Is being the other women worse than being single?

[bewell]

There are far worse things than being single, happy, and content. Being the OW is never fun because you don't have that person wholly. You are secondary, if not tertiary in his life and will only give you attention when he has the time to, which doesn't happen all the time.

 

 

 

Detach ASAP and do NC.

Edited May 23, 2017 by bewell
addendum

[BaileyB]

I would definitely rather be single.

 

There are far worse things than being single. As a fact, I value my self respect and my dignity far too much than to give it away to a married man who would take what he wanted and offer nothing in return. That, I can imagine feels way worse than being single... even if you are getting company and sex occasionally.

Edited May 23, 2017 by BaileyB

[whatnot]

You're getting company and sex from a man who's life is all about rubbing your face in the fact that another woman is more important to him than you are.

 

That works on a person's self-image, self-esteem and self-respect. No one could be unaffected from that. No one (whether they're aware of it or not). If he cared about you or his g/f more than he does himself he would not be doing this to either one of you.

 

Stop it.

[whatnot]

You're letting him use you.

[Purepony]

What do you mean by proper dates ?

[ice3784]

Take the advise from someone who is currently in the pain.

Yes, it is worse than being single.

Yes, its very very worse.

Run while you can.

Run while it doesn't hurt that much.

Run while no one is hurt yet.

Run before you hurt yourself.

[Vivir]

Mizz Layta, I was one of the ones that rationalized that this little bit of peace when I was with him was worth it. For a while, it was. Eventually, I wanted more. I also learned just what I had gotten myself into. That little bit of peace turned into a whole lot of nightmare. The self-esteem I had hard earned has devolved. The peace of mind I had before him has turned to turmoil. It hasn't been worth it at all. In addition, I took myself out of the running for an available man and missed out.

 

BaileyB said, "As a fact, I value my self respect and my dignity far too much than to give it away to a married man who would take what he wanted and offer nothing in return."

 

In my case, xMM has nothing whatever to offer me, save a bunch of words and stolen moments that ended making me feel hungry and depleted.

 

Whatnot said, "You're getting company and sex from a man who's life is all about rubbing your face in the fact that another woman is more important to him than you are.

 

That works on a person's self-image, self-esteem and self-respect. No one could be unaffected from that. No one (whether they're aware of it or not)."

 

His actions show that she comes first. Try to visualize why this is so. It worked for me. It might work for you. I have posted before about how this man had few qualms about asking me for money when he used his own to provide for another woman. And that was just the tip of that iceberg.

[sandylee1]

I'd say it just makes you feel like you aren't good enough to date openly.

 

When you're single, you are looking for the right guy.

 

Being an OW shows you've found the wrong guy. By the mere fact that he's not available.

[deadsoul]

It's win/win for him: he gets company and sex... and that's it.

You get company and sex... and that's it.

 

If that's enough for you, great. But it doesn't sound like it is. I'd much rather be alone than getting breadcrumbs and being someone's side piece.

[lostgirl87]

And I'm speaking from a solely selfish perspective. Never mind that he's married to someone else and you're helping to hurt someone else and blah blah.

 

But being an OW is a completely mind f*ck. No matter jow confident or beautiful or successful you are, not being the #1 priority for the man you love is soul crushing. It destroys you. You doubt yourself. You lose your sense of self-worth. When things are good, they're great. You're on cloud 9 and it feels like a real relationship. But when you go home at night or when he leaves, you feel more alone than you could ever imagine. At least when you're completely single you're not missing someone specific or wishing they were with you. It's a different type of loneliness. The loneliness you feel when you're dating a MM is excruciating. Eventually you'll begin to resent him. You'll become needy, nagging and will end up pressuring him before it becomes too much and it's over.

 

I don't recommend being an OW. The feelings can be real but unless he leaves the wife and comes to you a single man, you won't have a chance at real happiness.

[Syre17]

You're getting company and sex from a man who's life is all about rubbing your face in the fact that another woman is more important to him than you are.

 

That works on a person's self-image, self-esteem and self-respect. No one could be unaffected from that. No one (whether they're aware of it or not). If he cared about you or his g/f more than he does himself he would not be doing this to either one of you.

 

Stop it.

 

No truer words... I told my former AP this same thing once, that going home to him every night was tantamount to rubbing it in my face. Of course I was "fed" constant servings of "he and I don't even talk...we sleep in separate rooms...we don't have sex..." That aside from all the reassurance that I was who she loved and was going to be with. No doubt it all takes an incredibly heavy toll on ones self esteem.

[William]

Since this thread starter has posted duplicate topics on this subject and they have been explored in the past, and since the most recent one was titled with prohibited language and the starter disappeared after posting it, moderation closed the thread for now and will remind members of two things.

 

1. Language.... do not use pejorative language to call members personally or groups of people names. Address the topic. We have announcements running on this in every forum for nearly two years now and ignoring them is a fast track to being off our forum permanently.

 

2. Stick to the topic. Straying from the topic into generalized rhetoric will never endear you to moderation here so do it at your own peril.

 

For those who remained topical and treated the thread starter with the respect that any member is to be afforded here, thank you.