normally I would agree with you, but the husband hasn't worked and the child is 16. By the time they are able to actually file, the child will be 17 or close to it. Going through the child support process might actually cost more than OP will get in support. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted May 23, 2017 Share Posted May 23, 2017 Normally I would agree with you, but the husband hasn't worked and the child is 16. By the time they are able to actually file, the child will be 17 or close to it. Going through the child support process might actually cost more than OP will get in support. Filing for child support is relatively cheap or at least use to be and I still receive CS for my college-aged children that live here with me while attending. There are variables at play that anyvody less than a judge or attorney might not be aware of. That's why I suggest she consult an attorney. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lawgirl79 Posted May 23, 2017 Author Share Posted May 23, 2017 Okay people, I can consult with an attorney and I have. I work for a law office and I have extensive knowledge of the law. I do know my rights. My issues really arent with child support/etc. My issues are that he is defaming me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted May 23, 2017 Share Posted May 23, 2017 Okay people, I can consult with an attorney and I have. I work for a law office and I have extensive knowledge of the law. I do know my rights. My issues really arent with child support/etc. My issues are that he is defaming me. It depends what they are saying. If it's intolerable, tell them to stop otherwise you will file a demfamation case on them or just file it. If it is just about mundane stuff because you are divorcing, let it go and develop a thick skin. It's usually a ploy to keep you distracted from the main issues. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted May 23, 2017 Share Posted May 23, 2017 My issues really arent with child support/etc. My issues are that he is defaming me. Do you see a counselor? Divorce can be very stressful especially without a strong support system. I'd say let him talk about you all he wants. If they think highly of you they won't believe him or lower their opinions of you. And if they don't even bother with you to get your side or be there to suppprt you in all of this then really who cares what they think? They aren't worth it. They aren't good enough to you to matter. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 23, 2017 Share Posted May 23, 2017 Okay people, I can consult with an attorney and I have. I work for a law office and I have extensive knowledge of the law. I do know my rights. My issues really arent with child support/etc. My issues are that he is defaming me. There's nothing you can do about his lies. If they are his family and friends let it go and ignore. They are going to be on his side anyway. Just cling to your family and friends. People will find out the truth sooner or later anyway. The truth always finds a way to come out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lawgirl79 Posted May 23, 2017 Author Share Posted May 23, 2017 Honestly, I probably do need some sort of counseling. I do not have a support system at all. My family live in another state. I have no friends because he would not allow it. I just have to find time in my busy work schedule to go to counseling. I work late hours so I am having a hard time finding a counselor that is open late or on weekends. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 23, 2017 Share Posted May 23, 2017 Honestly, I probably do need some sort of counseling. I do not have a support system at all. My family live in another state. I have no friends because he would not allow it. I just have to find time in my busy work schedule to go to counseling. I work late hours so I am having a hard time finding a counselor that is open late or on weekends. This is awful that he wouldn't let you have friends. Gracious you must be thrilled to be away from this awful man. I've heard some counselors are now working via Skype and Phone. Link to post Share on other sites
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